harpoon said:I just don't get it anymore. My libido has plummeted and the only reason I would fap to porn now is to lift my mood as I feel flat as a potato pancake, or just the sheer boredom of it all.
Thank you NickHey Harpoon - I feel your pain dude. I have felt a thousand times the exact same way as you feel - frustration, fucking anger, hopelessness!
Sometimes I felt like I was living the old saying about insanity - the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. And yet ... I did keep trying (not sure why ... maybe the same thing that keeps you trying). And sure enough, somehow I managed to hit a tipping point ... and things seemed to unlock ... and change actually did take place. I know that may seem like a far away thought but it can happen to you. Keep trying and try and stay strong brother.
Quite a roller coaster ride reading your entire journal. It probably has more struggle than any other that I have read so far. This was me for a long time and I had so many similar feelings. So many things you said sounded just like me. Especially the looking in the mirror and wondering the f**k I am. I have no idea why, but 35 days ago I had enough. I mean, just truly enough. I felt so bad and shameful that I didn't know what to do. I was on these boards about two years ago. Didn't post, just read. Did a lot of reading on Your Brain On Porn. I walked away for about 4 months and felt remarkably better. Of course, I started with I can just do it once a month. That became once a week, then once a day and then right back to having porn open on my computer for most of the day.So.....i guess a decision must be made. Left or right, up or down, good or bad. My body can't take much more punishment.
So let's have another shot. Forget porn and move on. One night is a small goal for today so that's my focus for tonight, and I'll take it from there.
Just a couple of reasons to keep myself motivated - no morning wood, muscle loss/abdominal fat, feel weak and tired, brain fog.
Note to self - porn withdrawal isn't as bad as using porn makes me feel.
It's time for a reboot