Rebooting trough self-parenting


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You have great awareness - now to just keep that in the face of the storm! Stay strong! :)
Thank you. Spot on. The storms are where my sexual energy is very high. I noticed around day 10 are days particularly high in sexual energy and then around days 40-50 is another where sexual energy overpowers me a lot easier than other other days.

I am trying another approach for dealing with sexual energy:

Connect to Intuition, be Humble (not toxic humility, but just accepting my limits and understanding my place) and have Discipline.

Right now my intuition is telling me in regards to the elevated sexual energy I am feeling to do one particular QiGong exercise. Very simple. I just use my breath to intend to move the energy from the lower dantian to the middle and the the upper in various combinations the point being making like a strong connection between the 3 dantian centers. Feeling like not doing this exercise as I find it a bit boring. This is where discipline and humility come in. My logical mind is not smarter than my intuition.

The beautify of working with intuition is that it is custom tailored for everyone. Gives you what is the best for you at the given moment.

Let's keep on sailing and surfing bros, much love.



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2 weeks no P.

Yesterday was day 13 and is a test. I passed it. Maybe I even levelled up. Time will tell. Day counting has its merits. I can objectively measure how well I am doing.

P offers a false sense of comfort. Like a dark mother. Nurishes you by draining your life force but giving you a high in pleasure. I can say no to this. I need to be nurished by my own life force - the real divine mother not the dark mother. Mother of darkness - P or The Dark Mother. Not sure which name I like better. But find it accurate at this time to explain P. Thanks, but no thanks.

I started working a job again today. Surprisingly it wasn't very stressful or maybe I am just better at handling thoughts and emotions.

I'd prefer if I had a friend to celebrate starting the job with or even better a partner. But got to start where you are at. I can celebrate on my own. Bought myself a small piece of cake. Yay.

Onwards and upwards.

Wishing everyone well.

🏄‍♂️ ⛵ 💜


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P can be viewed as an enemy or as a teacher or as many different "things". But either something that is negative, positive or neutral. Seen as something to oppress or depress us. Or something that makes us level up validate ourselves as masters of out beliefs, thoughts, emotions and actions.

Sometimes it gets a bit too much and we get overwhelmed at we see it as an enemy. Nothing wrong with that.

Doing well. Sunday was pretty big. As the only time I struggle now is if there are medium or stronger sexual urges present. But I was able to hold space for this and not get caught up in wanting more of it.

This is by far the most difficult skill to master in terms of holding space for me. To hold space for sexual energy from a space of neutrality and (more authentic) love. And not trip on wanting it more.

Wishing everyone well.

Let's become the masters of our beliefs, thoughts, emotions and actions.


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Had a P dream. Super moon influence?

Anyway, it was exactly as I were on a P site. I remember like I needed to login with username and password to make the video play. I typed wrong password access denied then I wake up I think? or the dream stopped.

I'll mark this down as healing.

Hope everyone is doing well. I have a theory that when there is full moon there is more relapses. I wrote some emails to relapse tracker software companies to share with me counter reset statistics. Only one replied that they will get back to me - but they didn't - (yet).

This could be used to either prove or disprove my theory that around full moon days there are more relapses than usual.

Anyway. Keep on surfing and sailing. 🏄‍♂️ ⛵


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Had a P dream a day ago. I'll treat this as a sign of healing.


I am finding this to be one of the necessary ingredients for success. Do I value more peace of mind or getting mind controlled and energetically drained by P? What brings more peace, love, joy and happiness in my life?

Seeing and feeling as not-doing-P as higher value option than doing-P is super important.


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Relapse on Friday 22th. The sexual energy got a bit too much to handle and I ended up looking up some mindful P, sexual tantra videos. This is still P. Then watched some P but it didn't really do it for me.

Also noticed for the first time the pent up hidden shame I hold in the body around MOing and PMOing. Each time I'd PMO or MO some shame got generated and stored in the body. This is making my body tired also blocks the sexual energy flow.

So I am working on processing some shame and guilt regarding P.

Until I process some of the shame, guilt and unworthiness the sexual energy is going to pile up and cause me problems.

As I am doing the emotional healing, I am noticing it is taking longer for the sexual energy to start to become a problem. This time around it was just short of 4 week mark.

Also it is getting easier and easier to deal with the chaser.

Also levelling up in my mindfulness practice.

It was basically smooth sailing until the sexual energy accumulated to a point it got very loud and wanted to leave the body. I have yet to master this.


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Day 11.

