Rebooting trough self-parenting

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
I did some online meditation class, got bombarded with P scenes and a lot of lust and orgasmic pleasurable energies.

I just held space for it - properly - in neutrality without the intention to wanting to experience more of the pleasure - all the while staying as much heart centerted as possible.

After a while. The whole lust energies just left and the body felt peaceful. While some P thoughts lingered around but they had 0% emotional charge behind them so easy to ignore.

This is what I am learning about holding space and how to process "trauma" - it needs to be witnessed by the body a kind of a rewind and reply - for people who remember old VCR tapes.

But now I am at a point I am able to hold space for lust. Time will tell if this is a good technique / principle to have.

After holding space I feel peaceful.

Thank you for reading.

EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
If it ain't real, no deal. Gold advice from Gabe.

Watched some male travel blogger video and obviously he had to bring some fitness/sports model in. Got quite turned on by clothed fitness/sports model.

I'll take this as a sign of progress.

I am the master, the cause and the power of my emotions and mental state!

Wishing everyone a great start of the week!
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Mindfully fantasized. After a while I could see trough it and it lost it's "charm".

First I was very enmeshed with the fantasies (all vanilla) but slowly I could increase my awareness to see how it looks on the physical/emotional/mental level.

Sexual fantasy is like a computer program that has emotional, mental and physical component.

Observing this and how it works. I am having it easier time to let it go. I don't feel like fantasizing some more.

As I don't want to fight anything. But I want to understand it, hold space for it then let it go. Also in some cases things needs to be dismissed. Like P scenes in most cases.

Feeling better about this.

Shortly after. I also did a mindful MO this time I managed to 99%-100% focus on just the physical/feeling sensation without any mental images. Interesting experience. Also not feeling a chaser in a sense of wanting to watch P or fantasize but do feeling like exploring sensation only MO some more. Not something I'd like to do on a regular basis. More like getting to better know myself.

April report:
6th: Wet dream
12th: Mindful fantasies (vanilla) and MO to sensation only.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Like driving a vehicle for soo long, being in the drivers seat ... you forget how the vehicle looks like. Am I in a car? Truck? Train? Plane? Ship? What exactly am I driving?

I am not my thoughts. I am not my emotions. I am not my body. I am the observer of this.

The experience yesterday of exploring fantasy.

On the mental level - it is like a cinema screen, like going to the movies
On the emotional level - there is this feeling of wanting and also high value
On the physical level - there is the physical stuff and the mix of all of the feel good hormones

But what is driving all of this? The fake cinema screen?

Feels a bit like figuring out a magician's trick. Now it lost its magic.

Onwards and upwards
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Reseting the counter. Ended up watching P but didn't MO to it. Just watched it. I couldn't stop watching but at the same time it didn't really turn me on the way it used to.

Where I am struggling, have more trust and faith in letting go.
Discipline.

Maybe I am deconstructing P addiction into parts.

Without Oing to a P scene it is different. There is just this novelty factor of wanting more of it and different. More intense and different.

Hm... that O creates the bond to the P scene. Looking back at the P scenes I watched. They are not interesting at all.

But looking back at the times I PMOed there is some sort of a bond created.

With so many years of watching P ... just not watching P is a foreign idea still.

On the good double digits are easy for me now - like super easy to do. But triple digits still not. Hm.

EW

April report:
6th: Wet dream
12th: Mindful fantasies (vanilla) and MO to sensation only.
14th: Watched P but didn't MO to it just watched.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
MOed to sensation only yesterday. Didn't even like it much but interesting experience as said apart from PMOing I don't have much other experience.

MO to sensation only felt nice but definitely something I could go without.
P watching without M or O - felt just like in a constant cycle of arousal this is about it - it got quite repetitive quite fast, P scenes have no inherent value per se weather it is this scene or that scene, this actor or that, it is all the same. Just novelty factor and "I want it" factor.

What I am hoping is that now I an more easily dismiss P thoughts and have clean days.

