Started Friday July 3rd

[TheNorman]

Still struggling with communicating more just about my thoughts and feelings. I am still too much in my own head. Other than that and typical everyday issues like work, keeping house etc. things are going fine.

The issues of the past in regards to porn being intertwined with sex have receded. "Reboot" isn't just a clever name. My mind feels different. Sex isn't constantly on my mind in an unrealistic and unhealthy way like it used to be.

Just got out for a nice walk with my daughter on a day that started quite overcast and gloomy but turned out sunny and beautiful!

 

[J01]

Glad to hear of your progress about it not being in your mind (in the unhealthy way you mentioned) all the time.  We need "head space" for all the good stuff, and there is not enough room for the junk!

I have read a few things suggesting that vitamin d (sunlight) might be in some way beneficial in the covid19 fight.  Think about how much was accomplished and obtained by the simple act of taking the walk you mentioned:  fresh air, sunlight, getting away for a bit, great daddy time, and even a little exercise thrown in to boot!  The simple things in life! 

 

[TheNorman]

Jixu you are so right. I love walking and every time I get out for one I am incredibly grateful for that time to be outdoors getting some nice big deep breathes of fresh air in. Looking forward to this weekend and getting some nice walks in the woods in!

 

[Joel]

Still struggling with communicating more just about my thoughts and feelings. I am still too much in my own head. Other than that and typical everyday issues like work, keeping house etc. things are going fine.

The issues of the past in regards to porn being intertwined with sex have receded. "Reboot" isn't just a clever name. My mind feels different. Sex isn't constantly on my mind in an unrealistic and unhealthy way like it used to be.

So true. Abstinence from the bad stuff will heal so much - even the way we think and our trouble communicating.

 

[TheNorman]

I have been on the forum, posting on other peoples boards and not really posting on my own because...there hasn't been anything to post really. I was worried about the US election (as a Canadian it was stressful but not as stressful as being...American). The Covid situation here is getting worse, work is frantic at times. I'm more present, better at communicating, reading lots, getting more exercise. Am I 100% present/an open book/a fitness machine? No. And that's ok, because the places where I'm falling down don't result in me falling all the way to PMO or back to something worse.
Seeing some of you struggle has kept me on my toes. I have definitely felt a bit complacent about where I'm at and your struggles are a constant reminder that there are no days off.

 

[JDoe]

I think we get caught up in the trap of thinking "I'm a degenerate" and that becomes an excuse to stay down. What's the point of striving for more if you believe you're not worthy of better or that you can't achieve it?

That's 100% true for me. That's where I've been for the past 20 years and now suddenly, I met a girl who's shown me I am worthy of good things in life, so I'm struggling to comprehend this unprecedented turn of events and obsessing in my head causing performance anxiety. I'm on hmm...day 7 over here and the temptation is strong today, but my relationship with her is worth way more than a cheap 'high.' I read some of your other posts here and see that you struggled with obsessive thoughts about sex too. I'm trying to push mine down and it's working, so when me and my g/f talk, she'll mention sex or something and I'll suddenly feel this rush of excitement since thinking about sex is an out-of-nowhere, spur of the moment thought now. I was totally flatlining when I saw her in-person last. Still struggling with the thoughts about ED though once I feel that rush, but I can tell something is happening and working, if only slightly so far. I know I'm not going to beat 20 years of PIED + performance anxiety in a 7 day hardmode nofap, but I think progress is being made.

Keep it up. It's true there are no days off. A simple browse on Facebook can trigger me because today, for some random reason, I got an ad for women's leggings and of course there was a hot chick in the ad wearing very little clothing. That normally would've sent me down to P, but not now and not ever again.

 

[TheNorman]

As I scrolled around on some posts here I realized that this forum often disappoints: If people are posting it's generally because they're struggling. Rarely do people come on here and post to say "Hey, fuckin' killin' it boys!" and let's be honest that would be a bit off, like rubbing it in others faces. It pains me to see others struggle and I am feel like I have good advice but it has not been nearly the same struggle for me and that has made me hesitant to visit or post. I don't want to seem like a know-it-all.

I just wanted to pop in and say thank you again to all those that have read and replied to my posts. WIP, UK, Joel, LIGA, Leo, Rookie, Jixu, Nick. The list goes on and on but all of you have listened to my rants, offered advice, and I know if things do go sideways you'll do your best to help me turn it back around. I haven't been counting the days but July 3 to now is a few! I have struggled at times but I have the tools to make sure that those struggles are dealt with in a better way. I will be checking in more frequently, just to say "hi" or to offer advice on other guys posts. I hope you're all finding things that help you. I'm here if you need to vent/have questions/want to brag.

 

[Andrew1973]

Hey Norman, you've never come across as a know all - your humility has always shone through. At the same time there are guys on here that I know are more unlikely than others (including myself) to relapse. I definitely put you in that former category. Whatever your secret is, long may it continue! As for me, I've been fuckin' killin' it for the last fortnight!  Struck up a good off line accountability partnership with ShadeTrenicin - it's an approach that I would recommend to anyone and really builds on and enhances the benefits of this community that are sometimes held back by the archaic tech and like of 'real time' communication. Take care.

