Feeling super tired. Sleeping a lot. Grateful I don't have much responsibilities in my life so this is possible without much fall out.
(I get it, this varies from individual from individual, etc, not accurate)
90th day mark 60% recovery rate
150th day mark 90% recovery rate
In terms of reboot this is by far the most smooth. P thoughts when they show up are very muted down. Also like mentioned before. I am perfectly fine not masturbating. I don't feel the need to do it. Also not feeling the need to explore P thoughts some more.
I am OK not experiencing pleasure in this way. There will be a time and place to experience orgasmic bliss. P or fap is not it. I am coming to terms with this.
Also again, urge surfing is awesome. The wave always breaks. But there are many variations on urge surfing. I played around it until I found what works for me. I am still tweaking the process.
I am hoping that in the coming months some of the vitality will return and I don't need to sleep so much. But now it feels like my body needs a deep rest. So I am fine. To just chill out.
I feel like I've solved this problem. I know life is not a problem to solve but an experience to have. So I can rephrase this. As it looks like my pornography experience journey is reaching completion.
This is by far the easiest time I have with dealing with this.
Keep in mind. My diet, exercise, social life are not the best to put it mildly. But I am having a very smooth sailing with pornography addiction.
Here is what made the biggest differences. In no particular order. I feel like each of this is equally important.
1. Self-psychology work, dealing with childhood and other emotional traumas, playing around with Urge Surfing variations and figure it out.
2. Seeing someone 1x per week
3. Multi-dimensional work. Will make a separate post.
Wishing much love and success to everyone. I believe each and everyone here can complete this porn addiction experience and in the process re-discover who they truly are. Become a wholesome human being once more. Living a meaningful and joyful life.
Sooner or later I will write about this. Might as well do it now.
Please take what resonates and scroll past what doesn't.
3. Multi-dimensional healing work.
I am quite literally revoking contracts I have made with some beings that don't have a physical body but they indeed can claim parts of my energetic system (chakras, meridians, but there is much much more to our non-visble body than chakras and meridians). Also just like we have meridians and chakras. Our earth has some meridians and chakras. Sometimes our individual body energies can get enmeshed there. So I am bringing back some energetic parts of my non-visible body that are enmeshed in some energetic grids on the Earth.
For example when I was 7 years old I made a contract with a demon that the thing is free to syphon my sexual energy. I have since revoked this contact. Also I made some contract with a negative energy grid that it can syphon my sexual energy.
As above so below, as below so above.
Just like there are massive, massive pornography websites. We can imagine them as energetic structures that have their equivalent in the non-physical world. And we make contracts in the physical world that we are aware of. But we also have contracts in the non-visible world that most humans don't know anything about. The elites are very much aware of this and exploit their fellow man mercilessly. They commit incredible amount of effort in keeping most of humans dumbed down and never reaching the level where they would become aware of the non-visible world. The understanding of the non-visible world is reserved for the chosen few who need to promise never to reveal the "secrets" of the non-visible world to the masses. Anyway....
If somebody would tell me this a few years ago. I'd say they are out of their mind. Now that I have 1st hand experience with this. I can say that non-visible world is a real thing and includes beings, various machinery, grids, energetic structures, contracts, bindings, etc.
So to be free of sexual misery programming. I feel like a big step would be to know that as we have rights in the physical world we also have rights in the non-visible world. We also have responsibilities - like our thoughts and emotions.
Everything that is inside our body, physical, emotional, mental and multitude of our spiritual (non-visible, multi-dimensional) bodies. This belongs to us. We have every right to choose wholeness and cast our and terminate any and all agreements we have made with beings that are not aligned with our being.
Thought to add a short Law of One primer. Basically the idea is. Everything that exists, has existed or will ever exist is part of One single being - God - that chooses to express itself as individuated consciousness. Think drop and the ocean. Drop is an individuated expression of the ocean. There are rules of the game under the Law of One. In our particular case we each have free will. With this comes rights and responsibilities. Nobody can make anybody do anything. It is all about contracts, agreements and consent. What do we consent with? Implicitly, explicitly?
