Rebooting trough self-parenting

[EarthWalker]

It just came to me, that instead of feeling like I am missing out not being in a relationship or not having had an intimate relationship like ever.

Instead of being in lack. I can just be enjoying my time here and now. Be grateful for what I have. Enjoy life already, here and now.

EW

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 14 no P.
Day 1 no MO.

I MO'ed today to PIV fantasy. I was getting way to horny and the mind was getting very restless. What I am saying in my journal for a while now. There is no problem staying away from P if I am not very for the lack of a better work horny. If this sexual pressure builds up I am in danger territory. It was getting a bit out of hand. So I went for a MO.

Will see if this strategy will pay off. Will see about the chaser.

This reminds of the first time I went close to 3 months no P a few years ago is when I was doing this energy exercises that circulate energy between the energy centers so this improved the sexual energy flow as well.

Definitely need to work on how to circulate this energy better.

People who are having sex it is a non-issue as an occasional sex here and there temporarily fixes the flow. Anyway.

I feel like Day counting.

Oh, on the other hand. I just said to myself. The least I can do is stay away from it as I have already plenty of P in my mind. Don't need any extra. P is already coming up in terms of P scene thoughts. Why put extra in?

One interesting thing. Very old P scenes are coming up. In the early days of P I'd PMO to images. So some of this images started to come up. Hopefully for witnessing and dissolution.

January report:
1st & 2nd - PMO
12th - Wet dream
16th - MO to PIV fantasy

EW

 

[EarthWalker]

Pretty intense day yesterday. Ended up watching a little bit of P. But it didn't turn me on the way it used to. I don't want it.

Ended up MOing once more to a PIV fantasy to a girl I imagine myself caring for and having a relationship with. This is what I would have wanted obviously with a partner there not my hand.

Intersting enough after the MO didn't felt drained. Energy still high.

The P watching could have been avoided with more diligence and discipline. The holding space for myself tools work.

I looked into it a bit more what is up with P. Well I feel a bit numb. This explains why not long ago I did extreme sports -> to feel something, to really feel alive. With P the intensity makes it interesting.

But with diligence I can start to enjoy more "mundane" things better.

This morning some P scenes came up, I was able to just hold space / urge surf it was fine. My sexual arousal levels are medium.

The tools work if I want them to work.

Also need to start a digital detox. Started using a timer with my time online. Have a physical timer and each time I use it I'll put an intention behind it.

January report:
1st & 2nd - PMO
12th - Wet dream
16th - 2xMO to PIV fantasy + brief P watching

Day 1

Surf's up
EW

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 2

Minor chaser, P scenes show up consistently in the morning. The tools work. Holding space for myself. Continuing to refine the tools.

With the sexual energy stuff. Well, I guess I signed up to become a master of this. As what I read from the journals. When wife is unavailable for sex (pregnancy, illness, etc) ... problems show up. So maybe just an excuse I made up for not finding a GF. But if I were in a relationship and my GF got pregnant, ill or on extended work trip or what not...yeah, I'd probably be MOing or PMOing. So I can sort of file this under - if I had a GF and regular sex...

hm...or maybe the male body just needs regular sex and if it doesn't boom - problems. Or is this about some extreme level of self-mastery?

Is the need for sex artificially inflated?

Hm...

Surf's up and sail true.
EW

 

[EarthWalker]

Lots of good advice.

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 3

Some urges here and there but I am able to handle it. No problems.

I've been thinking to simplify why do I relapse. This is what I am coming up with

• A coping mechanism for the emotional trauma
• back magic / possession / multidimensional mind control (don't need to agree on this one, take what resonate and scroll past what doesn't)
• Unmet needs

What is making it so difficult to quit P for good is that there is a spaghetti of all of this. Unmet needs, emotional trauma and some black magic+ stuff. As I am untangling and healing some of this stuff it is becoming easier and easier to have a smooth sail.

I'll reflect some more on unmet needs some more.

Wishing everyone well
EW

 

[Phineas 808]

black magic / possession / multidimensional mind control

From not only my spiritual background (doctrinal/theological) but particularly from my personal experiences directly related to P, PMO and MO, I've experienced what you mention above.

Your experiences may differ, but I don't blame this particular aspect on humans perse (as in 'witching' me), but I do know that evil, malevolent entities that are disembodied spirits of some kind, do seem to have a vested interest in our not overcoming in these areas of sexuality.

