Rebooting trough self-parenting

imsorrynotsorry

Active Member
Why is it that we fall of the bandwagon so easily when it comes to habit change?
Hey EarthWalker,

i think it has to do with ones personality and psychological aspects.
E.g. in stressful situations there's a tendency that we fall back to old behaviour, like yelling or being angry. Maybe it's like we have learned them when we were kids and it's way easier to do them then to be calm and wise about it?
It's the same in sports. The athlet practises again and again, but when it comes to competition, he often fails. Something like that.

I don't have any idea how to make the change permanent. Maybe it's discipline, willpower, conviction and a lot of good experiences with it.

all the best
Imsor
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Thank you guys. Thank you @Orbiter @Striving_for_Life @imsorrynotsorry

Day 8, smooth sailing. The more I am doing the inner child healing and focusing on myself, I guess what we would cal psychology work, the less and less P is coming up. In this 8 days, the only incident was when I saw an attractive girl as friend recommendations on FB. I just clicked on profile and then noticed how conditioned I have become and closed the profile.

There is a whole lot of talk about Manifesting, how to manifest money, manifest happiness, but what I am learning that in order to manifest the good stuff, we first need to De-manifest the "negative". Ego clearing, emotional trauma clearing, miasma, etc. This then creates space for self-love to embody.

Thank you for reading.

Wishing everyone well.
EW
 

yogi

Active Member
Day 8 is a success story, however little it may seem. Little steps matter.
What you said is correct. However, my take is, start the practices for manifesting peace, happiness, wealth etc simultaneously.
It's not like "first I will get rid of porn addiction, then I will start working on my inner psychology".

The practices to achieve good in life will bring about changes that will also accelerate your reboot.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Thank you for the input @yogi.

I hope I make myself clear trough my recent "blog" posts that my first commitment is to my emotional clearing, ego clearing, inner child healing = inner psychology work. I am starting to call this de-manifestation skills.

My pet peeve would be focusing on perceptions, beliefs and values. Specially beliefs. In my experience. This is where small changes make the biggest impact. Like impacting the whole consciousness stream close to spring source. Not further down the stream when the stream becomes a wide river close to be merged to the sea.

Like for example I am not focusing on wanting to have more friends. But I felt it natural to change my value system. I value human connections more. This is in my value system. Which some might consider part of the Belief system.

And just like that. Spent the morning talking to my neighbour and some "backpackers" (traveling with a van). Before I didn't value talking to people. I'd value it as a waste of my time and should just focus on my career or something. Now I value very much being able to talk to people. Also feeling a lot more inclined to call and visit my grandmother. See how she is doing. Before I didn't value such interactions at all.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
And now for the test.

Got an email from some P website (it is like a big store for various amateur content creators to share their P), like you received a private message from this person.

Ok. Here we go. Did my best to relax. Radical Self-Acceptance. Radical Self-Ownership. And Radical Self-Connection. Ftw.

I could have just like deleted the email. I will delete my account there.

Come to the site. Some P left right and center. Got a little aroused. But I just reminded myself to relax. Don't tense up. Accept. Take ownership of your thoughts and emotions. And lately I am focusing on connecting with my heart. It is making a big difference.

I value honesty. So I will not like write that I was like a "zen" or "stoic" monk I want right to the delete account page. But I did quite briefly browse around. Really briefly. A little aroused but a bit appalled at the same time. This feels like a "meat" market. There is no "love" and "connection" here just pure "lust". I do not want this even thought I accept it is arousing me. Not as much arousing as it did before. Maybe the arousal was a 3.5 out of 10. Before it would be like 8 out of 10.

To bad I didn't time myself. Ok. I can check the emails they are still in the trash box. I've deleted the emails from the site. They get put in this trash bin on the email site. I didn't empty it.

I received the location confirmation email at 2:00 PM. The email doesn't track seconds could be 30 seconds past the minute mark. I had to click on confirmation email as the site said I am logging in from an unknown location and they need to verify it. Ok.

Then I braced myself, wow, looking back, I think I could do some psychology preparations before jumping in. I just jumped right in.

I was figuring out where to find the private messages, obviously they design the site a little bit this way so when you click on the private message you don't jump right into the message. Anyway. Also I spent a little time in the help section looking for how to delete the account. It was surprisingly easy to find. Anyway.

Pressed the delete account button after a little browsing around and exited the site. Anyway. Got the delete account email at 14:09 PM.

So around 9 minutes in total on the site. I guess not to bad. Feeling a little aroused. Will see if I will manage. Overall. Not too bad.

The message was literally "Hi, how are you?". I am thinking a few different things. But bottom line what does she want? She wants $$$ and my sexual energy. If I masturbate to her image, I believe in a way she is receiving my energy or at least something somewhere is receiving my energy. As thoughts are energy. We are like a radio. Sending radio waves with our thoughts.

