Rebooting trough self-parenting

Phineas 808

Respected Member
I know what you mean about humility, EW- at least how it looks for me... At the end of May I was looking forward to posting "2 months with 0x episodes!", however I was to word it. Mind you, this wasn't wrong in itself, it may have helped myself and others. But on some level it was boastfulness, pride. And I ended up lapsing on the 30th of May instead! Then, 3 days later, lapsed again!

This has been something recurrent for me, when I'm close to a milestone or hitting some goal, almost 'out of nowhere' I'm faced with a lapse or series of episodes.

I try now to put my head down, do the work that's needed for my recovery.

I get the intuition thing, too. Sometimes I'll be 'warned' about a certain direction or action, and invariably if this is not heeded, I'll be dealing with a lapse or some kind of hot-water scenario.

Wishing you success as you find the answers regarding the virtues you speak of, and how they help us to be better people then we were the previous day. Standing with you, and believing in you.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Thank you brother.

Mild trigger warning. came across this article as an Ad. It shows instagram girl doing real life photo vs one crafted for instagram. Be warned. I like the difference. Also how it feels different. The one for instagram feels yucky, inauthentic, the real life one feels lighter.

pretty strong triggers and that relapse effect / I might as well do it again, what is an extra day to the counter?

NO! I can apply the tools right away. Usually I struggle for a few days or a week or two before getting back on the horse.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
The whole social media thing has amplified our false-egos, wanting to see and to be seen, and not for who we really are.

Same here. I don't typically turn right around and accomplish another lengthy streak- though that's the goal. I may end up lasping 3 to 15 days later, it depends (on what...?). At the same time, this shortlived streak may just act as a catapult that gives me what I need to go for a longer time in abstinence.

It's the Eros effect, if you will, that when our passions are pulled furthest back, or are at their lowest point (like a bow and arrow pointing upward), it's building enough energy for going the distance. It almost sounds like an excuse, but it seems to be true for me. It's certainly not anything I'm consciously doing, but it's worked out that way...
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Pretty strong chaser. This is very good name - chaser. Indeed it feels like I am getting chased by some thoughts.

The past conditioning is strong. This are decades are mind programming. I think 8 months is realistic time to re-program it back. But this is 8 months (re)lapse free and having your shit together.

This period after (re)lapse is perfect training ground to test out mindset and tools. Look into beliefs and values also virtues.

What I am doing it a bit differently this time is:

1. Connecting with the virtue of humility
2. Connecting with the virtue of discipline

I have started to listen more to the inner guidance / intuition.

Will see. It is getting easier and easier to deal with P.

Good luck everyone.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
I very rarely got back on the horse right away after a streak. PMOed to end a streak, followed by a few more in the next few days or week or soo before I got another streak going.

This might be a rare occasion, where I am going right to another streak after PMO. The chaser is pretty annoying. Redirection is key. Refocus my mind.

Connecting with my inner compass - humility helps a lot.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Bye bye June 2022.

Started June on a wrong foot.

4th June - really quick peek of P (get a bit repulsed even - I used to PMO to this? WTF!?), MO to sensation only (x2, afternoon and evening)

I didn't put much effort in tracking this month. Might be off a bit. What I care the most is tracking PMOs.

4th - peeked P, MO
9th - PMO
17th - PMO
accurate
27th - PMO also accurate as I remember thinking how I messed up on day 10.

There is always this escalation which is expected. Starts weeks some thoughts you follow, then peeking, ... then PMO. This is how the universe works. It gives you more of what you focus on.

Overall not too bad. I have't let go of P. It has more to teach me.

My last (re)lapse was on 27th June 2022.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Welcome July 2022!

Brand new month. I don't want to make plans but just follow my intuition more.

Work on Diligence, Discipline and Humility and Patience. Be more in the now moment.

Wishing everyone a very successful month of July 2022! It is great to be alive and have the opportunity to improve our lives and the lives of others!

Here we are. Let's surf and sail.🏄‍♂️⛵
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
7 Days no PMO.

Redirection is key.


