recovery000
Member
@Icandoit
I agree with your points. When I was in middle school getting a magazine was extremely hard and expensive. Now you have whatever you want on your phone for free. Before you had to pay for it, now you have to pay for not encounter it. We have to do what we have to do, if we are serious about getting rid of this. Guard your eyes and thoughts 24/7.
@iamsorrynotsorry
Thank you for your words. You raise very good points. They are making me think deeper about many aspects of this journey. Also, William's posts are great. Very honest, straight, and talked to me in a particular way. The chameleon form that this addiction takes is a brilliant way to describe how it has chased me. It is like sooner or later, it will find the right shape to get to me. It just takes time. At some point I treated this vice as the person one William described. The one who wants to control it but not necessarily get rid of it. Having it around just in case. I know now, it was a big mistake. This needs to be cut from its deep root. I have closed my leisure social media accounts. They have been a source of entertainment but also of triggers. This was a good advice, thanks. You are right, they do not contribute me anything and yes, they take valuable time away from my family who fully deserves it.
I do have unresolved issues from the past, and it is clear that they affect the person I am today. The attention received from my dad was minimum. Even though my parents never divorced, my dad was away most of the time while growing up. I found refuge in my friends. For some reason, they thought highly of me. I always got good grades and I did not like to drink as much as they did. Maybe that is why they had that thought of me, I cannot say for sure. They made me feel good and appreciated. Then, I went away from home to study. Spending years in isolation was hard. I saw my many friends drifting away one by one. As they faded away, the feeling of being appreciated gradually decreased. Every time that I felt in that way, I knew that there was a big risk to fall back into porn. It seems that my brain yearns for the dopamine as a substitute of the appreciation feeling. That seems to be a factor. In my last relapse, a contributing factor was that I got mad at my wife. To be honest, I don't remember the reason. What I remember clearly is that I did not feel appreciated. It is interesting to understand this aspect of my past. It has always been there, I just did not connect the dots. There is certainly more baggage still to be processed.
Now, on your first point of accepting who I am. It has been a struggle, mostly because my deep desire is to move forward and transform my very self into someone without the addition. I really want to see myself as such. It is hard to accept that I am not there yet. As in every journey, there has to be a starting point. I have to come to terms with who I am now.
Thanks for reading
I agree with your points. When I was in middle school getting a magazine was extremely hard and expensive. Now you have whatever you want on your phone for free. Before you had to pay for it, now you have to pay for not encounter it. We have to do what we have to do, if we are serious about getting rid of this. Guard your eyes and thoughts 24/7.
@iamsorrynotsorry
Thank you for your words. You raise very good points. They are making me think deeper about many aspects of this journey. Also, William's posts are great. Very honest, straight, and talked to me in a particular way. The chameleon form that this addiction takes is a brilliant way to describe how it has chased me. It is like sooner or later, it will find the right shape to get to me. It just takes time. At some point I treated this vice as the person one William described. The one who wants to control it but not necessarily get rid of it. Having it around just in case. I know now, it was a big mistake. This needs to be cut from its deep root. I have closed my leisure social media accounts. They have been a source of entertainment but also of triggers. This was a good advice, thanks. You are right, they do not contribute me anything and yes, they take valuable time away from my family who fully deserves it.
I do have unresolved issues from the past, and it is clear that they affect the person I am today. The attention received from my dad was minimum. Even though my parents never divorced, my dad was away most of the time while growing up. I found refuge in my friends. For some reason, they thought highly of me. I always got good grades and I did not like to drink as much as they did. Maybe that is why they had that thought of me, I cannot say for sure. They made me feel good and appreciated. Then, I went away from home to study. Spending years in isolation was hard. I saw my many friends drifting away one by one. As they faded away, the feeling of being appreciated gradually decreased. Every time that I felt in that way, I knew that there was a big risk to fall back into porn. It seems that my brain yearns for the dopamine as a substitute of the appreciation feeling. That seems to be a factor. In my last relapse, a contributing factor was that I got mad at my wife. To be honest, I don't remember the reason. What I remember clearly is that I did not feel appreciated. It is interesting to understand this aspect of my past. It has always been there, I just did not connect the dots. There is certainly more baggage still to be processed.
Now, on your first point of accepting who I am. It has been a struggle, mostly because my deep desire is to move forward and transform my very self into someone without the addition. I really want to see myself as such. It is hard to accept that I am not there yet. As in every journey, there has to be a starting point. I have to come to terms with who I am now.
Thanks for reading