Lol. I am getting thoughts. Hey, maybe you can become friends with her? Come on. Be friendly. See, she is just trying to be friends.

Wtf. Seriously dude? How delusional do I have to be to believe this? I had to check her location. From Russia. Wtf. She is somehow magically going to fall for me and going to leave Russia to come and live with me. Lol. The crazy stories and thoughts that come up in my mind.

For now I choose to just connect with my heart and my soul essence. Will go from there.

Will sit on this. Allow space. Non-judgement, acceptance, etc. Do the polarity synthesis method. I kinda like this name now better. As mindfulness is more general. With polarity synthesis, the function is more pronounced.

On the left side I have this magical thinking, oh some attractive girl from Russia is interest from you, go chat with her, while theoretically we might become friends but this is highly improbable, what is more high probable is that she is "working" me for $$$ and energy, so on the right I have what I truly want purity, pure connection first with my heart center and then with an authentic and loving partner. I chose to reserve my sexual energies for a true loving partner. So I can hold both of this ideas at the same time and observe.

A bit longer post than expected. Will let you guys know how the day and tomorrow went. Will I relapse or not. Will I be back on the site? I find this a great test.

What I love about this is that we get as many chances as it takes to get this right.

Much love to you all, wish you well.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
I gave it some more thought. As this really surprised me to get a PM from a not totally sure how to call this "P content creator"? Sounds a bit more fancy than P "star"? Hm, interesting how there is a lot of this word use "Star" in P. What kind of stars is this? Still this girl had to somehow found me out of tens of thousands of members (maybe even more than that) as I didn't buy any of her content at all, nor am I even directly interested in her categories she makes videos in. If I'd buy some of her videos I'd totally understand why she contacted me. But this is very out of the blue.

Anyway. Back to mechanics of creation 101. Intent, Consent and Structure.

How did this succubus find me? Who does she work for? Who is she in consent with? From an energetic point of view. She is creating P content, she is very much with intent and consent with and creating her own structures and part of structures that are part of what I call sexual "misery" programming.

How did she find me? Well. In the greater scheme of things. The way I see it. We are here in this world also to get tested. We don't get anything for "Free" per see. But we need to earn it to keep it. The same with P. When we level up we get to earn our freedom of P.

But the lessons are top class. The amount of personal growth required to overcome this is pretty steep as I'd say are the rewards. @imsorrynotsorry is a great example of the amount of personal growth and patience it takes to level up. This is hard earned level-ing up.

So I guess she is part of the greater reality testing me to see where I am at. This is one way of looking at it. To this I say thank you for the test. Give me an B+ or A-. I wasn't a "stoic" grandmaster with this but overall not too bad.

Reminds of of the time I got 3 emails for Pick Up Artist materials the same day from 3 different PUAs. One had what looks to be very logical approach. Said most of girls are on instagram, so he has come up with some formulas for Instagram PUA stuff. I ended up on Instagram looking at girls and relapsing. Again a test.

I guess what didn't surprise me is that I signed up for this guys in the past on their websites. So naturally I am on their mailing lists. Anyway...

Now time to relax, let go and focus on something else.

Thank you for reading and wishing you great rest of the day.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Did great the rest of the day. Managed just fine. Didn't peek or got caught up in fantasy or anything really.

If some thoughts came up of this P "star" which just rarely happened trough-out the day. I'd just send like a loving thought back. Like I wish this person well. Like a general "blessing". Like I hope life turns out good for you and you will figure it out. Like I don't want to enmesh myself with you but I genuinely wish you all the best in your life. Surprisingly this really disarms any emotional charge this lust energy have. Anyway...

This is the good. I feel like I got over this test pretty OK. Not a stoic grandmaster but all things considered not too bad.

The bad thing. I had a nocturnal emission. Guess they can't get me here, they got me in "dream time". It was like super short experience. Don't remember any visuals. Just remember getting a little aroused, didn't even like O in dream time just then like ejaculated.

I guess the silver lining is that in dream time nocturnal emissions, the amount of energy syphoned is less than that of full on edging or masturbation. I remember reading an article saying that there is a whole lot less seminal fluid in the NE than in the regular stuff.

Also for a moment I remember forgetting did I used to masturbate with my left or the right hand.

Wishing everyone well.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Oh, forgot to mention, there is a very faint chaser. Like maybe 1 or 2 out of 10. So maybe half a star to a star out of 5.
 
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yogi

Active Member
Earthwalker nocturnal emissions may or may not have anything to do with your porn memories.

They happen to normal people also and are the body's way of ridding itself of pent-up semen in exchange for fresh material.
In fact it is a common occurrence during rewiring. Could actually be a sign of progress, especially since you said you don't remember any visuals.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Still this girl had to somehow found me out of tens of thousands of members (maybe even more than that) as I didn't buy any of her content at all, nor am I even directly interested in her categories she makes videos in. If I'd buy some of her videos I'd totally understand why she contacted me. But this is very out of the blue.