  1. Don't resist what comes up. Don't resist life. Don't resist the thoughts. Acceptance, allowance.
  2. Notice, become aware of the thoughts, label the thoughts as addiction, relax
  3. Redirect attention to anything really that resonates - spiritual heart, the now moment,...
  4. Put value to the process - re-value the experience, pat yourself on the back for becoming a better master of thoughts and emotions, feel relieved not going down the P thought rabbit hole. Does this feel better having redirected attention vs going down the P rabbit hole? What feels better? What would you rate as higher value?
Surfs up and keep sailing true. I love both the surfing and sailing examples.

🏄‍♂️ ⛵ ☀️
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
This is the 'magic sauce' right here!
Yeah, I think this mindfulness based approaches put too much emphasis on the observation. Yes it is necessary to become aware of our thoughts. But then...I don't really need to observe my P thoughts any more after getting aware of it. Like a captain of a ship or a surfer, I need to set up a new direction and let life take care of it.

Very hard to do this easy as this value system is messed up. P reprogrammed my brain thinking P is high value. It is not. It is very hard for me to convince myself that I am better of not doing P and that P is low value.

But I just focus and put top priority on being able to redirect / recenter myself.

Re-valuing experience is cool as well but having problems with it.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
After many years. Wow. I think I first came across YBOP and RN and YBR in Summer 2014. Wow. Took me 8 years until weekly/monthly streaks are easy. Like don't even need to struggle - easy, smooth sailing. Maybe Summer 2022 will do the trick.

What is working out. What is producing results. What is getting the job done:

1. Awareness. Becoming aware of thoughts and emotions without getting so enmeshed in them that I forget I am not my thoughts and I am not my emotions. Being able to put some distance between thoughts and emotions. Getting better at identifying thoughts and emotions right away. the sooner I am able to put a label - this is a P thought - this is coming from P addiction - this is not the real me - the better. Being able to label my thoughts and feelings and attribute them to P addiction. This is all about awareness.

2. Redirecting focus. I don't need to observe my P thoughts after getting aware of them and making the initial observation. In fact I'd say this is detrimental to reboot. Maybe in initial stages it might be helpful to play around with observation as in building up the skill of observation / mindfulness but in my experience lingering on the P thoughts will invariably lead to relapse. As in a way we are telling the universe we like to observe P thoughts. This is what I want more of it.

3. Redefining value. This is new. I am just playing around with this. Does PMO add or subtract value in my life? Also lingering on P thoughts does this add value or subtracts value in my life?

So the algorithm is like this:

1. Become aware of P thought. This is not the real me. This is coming from P addiction.
2. Redirect focus on something else - spiritual heart is a great go to, what I am doing right now, if for example I am doing a task - redirect focus back on the task at hand, breathing is another great go to.
3. Redefine value. Is redirecting focus brining more value to my life? Am I better off focusing on the task at hand than getting lost in the P rabbit hole? What is higher value? How does it feel having redirected focus? Does it feel lighter? More expansive or more constrictive?

Still experimenting on 3. But this is the best I have come up soo far.

Together with

Acceptance and Trust. I cannot resist P thoughts. Like for example.

I should not think P thoughts. P thoughts are bad. Feeling guilt and shame for having P thoughts. This doesn't work. Everything is valid. There is nothing "bad" with P. This acceptance then allows me to make better decisions and feel better. If I am feeling guilt, shame and in resistance and denial - I cannot heal anything really. I cannot change.

Trust. This is a big one. Took me a long time to have some sort of minimal trust in life. But I will trust that everything is fine. Everything is all right. Everything is unfolding just fine. 8 years since my initial intention to quit P - so be it. I trust life that this is what was in alignment for me.

☀️ ⛵ 🏄‍♂️
 

SimonM

Active Member
I love how you put this journey. I think 3. is key - and one we often struggle to implement as we feel less urgency when we've successfully dealt with 1. and 2. for a while. But without a true inner change we may be continuing to trying to just beat this with will power and that can be very hard to impossible.

You have great awareness - now to just keep that in the face of the storm! Stay strong! :)
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Acceptance and Trust. I cannot resist P thoughts. Like for example.

