I'll hold my hands up and say this isn't easy. I know it'll be the biggest obstacle that I will ever have to overcome.
What's the outcome, what do I want to achieve? Maybe it's as simple as a clear mind. Just to be comfortable in my own skin. Just to have fulfilling sex with someone I care for (I know right, give me a bucket.)
So just for fun let me tell you about my daily routine -
Woke up about 8:30am, I knew high tide is at 10am (I learned a new swim technique the other night and wanted to practice) so try and get to the beach by 10.
I put the kettle on , then went outside and got my swim gear. Made a cup of tea (being Irish we nearly drink tea b4 water!) and ate my overnight oats (deadly if u make them right btw.) Check my phone....no work emails, and no text from gf, fair enough.
Grab the keys and my swim gear and out the door. Gear in the car boot and flying down the road listening to Guns N Roses! Swing in to McDonald's for a coffee and feeling good.
Get to the caravan at the beach, take gear out of boot and unlock caravan door. I go inside...hey, I could watch porn now...nah just get ur shit on and go for a swim. Check phone again, no text from gf...she obviously doesn't give a fuck, fuck her. Put on wetsuit and head to beach.
The water looks cold, but it's calm and where is that seal that was here last week? Looks like he's gone! Great, I won't have to protect my face and balls while i'm in the water
Get in the water, this is fn freezing but in fairness I love it, its so refreshing. I try my new swim technique...hmmm this is awkward. I set my watch and start to swim. I struggle to breathe, this technique feels awkward but I can see from the beach that I am quicker, I'm quicker right? I get in a groove and swim neatly 900m (I only started in January, and I enjoy ever swim!)
I get back to the caravan and resch for my phone, I upload the data to strava and look at my time....hmmm 2min/100m WHOA that's 30s per 100m faster than I have ever swam, so
I have my shower and get in my run gear. I msje a cup of tea to warm myself up. I pace up and down the caravan...I could watch por, watch porn....I resist the urge. I check my phone again, no text from gf, Jesus christ, a good morning would make my day, she obviously doesn't give a flying fuck.
I head off on my run. I'll do 5k, no the 8k loop, no ur running a marathon in a few weeks do 10k (I ran 42k last weekend
) I get in to the run. I feel doom. I feel hurt. Keep going man ffs. I have the tunes rocking but think it's over, I can't do this, she doesn't care, I can't do this anymore. I finish my run, 50mins and get a text from the gf - hey hun, how are you today? for a moment I'm the happiest man alive. We text back and forth, eventually I screen shot my swimming times on strava and say that isn't that a great time, I'm delighted. She says something like, well ur swimming straighter. I take that as an insult, no mention of my time being 30s better, why can't ppl just be nice...fuck that I think. After a barrage of texts about the swim lesson I had the other night i head home.