Rebooting trough self-parenting

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Super tired. Some urges came yesterday to take a peek.

I used the "And then what?" and then did the meditation.

Feeling a lot of apathy in general. But this is to be expected. Comes with the reboot.

Today again some ideas to take a peek poped up. Nothing drastic.

This time I went with the "Compass" method. I know P. I've been there, done that. Now it is time for something new. If this means sailing trough 6+ months of apathy so be it. This is the direction I want to sail in. Away from P. Even if I don't know how exactly the future will look. The direction feels authentic.

Feeling like having a under the radar fever. This plandemic stuff isn't helping but calm sea never made for a good sailor. More likely it is the withdrawal symptoms than this CV Flu BS.

Will go take a nap. Oh, one extra thing wanted to mention....

I am feeling more self-contained in a sense I don't need a woman to feel complete. I'd like to have GF. But I am fine not having one. This neediness. With the work I am doing both psychological and spiritual. This lack consciousness, like I need a woman to be complete is becoming drastically muted down. In a way I am the love that I am looking for. This goes orthogonal to what Wolfman was saying. I don't want to be recluse. But at the same time I like feeling the love and being the love without having to have external validation or external support. Imho there is a big huge between being single with the attitude of resentment or lack vs being single with the attitude of abundance. At this point this is just speculation.

I'll get to prove my theory in the ultimate alchemy lab that is my body and my life. Will see how I'll sail this time around. Sailing Day 7. Last relapse 19.8.2021. So far on uninterrupted hardmode.

Wishing everyone a good day

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Another method I find useful.

"Do I want to own this?" When something like anger, triggers etc. come up. I just ask myself Do I want to own this?

The answer is no. Moving on.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Double digits. Afaik the day or relapse could either be viewed as Day 0 or Day 1. I kinda like Day 1 more. Like there is no 0th century.

So it is day 11 I guess.

Smooth sailing. Had a P dream but it was a lot more vanilla than before. Luckily no wet dream as in the dream I did not have sex or masturbated.
I expect some more P dreams to come up.

Wishing everyone a good start of the week.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Do you produce art and share it with others? Do you run a business? Are you cultivating a skill or a hobby that engages other people?
This resonates quite a lot. I am searching for something like this for sure. I have no ideas. I am writing some booklet on psychology but however that might end up. It will engage other people trough the computer screen. So this is not the best.

Some sport groups start in September. But now they will all require either proof of vaccination or tests to enter. No thank you. Will not subject myself to experimental vaccination technology (paid by the taxpayers) or pay out of my own pocket for a premium price for some made in China test that costs close to nothing to make. What a pay day the pharma guys made for themselves. Doctors are making 2x as much doing 2x less work. They have no interest to make this go away.

Anyway will think about my options.

EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Don't think it is possible to cross reference replies from different threads. Anyway. This is from @casanova here https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/20800/
1. Before feeling healed, you'll have consistent MW 4-7 times per week, and before that you'll have consistent vivid dreams first. So your first aim should be conquering vivid dreams. The healing in the brain happens during your sleep, especially when you dream. Respect your nights as the most important time during this journey: turn off your phone two hours before sleep, and within days you'll feel an improvement on your dreams. That's the path that will lead you to conquer consistent MW, and rewire successfully later on.

This is a great point. Thank you. Sleep time healing. I never thought about putting much emphasis on sleep. The wet dreams and P dream I view more like something negative than positive.

I'll do a meditation/prayer before sleep to intend to do healing of brain and sexual system in sleep time. This is a great idea.

Much love everyone
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Dreamt about P again. I don't remember exactly. But it was pretty convoluted. Didn't have sex or masturbated in dreams (or otherwize).

On unrelated note. Came across this video today. Makes sense. When our lives become more complicated than we can handle the ballon bursts.


Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Month of August completed.

4x (P)MO. On 14th, 16th, 17th and 19th August. Other than that pretty much smooth hardmode.

I did some more emotional trauma healing regarding my bio father. I am also making some more progress with the emotional clearing in general. I am hoping this will reflect in how I sail trough September.

Wish everyone a great sailing journey of September 2021!

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
It is day 15.

Had a P dream. Fetish A and Fetish B. Fetish A is starting to become quite the turn off nowadays. With fetish B something that I used to fantasize doing in real life. Only now if some attractive girl would come to me and say she wants to do Fetish B with me. I'd say No. It isn't as a turn on material as it used to be.

Now back to dreams. So this scene started showing up. The thinking is. Since this is not "turn on" material. It is OK to watch it. But then I started to get pretty turned on and aroused. Then I was like. Wait a minute. If this is suppose to not be turning me on why am I getting so aroused and that feeling before about to O? I just snapped myself out of this and woke up before it got to the point that this arousal, pleasure, etc reaches a point of O. Was pretty hard down there.

Now I am feeling a bit of arousal still. Definitely chaser stuff.

Will meditate on this whole thing.

