Hi brother. Thank you for sharing. Well timed message and well received.May I share with you Earthwalker the following which kept me stuck in a loop? I have done the same thing in my experience just like you. Avoiding porn but searching things like massage therepist, tantra, searching pictures of women I know. Looking at women in sport, instagram or in real life on the street. Thinking I was safe. These are all actually a form of substitutes aka p-subs and are most likely triggered by withdrawal symptoms or loneliness. It is still not porn but it is possible these behaviors can lead to problems later on. If I knew this before, I would have been clean years ago, together with insights from Easypeasy. Especially me being single, a female already turns me on (pre-cum, dopamine spike) even just looking only at her face. The goal is to get rid of deltafos-B, which activates impulses (by cue's) to want to have a session immediately. Once you don't feel that impulse, the need and want for porn anymore, you are free. However with every ex-user, a peek can still trigger as sex is part of human.
Thanks for the youtube video above. Very informative for me! Take care EW!
Spot on about P-substitutes.
Came across a video of very attractive singer yesterday. I got a dopamine rush from it. I guess not much different from P? I watched it a couple of times I was amazed how arousing it was. Then I moved on. Looking back. I could have moved on right away. This is not aligned.
I remember in my teens. I PMOed to music videos - hot singers. At times it feels a bit like my P addiction is rewinding back.
In the morning I got bombarded with P scenes. Just went to observer mode. Then the P scenes stopped to arouse me. They lost their power. But I was still physically aroused from them so I MOed. But after the MO I feel just fine. Don't feel drained at all. But there is a chaser.
I was half-assed with the observer mode. I was 90% observing and 10% wanted to play with lust. So this resulted in the MO instead of just being able to observe and let go and move on.
I need to refine my tools some more. Also work on diligence. De-program my mind. My mind has been programmed by P for 20 years. Wow.
The chaser will make for a great trial for me to be more diligent with the tools and be in observer mode and hold space for myself.
I don't want to avoid this stuff or work on mentally suppressing this. It should be like sailing not rowing.