This time, I have to succeed.

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Hi Guts.

I suspect your right. I think it's a common pattern, get 60 odd days under your belt and think that it's all plain sailing.

Thanks for the comment. It actually has really helped me to refocus on the long term goal. I agree that trying to masturbate in my current state is a mistake. Sex is right out of the equation at the moment. I had been a bit lax counting my days too, which I think is also an indication that I'm losing focus and a relapse is on the horizon!

Thanks again! This should keep me going a bit longer.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Day 80! No porn, no masturbation!

I'm really happy to have got this far. The bad news is that my flatline is still heavy. I just can't get hard. I've really fucked my brain up over this. I hoped that I'd see some results by now, but there's nothing.

Another 10 days to the 90, but I know 90 days only scratches the surface.

Stay strong!!!
 

Gabe Deem

Administrator
Staff member
Admin
Moderator
Congrats on 90 days mousemat1!!! Keep truckin' through it one day at a time. 8)
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
So, day 100!!!!

What can I report after 100 days of no porn, no masturbation? I feel like shit! I've been feeling pretty emotional the last five or six days, and more than a little depressed. I'm still flatlining. Morning erection are infrequent. Yea, I feel shit.

I had some really strong porn cravings a few days ago, which I managed to resist. I have to say it's become easier to fight off any urges. I haven't had any urges to look at sissy porn, and all my HOCD seems to have disappeared. So, at least I'm reverting back to my innate sexuality, which has to be seen as a sign of progress.

I still have no desire to have sex with my partner, which is pissing me off.

Anyway, 100 days! I fucking hate porn!
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Congratulations mousemat, great stuff.

I see myself in what you describing. I am right now around 60 days of no PMO. We now have to work ourselves out of the swamp in order to get on stable ground. I am sure we will make out. 100 days is a massive step towards that.

Keep going
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Thanks Jeks!

60 days is also an amazing achievement! Keep going man!!! We have to take the rough with the smooth, but we'll beat this damn habit!!!

Stay strong, and thanks for the encouragement.  ;)
 

Bilbo Baggins

Active Member
Congratulations, friend! I hope you start feeling better soon. This is clearly a long process. I am almost 8 months into my reboot, and I feel much better than a few months back. It?s very gradual... I know it?s not the first time you go through this, so you know the drill. You will get there, mousemat. Take care.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Thanks Bilbo!

I can't wait to hit 8 months! Well done! That's a monumental achievement. I remember going about 10 months without porn and then I relapsed. Stay strong my friend! Thanks for the kind words.

Incidentally, are you able to have sex after 8 months, or are you still having issues?

Thanks again!
 

Bilbo Baggins

Active Member
Thanks man.

I can?t say for sure, but I don?t think I am functional now. I decided to stop having sex for a few months (I have a girlfriend, but she is supportive). I have had successful sex without Viagra twice during my reboot before that. Actually, even before rebooting, I was most of the time able to have sex. But I needed constant stimulation to stay hard, or I would easily lose my erection. I would like to reach a state where I can easily feel aroused and stay hard like any other man. Regular morning wood would be nice as well.

Keep it up, friend!
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
I've had really erotic dreams about women over the last two nights.

I take this as a positive sign. Firstly, it proves to me that my sexual orientation is towards women. My HOCD was brought on by porn use. Secondly, it might mean that I'm slowly coming out of my flatline. I haven't really felt any sexual thoughts (other than porn cravings) during this reboot. The fact that my dreams are starting to involve sexual contact with women might be a step in the right direction.

Who knows? I might even be able to have sex before Christmas..... Christmas 2021 that is.  :-\
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Day 116! Right out of nowhere I'm having HOCD thoughts again and strong urges to watch porn.

I think that the HOCD thoughts are just my mind cleaning things out. I think when things like this come up they are just begging to be reinforced. If we don't get involved with these thoughts they just subside and are weaker the next time they come up. That's my theory anyway.

