Rebooting trough self-parenting

If it ain't real - no deal.

Day 9. I struggle when my sexual energy gets a bit ramped up. Usually around day 10.

If it ain't real - no deal. Also if the energy will get a bit too much to handle. I'll MO to sensation only. But - no fantasy. Just be in my body.
Hey Walker.

Just wanted to say that I really like the mantra - it resonates with me too and I'm going to try and hold it in mind. Thank you for sharing it (these forums really do contain so much good).

Think we're also on very similar day counts - let's keep it going!
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Hey Walker.

Just wanted to say that I really like the mantra - it resonates with me too and I'm going to try and hold it in mind. Thank you for sharing it (these forums really do contain so much good).

Think we're also on very similar day counts - let's keep it going!
Sure, just to be clear - the mantra is from Gabe Deem.

Let's keep on sailing.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Ended up MOing on 9th and 11th. To sensation only. An interesting experience and it actually looks to work. Don't need to visualize/fantasize anything.

While this is far from ideal. I think still better than the alternative of me being preoccupied with sexual energy for the day.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Got to the airport today to pick someone up. Saw a few very attractive ladies. What am I suppose to do? Loose my mind over this?

Either go talk to a girl or move on. Acknowledge and move on.

I am finding that life is much simpler and easier to live this way. If it ain't real no deal. Makes life simpler to live.

Listening to some Star Wars audiobook. I liked this passage.

Do not thank me yet, my apprentice. Fickle the past can be. The
pain of tomorrow, the comfort of yesterday is. Only in the present
should we trust. Only in today...
 
Got to the airport today to pick someone up. Saw a few very attractive ladies. What am I suppose to do? Loose my mind over this?

Either go talk to a girl or move on. Acknowledge and move on.

I am finding that life is much simpler and easier to live this way. If it ain't real no deal. Makes life simpler to live.

Listening to some Star Wars audiobook. I liked this passage.
Love that quote (another quote, and this time I definitely won't mistakenly attribute it to you Walker haha).

Thanks for sharing - keep on moving forwards. Great job.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Questions we ask ourselves can be very powerful and can help us.

One of the better ones I found is

What is the highest possible outcome I can get <insert activity, etc>? What is the highest possible outcome I can get from watching P?

What do I really need? I might prefer this one altogether. What do I really need?

Surfs up.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Questions we ask ourselves can be very powerful and can help us.

One of the better ones I found is

What is the highest possible outcome I can get <insert activity, etc>? What is the highest possible outcome I can get from watching P?

What do I really need? I might prefer this one altogether. What do I really need?

Surfs up.
That's right, man. There is no positive high outcome from watching porn. It brings only problems. Fuck porn. We got this.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Had 3 beers yesterday before bed. I rarely drink alcohol. Since it has been such a while I drank beer. I thought let's give it a go.

Today got super horny for P. I attribute this also to some beer drinking. It is all inter connected.

The P urges were quite severe. I just started doing meditations, first a 12 minute one, then a 10 minute breathing meditation, then another 10 minute meditation on the spiritual heart, then did a longer 40 min meditation on the microcosmic orbit. I ended up sleeping before the 40 min meditation ended. Then woke up. Feeling better. But the P urges returned. Then peeked some P - wtf dude? This is not even that pleasurable or what I want. Made something to eat and had dinner. P urges are downgraded from severe to moderate. So I guess the meditations did help indeed.

I don't want to MO to sensation again as I already feel like I MO'ed enough. The 9th and 11th were plenty.

This is bizarrely more difficult than I'd want. It is either easy sailing - no issues with P - or this severe P urges. Hm.

Hm, maybe not that extreme to expect something like 1 hour of meditation to downgrade the urges.

Will meditate some more.

Looked this guy up:
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
14 an 15th I edged to P, 16th PMO and 17th (P)MO.

I have some unrealistic goals. You gotta start where you are at. I'd say I have a high sex drive.

I can go for a few weeks without P or MO. Smooth sailing. Then when the sex drive builds - always, always game over if I try to go nofap. The few times I got the longest I think 2 x 90-100 days. It was a major struggle always.

I could easily stay away from P on the 9th and 11th where I had just MO to sensation only. I just cannot handle my sex drive at time this. The need to release overloads me every time.

I have no doubts if on the 14th instead of trying to go noFap. If I'd just MO to sensation only. I would have stayed away from P.

So I'll go at this again. No P - but I can MO to sensation only as much as needed. No ideal. But I am failing to find good alternatives.

Can't believe it is taking me this long to figure it out. I cannot do noFap and noP at the same time. It is just not a realistic goal.

Ideally I'd want to go both noFap and noP. Here we go again.

What is realistic for me. Is to have periods of 1-2 weeks of noFap then have a few days with MO.

So my goals have changed now or become more adjusted. Absolutely no P and very flexible with MO to sensation only. It is better to MO to sensation only than to loose my mind when my sex drive builds.

