The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @harpoon, congrats on giving porn hell for so long. You inspire. I know what you mean about being reacquainted with your old personality, it's a still a process ongoing with me.

I just watched a few videos of Trish Leigh today and I was trying to find the three stages you mentioned here. I haven't heard of those and was wondering where I'm at and what is her definition of 100% commitment? Does that mean no relapse at all, or something else?

Best
 
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harpoon

Respected Member
Blondie said:
Hey @harpoon, congrats on giving porn hell for so long. You inspire. I know what you mean about being reacquainted with your old personality, it's a still a process ongoing with me.

I just watched a few videos of Trish Leigh today and I was trying to find the three stages you mentioned here. I haven't heard of those and was wondering where I'm at and what is her definition of 100% commitment? Does that mean no relapse at all, or something else?

Best
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I will have look and see I can find it for you @Blondie My understanding is that some people never truely quit 100%.They still look at sexual stimulating images every so often and can never truely recover.

I am an example. While I haven't watched porn in soooo long, there was a time when social media was creeping in to my life, and I would gave the odd glance at whatever.

But that keeps those neural pathways firing and that's not good.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Thank you @harpoon. I believe I found it. I really like her.

Keep killing it brother. It's worth all the pain and suffering, and that's from a guy who's not completely out of it himself.
 
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harpoon

Respected Member
I'm a big Guns N Roses fan, infact I love the band. But sometimes when I think of where I am with porn, i will think of these lyrics from Paradise City -

Captain America's been torn apart
Now he's a court jester with a broken heart
He said "turn me around and take me back to the start"

In these lyrics I'm obviously Captain America (I know right 🤣) whose been destroyed by porn addiction. Now i'm a below par version of myself (a court Jester) and I wish I could go back before I discovered porn and never become an addict.

Now 🤣
 
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harpoon

Respected Member
I feel good the last few days, and I also have had urges, but I think cravings and urges may be slightly different.

Now i've had cravings too but that happens when i feel empty and my brain will search and look for dopamine. It's not pretty. This is when I have to walk away.

The urges seem to be more sexual? I'm more attracted to real women. Even a nice body shape is attractive to me and I've always been a sucker for that make up that women put around there eyes 🤣 I've noticed women's hair and perfume lately, its great but really bizarre that my spider senses were numbed for so many years. But I'd rather have these urges because ultimately if there's no urges there's no nada.

I know the two are very closely linked and the trick William Potter is to not be attracted to porn but to womsn in the actual world.

You sort that out and the rest is cream cheese.
 
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harpoon

Respected Member
I dont struggle with my mental health so much lately, I have ups and downs but i'd consider that kinda normal.

I'll be honest, I've always tried to be honest here. I'm kinda horny lately, I think that's normal too. It has to be.

I met my friend and we hugged. I wont lie, I felt her arse a few times during that hug. I know it's wrong to flirt with a married woman in this way, but to me and where I am that connection and that feeling is amazing.

Anyway, I don't know, life seems to just happen atm, I just want to remain sober and get my life back on track.
 
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harpoon

Respected Member
I went for dinner with friends tonight, I went home after the meal, while they went on to a bar. I have a run early in the morning but tbh I don't want to upset the apple cart, I feel good and its a sacrifice I make because I know drunk or hungover I am more vulnerable to porn.

But I will tell you this, I'm very different in myself now. I've noticed I'm more confident, less anxious and give less of a crap about little things. Getting off porn is definitely a journey and it's getting fun.

I feel happy again it is awesome.
 
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harpoon

Respected Member
I thought giving up porn would be the greatest challenge of my life.....turns out its not. I have now been porn free 4 months, with no masturbation.

I wasn't going to say this but I will. I was with a woman last night and I had tbh a great orgasm. It was so different to pmo. I'll elaborate a little, the orgasm felt great, but different, it's obviously not the same neurochemical cocktail, I wasnt searching for hours for the right scene, it was just great sensations and a final rush. It felt great and then my mood slowly returned to normal afterwards.

I didnt have a chaser effect today and I don't feel any different.