I guess the mastery lesson here is to be able to let go of sexual ecstasy and bliss?

Oh, what I wonder. If the P scene would be vanilla would I snap myself out of it? I think probably not? Somehow I feel like this is not the last P dream I will have.

Now the question is how do I turn this to a healing advantage? Maybe setting intention and prayer is the best thing I can do? I started to do some of this but I do it very briefly as I am usually very tired before bed so don't put that much attention to it.

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Day 17 hardmode. edit: it is day 18. Sometimes I mix up the counter - unintentionally.

Went for a coffee with a friend. There was a cute girl sitting next. Also 2 dudes left at a table in front to be replaced by 2 cute girls. Got hard and triggered. Now I'll do some inner work. Triggers are great.

Also made pretty huge first stab at this childhood pattern. Conditional Love from parents. Like the abandonment energy wasn't enough.

Basically if you do X you will be loved and shown affection. E.g. Get good grades get affection. I am at a point I am ready to start addressing this stuff. This goes pretty deep. This is pretty insidious stuff. Also probably explains the perfectionism I am holding onto. And also why I am having such a hard time to let go of an outcome. Or from a different angle, Why I subconsciouslly feel the need to control the outcome. I'll write some more about this later.

Wish everyone a good day.

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
On the YT homepage. Two recommendations side by side. A hot music video and this. I clicked on this.


Surfs UP!

I am doubling, tripling, quadrupling down on Urge surfing. This is quite literally it.

Also "And then what?!" helps a lot. Gonna click on the sexy music video...And then what?!

Day 19, unbroken hardmode. Surfing the urges.

Wishing everyone well.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Day 22. Time flies.

Urge surfing works. Or better still I should say being present in the moment. As not only urges come up. But also resentment, anger, etc. Not just urges.

I'll elaborate some more later. What I wanted to share is that I talked to one guy I find very advanced in terms of spiritual embodiment and I respect. I asked him about how he deals with sexual urges and stuff. He mentioned to me that he just reserves his sexual energy for his partner and for the very rare occasion he gets aroused by some external stuff he does urge surfing. It feels good to me to have this verified also by someone who I respect and I consider has his sexuality figured out.

So I'd say urge surfing really is the best that is around for dealing with urges on the day-to-day business. But as I am find out. It takes practice. I guess just like surfing. You get your ass kicked before you figure it out. It takes mastery. But from all the tools out there - this is to tool to spend time on.

For the deeper healing I find psychology and also spiritual work a must have to be clearing up garbage from our minds and hearts.

Much love
EW
 
Day 22. Time flies.

Urge surfing works. Or better still I should say being present in the moment. As not only urges come up. But also resentment, anger, etc. Not just urges.

I'll elaborate some more later. What I wanted to share is that I talked to one guy I find very advanced in terms of spiritual embodiment and I respect. I asked him about how he deals with sexual urges and stuff. He mentioned to me that he just reserves his sexual energy for his partner and for the very rare occasion he gets aroused by some external stuff he does urge surfing. It feels good to me to have this verified also by someone who I respect and I consider has his sexuality figured out.

So I'd say urge surfing really is the best that is around for dealing with urges on the day-to-day business. But as I am find out. It takes practice. I guess just like surfing. You get your ass kicked before you figure it out. It takes mastery. But from all the tools out there - this is to tool to spend time on.

For the deeper healing I find psychology and also spiritual work a must have to be clearing up garbage from our minds and hearts.

Much love
EW
Yes, definitely. Urge surfing could be the best thing there is for handling urges, at least that's how I feel. First thing that always seemed to come up when I searched for how to deal with urges was to do something like take a cold shower, do push-ups, go out for a run etc. But I would say this: They work but they are some external things that, when you don't have access to them for whatever reason, leaves you alone with yourself and having to deal with massive urges. What do you do then? That's why I always believed the first thing must come from within ourselves, we need to have a way to handle urges first and then add whatever other things like exercise etc. I don't really feel like I want to get out of bed and do push-ups or take cold showers at 3 A.M when I'm dealing with urges and I need to get out of bed at 5 A.M to go to work, you know what I mean? That's a situation where you stay there, trying to fall asleep and you might end up relapsing. I've relapsed late at night while being awake.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
First incident in September.

2021.09.10 - NE (Wet dream), came out of nowhere, don't remember anything about it.

Moving on.

"And then what?!"
"Act as if."


Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Feeling intense loneliness. Like really intense. Just blown away.

Now that this maladaptive coping mechanism of P is dismantling. More of my authentic self is coming online. And together the hurt that the P addiction masked. Wow. An emotional wasteland. Can see why I'd want to self medicate with P.

Urge surfing FTW! Will double, triple, quadruple down on urge surfing.

Also will stay in my heart area. Even if now I don't feel anything there. I will intend to connect with my soul essence.

Surfs up. I am still here. I can heal this. I didn't come this far to back down now.

Much love everyone
EW
 
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