Maybe P isn't that much of an issue as is my high sex drive.

So plan for the rest of the September - absolutely no P.
MO to sensation only when sex drive builds and becomes a problem.

I could feel on the 14th the build of sex drive - then I applied too much pressure - don't want to fap again. Then BOOM.

Balance in all things. Cannot apply to much pressure on the same time don't need to be too soft.

All in all 2x MO, 2xPMO in September. Again, if I hadn't put too much pressure on wanting to go no fap right now it would be 3x MO in September with 0 P watching.

Here we go again. I'll keep on doing this as long as it takes.

Self-mastery course.

Try and try again. We got this. Wishing everyone good luck.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
To recap in my experience the root causes of P can be 3:

1) coping mechanism for various different emotional traumas and/or stress
2) mind control/possession/black magic etc / controversial topic but whatever
3) unmet needs and/or lack of life experience / soul embodiment

I've spent a lot of effort on 1 & 2. Doing the inner work. Overall I am feeling much calmer and better with managing emotions. This might explain why I have it easy time staying away from P if I am not "needy of release"/"horny".

As much as I'd like to think different. The male body I'd say has this need to release the sexual energy into a female. This looks to be hardwired into the biology. I'd say this can be sublimated to a certain degree but never overridden.

While I'd say for females they are more hardwired to make a baby and biologically programmed to love their kids more they love themselves. So sex is means to an end for a female. While for a guy sex is the end.

Anyway. What I am finding out is that.

Male biology is hardwired to have very strong need/desire to release into the female.

I'd say I have up-regulated sex drive - partially genetic, partially P induced.

This explains when seeing any attractive female that this comes up. It is not "me" - it is the body. P just makes this much much more loud.

So the goal now is to:

Find a way to honor the body's needs/desires in a way that improves my life - both the body and the mind.

What I can do is down-regulate the sex drive. Not totally sure how this will look like but staying away from P is a good start. As I noticed just MO to sensation only feels a lot less intense than PMO.

Apart from down-regulating the sex drive, what I can do is to work on connecting my sexual organs with the heart center more. I guess this would be categorized as an meditation/energy practice.

Life is the ultimate test of my understanding of life. How well I understand myself.

Onwards and upwards
EW
 
Last edited:

Phineas 808

Respected Member
EW,

I don't doubt that you have a high libido or sex-drive, but is it that, or could it be a matter of resensitization?

When we desensitize the old neural pathways of our habit, it becomes easier and easier. But if we lapse, not once or twice, but there's a degree of repetition to it, we end up resensitizing these pathways.

I know being single is difficult, and the answer is to be in a relation with a real flesh-and-blood, spirit-and-soul, woman. But this can be done, your ideal can be done: no MO, and no P or PMO.

My thinking is this, that if you compromise on your ideals (the 'not so ideal' MO only), it will tell your brain that this 'new habit' is okay, even though it isn't your ideal- so, (your brain says) what else are you willing to compromise on?

The MO, though better than P (and perhaps a 'last resort' rather than lapsing all the way to P), is a part of the lower beast-brain's tricks to keep you acting out, and strengthening those neural pathways.

I like the self-work you're talking about, and the recentering of (sexual) energy toward the heart, and finding healthy coping methods as well as finding spiritual means of meeting your deeper needs.

Wishing you the best, and sending positive energy your way.

Phineas
 
Last edited:

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Thank you Phineas. Your idea is well received.

I will get to prove my hypothesis soon enough. Time will tell.

My hypothesis now is if I make a compromise. And go for MO to sensation only I will be able to stay away from P forever. And a little later I will be able to decrease MO frequency.

Maybe the ideal will be reached when I will be with a woman. I love how you wrote a real flesh-and-blood, spirit-and-soul, woman.

Maybe ideal is not possible to reach single?

Thank you brother. Wishing you well.
EW
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Definitely, EW!

We get to try all kinds of methods and ways until we ‘get it right’, or at least improve our control.

respect, and rooting for you!
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Doing well.

Shame and guilt. Are big with P. Each time I'd PMO I'd stock up on shame and guilt. I am releasing the associated shame and guilt. It is helping.

It looks like that having the option to MO without shame and guilt to be the release valve I've been missing. Will see how it goes. So far it has been smooth sailing since my relapse on the 17th.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Doing well. Day 8.

Don't miss P. Do get urges to release. But now I had a different mindset.

My own theory is that the male body wants to release its seed in as many females as possible. The more attractive female the better. On the other hand the female body wants to have kids. The more the better. With as "alpha" male (ability to provide security and bright future for kids) as possible. The female body is programmed to love their kids more than they love themselves.

In finding a way to honor the body intelligence without shame and guilt is the way to go.

If need be I will MO to sensation only. So far didn't come to that.

Lets keep on sailing!

🏄‍♂️ ⛵ ☀️
EW
 
Top