In our case. We consent to have our sexual energy syphoned. As they are syphoned in the physical. They are also syphoned in the non-visible. We gave consent for this to happen and have outstanding contracts for this to be happening.
In terms of responsibilities. Our thoughts and emotions are our responsibility. How we direct our energy is our responsibility. What we do with our time is our responsibility.
What we can do is Revoke Consent and Revoke Contracts. We are also able to ask for Energetic Cords to be removed and energy essences to be returned to us. We each have a higher self. As we exist in this physical world, we also have a non-visible self - many of them actually. It gets a little complicated to explain. But to intend and invoke help it is very simple. I found out that we can just work with our higher self. This is us but in the non-visible world. There are levels to the invisible world. So we can intent to ask our higher self in the highest dimension appropriate to help us here.
Declaration of Freedom and Soverignty:
I choose to be free in my mind and in all my bodies in all dimensions and in all combinations. It is my right. I ask my higher self for help.
I choose to be sovereign in my mind and all my bodies in all dimensions and in all combinations. It is my right. I ask my higher self for help.
I choose to dissolve any and all contracts made with any being, grid or other energetic structure that is syhphoning my sexual energies. It is my right to dissolve contracts that are not in alignment with my being. I ask my higher self for help.
I choose to revoke consent with any being, grid or other energetic structure that is syhphoning my sexual energies. It is my right to revoke consent at my will. I ask my higher self for help.
I am the cosmic Sovereign law made manifest.
My higher self please take this beyond my comprehension. Thank you.
For more multidimensional context. I found this website to be very helpful.
Anyway. Just felt like sharing this. At the moment I don't feel like posting more of this multi-dimensional stuff. So please feel free to just scroll past by this post if it doesn't resonate with you. As I feel like a lot can be done by just psychology. But some revoking of consent and contracts is for sure needed in my personal experience.
Had a wet dream today. A bit more annoying in the colder months as I tone down the heating when I go to bed. So it is a bit chilly outside the bed.
The chaser is not a big deal. Do I want to masturbate? No. Do I want to watch P? No. Do I want to align my sexual energy with my heart center. Yes.
How to do it? Urge surfing++. Urge surfing is in my experience now the foundation to build upon. I was stumbling with it a few months back, getting bad or mixed results. If there is one thing I am 100% sure about the reboot is that if I were to recommend mastering just 1 single "thing" - It would be urge surfing. Start with the textbook techniques - ha, even in the psychology literature there are variations to the technique already. Start with any of them. It doesn't matter. Then you just tweak and tweak until it starts to click.
Looking forward to November.
Wishing each and every one here much love and may you sail true.
updated: October report:
13th October - Wet Dream.
28th October - Wet Dream.
19th November will be 3 months no fap and no porn and anything in between.
Today I got pretty aroused and some P scenes came up. The intensity surprised me a bit. But urge surfing works. The trick is to be in the observer mode. But the pleasure feels so good...why resist it? Simple. It is not aligned with my soul essence. It is not aligned with my values and beliefs. I am not going to energize P images. Anyway not to get too metaphysical.
1. The wave always breaks. The storm always passes.
This is true. I get aroused some P scene flashes. Then it subsides. Then again it happens. Feel good, orgasmic energies and P scene flashes. And again.
2. Set the compass straight, sail true, don't engage but hold space
This is really the "secret" to make this work. The difference between being in observer mode and allowing space for the P scenes and the arousal to unfold without judgement and attachment to outcome. But firmly setting my direction of the sail - I want my sexual energies to be aligned with my higher self, soul essence, my heart center.
The moment I start to engage directly with the lust, arousal. Oh this feels, good, I want more of this, let me try to see if I can orgasm from this. This is where the urge surfing is not urge surfing but starts to fall apart.
Maybe urge sailing would be a word to use as well. As I really like the sailboat example. This is a great metaphor for life. We are sailing trough life. Anyway.