I don't talk about this much, as many won't understand- or surprisingly, many in P have probably experienced- because for one, I don't give these entities more attention than they deserve.

But wishing the best for you, EW, and success over all your struggles.

 

[EarthWalker]

From not only my spiritual background (doctrinal/theological) but particularly from my personal experiences directly related to P, PMO and MO, I've experienced what you mention above.

Your experiences may differ, but I don't blame this particular aspect on humans perse (as in 'witching' me), but I do know that evil, malevolent entities that are disembodied spirits of some kind, do seem to have a vested interest in our not overcoming in these areas of sexuality.

I don't talk about this much, as many won't understand- or surprisingly, many in P have probably experienced- because for one, I don't give these entities more attention than they deserve.

But wishing the best for you, EW, and success over all your struggles.

Thank you soo much for sharing this brother. Appreciate it.

Indeed, they feed on us, lust, negative emotions, a great source of food for them. I am finding improved mental clarity as I work to evict entities and revoke consent and contracts made for them to be in my lightbody.

I find this the missing link in addiction recovery, the multi-dimensional interference part, for the rest just regular psychology can do a lot.

Just super excited I am not the only one (on the forum) who is aware that this stuff exists. You made my day!

Wishing you well brother!

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 4

Time sure flies. Smooth sailing. In the morning instead of a P scene, just briefly images of a PIV experience with a girl came up then got up.

Searched online for nuru massage. First link, thought it is going to take me to a price list. It was a blog with P. Just a sensual vanilla P images. I closed this quite rapidly. 2nd and 3rd link were message places. They do this Body-2-Body nuru massage. It doesn't feel like the way to go for me at this time.

I started to like to go for a walk in this touristy place. Just notice some women there and at times say hi. Baby steps.

It really resonates from this post here

"But my girlfriend, while the recipient of the benefits, hasn't been the biggest source of rewiring process. In my case, it has been interacting with women in non-threatening, non-sexual situations."

When this pandemic BS dies down, I feel like trying a yoga class.

Much love
EW

 

[Phineas 808]

Just super excited I am not the only one (on the forum) who is aware that this stuff exists. You made my day!

You're welcome, EW!

Unfortunately the nature of this fallen world is highly materialistic, and many either don't believe or have any experience with spiritual and/or psychic realities. But I think many, if probed, would have some weird stories to tell, as we probably do. And why this is, is that sexuality is far more spiritual than folk realize. It seems to scream 'physical', sensual, etc, and it is, but it does tap into the spiritual and this is realized in a loving committed marriage.

Wishing you well, too, brother!

 

[EarthWalker]

You're welcome, EW!

Unfortunately the nature of this fallen world is highly materialistic, and many either don't believe or have any experience with spiritual and/or psychic realities. But I think many, if probed, would have some weird stories to tell, as we probably do. And why this is, is that sexuality is far more spiritual than folk realize. It seems to scream 'physical', sensual, etc, and it is, but it does tap into the spiritual and this is realized in a loving committed marriage.

Wishing you well, too, brother!

Beautifully written!

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 5

Spent a little time browsing FB profiles of women yesterday. Any lust present at the beginning was changed with a sense of respect. Seeing them in relationships, with kids, doing their own things, etc. And I am here to PMO to this? Nope. This is not an option. It is also not aligned.

The pull toward P is weakening. Also seeing P scenes replaced with more day dreaming of me being a relationship and just vanilla PIV. Hm...

But this physical lust is still there. As I mention. It is a spaghetti of everything. I am starting to untangle some of this to better understand and become a better human.

I'd say the physical need for sexual exchange is very strong in the male body. Maybe women have an easier time not having sex. What I am seeing:

Guys who had no issues with staying away from MO and even never used P. When the wife is not sexually available (pregnancy, illness, other) or are not happy with the sex life -> this is where MO and P come up.

I still remember vividly car sharing with a police officer. He said to me his buddy goes to see this escort (even has a discount for regular customer) every once in a while. Said it improved his family life and his relationship with the wife quite a lot. I guess it removed any frustrations over sex life. He then gave me a website where he said it is a good place to find good escorts.

Also seen here on the forum a couple of guys occasionally see an escort.

What I see on the noFap lists. Even highly successfully nofappers. Would break their streak in triple digit territory once in a while.

