AStansfield's Reboot Journal

[Chris Oz]

Wow, glad to have you back man. I really missed your posts.

I feel the same way most times too with the trying to get a streak going before  writing in the forum...matter after an embarrassing relapse you didn't see coming. I really get you..

But let's just try to stay with the forum, I realized that it's really an integral part of the journey recently. It'd help keep us centered.

Keep pushing back man..
Chris

 

[k-fff]

Hey, ASTan, I read about your ex on here. One thing I want to tell you about is that if she was first time being especially attached is normal and it is what is supposed to happen. Sex's entire function is to form a bond and  hopefully have children. It is not something meant to be used wacking to a screen. It is okay to be depressed and down, but still keep doing what you normally do because even though I have been depressed for like three weeks I know it isn't gonna last forever. In regards to your ex, she is not a good person and someone you have been lucky to be spared any longer relationship with. People who do that are cancer and if the relationship lasted longer, she would have wrecked your self-esteem more. In terms of your self-improvement, I would only use it to show to yourself other people are not worthwhile to please.

 

[AStansfield]

Current Completed Day: 14

Sorry for the hiatus. January was quite an intense month and I did fall off the wagon, but these last two weeks have been very great strides forward in attempting to recapture last years success.

Journaling has really helped, and stay-at-home fitness has been golden in keeping me well rounded in the crusade to be a better man.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

 

[AStansfield]

Current Completed Day: 23

Almost back at 4 weeks! Most successful streak in months!

University is starting up again tomorrow - will be nice to be occupied by something. Journaling has kept me occupied but sometimes I don't put in as much effort into the entries as I should.

Thanks for reading.

See you space cowboys!

 

[Chris Oz]

Good going stansfield. Congrats on 23 days

 

[AStansfield]

It's been 4 months my comrades. Now please sit around the campfire if you have the time.

I was on a 26 day streak back in April - the longest streak I've had since last summer. My friend unexpectedly set me up on a date. I hadn't been on a date since December 2019.

I really connected with this girl - we had identical tastes and interests. My expectations and hopes went into the stratosphere after a few days of talking over the phone. Long story short - when we met up it didn't go so well.

I got really depressed and ended up going to a sex worker. 2 days later I relapsed and have been on a cycle of 2-3 day streaks followed by 2-3 day binges up until a few days ago.

I don't regret the choice to go see a sex worker - It was the first time and it will be the only time. The cycle of binges mostly had to do with how incredibly depressed I felt after that date - I had reached a point in my life where I looked amazing in my shirts. I had lost 18kg (116kg --> 98kg). I spent years thinking that my only problem was that I was physically out of shape and unattractive in the coventional sense.

It was a painful realization that I'm just not a romantic - I don't have "game." The problem was never my weight, the problem was that I'm just really bad at dealing with rejection - so I can't overcome the lack of game by just dating until I find someone that truly vibes with me and I vibe with them.

As of writing this post, i'm 4 days and 12 hours in. I haven't edged at all and the urges have been minimal. My gym progress has been amazing and my studies have been going great as well. Much like last year the summer fills me with immense strength and bolsters my willpower so I can realize the potential I have.

I have 3 years left in my studies. Last week I turned 24 years old. As I mature and gain experience I feel myself becoming more focused and more determined to realize my goals. I want to challenge the sun without my wings melting.

The ultimate goal for me in terms of NoPMO/NoFap is to rewire my pathways. Once I finally do have a special someone I want to satify them emotionally as well as physically. Though my PIED isn't as serious as it once was, I'm not "revving at full throttle" so to speak. I feel a rough goal is somewhere in the range of 150 - 180 days of NoPMO/NoFap to truly rehabilitate.

I'll try and post more frequently. To those reading may your efforts not go to waste and may your goals find themselves accomplished!

 

[AStansfield]

1 Week done. The last time I hit this point was March 28th.

My real goal here is to hit the first flatline. The first time I hit the flatline was last summer when I went on my longest streak ever. I'm confident that once I hit the first flatline i'll be able to cruise to 90 days.

 

[AStansfield]

10 Days done.

The mountain is so large - falling off of it is demoralizing. I've been having very slight yearnings but i've resisted everything so far.

It's difficult. Really difficult. If I had some sort of 100% guarantee that "You reach 150 days of NoFap/NoPMO and your PIED will be 100% cured" it would be a lot easier.