To add to the “secret”. We need to feel in order to heal. In this case with urge surfing. I am indeed feeling lust and arousal. But I don’t add fuel to it. I allow it unfold.
Like for example. If I get angry. I don’t try to suppress it. But I allow myself to feel it but at the same time not identify with it or add fuel to the fire. It is the same in principle with arousal and lust.
It looks like maybe some things will get lost in translation but what I am saying is that urge surfing works but there are nuances that make a huge difference. So this is definitely a Skill to hone.
In terms of in the moment day to day skills I’d rate urge surfing to be the single highest impact skill to master.
This will be one of the multi-dimensional posts, please only take what resonates and scroll past what doesn't, thank you.
A little bit of chaser in the morning after the wet dream. Some P scenes came up. I've hold space for them as best I could. I am getting better. I only briefly stepped out of observer mode and wanted to engage with lustful energies only to step back again and be in the observer and just allow and try my best to feel how this feels in the body. Be in my body and not in my mental mind. Like I am saying urge surfing is awesome but there are nuances to it and it takes mastery to be in observer mode. I am getting a lot better at this.
A few events from the past came up. From childhood. One of them is the first ever very intense fetish scene I ever watched as a kid. I've send forgiveness back in time to that kid. I forgive myself for having watched this. I send love back to that kid. You are so very much loved.
But then there is one extra component to all of this. Sexual fantasy. I find it for the most part unnatural. At the very minimum I find the fetish variety totally unnatural and un-authentic to the human experience and human be-ing.
I've looked into it more. Why can I ejaculate from "dream time"? Why do I find unnatural porn arousing? Is there more at play here than just a kid who stumbled upon some porn? Yes.
The dream time. Just like chakras and meridians are a "real" thing. They exist albeit most can't perceive them. Just like this. There is the 4D astral. And I traced this sexual fantasy to a 4D astral construct that I call sexual fantasy overlay/implant/harness/alien machinery. This is an energetic structure in my own light-body / energetic body / subtle body. It got installed over time with P use and some other events. But mostly each time I PMO'ed more of this stuff got installed in my light-body.
Now that I am aware of this. I made the intention to clear it. Will see if it did anything.
As I am approaching the fabled 90 days. I am getting challenged. I am getting tested.
Test 1: Do you want to quit? Here is some P? What do you say?
Me: No thank you.
Test 2: Do you really want to quit? Here is some more P? What do you say?
Me: No thank you.
Test 3: Do you really really want to quit? Here is some more P? And some more P? Let me increase the intensity of urges a little bit. What do you say?
Me: No thank you.
Test 4: Do you really really want to quit?.... What do you say?
Me: No thank you.
Test N: Do you really^Nth power want to quit? Intensity^Nth power. What do you say?
Me: No thank you.
So will see. My body is the perfect alchemical laboratory. Is my sexual fantasy alien machinery harness/insert in the light-body just a fluke? Or will I actually have an easier time navigating the reboot?
By far it feels like 100-1000 easier to deal with P now that I've started to add the multi-dimensional component to the reboot.
Also urge surfing. Urge surfing is awesome. I really cannot stress this enough how helpful this is. At the same time I'd like to emphasise that there are nuances to the techinque that make a huge difference. So this is something that can be mastered over time.
7th NE/Wet dream/ over in an instant, before I knew what was going on boom, fetish content
10th NE/Wet dream/ over in an instant, not even a P dream or any P content, like somebody would push a button and I ejaculated, no O or any other feeling, felt very "mechanical".
Was hoping to keep November to 1 NE. But it is what it is.
I am really starting to like the sailboat example. I can only directly control the direction of my sail and the sailboat/sails, rudders, etc and the crew. That is quite a lot actually. I don't really need to control the waves, weather, ocean etc. Just controlling my boat is plenty. The boat also has crew. In a way I am the director of my crew. Came across this today.
If I guy can conduct an orchestra with a toothpick, I can sure do better with my life. The statement doesn't make that much sense but it is motivating to me, so it has a value. Lol.