I was worried that'd I be tired but I wasn't and set a new pb over 5k (21mins 29s) not bad for an old foxy stoat.

But life is the challenge as far as I can see. Being porn free didn't solve all my issues, it just allowed me to view them differently.

The only thing I know about relationships is to just be yourself.
 
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harpoon

Respected Member
I do struggle at times with fleeting porn thoughts. I wonder if "my favourite actresses" have any new scenes and am I missing out on something awesome. I dont even want to think of their names to be honest.

What's different for me was being with a real woman, and I do wonder how she feels now, because i understand that sex and whatever isnt just about sex, its also about emotions which for so long I never got the connection.

It's easy to turn back on a familiar road, but maybe there's something good up ahead. You'll never know if you turn back.

My next goal is 6 months and that would be quite amazing 👏
 
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harpoon

Respected Member
"You're my, baby you're my favorite waste of time" Owen Paul

I loved this song as a kid 🙂 just like porn was a favorite waste of time, so is unrequited love. I've been to both sides, neither have made me happy.
 
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harpoon

Respected Member
Yesterday motivation was down but I eventually dragged my ass to the beach and ran a 5k. By the end of the run, which was really a jog 🤣 I was pumped, and ready to take on the world (this is the high I get from running.) I used one of the boulders (coastal erosion protection, 3ft diameter) to do steps. Then amongst the boulders I noticed a 20kg rock, so I picked that up, held it between my chest and did more steps on to that boulder 🙂 then I sprinted a 100m with the rock.

More and more lately when I exercise I get this realisation that this is it for me, that its not even what I need, it's what I love. I can feel unstoppable.

I dunno how to describe it. It's easy for me. If they say run a hill twice, I'll say let's run it four times, or find a bigger hill.

Its the way I am build and regardless of porn addiction, withdrawal, rebooting I have always enjoyed exercise so much.

It took me awhile to realise that not everyone likes running around in the rain, or going in the sea when it's 🥶 (thats a different buzz!) 🤣🤣🤣

Welcome to Pauls Sports Journal 🤣

I suppose I should mention where I am with this porn addiction. Well, I don't watch porn. Simple as that. Thats not a problem.

Porn subs is more difficult. I really cant open social media apps, it's just full of women barely dressed. Fb is alright, but tiktok and insta forget about it.

I get morning wood pretty much every day now and I never had morning wood while using porn NEVER.

I had one the other morning and tbh I was impressed 🤣 I went thru a flatline myself and it's heartbreaking but I'm proof that eventually erections return.

Anyway....coffee required 😆👍
 
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harpoon

Respected Member
Being a lying cheat isn't much fun. Just saying. Take it from me, everything you do in life has consequences. You don't need to be 'caught' to feel inner shame.

I should be delighted with being porn free, but instead i start fn around, and that's all i'm doing. If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

The only thing that i have realised is that love isn't having sex, fn about, or unforbidden fruit, and it's certainly not porn.

"....tread softly, because you tread on my dreams."
 
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harpoon

Respected Member
I havent posted in a few days, which is good in a way.

So yesterday I got a lift to a 10mile road race 90 mins away with a couple of ppl I've met through running. They're two women (one of the guys was missing and he would of been my friend first but anyway.)

They brought, flasks, sambos, treats and really made me feel welcome. We had fun. The older lady (nearly 70) is great. We talked about so much stuff. They think I'm hilarious 🤔 but it's just the way I am 😄

The run was tough but I still enjoyed the struggle so much. I chatted with so many ppl afterwards and it's genuine on my behalf and I've found when you genuine ppl always smile and talk too ☺

After the race i was handed a goodie bag, as I walked up the road with the spectators I put my hand in the goodie bag and pulled out a Galaxy chocolate bar and made a face 🤮 (all I wanted was water) a woman smiled at my reaction an I said would you like a chocolate bar? 🤣 she said yes and gave me a big smile 🙂

There was also a blind man that ran yesterday. As i watched him run by (tethered to someone obviously) I just thought what a man, what an achievement, a legend 👏

We drove home and I had a little nap, I thanked them and they said it was a pleasure 🙂
 
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