Rebooting trough self-parenting


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Also didn't sleep the entire night. Weird day or weird couple of days.

But I am looking for a system that works even in HALT state. Thoughts are one component. Emotions are the other.


Phineas 808

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Sorry for your recent struggle, EW...

I read your posts for the week, and even before reading the latest, concerning your focus on thoughts and emotions, I wanted to offer my perspective if it may help your own self-understanding:

Our soul (psychological aspect) is made up of mind, will and emotions. The mind (or intellect) is directly controlled by the will, whereas our emotions are indirectly controlled by the will.

This means that we can choose what to think or to not think about. Of course for many if there's an obsessiveness about this, they'll find it harder to control their thoughts, but nonetheless. Our emotional states come and go based on our focus. Focus is a matter of will. What is focused on (initially) is thought, or the subject of thought, whatever that may be.

To control our thoughts is (more or less) easy, change focus. To control our emotions is (seemingly) not so easy, as we cannot directly change our emotional states. But, and here's the good news, if we wish to change (or prevent) our negative or unpleasant emotional states, change what we're thinking about. Change your mind's focus, and your emotions will (eventually, yet invariably) follow.

If I'm experiencing a negative emotional state (say, I'm sad), if I trace it back, it all started with a (negative) thought. So, is this thought a momentary cognition? Or is it rooted in an entrenched (universal) belief? Either way, we can correct that thought, if correction is needed, reevaluate our belief system it may be attached to, or simply change focus.

Some emotional states simply need to be experienced, sat with, as the inittial thoughts needed to be 'said'- as perhaps we were analyzing some negative reality that needed solving, resolving. But to know ourselves, when catharsis is needed, is helpful here.

Hope this helps somewhat, even if it ends up contrasting with your own perspective.



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Thank you brother. Appreciate you taking the time to offer your insights.

I'd say that we can change our emotional states directly - but it is not immediate for the most part - it might take from a few seconds, minutes to something like an hour or more in more extreme cases. With thoughts we can change them practically immediately. I can think about a math problem this moment and about planning my vacation to Greece the next. With emotions. I'd say there is also this aspect for not exercising them very much so speaking for myself. I am very inefficient in being able to command my emotions. Also getting caught up in emotions. Also getting caught up in emotions of others (getting a whole lot better at this).

Speaking of recent experience with emotions of others. Went to pay for the gas at the gas station. There was an altercation between the guy in front of me and the cashier. Then the guy left in a bit of anger. And it was my turn to pay. I recognized the emotions of others. But also recognizing - it is not for me to be effected by this. This does not need to change how I feel. I remained calm with the intention not to get caught up in the emotions of others.I thought about commenting in a light tone about the altercation (maybe something like Looks like somebody woke up at the wrong side of the bed) - but didn't - I think it was the right course of action - don't put more attention to this. I just remained calm. I greeted the cashier in a calm and respectful voice. The cashier was maybe a bit surprised by the change in frequency. Took a few seconds to regain composure and was respectful.

Emotional competence.
Some emotional states simply need to be experienced, sat with, as the inittial thoughts needed to be 'said'- as perhaps we were analyzing some negative reality that needed solving, resolving. But to know ourselves, when catharsis is needed, is helpful here.
Totally resonates. Like I sat with some emotions of abandonment from infancy. Quite heavy stuff. Indeed the wisdom to know what to dismiss and for what we need to hold space for.


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Ended up MOing later (real life fantasy, nonP) on the PO day.

March report:
4th - NE
8th - Mindful exploration of sexual energy (away from P) ended up Oing (felt 20x times less intense than PMO to the body).
14th - Mindful MO (didn't felt draining, also practically no chaser - having 0% desire to watch P)
19th - triggered by arousing image on main stream website, P subs -> P watching, Oed from P. Didn't felt draining, also 0% chaser).
19th - MO to real life "fantasy", triggered by seeing a very attractive girl in very attractive clothing at a coffee shop.

Day 2

Looking back at the relapse. Why did I engage with P? Why did I PO? MO?

1. Unmet needs. Emotional and Physical intimacy is a need that I don't have taken care of. Looking back. My assessment was inaccurate. I attributed my relapse to 100% wanting to experience more of the sexual bliss feelings that is associated with P.
2. Wasn't ready to let go of the sexual bliss feeling from P.
3. Having problems holding space for sexual bliss feeling without engaging with it - adding fuel to the fire.

So I'd say it was 30% unmet needs and 70% me getting caught up in the sexual bliss feeling (honey trap).

Also in terms of beliefs and perceptions. Unworthiness is coming up for me. Beliefs and perceptions around unworthy of love. Unworthy of intimacy.

What can I do better in the future?

Recognize and acknowledge the unmet needs.

And for the mastery of emotions - being able to let go and dismiss the sexual bliss feelings that are originating from P. This said. The non-P related sexual feelings - this is something I feel like exploring more with mindful MO - something to hold space for - something like some mindful erotic self massage would help? Will see. But in any case. I can be mindful if this is originating from P and dismiss it if it is originating from P.

Onwards and upwards


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Holding space for unmet needs, dismissing P thoughts and feelings originating from P (saying no to P in thoughts and emotions), holding space for pent up sexual feelings that are not sourcing from P but need to be processed, occasionally engaging in sensual massage with myself that might or might not end up with an MO.

The MO or just M might be beneficial. The problem is the close association with P. Something for me to gain wisdom about.



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Enmeshment. I can totally say NO to P. Just not to some of the sexual feelings. This is making sense to me.

I will do my best to say NO to P. But allow myself to explore sexual feelings outside of P. This gets all put in the same box at times. Also with the noFap. NoFap is about an orthogonal problem to P.

