Taking it seriously

[imsorrynotsorry]

Yes, you've understood the idea perfectly.

The exercise part is just what worked for me. You'll find you own things to power up overall energy, i'm sure.

 

[recovery000]

Please don't get me wrong, I very much agree with exercising and highly recommend it.

Update: 40 days hard mode. Keeping myself busy with little to no time to spare. Controlling my eyes/thoughts more actively when facing women. Progress is slowly arriving in that department.

Wishing you all a great week!

 

[recovery000]

Update: I experienced harder cravings today than usual. Fortunately, I managed to control them. For the past few nights I've also had erotic 'dry' dreams. Moreover, I feel some level of exhaustion. The past few weeks have been of constant activities, mostly work-related but also family and personal projects. The events appear to be all connected. I am currently thinking about re-balancing my routine to be able to rest better. Any advice is welcome. Thanks

 

[EarthWalker]

I am now married with a child, happy and in love with both of them.

Beautiful. You have something greater than yourself to live for.

In the moment. Don't forget to remind yourself why you are doing this. So easy to forget when triggered.

In terms of managing triggers. I am seeing this convergence. In principle everyone is talking about the same thing. The techniques are different. But it comes to the fact that

1) We cannot control the circumstances. When the hormones get activated and we are triggered. We came across a triggering content in Ads etc. We cannot control this.
2) What we can control is our reaction and attitude. What Frankl talks about. What Shades 6PP talks about. What the mindfulness people talk about.

In principle the key is to create space between a trigger and our reaction. Different techniques try to fill the space with different things.

One thing you can try is metacognition. Thinking about thinking. Explain to yourself what is going on your mind in detail back to your mind. This has the effect of slowing down your thoughts.

In my view you have a very powerful meaning of why you are doing the reboot. Use it. Read your first post. I find it a powerful motivation for you.

You've already proven you can do this. Just need to carry on.

Much love
EW

 

[sunamstar]

It sounds like you are tired from staying busy for so long. But congrats on the 40+ days. Is there anything you can do for yourself that is relaxing? Reading a book and taking a nap in the afternoon? I think anything that doesn't involve screens would probably be good.

Changing routines is hard. We are creatures of habit. I recently just read a book called "The Power of Habit" and thought it was incredible how often we do the same things over and over without thinking about them.

 

[recovery000]

Thanks guys, I appreciate you comments.

@EarthWalker, you are correct, they are my greatest motivation and have kept me getting up once again when I fall. It would be impossible to protect them or provide for them, if hooked into a destructive vice. I agree with you, creating space between the trigger and the reaction is a great way of increasing chances of avoiding a relapse. This principle can also be applied in other areas. For example, buying something nice looking but pricy. Why don't you just wait, control your impulse, and see whether you still want the item in a few days? Using the head and not the gut.

@sunamstar, yeah I am somewhat drained. However, being busy has been good in my reboot. It provides a sense of accomplishment and keeps the lower self in check. But you are right, I need to find some ways to relax more effectively. Sleeping is often tricky for my child's recently developed fear of the darkness (or the crib, we are still trying to figuring it out). Even by going to bed early, a good night rest is not guarantied. It is what EarthWalker says, some things you can control (your reaction), while others you can't (all the rest). I am thinking about the possibility of postponing an online course I've been doing in the evenings. It is half way done, but it demands more and more effort.

Today there were no cravings, nor dreams. It was a good day with regards to rebooting. Thanks for reading.

 

[recovery000]

Update: I have not felt any cravings in a while. It seems to be the opposite, repulsion is often what I feel. It appears to be good news, however the lesson of remaining vigilant stands tall. For me, the repulsion comes from the ugliness of P. In my perspective, sexuality is beautiful, women are beautiful, however P is a distortion of both, that makes it ugly. You don't encounter real sexuality or real women. It is all a lie.

Reflecting in these two months of hard mode, I see that the time spent watching P over the years has slowed me down in several areas, such as: personal growth, professional achievement, overall life enjoyment. I never considered my addiction to be severe. That perspective guided me to a path of not taking it seriously and gave me a license of not working it out properly. The result of this approach was not positive. I kept it in a dark corner ready to be used in a moment when I wanted to step away from reality. These moments slowly added to become more than just moments, they were pieces of my life that I voluntarily gave away, however short or long. Time is not coming back but I can learn not to give away more of my life. I am happy with the progress and hope to accomplish the goal of 90 days of hard mode. I keep myself vigilant, productively busy, and always aiming at something greater than myself. Thanks for reading. End of the update.

 

[EarthWalker]

I relate a lot about not seeing P as something severe. Our society is very casual about P. But P is not normal. It is abnormal.

I find overcoming P addiction to be an incredible learning experience. It forces us to improve quite substantially and to know some things about ourselves we would never know other-wize.

Wish you luck on keeping it up.
EW

 

[imsorrynotsorry]

I never considered my addiction to be severe. That perspective guided me to a path of not taking it seriously and gave me a license of not working it out properly.

