Rebooting trough self-parenting

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Just want to say wishing everyone much love and self-acceptance. May we all sail true.

This is a good week for me. I am crying and starting to feels more deeply again. Feeling much gratitude just to be alive on this beautiful planet. Even-thou our society might have lost its mind a little bit with this CV thing. It is still a great place to be.

I came across this quote today. I am not a bible fan. But this is a good one:

"Love believes the best in all and there is no limit to love’s hope."

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Urge surfing is amazing. I was able to just observe some lust and P memories that came up.

I am still a bit in disbelief. I said NO to pleasure? I just observed pleasure without engaging with it? But I just observed pleasure (in my body) without engaging with it - without wanting more of it? Yes!

Feels very counter intuitive to my brain. I am just like WTF?! Seriously? Yes. Saying no to pleasure.

This is a bit of that. Yes but no kinda moment. Feels very weird. But it looks like it works.

19.11.2021 will be 3 months no P, no M.

Also came close to a wet dream but was able to say NO.

Sail true

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
This will be one of my multidimensional posts. Please only takes what resonates and scroll past what doesn't. Thank you.

I now have a theory. That an orgasm to a P scene creates a satanic binding. Our emotions and emotional states are very powerful. One of the reasons why we as men are mind-controlled not to explore our emotions. We just willingly disempower ourselves of 50% of "life". The other being the thoughts. Thoughts/electric, Emotions/magnetic. The union of electric and magnetic creates for the expansion of consciousness. Aside alone. Back to satanic binding.

What I started to do. Is to hold space for myself and ask for the dissolution of the satanic bindings.

When a resistant P scene comes up. This is what I find works:

1. I allow myself to relax.
2. I forgive myself for having engaged with P. I forgive myself to be experiencing this.
3. Intend to connect with my soul essence in the chest area and ask my higher (multi-dimensional) aspects for help.
4. State firmly that I am revoking consent, contracts and agreements made with any beings, grids, machinery or other consciousness that is not of 100% pure unity consciousness and is not in alignment with my soul essence. I ask for dissolution of any syphoning or bindings to my sexual energies or any other energies.
5. Ask for return to rightful owner any body fluids, soul essence energies and other energies.
6. Ask my higher aspects to take this beyond my comprehension and just observe and be focused on the heart(soul essence) center.
7. Be amazed how well it works.

For non-resistant / regular P scene comes up. Just self-acceptance, acknowledgment is all that it takes to "go away".

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Multi-dimensional aspect of P addiction aside. In my lensing now. What is the ultimate self-mastery challenge is this:

Saying NO to (inauthentic) pleasure.

Why do we let our boundaries get violated? Well. Pleasure in this case. The other common possibility is to avoid pain.

P feels good. P feels really good. In the moment at least. Then it sucks big time.

In learning to hold space for myself. I find the underlying mastery lesson to be about the fortitude and self-mastery required to say no to pleasure.

Yeah, I remember how good in the moment P makes me feel, the pleasure is un-deniable. But I am choosing from my own free will to say NO. I don't want this pleasure. It is inorganic and inauthentic to my being. No, thank you.

It is a challenge still. But I am getting better at it. The first times I held space for myself to just observe P, I got very aroused and pleasure overflowed my body, I had a hard time saying No. Now I am getting better and it is easier to say No but still just a slight challenge. Also my body doesn't overflow with the inorganic pleasure of P as it used to before.

Rinse and repeat. There are many levels to urge surfing. Definitely THE exercise/technique to work on.

Wishing everyone much growth on their respected journeys.

EW
 
Last edited:

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
One more musing today.

Emotions. Re-aligning my relationship with emotions is fundamental to my being.

I always viewed Emotions as a side-dish. If you think right and do things "right" you are rewarded with positive emotions. Like a goal/reward at the end of a linear sequence of thoughts. Now I see how this is extremely limited.

Emotions are very much a main dish and go hand in hand with thoughts as equals.

Now I tried to put emotions in the foreground and thoughts in the background. At times it is like seeing the world for the first time. No doubt de-manifesting P overlays plays a part. But still. Just feeling emotions without the need to control or the need for the thoughts to evaluate emotions and get in the way.

We need to feel in order to heal. I would go even further and say. We need to feel in order to have a full experience. Our feelings are just as important as our thoughts.

EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
I just got a marketing email from a pretty huge amateur P site. The same site I mentioned in a few posts a while back. Where I went on the site and deleted my account.

It looks like my account deletion was not respected as they still have my username and email as I received a marketing email today.

I went to the support page (it is practically just all text page and no P), sent them a message to get in touch with the privacy officer and have my account deleted.

0% tempted to go to their main site. Didn't even register on my radar. 💪

This feels good. Like a sense of completion. We get to try and try and try again until we get it right. I got it right this time. Feeling very good about this. ✅
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Got a reply pretty soon. Silly me. Apparently I deactivated the account not permanently deleted it. They assured me they have now complied with my request for deletion. In any case feels good to be able to engage with this site without the "lust factor".

When I went in for deactivation a while back I was a on the edge. Felt a bit like trespassing on some neighbours lawn with a ferocious dog in the background. Now this exchange was like going to a post office or anything else that is more casual - neutral.

Proud of myself. This is good work. Pretty happy I got the email. Now I have a sense of completion with that site. Job done. Next.
 

stepbystep

Active Member
Hi EW,

It's been a while since I've been on the forum and glad to see that you're posting consistently and often! Nice job on deleting your account!