I am starting to get more wisdom about this. Also some sensual self-massage might be beneficial again with the intention to be again connecting with my body and self - unrelated to P. But the association is somewhat strong. Touch yourself => P.

I've written about this before. But now it is slowly getting more obvious to me.

I cannot deny parts of myself. This is why this relapse blows up in my face. But at the same time. There is discernment of where is this coming from. I can get turned on from P (inorganic, I'd call it mind control) or I can get turned on from organic needs (the body wants to find a girl and make a baby, my emotional body wants emotional intimacy, my mental body wants a partner to share understanding with).

So I need mental clarity to recognize this but also emotional competency and also physical body awareness. Getting somewhere.



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In terms of touching. Basically 99% of my touching of the sexual organs has been in relation to P. No wonder I am confused and messed up.

It is perfectly fine to touch my sexual organs. NoFap is an extreme solution. But I agree with what Gabe said (paraphrasing) that you look at it as a broken bone and leave it alone for a while to heal. This has its place.

What is coming up for me is that. I can explore touching myself without P. This feels like it will be beneficial.

So I'd say it looks like the wisdom with MO or just M or just touching without M as a way to be connecting with one self is beneficial.

Also there is also merit to noFap. Definitely a period of noFap is also very beneficial. Now I feel like exploring touch without P. A partner would help with this but ... it is what it is. I can reconnect with the wholeness that I already am.



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A new month! New opportunity to have more love, joy and peace in our lives.

March summary:
4th - NE
8th - Mindful MO
14th - Mindful MO
19th - P subs -> P watching, PO.
19th - MO to real life
21th - after a long tug of war PMOed (short).

In total 3xMO and 2xP(M)O for March.

Now I am at a phase where I don't feel like counting days. It is day like 12 or something like that.

Where I struggle is when physical sensations of lust/arousal/pleasure are present I am having a hard time dismissing and/or holding space for this. But I am slowly getting better at this.

For April. What I want to continue is working on being able to hold space for arousal, lust, what I perceive as physical pleasure. I don't need to engage with this. I can just observe it.

Observing some negative emotions is becoming relatively easy for me. But just observing what I perceive as pleasure in the body is very hard for me without getting off center.

So this is a challenge for me. Just like in the morning. Got a bit aroused by an image of a girl I had a brief daily life interaction yesterday.

I think it is normal to have pleasurable sensations in the body, what is not normal is to engage with this further.

What is freedom? Have all the chocolate cake you want any time you want it? Or is freedom, being content weather or not you have the chocolate cake?

I'll refine my tools some more. Getting there.

Wishing everyone a great month of April!



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First incident in April -> Wet dream. Other wize doing well. No issues keeping away from P. Levelling up in terms of mindfulness. Dealing with arousal/pleasure sensations is the most difficult. But getting there.

I am the Power, Master and Cause of my emotions and mental state!

April report:
6th: Wet dream

Wishing everyone well


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There was some news about some music festival. So I checked some video of a music festival on YouTube. I just randomly slided the slider on the video. Sure enough. There was a party goer, an attractive lady in fish net top without a bra and just some tape over her nipples....

Ah... Just rolled my eyes. Is there even such a thing as "random"? As always the universe tests me. Are you sure you don't want to see this?

Yes. I am sure.

One question I am asking myself lately is "What is the highest outcome I can reasonably expect from this?"

What is the highest outcome I can reasonably expect from engaging with some video of an attractive lady on the screen alone in my room?

Don't need to write an answer.

Took a breath. And Let it go.

So overall. I was more annoyed than anything about this. But I am proud with the progress I have made.

Women are free to dress as they please. I hope this brings happiness.

I am happy to not get totally overwhelmed and out center by some "arousing" images here and there.

Wishing everyone well


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I was able to hold space for unsure weather to call it lust or was it something else...but this intense extreme pleasurable orgasmic sensations.

As some P scenes bombarded me in the morning. I was able to hold my center and not get swept away in wanting more of it.

It is kinda bizarre bathing in this sensations is part of the process. Then they just dissipate naturally.

Holding space for something "negative" such as loneliness or abandonment or resentment or pick your negative experience and emotion. As in holding space you are in a sense bathing in this negative emotions until they are witnessed and processed by the body. But obviously I don't want more of this. This is why I find it straightforward to hold space for this.

With this orgasmic pleasurable sensations it is a bit less straightforward to hold space as there were parts of me that would want more of it - as such the witness consciousness - the observer mode was broken and as such the holding of space doesn't work very good.

Today was probably one of the first times that I could quite rapidly become aware there are parts that want more of the orgasmic pleasure - honey trap - and I was able to quite rapidly then bring myself back in observer consciousness.

Words do a bit of injustice to the description of the process. But as a muscle that gets stronger with workout. This is the same. The observer mode is a muscle that I am training ... and sexual lust sensations are quite heavy weights - the most heavy kettlebells to lift and practice with. But I am getting there.

There are a few key concepts one must master. One is about focus. Being able to change focus.


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Day 18.

Mindfulness works. Observer mode ftw!

Wishing everyone well. Wishing everyone a great start of the weekend. Let's keep sailing true!

We can't stop the waves but we can have fun surfing/sailing.

Peace, Love, Joy and Happiness.


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As I was holding space for myself yesterday - I was quite literally bathing in this sexual orgasmic bliss sensations associated with P scenes - but at the same time I am netural - I don't want more of it - just let it processes in the body.

Today some P scenes came up but the emotional charge behind them is gone. I can dismiss them easy. It is not even turning me on. Curious.

In any case. Holding space for yourself - this is a awesome.

Have a great weekend.


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Apply simple principles over and over again and win.


I got the test. Stayed in my centre. Held space for the lust. Now flatline.

I like the simplicity of flat line.