The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

[TakeActionNow]

A good relationship is one where you're good together and you're good alone.

When you are good alone, it's easier to know what and who is good for you.

More importantly, when you can be good alone, it's easier to ignore what others say or do, especially the negative ones, because you own yourself, and their actions and opinions are of no consequences to you.

Too often these people have no idea what they are saying or the impact of their words. They may be stressed, tired, seeking attention, or agitated. They may not be good alone or together.

Therefore, be your own man first.
Be independent of others for your feelings and needs.
Therefore, take care of yourself first.
Be your own best friend and number 1 supporter.

I say this not just for you but also for me.

Take care my friend!

 

[harpoon]

So I watched a Dr Trish Leigh video. She mentioned power versus force coping with this. I have tried to force recovery with exercise. I'm burnt out and exhausted.

I think I have exert some power too and xan walk away but my primary tool to to use force and like I said, I'm so tired. The jig is up.

I should have been easier on myself and relaxed and let the healing happen but I'm basically destroying myself to cope with the withdrawals. There now must be an easier way.

I went to the pool today (I'm not a great swimmer, and without the wetsuit I struggle) but I pushed the limits yet again and went in to some sort of zone and swam the furthest I had even swam in a pool 3.2km. A few weeks ago I had to stop at the end of every length (25m)to catch my breath, then the next week every two lengths (50m) then today I just went for it.

But it's an empty achievement, it brought no joy to me and my body is hurting and I have to take a step back from this and recalibrate.

I 100% in my heart know I am an Ironman and will complete that goal next September. But I also realise (now) that I'm tired and need my energy to recover from porn.

Being exhausted makes it harder to fight.

I'm flat from porn withdrawal and depressed from exhaustion, so its all too much.

 

[harpoon]

A good relationship is one where you're good together and you're good alone.

When you are good alone, it's easier to know what and who is good for you.

More importantly, when you can be good alone, it's easier to ignore what others say or do, especially the negative ones, because you own yourself, and their actions and opinions are of no consequences to you.

Too often these people have no idea what they are saying or the impact of their words. They may be stressed, tired, seeking attention, or agitated. They may not be good alone or together.

Therefore, be your own man first.
Be independent of others for your feelings and needs.
Therefore, take care of yourself first.
Be your own best friend and number 1 supporter.

I say this not just for you but also for me.

Take care my friend!

Thank you you're words have saved my ass more times than you will ever know

 

[TakeActionNow]

So I watched a Dr Trish Leigh video. She mentioned power versus force coping with this. I have tried to force recovery with exercise. I'm burnt out and exhausted.

I think I have exert some power too and xan walk away but my primary tool to to use force and like I said, I'm so tired. The jig is up.

I should have been easier on myself and relaxed and let the healing happen but I'm basically destroying myself to cope with the withdrawals. There now must be an easier way.

I went to the pool today (I'm not a great swimmer, and without the wetsuit I struggle) but I pushed the limits yet again and went in to some sort of zone and swam the furthest I had even swam in a pool 3.2km. A few weeks ago I had to stop at the end of every length (25m)to catch my breath, then the next week every two lengths (50m) then today I just went for it.

But it's an empty achievement, it brought no joy to me and my body is hurting and I have to take a step back from this and recalibrate.

I 100% in my heart know I am an Ironman and will complete that goal next September. But I also realise (now) that I'm tired and need my energy to recover from porn.

Being exhausted makes it harder to fight.

I'm flat from porn withdrawal and depressed from exhaustion, so its all too much.

It's great to see you exercising hard. You have a goal and at the same time you're transforming your body into something powerful and attractive.

During this time it is good to be mindful of poor behaviors learnt from addiction:
Binge
Excessive
All out or all at once.
Blind to body and personal needs.

The body needs rest
The body needs time to learn and adapt
Excessive exercise will only lead to exhaustion and depression and injury. Thus poor performance. (I was an amateur racing cyclist back in my teens

It is better to have a schedule that maps out not only performance goals, but also recovery goals

Finally, don't just look at success at the finale
Every exercise session is a success. Recognize it.
Don't simply use exerse as a way of avoiding addiction or covering hurt and pain.
More important is it to retrain recognition of micro achievements across the day.
This is what reboot is about, not porn avoidance, but return to normal perks of joy and feel-good across the day.

When is your ironman race date?
We are rooting for you!