Urge surfing is amazing. I was able to just observe some lust and P memories that came up.

Sorry, you've probably explained it in a previous post, but what is urge surfing?

19.11.2021 will be 3 months no P, no M.

This is amazing, congrats! I'm yet to catch up on your previous posts, but could you share what was your recovery plan and what worked well for you?

SBS
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Hi SBS.

Thanks bro. Welcome back.

Urge Surfing is awesome. There are a ton of YouTube videos. It is taking me a while to figure it out. It is very well known in the psychology world so you might find a lot of resources online on Urge Surfing from Psychology sites. There are many variations on it. I've been stumbling for a while but now it is amazing as I've made my own variation.

My own variation on urge surfing is that I intend to connect with my soul essence center that is in the center of my chest. So I am not observing from "nothing" but I am observing from the awareness/conext of being in my soul essence center. This is the variation that is making the biggest difference for me. But we are all unique, so I'd encourage anyone to keep working on their own variation on urge surfing.

Basically it is not soo much urge surfing per se. But more like holding space for myself. Holding space so that this trauma and addiction stuff can be processed / transmuted.

What is making the biggest impact for me:

Emotional Trauma work:
Dealing with my childhood traumas, parentings, bad experiences, etc. I am basically self-studying psychology to some degree. I found this guy's videos awesome: http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/videos.htm Very helpful. Also this guy has a great list of top psychologists and some nice videos on his YT channel: https://www.torahpsychology.org/mindbody

Great book while I haven't fully read it just parts that resonates: Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, highly recommend it. Made a big impression on me.

Multi-dimensional work: While not everyone will resonate with this, but I am also intending to clear myself in the multi-dimensional world, revoking contracts, consent, etc made with some negative entities and beings that used to syphon my energies from the "astral" and other realms. Ongoing clearing.

Seeing someone 1x per week: This is making a huge difference. But I'd say this is high risk, high reward. As the first 2 people I saw they weren't good. I feel like I've even taken steps back because of it. Soo definitely need to discern and follow inner guidance to find someone to help you with. Also not cheap. But definitely something that I'd say was necessary for my progress. I couldn't have done it without this. Or alternative I'd still be a few years behind if just doing this work on my own.

Hope this is helpful. Good luck bro! Love your user name. Step By Step. Indeed we will de-manifest this addiction step by step. Stay awesome!

EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
November Report:

7th
NE/Wet dream/ over in an instant, before I knew what was going on boom, fetish content
10th NE/Wet dream/ over in an instant, not even a P dream or any P content, like somebody would push a button and I ejaculated, no O or any other feeling, felt very "mechanical".
18th NE/Wet dream. Took a while longer. Remember like being in a room with some "room-mates". While I said no to P. They were watching P. So it was like I am not watching P but they are watching it but I am then "forces" to watch because in the same room. I then remember like seeing P on the screen - but it was all blurred. Then I ejaculated and wake up. Pretty mechanical again. Didn't get any O or pleasure feeling out of this. Felt uneasy the whole time in "dream". No doubt a bit of lack of healthy self-assertiveness.
 

stepbystep

Active Member
Seeing someone 1x per week: This is making a huge difference. But I'd say this is high risk, high reward. As the first 2 people I saw they weren't good. I feel like I've even taken steps back because of it. Soo definitely need to discern and follow inner guidance to find someone to help you with. Also not cheap. But definitely something that I'd say was necessary for my progress. I couldn't have done it without this. Or alternative I'd still be a few years behind if just doing this work on my own.

Thanks this is really helpful! When you say "seeing someone", is it like a therapist? or a recovery partner
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Thanks this is really helpful! When you say "seeing someone", is it like a therapist? or a recovery partner
Hi, SBS.

I can go into a little more details about who I am seeing if you like. But maybe this will not be necessary because of what I am going to share next.

If you feel like seeing someone ... follow your heart's intuition. Maybe for you this means getting a recovery partner, maybe this means getting a sound healing, maybe it is animal therapy, maybe it is something else. I don't know.

What I do know is that picking and trusting someone with our intimate self is best left to our subtle perceptions. I picked the first person I went to for help on the basis on other's people opinion. It did not work out for me. The person I am seeing now. I saw this person at an interview on some podcast. I felt this overwhelming feeling like I should get in touch. It is working out beautifully.

So my advice would be to try to follow your intuition on who to see and trust. Get a trial or the shortest session they have. If it doesn't feel right no big deal. Keep on searching for someone else.

Hope this is helpful.

Much love
EW
 

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
Day 91.

came across this, thought to share it. A bit of mixed bag but some great messages.


Hey congratulations on the three months clean EarthWalker. I'm impressed with the humbleness of attitude towards a considerable milestone in being free of this addiction. While I understand your intentions and the work you do run much deeper than this, I hope you can take some time to appreciate the gravity of it and the work you've done to get to this point.

Stay strong, keep growing, keep learning!
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Went for a trail walk that ends up with a hut / restaurant. I remember the times I used to go there with my bio father. It triggered some memories I haven't processed yet.

Holding space for myself to process grief and some other stuff.

One of the big aspects of P is a maladaptive coping mechanism for emotional trauma. Now that I spent effort in learning to be able to process emotional trauma. I don't really find I have any need for P anymore in my life.

Looks like this will be my forever streak. Grateful for the experience. I am learning so much about myself. One of the most difficult yet extremely rewarding self-mastery challenges one can give to oneself.

Much love everyone
EW
 
Top