April report:
6th: Wet dream
12th: Mindful fantasies (vanilla) and MO to sensation only.
14th: Watched P but didn't MO to it just watched, later in the day MO to sensation only
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
I have all the tools and wisdom. Now it just comes down to discipline and being consistent.

Can I let go of P? Will I miss it? Do I need it? What is the highest outcome I can get from P? Easy, easy and easy. Actually feeling relieved thinking about not having to use P anymore. Relief.

Can I let go of MO? I sure would like to. It adds 0% added value except for pressure release. This goes into energy blockages that prevent my life force energy to circulate smoothly. Again lack of discipline. I can apply my time and work on removing the blockages and improve the energy flow. Until that time some occasional MO will happen.

Here we go again.

Day 2.

Wishing everyone well.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Attachment to outcome is a biggy. The 90 day for reboot. This might be more about staying consistent and disciplined than really making some substantial changes to bio neurology. As what is becoming apparent. It takes more than 90 days for the body and the neuroplasticity to do it's thing. Maybe not such a bad thing if it takes a few years for the brain to change?

I think it is really becoming important to enjoy the process and the now moment. Feeling relieved of not using P. Getting the hang of it.

Also feeling like trying this one:

3-second rule. When seeing something attractive, pause, acknowledge it, redirect focus and let it go all within 3 seconds. Spending more time on this is not the best idea for various reasons.

EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Day 3

Doing well in terms of staying away from P.

I'll apply the 3 second rule to P scenes as well. Just this morning some P scene came up. I just immediately dismissed it. I am done with this. I think that P has nothing more to teach me.

In terms of real life encounters. Instead of having attachment to outcome. I'll work on having preferences. I'd love to have a female friend someone to talk to. That be great. But I am not going to be needy about it. It will happen when it will happen.

I can enjoy the now moment as is. There is nothing to do, nothing to achieve, nothing to have, I already am it.

Now it is all about getting disciplined with applying the tools I have. They work.

EW
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Wishing you strength and and grace as you focus on being disciplined, EW.

I also hope that destiny brings a female friend your way- as that would be great.

Tat Tvam Asi
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Doing well in terms of P. Feeling relief. Simplifying my life. I can definitely imagine myself living a life without P.

Tools work. Just need to apply them. I am OK going flatline for months or even years. Now I will not put expectations on the reboot. I will trust the outcome. It will happen at the highest possibility if I get out of the way.

What I think and feel I attract more of it. If I am feeling, thinking X I will get more of X in my life.

Core thing in the tools is now becoming "redirection". I can redirect my attention to my spiritual heart right away whenever some P thoughts come up. They add 0% added value to my life.

I am starting to really like the 3 second rule.

Meet an attractive GF of a friend. Shake hands, 3 seconds, move on. Life is simple if you want it to be. I am not missing out on anything if I remove P from my life or even vanilla sexual fantasy.

Orthogonal to P fantasies and what not, there is the physical sexual energy stuff, that I am addressing differently. MO being the last resort. Ideally the sexual energy would just flow from the root to the crown in the loop. But there are plenty of blockages, emotional issues - some I addressed quite successfully and some are still to be addressed - this is why I am now having it easier time in terms of not getting so tired as the noFap days increase. A bit counter intuitively but a whole lot of emotional wounds and fragments in the solar plexus area blocked the flow of energy not it is getting better but still have plenty of work to do. And then there is the multi-dimensional interference that is using the emotional woulds and fragments to syphon sexual energy (possession, multi-dimensional etheric implants, etc).

The key is emotional clearing work. The more relaxed, accepting, peaceful, content I feel the less and less the sexual energy gets blocked and syphoned.

So far all the days are clean. The only incident is when I spent more than 3 seconds lingering on some arousing image on regular website website. Spent like maybe < 10 second on it. I flinched. Not a big deal. I applied the tools and moved on.

Let's keep on walking the walk.

EW
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Simplifying my life.

