I really need encouragement

A small post to ask for support from the community.

I can't say no to porn anymore. Yesterday, in a journal I created a few weeks ago, I had just shared my firm intention to restart and be strict in my withdrawal. To end up jerking off half the night...
In short, I have to rekindle this motivation.
All messages of support are welcome.
 

icemaudib

Member
Hey bud
Sometimes we can reach a point where our motivation isn't enough, especially if your initial willpower is exhausted in the early stages of attempted reboots.

I'm not sure what sort of system you have in place for yourself, but if you don't have one, it's incredibly important to make one. Accountability partners are important, as are systems that are in place within your own life that make accessing porn as difficult as possible. If you watch porn on your phone and computer, put on a blocker. If you get triggered when you're in your room, vow to leave your devices outside of your room. There are different techniques that work best for everyone, only you know what is best for you.

You got this. Remember that you're in control of all your actions.
 
My situation is really not obvious. I have already put several things in place but sometimes reality catches up with you.
When you want to get rid of pornography, you realize that to substitute the time spent on porn sites, you have to fill your days. The vast majority of men on the forum are people who have their own home (so who no longer live with their family), financial stability, a family and a woman for some. Here is the problem because I am only 17 years old and despite the fact that I consider myself very mature physically and psychologically, I remain a minor dependent on mum and dad and therefore I cannot do what I want.

As for the reboot partner, since I've been on this forum (3 months) , I have been trying to think about who could help me stay strict in my reboot. But again, reality catches up with me. I am a Muslim who has a big reputation with the Muslim community in my city and even with non-Muslims. I am very committed to religion and because of that people tie me a label of someone serious, mature, clean and trustworthy.
It even goes so far as to reach the sentimental domain in the sense that many families wanted me for their daughter before I myself proposed a daughter. So I summarize: a handsome guy physically, who has good morals, very involved in the private sphere who in no case would make people think that he is tormented by an addiction to pornography. Basically, if I were to tell someone that I am addicted to PMO and that I need help, they will not come and tell me that I am brave to come and confide in me on this subject but rather they would judge me. with expressions like: "the imam jerking off on sex sites, really, I didn't think of you like that".

So there are still close family members with whom I live on a daily basis. But then again, the reality is bitter. A relative of mine has had issues with porn before and I could see my parents' reaction to it. And as much to say that despite their benevolence, they faced something that they did not know.

To whom did I reveal my hauntings? Who can I tell if I need help? Who to ask for a lifelong commitment?
 
I know you're young, and feel mature in your mind, but if you have an addiction, you need to start with your parents.  Regardless of what they may think of you.  Just because they may not understand what you're going through, they should still love and support you.

One thing that I am learning from my sex addiction is that my behaviors tie back to my childhood.  They're so deeply rooted that I felt I could never tell a soul about my issues.  I had to keep it secret, even from my wife of 11 years.  I didn't even let her know, she caught me.  I felt all the feelings that I expected and all the fear of being exposed as well.  However, I didn't expect to feel such relief to know I wasn't alone with it anymore. 

If they want to disown you or make you feel less than, I'm sure that feeling with be easier to deal with knowing that you asked them for help.  You may be surprised afterall by how they treat you.  I do think you should get some education material for them on how its addicting (dopamine, ybop site, etc) so they're not blindsided and may even find they want to advocate along side you with this.


Also for your own sake... my wife has been pointing out many things about the porn industry.  Start reading more of that too.. child trafficking and how it leads them into a world of being used and abused.  Educate yourself on how dirty the world is for them and unfair... the majority are not really wanting to be where they are, and everytime you watch or click, you're helping keep them there.


Hope this helps.  Good luck
 
I don't think I can tell them. It's something that terrifies me and that I'm really ashamed of. In addition, my parents always saw me as an exemplary son.
 
I

Icandoit

Guest
Anti-porn FR said:
I don't think I can tell them. It's something that terrifies me and that I'm really ashamed of. In addition, my parents always saw me as an exemplary son.

I feel you, bro. I haven't been able to tell anybody in person either. Being able to unburden myself on this forum as anonymous has been a great help. Keeping everything inside could be dangerous. You know, I think I have a problem with "They don't understand because they are not porn addicts". Coming to Reboot Nation was a big relief because here I share my problem with everyone and they understand because they have the same problem. Thus, it's way easier to open up. I think if one of my parents was a former porn addict, it would be a lot easier, but it's not the case. Somehow I envy them for being my age in different times. Sometimes I hate to be part of this Internet generation. Internet porn is the most destructive thing when it comes to relationships but not limited to.
 
For you, it was perhaps a great relief but for me it remains insufficient because fictitious. In the bad period that I am currently living, the reboot nation is unfortunately no longer enough for me ...
 
I

Icandoit

Guest
Anti-porn FR said:
For you, it was perhaps a great relief but for me it remains insufficient because fictitious. In the bad period that I am currently living, the reboot nation is unfortunately no longer enough for me ...

I wish I could be there for you but, unfortunately, I could only be here.
 
More experienced therefore.
In short, big thanks to you and to those who preceded you in this discussion even if basically, I did not find the motivation. To be honest I think I need to talk to someone in "real" life and from there I think I'll walk away from porn like a French who face someone with covid 19 .
 
I

Icandoit

Guest
Anti-porn FR said:
More experienced therefore.
In short, big thanks to you and to those who preceded you in this discussion even if basically, I did not find the motivation. To be honest I think I need to talk to someone in "real" life and from there I think I'll walk away from porn like a French who face someone with covid 19 .

Whatever works for you, buddy.
 

imsorrynotsorry

Active Member
Hello,

I had just shared my firm intention to restart and be strict in my withdrawal. To end up jerking off half the night...

Self sabotage is a normal thing to happen. It will repeat eventually, but in the end the willpower will win against the self sabotage mechanism. All you need to do is let your willpower grow, intelligently. Just saying 'i will stop PMO' isn't enough. Find a strategy, avoid everything that triggers you, and so on.
To be honest, with 17 yo i don't think i had any chance to quit. I didn't know about ybop or anything back then, 18 years ago.

To the parents situation i can only say, if you feel like you can handle this on your own, do this and prove this to yourself. If you can't handle it, because you need the support and love of your closest people, you may think about how bad it could end telling them. Off course, PMO and religion doesn't fit at all, but sometimes things just are like they are.
What is going to happen next for you? With 17 this would be a 'teenage problem', but with 25 this is becoming more your own problem.
In my opinion it isn't necessary to tell the parents, but on the other hand: do you know to overcome an addiction with 17? I couldn't back then.
 
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