When it comes to you, have you ever imagined that you would be an addict? That you would find yourself fighting against something in your brain?
I was quite devastated when i finally realized that i'm an addict and i can't live up to my values. It was hard, but it helped me in the end.

 

[recovery000]

Come to the realization that you are an addict, is not an easy matter. After years of breaking all promises, resolutions, pledges, vows, commitments, etc. it just takes time and honesty, to acknowledge that you cannot deal with this alone. That, for some reason, this vice is stronger than you. That is hard to bear. A punch straight to one's pride. Then, looking back at the things you did in order to indulge in the vice, was also very disappointing. So, imsorrynotsorry, it was rough for me too.

The good news is that, if you don't give up, things can be turned around. That is when learning kicks in. As EarthWalker says, you learn many aspects about yourself that would probably still be hidden, if you were not fighting this vice. Not matter how low you fall, if you are alive, you can improve, you can be healed, you can learn from your past mistakes, and from the mistakes of others. You can beat the vice. You have to realize that you cannot keep playing around with it, you cannot give in a single cm to it, otherwise you will be falling again, for sure. I was not able to do it alone. Reading other people's journals has had an incredibly positive impact in my process. Seeing a different approach from people coming from a different path of life, implementing similar strategies as you, or new ones that you did not think of before, reading success stories, reading people relapsing but putting themselves together and carrying on, etc. It is all inspiring and push you forward. This is very lonely vice, and hence it is just reasonable that a sense of community is key to beat it.

Thanks for reading and commenting.
70 days hard mode.

 

[recovery000]

In parallel with my reboot, a series of life events have helped me to keep myself in track. My life for the past three months has been very different from what it was for prior period. This provided a helpful push to stay away from the mundane and my brain is grateful. Now I see that life slowly goes back to what it was before, except for the P part. I see, at the same time, a big avenue to keep moving forward or to go backwards. The choice is all mine. I heard once that control comes from the certainty that you can choose the other way. If there is only one way, there is no control involved. Now that life is coming back to become stable, the avenues for failure expand. However, I feel stronger and with no desire to follow the former path. But it is important to acknowledge that the other option will always be there and it is up to you to reject it with all of your heart.

Another point that is in my mind today is reconnecting with my wife. We have been apart for my hard mode reboot and reconnection is the next step. I can't help it to feel some anxiety. it seems normal. Prior to my reboot, we relied on morning woods to be together. That could probably be a first step. Please let me know if you have suggestions. Thanks for reading. Day 83 of hard mode.

 

[recovery000]

I have completing the 3 months hard mode reboot (today is day 91). I am happy for this accomplishment and have no desire to go back to the old habits. Slowly I have seen many improvements in my daily life. My libido is back, though very lightly. I am able to work until late hours with little to no temptation to browse old websites while everyone sleeps. Morning woods have been present for a while and the sensitivity is also coming back.

On the other hand, craving come a go. Last week there were some moderate to high cravings and kept me thinking that in any day there is potential for stumbling and falling. Today there are no cravings. If the cravings are high, I know that the way to go is to stay AWAY from internet sources and connect to the real world and real people. Going out for a walk/run, playing with my kid, cooking, chatting with my wife, etc. If late at night, just going straight to bed. Cravings are temporary and at some point they will just dissipate.

I hope everyone is having a great day.

 

[benb]

Hey recovery000,

Your words are inspiring! Happy for you and your family. When you are able to be alone at night and not search for P on the web, that surely means something 

My libido is back, though very lightly.

Could you develop a little bit more on this? Did you see any substantial improvement since day One or is it just that your libido is in a "come and go" mode? Does your libido is somewhere near what it was when you were free of P use?

 

[recovery000]

Hi BennyB,
I feel my libido to be higher than before the start of my reboot. It was completely off the first two and half months or so. I started to feel it back (on and off, but mostly off) by the second half of month three. Now, it is still on and off, but the on periods are stronger and I feel attracted to my wife again, which makes me very happy. Due to some health reasons, we still have to wait some more time. I think that is good since my hope is that the healing process will just continue. There is no need to rush. The libido is certainly not as high as my younger years. It is hard to determine whether the reason of this is just age, P use, or a combination of both.
I hope this helps.

 

[benb]

Yes, it certainly does. It is good to know that your libido is slowly coming back to what it was earlier and that you may enjoy the sight of your wife on a more sensual/sexual level.

Good for you bro! keep up

 

[EKoty]

I have completing the 3 months hard mode reboot (today is day 91). I am happy for this accomplishment and have no desire to go back to the old habits. Slowly I have seen many improvements in my daily life. My libido is back, though very lightly. I am able to work until late hours with little to no temptation to browse old websites while everyone sleeps. Morning woods have been present for a while and the sensitivity is also coming back.

On the other hand, craving come a go. Last week there were some moderate to high cravings and kept me thinking that in any day there is potential for stumbling and falling. Today there are no cravings. If the cravings are high, I know that the way to go is to stay AWAY from internet sources and connect to the real world and real people. Going out for a walk/run, playing with my kid, cooking, chatting with my wife, etc. If late at night, just going straight to bed. Cravings are temporary and at some point they will just dissipate.