Go go harpoon!

 

[harpoon]

@TakeActionNow ironman is September so I think I will just chillax over the next few weeks and try to put on some weight (thats some sort of paradox, trying to put weight on at Christmas)

 

[harpoon]

As far as I can see porn addiction isn't the cause of everything wrong in my life.

Maybe i'm wrong but I don't think so.

Sometimes I think of relapse just to get off the merry-go-round, just for awhile, just to escape away from this insanity called life.

The bullshite ppl talk, needing likes on fb, kudos on strava, i just can't take anymore and I'm done.

When I was happiest I was doing my own thing and somewhere along the line I started to run with the pack a little. It was a mistake. I'm done. It's over.

I went for a walk today, listened to my favorite songs and was happy. I did a few exercises on the bench when I got home and was happy.

Then i opened up my phone and other ppls crap and misery returns.

My 'friend' or whenever she thinks she is, I don't know, got hammered last night and sent 20 texts, misses me, loves me, wanted me to pick her up at 2am.

She has a great career, and a great life, but when it comes to me she is a mess. I cant use her to just make myself feel better and that is what I was doing. Like it was said daydreaming. Fortunately I am sober, otherwise I would have collected her.

We cant be friends, we're not friends, as far as I can see we have now reverted to the emotional relationship we had b4 we started fn about and I know she will never say know to me so it's up to me to stop this nonsense.

I guess I'm only figuring all this out as i go through this reboot phase of my life.

"Life is hard. Its harder if your stupid" John Wayne

 

[harpoon]

The problem I have with depression and suicidal thoughts (I get them sometimes) and this I just in I feel. It feels like no one cares and no one can help. In my darkest moment I turned to a stranger in the samaritans. I've rang a dozen times since but while the conversations got me through those moments when the phone call ends I am alone with my thoughts again.

Where do you go then? Family? They always suggest the GP abd that never works. Where then? Friends? The friend faces comes on and somehow its not as bad.

I would never kill myself, so my penance then is to live in this agony most days.

Porn was my best friend and I do miss the pain relief because that's what it had become pain relief.

Yesterday I noticed that my penis seemed longer and more like my penis, I had an erection last night and morning wood. I seem to be healing which I great but I feel like there I two very distinct issues going on here.

 

[harpoon]

....so depression and addiction. I just don't think rebooting can cause this type of depression, or can it?

Any1 have any thoughts??

 

[Simon2]

....so depression and addiction. I just don't think rebooting can cause this type of depression, or can it?

Any1 have any thoughts??

I think when we eliminate a "drug" from our lives other underlying issues can rise to the top. Issues that we found unbearable without that drug, and may have been a reason for abusing the substance in the first place. P is certainly like a drug... Many people who suffer from mental health challenges slide into addictive behaviour in order to cope. But that DOESN'T mean you should give up and go back to the "drug".

I think the only answer is to seek professional help. Like any other health issue, mental health needs to be treated by a professional. Whether that ends up taking the form of medicine, psychotherapy/counceling, or a combination of the two... I would urge you to find the help you need - and try to find someone whom you feel you may have alignment with in terms of how they address the issues.

I personally looked for addictions, and specifically sexual addictions, councelors to start... When I found someone that was very very helpful.

All the best!

 

[harpoon]

Thank you @SimonM

 

[harpoon]

Triggers - So I opened tiktok....Redhead in a thong shaking her ass. I closed tiktok. I asked myself why I was on tiktok and I guess really for a moment tiktok knew why I was there.

I am at a point now where I realise that any sexual stimulating material isn't the answer. I also realise those videos are aimed to get me to their personal websites to pay for whatever but I'm over that now.

I can see its a set up.

I know the draw of it all only too well. But it doesn't solve anything ever.

So lesson learned, adidos tiktok

Hmmm and while I'm at it, why do I go to fb? Because tbh I don't give a flying fuck about "funny" memes or asshole friend suggestions, so i go there too for snooping, so that can go too.

Another lesson I've learned is that I must do what makes me happy and be true to myself.

I never ran with the pack and maybe that's why I'm here at 73 days because I could rely on myself. In a funny way this is battle must be fought alone and maybe that's the way I want it. At least its mine.

 

[harpoon]

Just about to go to bed. Feeling quite low. It's not so much I want to watch porn as I just want to high

 

[harpoon]

It would seem that today is the day. Go back or go forward. The day I break or do not break.