My porn urges have been pretty easy to control, so this is a plus. The problem is that I'm still in a heavy flatline. I tried to coax an erection out of my ol' friend the other day and he wasn't having any of it. I know it's not biological because a few days before I woke up with an erection. I don't want to masturbate, I just want to see if I can get hard to my own touch.

Anyway, on we go! My recovery seems a long way off.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
I have to come here to write some stuff down. I'm on the verge of a relapse. My fingers were hovering over the keyboard about to type in something porn related. My thoughts have been full of porn related images, which I try to push out of my mind as quickly as I can. But right now I really want to look at some porn. All the old fantasies and fetishes I picked up over the years have come flooding back and it's really difficult to resist. I hope that by writing this down here I give myself some strength to fight these urges.

I'm on day 130! I can't throw away all this progress! I desperately need to heal so I can start having sex with my partner again. If I relapse, I effectively throw the last 130 days in the trash.

If I can get through the next 48 hours I think I'll be OK. This has just come up from nowhere and caught me by surprise.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Mousemat, dont,

think of all the reasons why you have to quit porn! Look out the window and think about all the things you see. Think about trees and whatever and fill your mind with other thoughts. Take a shower. Phone someone. Grab a pillow and dont let go of it. Look at your souroundings and focus on something else.
Use your own techniques that got you so far.
This is an urge. It will pass, just hold on a little longer. It will go away.

 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Thanks Jeks.

I switched off my computer and distracted myself and the urges seem to have gone away. It was a close call. My brain was screaming for its fix. I'm going to check a few messages and then I'm getting away from the computer again.

I really appreciate your comment man. Thanks so much.

mouse
 

jsrazw

New Member
mousemat1 said:
I have to come here to write some stuff down. I'm on the verge of a relapse. My fingers were hovering over the keyboard about to type in something porn related. My thoughts have been full of porn related images, which I try to push out of my mind as quickly as I can. But right now I really want to look at some porn. All the old fantasies and fetishes I picked up over the years have come flooding back and it's really difficult to resist. I hope that by writing this down here I give myself some strength to fight these urges.

I'm on day 130! I can't throw away all this progress! I desperately need to heal so I can start having sex with my partner again. If I relapse, I effectively throw the last 130 days in the trash.

If I can get through the next 48 hours I think I'll be OK. This has just come up from nowhere and caught me by surprise.

The fact that you chose to post and write down your feeling already shows how strong you have become through this journey. And it's very encouraging to read your journal. Keep it up!
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Thanks jsrazw

This forum is a real help. What's your story? I see you posted for the first time today.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Time for an update. Today I haven't watched porn for 140 days!

I decided to mastubate without porn the day after Christmas. I had been in a flatline pretty much since the start of my reboot. My penis was dead. I wasn't getting any morning erections, if I tried to get an erection it was really, really difficult. It just felt like my brain had forgotten that my ol' friend even existed. I thought that if I could get hard and masturbate to conclusion it might reignite the connection between my brain and my penis. I found it really difficult to get hard and had to start masturbating with a semi-hard dick. It was only as I was getting close to orgasm that I got a solid erection. I tried to stay there for a minute or two before going over the edge.

Since I masturbated I've been getting rock hard erections every morning. If I touch myself for a short while I can get a solid erection. More importantly, I woke up this morning with a full erection, went to the kitchen to get some water and returned to the bedroom and I still had the same solid erection.

A word of caution! In the past, masturbating has always led to a relapse. This time I haven't had any desire to look at porn since I masturbated. That said, I expect them to arrive, although it's been a week since I had a tug.

I hope this helps anyone suffering from a long flatline. Everyone is different, but if you find your flatline feels like it's never going to end, perhaps giving you penis a kickstart by masturbating will help. I have no real plans to masturbate again. I don't want to fall into the trap of masturbating regularly, I have a partner that I want to have sex with. Remember that masturbation is deeply connected to us watching porn, so there is always the danger that it can lead to a relapse.

The only downside is that my libido is still zero. I've been having the great erections for a week now, but I really don't want to do anything with them. Hopefully, my libido will return soon.

Have a great 2021 and I wish you all success in beating the addiction!
 
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