Going up this mountain on a hope makes the mountain ever so difficult to climb.

 

[AStansfield]

2 Weeks Done!

Been feeling subtle flatline vibe the last few days, but today there was a spike in libido. Didn't help that its the summer and everyone is dressing for it - you get the picture.

I'll probably make another post in a week. Hope everyone is finding success on their respective journeys!

 

[AStansfield]

3 Weeks Done!

Been massively sinusoidal these past few days. One day the libido is 200% and other days it is 50% or lower.

Excited to get back to a month!

 

[AStansfield]

4 Weeks Done!

Almost a third of the way there. Things have been less sinusoidal - I think a flatline is on the horizon that will last anywhere from 2-3 weeks.

Interesting to note: My MW have been ABSURDLY potent. I've been working out every other day (lost 11kg since February) and have been supplementing arginine + dieting properly.

The result? MW that last from anywhere to 5 to 15 minutes. I can't imagine how it will be once I reach day 90 and day 150 beyond that!

 

[AStansfield]

30 Days done! 1 Month! Exactly a third of the way there.

Today was probably the hardest day I've had in the past month - but I managed to avoid any undesirable actions.

If i'm being honest i'd welcome a flatline just so I could have a bit of a reprieve from the constant vigilance.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

30 Days done! 1 Month! Exactly a third of the way there.

Today was probably the hardest day I've had in the past month - but I managed to avoid any undesirable actions.

If i'm being honest i'd welcome a flatline just so I could have a bit of a reprieve from the constant vigilance.

Great, man! 1 month is a great beginning. I understand what you mean. As much as I hate the fuckin flatline, today I really wish for one because the fuckin urges are strong. I've been bothered by urges since around 1 week mark.

 

[AStansfield]

Great, man! 1 month is a great beginning. I understand what you mean. As much as I hate the fuckin flatline, today I really wish for one because the fuckin urges are strong. I've been bothered by urges since around 1 week mark.

This current streak has been the same. In these 30 days about 3/4ths of the days have been mired with urges ranging from 6-10.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

This current streak has been the same. In these 30 days about 3/4ths of the days have been mired with urges ranging from 6-10.

I could say the same thing. I've had urges on and off since day 6 when they started for the first time after having no urges for 6 days post-binge. I've had days with mild urges too but when hard urges kicked in... Damn.

 

[AStansfield]

33 Days!

Very peculiar thing happened at 3am. I had the single most intense wet dream i've ever had that shocked me awake just 4 hours into sleep. Like it felt like I had wet myself - but it was seminal fluid.

Today i've felt the beginning of the flatline. I feel completely apathetic to the idea of sex and women in general right now. I think the real rewiring has just begun.

55 Days is the longest streak i've ever had. I'm confident that I can reach 90 and go further beyond to 180 for the maximum benefit.

 

[AStansfield]

38 Days.

I've just been cruising through the flatine since Day 33. Honestly this smooth sailing is quite nice - especially since all the benefits i've accumulated have been going strong.

Namely:
1. More self confidence (for me this manifests as being less self conscious).
2. Healthy and positive outlook for the near and far future.
3. A more "get stuff done" attitude - especially when it comes to physical fitness.

I'm almost halfway to 90 days. It feels like almost a given that I will reach 90 at this point - but I don't want to get too complacent. The last time I fell off the wagon at 55 days is because I let a very sudden sharp drop in my mood get the better of me.

I'm all the more experienced and wiser compared to then - so I'm not too worried!

I hope everyone out there is doing well - Strength and Honor my friends!

 

[AStansfield]

I have the opportunity to go have some "casual fun" with a friend in another city - but i'm worried that it will set back my progress - or at the very least it is too risky.

Last time S led to a very intense chaser effect and weeks of on and off binging.

 

[Flesh]

I wouldn't want to waste this kind of opportunity, for sake of life experience, but ye the chaser effect is a threat.

 

[AStansfield]

Day 42.5

Since 42 is the universal number, I just wanted to post with a quick update.

Still cruising through the flatline. I decided against what I said above - reaching my goals is far more important to me. It simply is not worth the risk.

By this point in my last good streak I had already begun edging throughout the day - but so far on this current streak I have completely abstained from any risky behavior (physical or browsing wise). I hope everyone out there is keeping to their code.