But I would sooner fall to my knees and cry than live that life again.

 

[harpoon]

So I went for a walk and phoned the samaritans. I ring them quite a bit these days but it gets me through those vulnerable moments and I know it's cliché but its good to talk.

I talked to them about my porn addiction today. I asked if he had heard of porn addiction he said yes.

It seems in Ireland we have only begun to realise ppl are addicted to porn and there's fuck all help. Where do you go?

I mean what can i say about this addiction that I haven't said? - He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood.

While I was walking today I thought "I have become way to serious," "I'm not like this." I need to feel some joy again.


I was at the beach where we have a caravan. When I was in the caravan I felt a little uneasy but not for one moment did I contemplate relapse. Not for a millisecond. That my friends is staggering to me. I have now some impulse control

The guy from the samartians said I was doing great and he is right and I took a little pride in my achievement so far.

What i want for the next 16 days is the cleanest dopamine detoxing days of these 90.

I'm confident I will do 90 days, however I am very much day by day at this point.

For the moment I need to just concentrate on getting better, rather than trying to make it better if that makes sense.

Like the guy in the samaritans said - "you can't worry about everyone, you have to look after yourself," and get right, it's all I've got.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Mate, you're in beautiful Ireland and you've got a caravan. Can you go off grid for 3 months?
Nature and open spaces are of great help to the mind and soul.
Go for walks.
Keep your eyes towards large open spaces.
Do manual work like farming and be in open spaces with lots of greenery and animals.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Mate, I hear and feel your pain.
But what you gotta do now is really focus on education.
Abstinence is the easy part.
Change is harder.
But it's hard to improve if you don't know how or where to change.

Trish Leigh
Andrew huberman
these are all rare doctors who share heaps of knowledge to help others.

Also you're focusing too much on your pain. You gotta focus only on every little success you make every day. Even getting up in the morning can be a success.

It's Christmas time.
Can you help others?
Go to a food station and serve the poor and destitute.
Go to an old folk home and hold someone's hand. Hear their stories.
Make a difference for other people's life. You'll be amazed how much a positive difference you can make.

 

[harpoon]

@TakeActionNow ah look I was just venting today. I think the fact my Dad died this year has a lot to do with how I feel atm as my brother says "the body keeps a score."

I had a great swim today (doing drills in the pool) and then went for a walk. I offered to take my sisters dog for a walk later in the day and offered to bring the wheel.from my nieces car to a garage for repair.

I try to help out when I can and my family and friends all know that they can phone me and i will drop everything to help them. I'm actually a good guy deep down.

 

[Blondie]

I'm actually a good guy deep down.

Of course you're a good guy. This addiction is not who you are. It does not define us. Most of us had no idea what we we're getting into. I'm not saying we're completely free from any responsibility from our actions (especially if we've hurt a loved because of it) but still, it doesn't define who we are. Deep down you're still that innocent kid you were before you happen to stumble upon this shit.

I'm not surprised at all you're a good guy.

The first part of all of this is to forgive yourself.

Best @harpoon.

 

[TakeActionNow]

@harpoon

@TakeActionNow ah look I was just venting today. I think the fact my Dad died this year has a lot to do with how I feel atm as my brother says "the body keeps a score."

I had a great swim today (doing drills in the pool) and then went for a walk. I offered to take my sisters dog for a walk later in the day and offered to bring the wheel.from my nieces car to a garage for repair.

I try to help out when I can and my family and friends all know that they can phone me and i will drop everything to help them. I'm actually a good guy deep down.

Hi harpoon, I'm sorry if my message came across wrong. I try to revolve my life around activities which I can plan forward, do and then reflect.
Planning has feel good factors.
Doing consumes our time and
reflection locks in recognition of achievement.
This is the foundation of recovery.
The relearning and regaining of joy through day to day activities.
The more we create for ourselves and others, the better we would feel.

Its clear you're still mourning for your father's passing. Please take your time to be with him in spirit and thoughts.

 

[harpoon]

@TakeActionNow ah no ur message didn't come across wrong at all I'm doing so many of the things you mention and so many things right, I do know that...its just a struggle sometimes and quite painful.

What I have learned is that losing my Father affected everyone so different and the ppl that hurt the most despise the ppl that don't seem to care, and that is a fact.