Hi Earthwalker,

This is all assuming that the lady is 'real'. My bet is that it's an automatic sex-bot sent to an email address of the person (yourself) who simply visited their site, which you may be- or have been subscribed to. That is all. There's nothing personal about it, the 'person' isn't even real! And that's an insidious nature of today's regular advertising, but especially in P-advertising to 'lonely' folk such as you and I may be. It takes advantage of our deep rooted needs, exploits those with a sex-bot tailor made, and then we're back in our cycle (potentially).

The approach toward the email, if executed correctly (and you graded yourself a B+ or an A-), could have been a good opportunity to practice ERP (Exposure Response Prevention). I wouldn't suggest this to most if not all users here, but I've worked with it on purpose before regarding PMO, and began to learn that I had control over my urges (via not controlling them). While I don't practice this (or Extinction Therapy) with this stuff on purpose (as it could be hit and miss), I do take opportunity if I feel something can turn into an obsession.

There's compassion abounding toward you, brother. You will come out of this stronger and more resilent, or more surrendered to what is.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Earthwalker nocturnal emissions may or may not have anything to do with your porn memories.

They happen to normal people also and are the body's way of ridding itself of pent-up semen in exchange for fresh material.
In fact it is a common occurrence during rewiring. Could actually be a sign of progress, especially since you said you don't remember any visuals.
Yeah, not a fan of NE, not by a long shot. I was just like .... not going to even clean this mess, just went back to sleep. Lol. Rolling my eyes.

Can't the body just discharge the pent-up semen during regular urination? Would make more sense.

Anyway, it will get better.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
@Phineas 808 I think what ended up happening could be considered ERP. While "browsing" I didn't focus on one studio/content creator and watch the previews of some video and get caught up in just 1 video. But I focused on the overall "ambiance" more like a broad overview of the whole thing cross the categories. It is a behemoth of a website that allows content creators to post their P materials in various categories.

Overall the ambiance is this is just quite literally a meat market, body parts, sprinkled with tons and tons of lust. To this I say ... No, thank you.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Got a bit aroused in the morning. But this might be the first time where I could for the most part just accept this arousal without wanting more of it.

As practically every single time arousal and lust came up....deep down I wanted more of it. This was probably the first time where I am like....I am OK the way it is...I don't want more of this lust or arousal. I accept the lust and arousal as is.

Seriously, this Radical Self-Acceptance is Gold. Also by becoming more accepting of myself. I find it a whole lot easier to accept others - what others do and how they act is bothering me less and less as I accept them and what they do. This is all a valid expression of the All-that-is.

Some P thoughts came up. I was a bit on the fence do I just observe? But I did end up applying just a little bit of willpower to say. No thank you. I don't need to engage with this further in order to stop this arousal ladder amplification.

Have a great day everyone.
EW
 
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EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
I think this image is Gold also in relation to Self-Acceptance.

This is exactly how it works in my experience. I tried to run away and deny P thoughts and emotions when they come up. This just made the situation worse. Now that I accept P as as valid expression of All-that-is. A valid part of me. I can integrate and transmute this. Obviously it is not all roses and rainbows. But makes a night and day difference.
 

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yogi

Active Member
I think this image is Gold also in relation to Self-Acceptance.

This is exactly how it works in my experience. I tried to run away and deny P thoughts and emotions when they come up. This just made the situation worse. Now that I accept P as as valid expression of All-that-is. A valid part of me. I can integrate and transmute this. Obviously it is not all roses and rainbows. But makes a night and day difference.
Exactly bro.
We don't run away from our fears. We confront and overcome them.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Hello Everyone.

Felt like doing a mid month update.

Doing very well. Smooth sailing ... or I am a much better sailor? Haha. Except for that PM from a P content creator and me deleting the account from the P content hosting website which I talked about in some detail a couple of posts back. Nothing out of the ordinary. Didn't felt tempted to watch P. Didn't felt tempted to M. Also seeing a very attractive girl here and there I am able to let it go. Acknowledge the beauty then move on. Just like we don't want to have sex with a beautiful landscape such as a waterfall. Acknowledge. Appreciate it, then move on.

I don't feel like the P website escapade where I deleted the account counts as a relapse. So I am keeping my counter at Day 15.

One very positive thing. I started to feel more. This is great. For now a lot of sadness. But this is all good. You cannot heal what you do not feel. You cannot heal what you do not accept.

Much love everyone. Wishing all of us here well.
EW
 

yogi

Active Member
Nice to know you are healing Earthwalker
An inspiration to all of us to continue our journey to recovery.
 

AJM

Active Member
Hey brother ,
I sense a lot of deep digging and soul searching there.
I strongly feel reboot is so much more than just not PMOing.
There are some days that are difficult and you are having those, embrace them.
Much love.
 
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