.....however I am free from porn, and that at the end of the day is why I am here.
Also it's coming up on my Dads first anniversary and the family (especially the women) are stressed out moreso than usual.
It's been quite a year really. My Dad passed away last May. I vowed to never watch porn again and lasted 9 days. Then in June I had two women wanting to date me

I went with option B and had a great two weeks which then turned into a 4 month nightmare. I was obviously suffering from PTS at this point and can't remember much. I fell out with two of my brothers, which looks terminal. Then decided to quit porn last October because well....I had nothing left. Three weeks of porn my then gf dumped me but I stayed strong and kept going while accomplishing some goals (Dublin City Marathon PB by 17mins!!)
Then I started meeting option A

for coffee once a week. Then twice a week. Then 3 times a week, then all the time...then eventually a hotel room.
I'm no angel and have watched porn once or twice along the way but for 99% of the time I have been so good. I did that. I have changed but while most of the time I'm good, the emotions I have been ruining from are still there.
I'm quite an emotional guy really. I do wear my heart on my sleeve and if I love you I will do everything I can to make you happy. If I'm hurt by you I become an absolute cunt.
With my new gf I am in protective mode which is in between. Sometimes I adore here and sometimes i'm like what a fn pain in my ass this is. I don't want to live my life like that.
And thats the problem. I don't know what I want so I'm stuck in protective mode while trying to be like yeah this is cool.