Well...aren't I the rebooting Maslow. Just coming to the conclusion the need for sex is physiological. The body just needs it. It looks like it can be mitigated but never "killed". I don't like the word killed. As everything deserves respect.

So the idea is to find a good balance and respect.

The other need is the need for intimacy in relationship. This explains the police officer's buddy. He can have intimacy in relationship with his wife and at the same time get the need for sex met by an escort.

Energetically escorts are a problem as when people have sex their lightbodies momentarily merge and an exchanges happens that is most probably not the most beneficial on the energetic level even if it might feel good in the physical. Anyway...

So where does this leave me.

1. Keep MO on the table for when it is really needed. My criteria would be if I feel drained after MOing. Like I mentioned a few times. Sometimes after I MO I feel more energetic, feeling more motivated, don't feel sleepy but like wanting to do some pushups. And usually after PMO I feel drained - go to sleep.

2. Start interacting with women in non-threatening, non-sexual situations.

The sail continues
EW

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 6

A P scene came up yesterday. The tools work. Urge surf / hold space.

Keep on sailing guys!
EW

 

[EarthWalker]

The effort yields its own rewards.

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 7

Moving on. Urge surfing / holding space works.

EW

 

[Phineas 808]

Day 7

Moving on. Urge surfing / holding space works.

EW

Good on you, brother! Keep on sailing!

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 8

The sail continues. Some past events came up in dream time.

Wishing everyone well.

EW

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 9.

Posting here in the morning is now part of my routine in the morning. I just give myself 15 minutes to post here and try to keep away from the forum at other times. This gives me more appreciation for this place.

Accidental exposure on a non-P site, not a big deal, the tools work.
In the evening a brief fantasy of PIV with a girl I know from real life.
Went past a cafe where I saw a cute girl. Instead of fantasizing about PIV or putting her in some P scenes. I just imagined briefly how it would be nice to go for a coffee with her, talk. Wouldn't mind having a female friend right now, non sexual. Anyway.

Moving on. Double digits tomorrow! Excited!

As I am raising my awareness, wow, so much of my thoughts are not in alignment, such a mess of thoughts. Really looking forward to have more clarity of the mind.

I am focusing on starting to do some breathing exercises in the morning and some quick stretches in the evening.

Wishing everyone well. Surf's up!

EW

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 10

Double digits.

I started to like 10 minute breathing exercise in the morning and do a 10 minute stretching routing in the evening. Small steps. Focusing more on consistency now.

Just like in terms of dental health. The few minutes I spend every day to brush my teeth is what wins the game.

The same I'll just focus on a little exercise in the morning and evening.

EW

 

[zaraki888]

Day 4

Time sure flies. Smooth sailing. In the morning instead of a P scene, just briefly images of a PIV experience with a girl came up then got up.

Searched online for nuru massage. First link, thought it is going to take me to a price list. It was a blog with P. Just a sensual vanilla P images. I closed this quite rapidly. 2nd and 3rd link were message places. They do this Body-2-Body nuru massage. It doesn't feel like the way to go for me at this time.

I started to like to go for a walk in this touristy place. Just notice some women there and at times say hi. Baby steps.

It really resonates from this post here

"But my girlfriend, while the recipient of the benefits, hasn't been the biggest source of rewiring process. In my case, it has been interacting with women in non-threatening, non-sexual situations."

When this pandemic BS dies down, I feel like trying a yoga class.

Much love
EW

May I share with you Earthwalker the following which kept me stuck in a loop? I have done the same thing in my experience just like you. Avoiding porn but searching things like massage therepist, tantra, searching pictures of women I know. Looking at women in sport, instagram or in real life on the street. Thinking I was safe. These are all actually a form of substitutes aka p-subs and are most likely triggered by withdrawal symptoms or loneliness. It is still not porn but it is possible these behaviors can lead to problems later on. If I knew this before, I would have been clean years ago, together with insights from Easypeasy. Especially me being single, a female already turns me on (pre-cum, dopamine spike) even just looking only at her face. The goal is to get rid of deltafos-B, which activates impulses (by cue's) to want to have a session immediately. Once you don't feel that impulse, the need and want for porn anymore, you are free. However with every ex-user, a peek can still trigger as sex is part of human.

Thanks for the youtube video above. Very informative for me! Take care EW!