I should not think P thoughts. P thoughts are bad. Feeling guilt and shame for having P thoughts. This doesn't work. Everything is valid. There is nothing "bad" with P. This acceptance then allows me to make better decisions and feel better. If I am feeling guilt, shame and in resistance and denial - I cannot heal anything really. I cannot change.

I like all you said above (quoted/not-quoted). What you say here is possible when we realize that what we were doing, albeit unawares, was natural to do. We all have a baseline feeling of equanimity, of happiness (more or less). And when we're taken out of that place, aren't feeling good (emotionally or physically), we often do things to 'right the ship', to come back to that desired normalcy. But, this will happen naturally on its own, even if we don't do anything 'extra' to get there.

Here there are natural coping skills many develop, whereas- speaking of myself at least- maladaptive coping skills (such as p-addiction, etc). But all we were doing was trying to come back to that baseline- there is no judgement in that, nothing wrong, it just didn't serve our best interests, our higher purpose.
 

jonazo91

Active Member
After many years. Wow. I think I first came across YBOP and RN and YBR in Summer 2014. Wow. Took me 8 years until weekly/monthly streaks are easy. Like don't even need to struggle - easy, smooth sailing. Maybe Summer 2022 will do the trick.

What is working out. What is producing results. What is getting the job done:

1. Awareness. Becoming aware of thoughts and emotions without getting so enmeshed in them that I forget I am not my thoughts and I am not my emotions. Being able to put some distance between thoughts and emotions. Getting better at identifying thoughts and emotions right away. the sooner I am able to put a label - this is a P thought - this is coming from P addiction - this is not the real me - the better. Being able to label my thoughts and feelings and attribute them to P addiction. This is all about awareness.

2. Redirecting focus. I don't need to observe my P thoughts after getting aware of them and making the initial observation. In fact I'd say this is detrimental to reboot. Maybe in initial stages it might be helpful to play around with observation as in building up the skill of observation / mindfulness but in my experience lingering on the P thoughts will invariably lead to relapse. As in a way we are telling the universe we like to observe P thoughts. This is what I want more of it.

3. Redefining value. This is new. I am just playing around with this. Does PMO add or subtract value in my life? Also lingering on P thoughts does this add value or subtracts value in my life?

So the algorithm is like this:

1. Become aware of P thought. This is not the real me. This is coming from P addiction.
2. Redirect focus on something else - spiritual heart is a great go to, what I am doing right now, if for example I am doing a task - redirect focus back on the task at hand, breathing is another great go to.
3. Redefine value. Is redirecting focus brining more value to my life? Am I better off focusing on the task at hand than getting lost in the P rabbit hole? What is higher value? How does it feel having redirected focus? Does it feel lighter? More expansive or more constrictive?

Still experimenting on 3. But this is the best I have come up soo far.

Together with

Acceptance and Trust. I cannot resist P thoughts. Like for example.

I should not think P thoughts. P thoughts are bad. Feeling guilt and shame for having P thoughts. This doesn't work. Everything is valid. There is nothing "bad" with P. This acceptance then allows me to make better decisions and feel better. If I am feeling guilt, shame and in resistance and denial - I cannot heal anything really. I cannot change.

Trust. This is a big one. Took me a long time to have some sort of minimal trust in life. But I will trust that everything is fine. Everything is all right. Everything is unfolding just fine. 8 years since my initial intention to quit P - so be it. I trust life that this is what was in alignment for me.

☀️ ⛵ 🏄‍♂️
I feel like printing this post out and putting it up on my wall.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Thank you guys, really appreciate the feedback. 💜

Feel like clarifying about building the skill of observation / witnessing. When I tried mindfulness on P with the intention of observing P it just lead to more P energy present and made things worse. This is quite different than holding space for emotional issues/trauma where you heal by observing / witnessing. So what works for me is to "train" observation / witnessing on anything but P.

Like for example just noticing me thinking about some job contract while I am typing this post is one example of working with awareness skills.

Aha, I am thinking of a job contract, note it / put a label and get back to the task at hand. Back to the now.
 
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