I tried something new. I rented a VR head set for a few days and went with some VR P. Hoping that

1) It will scratch an itch
2) it will make regular P feel less interesting

I remember talking to one guy a while back. We talked a bit about P. He mentioned seeing a dominatrix. I asked him just one question. Did it scratch an itch? He said it did. It made no sense to me. How?! It makes no sense. I remember reading here and on YBR that it kinda messes people up even more.

Well, now that I tried VR P, I can see how it can scratch an itch. So now I can understand that indeed it is possible to scratch an itch. But this is a very double edged sword and you need to know yourself.

You can go to a dominatrix and it will scratch an itch and you will more on, or you can go see a dom and it will mess you up even more. I think the same applies to many experiences.

With VR P. For me it scratched a few itches. It did make the regular P quite less interesting. In some ways I'd say it even has therapeutic qualities.

2) Did it make regular P less interesting -> YES.
1) It did scratch an itch. I had a very short time frame to test it. Basically just one full day where I had the time for P. I do have a few more itches I'd like to scratch. And to my surprise some scenes were a whole lot less enjoyable than in 2D like a whole lot less. Yuck! To my surprise even some fetish stuff when you see more details where imagination is not required to fill in the blanks - yuck. I don't want this.

I think I'll rent it just one more time then I am probably good. Or maybe I can just call it a day or a lifetime with P.

I used to lose my mind seeing girls in shiny leggings. To my surprise VR P has very limited selection. Found very few scenes with girls in shiny leggings/latex. It did help a lot being able to just look at a girl in shiny leggings without shame/guilt and as long as I wanted.

The next day I saw a girl in leaather leggins in public I was at least 50-80% less loosing my mind. Felt like the itch is almost scratched.

So my last relapse was 17th August with VR P. Doing well after this. No issues with P. Smooth sailing. This weekend got some temptation to watch P but it is easy manageable. I don't need this.

Wishing everyone well,

know thyself!


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In my many years of searching I think it comes down to this 3 categories:

1. Know thyself. (mindset, beliefs, philosophy) - self-understanding
2. Emotional healing work.
3. non-physical healing (chakras, meridians, evicting foreign energies from the lightbody).


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Day 2. Relapsed 31th Aug.

Hopefully I see the error now. With the VR P. While it did scratch an itch. Bottom line this is lying to myself. With the intention to do it again. I left the door open for relapse with regular P. Even if I would do VR P again, would it really help me or just left me more in fantasy land? I'd say more in fantasy land.

Gabe axiom: If it ain't real no deal.

Indeed. Just talking to a girl about weather is better than getting lost in this P fantasy land.

The good thing is that I at least I am a lot better at dealing with chasers. I can deal with it no problem.

Wishing everyone well

Stay real!
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Blondie axiom: If your biggest goal in life is to quit porn, then you'll probably find porn always an option.

This is in my experience truth. The days where my primary goal is to have a P clean day are the most prone to mishap.


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Doing well. Easy sailing. Some attempted P in dream. Was just like. Nah. I'll take a pass on this.

If it ain't real no deal. This alone is a great motto to have for rebooting.

If your biggest goal in life is to quit porn, then you'll probably find porn always an option.
Always a good idea to have something to look forward to in the day. Could be as simple as looking forward to a 5 min meditation before bed.

Going to write down and have some axioms to live by.

Give to life without the expectation of return. This might be a good idea.

If we had a lot of shit in our life. It is hard to see the beauty of life. As this lenses of hurt cloud our perception of life.

The biggest impact in terms of psychology. I think is changing the mindset. I am looking into it. And obviously beliefs.

Onwards and upwards.


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The difference between boys and men.

Boys take energy from their mother / world. This is totally understandable and the way it is suppose to be up to a point.

But then there was suppose to be a ceremony and transition to manhood. Go to a hunt bring food to community. Start providing for the community. Build things. Make things. Hunt, build, manage, educate, bring value to community. Add to the world instead of take from the world.

Become like the Sun. Bring value to the world.


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7 Days no P. Smooth sailing.

If it ain't real - no deal. Simple to understand, simple to follow - if I want it to work. This is becoming a mantra for me. Now I want it to work.

I don't need P in my life. I also don't need to lust over women. Went to the store today. Attractive lady in front of me at the cash register. Not a big deal. Just appreciate life without the neediness. Wow, I find it a lot easier to live without thinking of having sex but just doing my own thing.

Focus on the here and now. While feeling complete already.

Surfs up, focus on truth


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If it ain't real - no deal.

Day 9. I struggle when my sexual energy gets a bit ramped up. Usually around day 10.

If it ain't real - no deal. Also if the energy will get a bit too much to handle. I'll MO to sensation only. But - no fantasy. Just be in my body.