I hope everyone is having a great day.

Today is my first day on here and it is good to know that others have made great progress like you have.  I hope to make it through each day as they come.  Good luck to you!

 

[recovery000]

Rocky roads can appear out of the sudden, and you can never let your guard down. That was my mistake. After 121 days in hard mode, I fell back. The main cause was social media. Without realizing it much, I gradually increased the use of these tools to monitor mostly the news. But alongside news, other material gradually filtered until it got me. Well, what can I do, pick up my pieces, learn my lesson, shake off the dust, and carry on.

That was over a month ago. I failed to post it here then, mainly because I needed time to think about what happened, everything was going so well. Certainly, I am very happy with the progress then, and my current one (one month), as well. It shows that it is possible to be P free, if you have the right motivation, mindset, method, and level of awareness. It does not require any effort to browse the web for some good looking girls. Hence no merit involved. The effort needs to be put into avoiding them. The is the real challenge. The online channels (all of them) for this type of material need to remain closed and locked, all the time. That includes normal entertainment like movies or tv series. Everything has to be PG and/or classics that you know are clean. I failed to do that and have learned my lesson. Now I check the news directly into the newspaper's website.

Cravings are there. They are not going away any time soon. Some flashbacks usually come at the time for bed. Occasionally, I let them hang in there longer than not. I am working on that. There is great improvement in checking women out in the street. The winter clearly helps in that regard. I hope this serves as training for when the summer hits.

The end of the year can be a way to set a new beginning, to start over, to set new goals, a sense of having a second chance to become better. I am taking it with an open mind and a clear heart, so help me God.

 

[akpal2]

Rocky roads can appear out of the sudden, and you can never let your guard down. That was my mistake. After 121 days in hard mode, I fell back. The main cause was social media. Without realizing it much, I gradually increased the use of these tools to monitor mostly the news. But alongside news, other material gradually filtered until it got me. Well, what can I do, pick up my pieces, learn my lesson, shake off the dust, and carry on.

That was over a month ago. I failed to post it here then, mainly because I needed time to think about what happened, everything was going so well. Certainly, I am very happy with the progress then, and my current one (one month), as well. It shows that it is possible to be P free, if you have the right motivation, mindset, method, and level of awareness. It does not require any effort to browse the web for some good looking girls. Hence no merit involved. The effort needs to be put into avoiding them. The is the real challenge. The online channels (all of them) for this type of material need to remain closed and locked, all the time. That includes normal entertainment like movies or tv series. Everything has to be PG and/or classics that you know are clean. I failed to do that and have learned my lesson. Now I check the news directly into the newspaper's website.

Cravings are there. They are not going away any time soon. Some flashbacks usually come at the time for bed. Occasionally, I let them hang in there longer than not. I am working on that. There is great improvement in checking women out in the street. The winter clearly helps in that regard. I hope this serves as training for when the summer hits.

The end of the year can be a way to set a new beginning, to start over, to set new goals, a sense of having a second chance to become better. I am taking it with an open mind and a clear heart, so help me God.

Great post recovery00, it certainly reminds me to keep my eyes open for things that build up and might cause us to relapse. I am on day 11 of hard mode and things are moving very slow. One can never let their guard down as you say, and i have to fight all day to keep the hypersexualized thoughts away. Funny enough i was watching Gabe Wilson's tedx video and had pics with women in bikinis in it which turned me on a couple of days ago. Your post was very informative and insightful. Please keep posting o your progress. I too have a very long way to go. I hate myself for having recovered and the relapsing. Sigh

 

[recovery000]

Thanks akpal2, we have just to keep going, there is no other way. Struggle is an essential part of life, it is how we learn, it is how we grow.

Update:
Day 45 hard mode. Things are going well, thoughts come from time to time, but the frequency tends to be a little lower than before. Cravings are there, some days stronger than others. The thought of finding something new and exciting in P, is still attractive to me. I just tell to myself that avoiding that is a sacrifice for the greater good of everyone around me, not just me. Engaging into that behavior has been detrimental not only to me but to others around me. I want my home to be a place clean from that material. I live a constant struggle between the man that I want to be and the child that wants to have his way one more time. The awareness that at ANY time there is a possibility of falling, keeps me awake and going. If I have to work until late hours, it is paramount to do so away from the computer, if possible. Tiredness and internet access do not make a good duo. Other possibility is to go to bed and wake up very early to finish the task. You have to do what you have to do.
I wish everyone a good day.

 

[recovery000]

Day 57:
About to complete the second month. Feeling calm and getting used to the struggle between the lower/rebel boy and the conscientious man. It does not bother me as much as in the past. I am more in control when avoiding to look at women in the street, however nocturnal thoughts still hunt me. Trying to keep myself busy whether be focusing on work or doing something productive for the family. Intensive exercise is once a week, with less intensive two or three times a week. Keeping my diet sugar free for the most part, no alcohol, and tons of water. Detoxing not only my brain but also my heart and gut. I wish everyone a great week.