 

[Joel]

Great stuff, Norm. Though I don't think anyone here begrudges success, they take HOPE from it; that's why there's a whole sub-forum called Success Stories. I'm here more when I struggle, for sure, but it's a downer to be hopeful for others and see them not doing well. I, for one, love a happy post like the one you just posted. Totally understandable though that you don't have much to say because you're beating this habit to a pulp, which is where it belongs.

And on that, great to hear about your progress, Guy! Awesome to see you leaning into the community. The Dobber would approve. Yes, he would.

 

[workinprogressUK]

I just wanted to pop in and say thank you again to all those that have read and replied to my posts. WIP, UK, Joel, LIGA, Leo, Rookie, Jixu, Nick. The list goes on and on but all of you have listened to my rants, offered advice, and I know if things do go sideways you'll do your best to help me turn it back around. I haven't been counting the days but July 3 to now is a few! I have struggled at times but I have the tools to make sure that those struggles are dealt with in a better way. I will be checking in more frequently, just to say "hi" or to offer advice on other guys posts. I hope you're all finding things that help you. I'm here if you need to vent/have questions/want to brag.

I massively appreciate all of your contributions, mate. You're always "rock star" helpful. You really help me. Please don't feel bad.... not even for one second.... that you're winning.

 

[Phineas 808]

Hi, Norman! Thanks for the shout-out on another journal. I've started reading your journal, and am interested in your story and journey.

As I scrolled around on some posts here I realized that this forum often disappoints: If people are posting it's generally because they're struggling. Rarely do people come on here and post to say "Hey, fuckin' killin' it boys!" and let's be honest that would be a bit off, like rubbing it in others faces. It pains me to see others struggle and I am feel like I have good advice but it has not been nearly the same struggle for me and that has made me hesitant to visit or post. I don't want to seem like a know-it-all.

I had a similar thought on rejoining Reboot Nation (as I was here between 2014-16). I've been down this road, I've fought with this thing using numerous approaches for- not years, but decades (almost 30 years!). I know how to abstain from this crap, when I have resolve. But am I coming off as a 'know-it-all'? And this concern is particularly true for me in using different approaches than what's typical in 'recovery circles'.

I used to get discouraged when I see others struggle- but now I know (too many times over) how easy it is when you let your guard down, or approach life mindlessly while your habit is still overly sensitized. One can't go on autopilot, and expect that they won't encounter old cues, or have urges with old habit patterns emerge.

Again, we don't want to be so conscious of this thing, like a hyper-vigilance, that we end up feeding the habit anyway!

But if we're doing good in this area, by all means- boast! Not in a self-righteous and condescending way, but as a way to celebrate yourself, and also to point the way to others because you've been there, and you care. Sure, our struggles may look different (I never really had PIED), but we know what habit is, we may know what addiction is- and how to fight it.

Helping others helps us to stay focused and sharp as we need to be.

Blessings!

 

[TheNorman]

UKGuy: So happy to hear you're doing well. You have been a huge part of my success, from wanting to emulate yours, to seeing how bad it stings when things aren't going as well. You've been a huge part of my success and between you and WIP I've even taken in a few football matches. That's some serious influence right there!

Joel: Thanks bud. It does make me so happy to know that people can look at where I am at and get some hope from it. That's what this is all about: Hope. It can feel so hopeless, even pointless, when you have tried and fall down. I struggled early on but all the void left by P has been filled with so much more useful things. It's so important to grasp onto those good things with a gorilla-like grip...like our boy WIP.

WIP: What can I say. You have been with me from day one. Your wisdom and advice is always helpful and your strength goes further than your freakish deadlifting ability.

Phin: Seeing posts like yours, where you talk about being here years ago serves as such an important reminder that this isn't something that you get past a few weeks or months and then set it on autopilot. In fact I think a lot of us on this forum, and humans in general can attest to: Autopilot is fine when you know it's wide open sky, unfortunately we all tend to turn it on when we're very close to the mountains. My therapist has a great gesture/demonstration that she does where she holds her hands up and looks at them. The left being addiction, the right being recovery, and both clearly in view. It's when one moves directly in front that the other sneaks up behind and bites you in the ass. Blessings right back at you my friend!

I'm grateful for all of you, I'm grateful that vaccines and hope are on the horizon, I'm grateful for the Christmas break coming up so I can spend time with my family and hopefully find a nice outdoor sheet of ice to skate on. Here's to a great weekend!

 

[J01]

Very glad to see that you have chosen to stay active in the forum and posting in your journal and those of the other rebooters-hope you stay around until at least July so we can see you close the loop on a year!  I'm also big time looking forward to the Christmas break though won't likely get much skating in!

 

[TheNorman]

Thanks Jixu! I'm happy to be here to offer any help I can. July certainly doesn't seem that far off and at the same time almost impossibly far away.