What I think and feel I attract more of it. If I am feeling, thinking X I will get more of X in my life.
Hey EW!

I like these two things;

Simplification means less distraction and lost energy. In todays society I feel that there is a lot of useless stuff draining our energy that we could have focuses on more beneficial actions.

And also, what you think and feel you attract. (within reason of course). But the key is that for instance if you feel confident, people will see you as confident.
It's the law of immersion. At first it will feel forced, as you will have to get used to thinking what you want to feel. But after a while you will start to believe it and therefore feel it.

I don't know to what extend you want to implement this, but from what I've read about it, it is that if you fully immerse yourself in a new persona (the one that is not addicted to P) after a while you will become that person as you're so deeply invested and acting like such a person, the acting becomes part of your personality.


All the best my friend!
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
...it is that if you fully immerse yourself in a new persona (the one that is not addicted to P) after a while you will become that person as you're so deeply invested and acting like such a person, the acting becomes part of your personality.

I like that! It's like another way of, "Fake it till you make it". This is a good idea. As I'm trying to go to sleep, I'll imagine or visualize the person I want to be (or am now in potential) in the future- my future self. This person as being beyond whatever hangups or imperfections that may be my experience now...
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Doing well in terms of P. Smooth sailing.

Really like the 3 second rule. For P scenes it can now be 0 second rule. When a P scene comes up I immediately redirect my attention to the heart. I don't need to put energy into the P scene.

The 3 second rule is very helpful for real life situations. Seeing an attractive girl at the store or wherever. Acknowledge beautify then let go and move on.

I am starting to hard wire the "What is the highest outcome I can expect from ___?"

From engaging with P scenes. What is the highest outcome I can expect?
From fantasizing about women I see in real life. What is the highest outcome I can expect?

Managed to do this in dream time. Some P scene came up in dream time. I applied 0 second rule right away. Just redirected my focus to my heart.

EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Lust. What is the added value of lust?

Letting go of P was/is hard for me because there is this feeling of loss. Like giving something valuable up.

But is lust, P really valuable? What is the highest outcome that can be had from P?

I think I just changed something in my value system. By seeing lust and P as not valuable. I am having it a whole lot easier time to let it go.

The way society is conditioned, lust in some ways is attributed to success. And purity to failure. Now purity is present as - not having pleasure. This is totally inaccurate.

Lust vs Purity. What gives the highest outcome?

I think purity very much has pleasure for a partner in a loving relationship. Something solid. Unlike lust that is always fleeting, the best is always around the corner, the best P scene is just around the corner,...

Seeing P as something of low value. This is helpful. Really, what is the highest outcome P can bring me?

Is it valuable to my life if I dismiss P scene right away or if it is very sticky and keeps coming back, Is it valuable to my life if I just redirect my attention to my heart?

I'll start looking at redirecting my energy to the heart as something valuable and looking at P as something of very low value.

EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Value system. Is a piece of the puzzle.

The challenge of P is that there are a whole lot of pieces that are out of alignment and is a bit overwhelming.

Dealing with emotional trauma helped a great deal. But there is more.

I've made some discovery in how to deal with thoughts. I'll see how it goes.

Onwards and upwards
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Smooth sailing in terms of P.

In terms of sexual energy, felt a lot of pressure and wasn't in space to deal with it, so instead of a long drawn out multi hour back and forth push and then giving in. I just MOed, quick and be done with it. Not much issues with the chaser and what not.

April report:
6th: Wet dream
12th: Mindful fantasies (vanilla) and MO to sensation only.
14th: Watched P but didn't MO to it just watched, later in the day MO to sensation only
20th: MO quick (light vanilla fantasy)

So far the only P watching was on the 14th. I don't miss P. Other than that P is only accidental, like driving with a car and there is a sexy girl on the AD board or on some main stream website again some sexy ads or like a very attractive girl on like interview/talk show on youtube. That kind of stuff. It is starting to bother me less and less. I am liking the 3 second rule.
 
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