Looking forward to the day I can say "Finally free"


New Member
Hi, I don't really know how to make a proper post here so please feel free to tell me if I'm doing something wrong (being too explicit or something of the sort, be careful reading this, I assume there may be some words which may come across as triggers, specifically what I watch).

I'm 23 years old and have been watching pornography since I was 10. My friends showed it to me and this was around the time I was hitting puberty and was curious about things so I was instantly hooked. By 11, I couldn't go to sleep unless I had MO'd, P was not yet crucial for me to falling asleep. Growing up, I had always fantasized about what I now know as femdom and by age 14, finding it online catapulted my habit into what I would consider a full blown addiction. I couldn't go without PMO for more than a few days at max and slowly had to start finding increasingly extreme stuff to satisfy my fantasies.

By 18, I stumbled upon cuckold porn. I had come across this before but found it disturbing, but at 18, nothing I came across was arousing me so I decided to give it a chance. It invoked deep feelings on anxiety, jealousy and shame but also the strongest arousal I can remember in years. This is where I think things started really going downhill. This was the only thing that would arouse me and it ended up ruining my first serious relationship with an amazing girl because I would always fantasize this and project it onto her (I always assumed she was doing something behind my back or liked other guys more than me when this was clearly not the case). This was also when I started developing PIED.

Currently, not even cuckold porn arouses me anymore, rarely anything does, aside from forced bi hypno. I have had PIED for 5 years now, multiple failed relationships as I feel no attraction or connection to anyone and I don't remember what a genuine erection or orgasm feels like. However, I still force myself to PMO with what little I can. I have only turned 23 recently and I no longer want my life to be controlled by this thing I have been fighting for 13 years. All aspects of my life are effected. I lack motivation, discipline, initiative, I am severely depressed and anxious and the worst part is I feel like there is no one to blame but myself.

Regardless, I am currently on day 6 of hard mode and I felt the need to make this journal to update daily as I have decided that this is it, I will overcome this. I read the words "finally free" on a social media post today and it resonated with me a lot. I want to be able to say those words. Wish me luck guys. The urge to relapse today is strong, but being on day 6 feels great. If anyone has read this far, thank you so much and best of luck on your journey.


Hey buddy, welcome.
I'm stoked that you're on the right path! The way forward is challenging, but the light at the end of this tunnel will certainly be worth it. I applaud your bravery to post here on this forum, you'll certainly find more than enough support if you ever need it. You're almost at the end of your first week, and that's seriously impressive. The first week can be daunting, and many get stuck there time and time again. Keep trucking and eventually you won't even be counting days anymore.

If you are ever interested in supporting material to help you stay motivated, get educated, or keep you focused on the way forward, there's a plethora of resources on the internet specifically tailored to those of us dealing with this kind of problem. You've already found one of them, rebootnation, and this is a great hub for exploring that space. Let someone know if you're looking for more :)

Cheers buddy, look forward to hearing about you kicking ass.


New Member
Thanks so much for the encouragement, it means a lot! I certainly will keep an eye out for more resources during times I feel the urge is very strong. Looking forward to to updating on a daily basis and seeing my progress. Thanks again :)


New Member
Day 2:

I relapsed the night I posted my first post. I was super stressed because of an essay I had due and needed to fall asleep to wake up early so i told myself i had to MO. I found a financial dominatrix on twitter and sent her money to engage in convo with me and used that to MO as there is really no P that turns me on anymore. I then spent yesterday trying to find some P that turned me on for hours. Found nothing. The way I'm counting my days is by no PMO in conjunction, so currently back to day 2 of no PMO. However, rather than looking at this as starting all the way back from day 2, im looking at it as "In the past 8 days, i've only PMO'd once." Which is huge for me bc at one point I was PMO'ing daily if not multiple times a day.

Regardless, the reason im not PMO'ing is bc i simply cant get hard unless its to the thought of someone I know cucking me or something, but that ruins my relationship with the. I need to stop spending time on findom twitter. I am seriously considering finding a dominatrix for one session but man I wanna stop all of this stuff. I'm seeing a lot of guys get to day 20 something and they are posting consistently here, so I will try to do the same.

Falling asleep last night and just about every night nowadays sucks. I can't feel my dick and i hate it. It literally feels like i have no dick. I don't remember morning wood or how a true erection feels. I hate it so much.


New Member

relapsed again, found another way to satisfy my fetishes thats not technically PMO and caved in. Today is day 1. Feel alright besides a little bit of brain fog and laziness. I'm also realizing how much my femdom and cuckold kinks contribute to my insecurities and inability to develop healthy relationships with women. shit hurts to admit but damn i need to do better. lets see how this try goes.


Active Member
Hi Finallyfree, welcome!  If I can ask, how do you structure your time?  have you added filters to your devices or made them inaccessible in any way?  Do you exercise, or have any positive habits you can fill your time with?