Interesting developments over that past couple of days. As a man, vulnerability is a constant battle. It certainly feels like "weakness" and I avoid it by default. I've learned that avoidance of vulnerability is one of many habits that I would very much like to rid myself of. Communication with my partner and vulnerability go hand-in-hand so I continue to work on both. Covid has had some very negative effects on my family (isolation and fear being the big ones) but I am so grateful for this time, almost like a training camp for when the world goes back to "normal".

The other night my wife and I were watching a show together (which doesn't happen often because she likes to watch a lot of shows that involve Housewives swearing at each other). Seemingly out of nowhere there was nudity. I reacted like a child: I immediately went red and averted my eyes. A lot of things to unpack in all that. I'm very aware of how that would make my wife feel, seeing me looking at a nude woman, so that was part of it. I also actively avoid looking at provocative images because I feel like it's better to avoid than linger. I then realized that seeing the nudity actually really didn't bother me, my wife's feelings were what I was getting worked up about. We talked about it and I told her I was fine with watching it, it didn't really bother me, but I could see how it would bother her and if it made her uncomfortable then I would just pick up the story later on, to which she said would make her feel better about it.

It's funny, as I said it I knew that she wouldn't believe that after such a struggle with seeing nudity and it being a trigger for seeking other stuff that she could just take my word for it. I even looked within myself a few times to try to gauge WHY it wasn't more of an issue than it could or even should be. It turns out that "rebooting" is really about giving your brain space to get away from those old paths which I have been able to do since July.

I'll continue to post as things come up. I feel like it's a good place to be vulnerable and get my thoughts out instead of rattling around inside this oversized gourd of a cranium.

 

[workinprogressUK]

It turns out that "rebooting" is really about giving your brain space to get away from those old paths which I have been able to do since July.

Wise words. That saying that "neurons that fire together, wire together" holds true. You stopped firing the "trigger = P" neurons and you've spent time wiring "trigger = some other neurons", and your brain's nice and plastic in relation to that feeling of familiarity. Great work, pal. Keep letting yourself feel vulnerable!

 

[TheNorman]

Happy new year all. The break was fantastic for me. Days without even looking at my computer, spending time reading, cleaning, organizing, decluttering. All good stuff. I'm still going strong. No PMO since my first post here and no MO since August. Still lots to work on from a mental-health perspective but in a much better space overall. I hope for all of you 2021 is the year that you remember as the year that you kicked P to the curb. It is not easy but it does get easier.

 

[TheNorman]

Just dropping a line to say that I'm still going strong. Family is healthy and mostly doing well (lockdowns and Covid being the biggest issues). No P since I first appeared on this forum and no M since August. I don't know where others are at. PMO is a different answer to a lot of different problems, except it's not really an answer to anything. It just presents itself that way. I don't miss it at all. When I say that, I mean there are no physical or psychological effects. I mention that because that wasn't the case at the beginning. There were real physical issues at the start. Moodiness, lethargy, flatlining etc. They pass. It will all get better if you give your brain the time and space to get itself better. There are a lot of journals on here that helped get me to this point and maybe mine can be one to help you too. The amount of time and brainspace you waste on P is astonishing once you get away from it! Hope you're all well and working hard at getting to a better place.

 

[Leonidas]

Thanks for your update, TheNorman!

This is proof that eliminating a bad habit is possible when you want it AND are ready for the change.  I'm in a similar frame of mind: I don't feel that I am missing out on the smut.  Still, there are other issues that come to the fore... leaving behind this problem seems to uncover other problems that weren't so obvious before, so for me it's become a game of whack-a-mole!  Always a pesky little brat playing mind games... I guess it wants attention mostly.  Truth for me goes a bit like this: whenever I am without purpose or have nothing to look forward to, vices inevitably creep in to try to fill my life with something, be that gaming, porn or whatever other time-killer.  Energy HAS to go somewhere, so to forestall its excess going to the wrong places, the best strategy (for me) is to make meaningful plans towards something that will make me feel good for having tried or achieved it.

Take care and enjoy the serene views of your journey!

 

[TheNorman]

I agree wholeheartedly Leonidas, and for me P went hand-in-hand with video games, mindless scrolling and video streaming on my phone...all things that were geared for distraction because living in the present and with intention is hard work! Being attentive, being vulnerable, communicating, expressing how you feel: They're all extra-scared and hard to do when you're caught in a shame-spiral of P. These days I am still working hard on all of those positive things but am by no means an expert at any of them. I am however still without P since the day I posted here, thanks to a supportive partner, thanks to therapy, thanks to books, thanks to a solid plan and incredible thanks to the guys on here who shared their own struggles and successes.

Get away from the empty promises of porn, find the things that make you happy and start by knowing you deserve to be happy.

 

[LetItGoAlready]

Just dropping a line to say that I'm still going strong. Family is healthy and mostly doing well (lockdowns and Covid being the biggest issues). No P since I first appeared on this forum and no M since August.

That's fantastic news, Norm. Congrats!