This time, I have to succeed.

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Here we go again! I have to beat this addiction. I apologise in advance, I'm going to post my progress every day (time permitting). I'm posting my progress, more for myself than for others to see. If it benefits anyone else, then I'll be very happy.

I haven't masturbated for two weeks. This part isn't so difficult. Watching porn has been the most difficult habit to eliminate.

I've been porn free for 24 hours and I can already feel the effects. The next time I write will be to mark off 48 hours without porn. I'm going to keep doing it until I'm porn free.

I'll post background info about my struggle and problems as I go. Anyway, 24 hours without porn! Let's kick this habit together!

mouse
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Right, that's 48 hours without porn. Today has been pretty easy.

My porn escalation is pretty typical. I went through pretty much all the fetishes until I arrived at transexual and sissy porn. The sissy porn is a personal low point. Since I was last active on this forum, I've had periods of a few weeks without porn and I have to say that the fetishes seems to fade pretty quickly for me. When I've been compelled to look at porn after a short break, it's always been straight porn. The problem is that it escalates quite quickly until I arrive at the sissy porn again.

The last time I tried to quit I was watching porn and masturbating several times a day. This time I'm approaching it from a point where I can go short periods without. For example, I slipped into bad habits the last two weeks, but before that I had gone almost two weeks without. This time I have to quit for good! I have no idea if I'm going to slip into a flatline this time. Last time I quit I was in a flatline for many months, which was scary.

Anyway, 2 days porn free. I hate counting the days because if I'm going to quit for the rest of my life, counting makes no sense. However, it might be useful for anyone wanting to quit to see a daily report of another porn addict. Good luck to everyone else trying to quit. We can do this!
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
I'm 72 hours porn free! That sounds much better than 3 days porn free!

I'm struggling a little tonight. I think the flatline is kicking in. I have absolutely no sensation in my dick. It's just dead! I've been here before, and I know things will improve. Rule number one with the flatline: don't check if you can still get hard by sneaking a peak at porn. I can answer that question right now, yes I will get hard to porn, but I'm not going to check.

The weird thing about the flatline for me is that I feel completely impotent. It's like my 'best friend' is never going to get hard again. It passes.

The only good thing I can say about my mild porn cravings tonight is that they are for biological women and not transexuals. That is a step in the right direction. Fetishes do fade.

I think the most difficult thing about this journey is that I know that I can never look at porn again if I want to recover in the long term. Sad though it may seem, that thought is a little depressing. Porn has been there as a comfort blanket for when I felt down for so long that it's difficult to think of life without it. The problem is that while it gives me some temporary distraction from some of the shit things that can happen during the week, in the long term porn use just creates more misery.

Anyway, 3 days porn free! I've just got to repeat this streak another 9 times and it'll be 30 days porn free.

Good luck to everyone fight this shit!
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Well, I'm in my flatline. I am the proud owner of a dead penis! I've been in this position several times before, but I have to say that the flatline is the weirdest sensation, or lack of sensation to be more accurate.

There's nothing to do. I just have to wait for the resurrection.

The only good thing about the flatline is that I just can't be bothered looking at porn. It kind of comes in waves. Right now, I just don't care about porn and I'm going to ride this wave of the flatline the best I can. The important thing is not to panic and check if it still works to porn. It'll definitely get hard to porn, but I'll also definitely have to restart me reboot.

Porn free for 4 days! It's a start!
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Day five! I almost slipped up today. It was such an unconscious reaction, but I stopped myself with my fingers hovering over the keyboard of my computer.

I'm obviously still in my flatline, but I woke up this morning with an erection. That's a new development for me during flatline. In the past I wouldn't get morning erections during the flatline. I'm actually coming to the reboot in a better condition than in the past. In the past I would edge for hours. That's something I haven't done for over a year. I've also had brief periods where I wasn't interested in porn, for about a week, whereas in the past I was PMOing several times a day, every day. So, I'm hoping that I can show some small improvements in a couple of months.

Anyway, day five out of the way. Another day porn free!

Stay strong!
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Day 8. I'm really fighting the urges tonight. It feels like my brain is crawling out of my skull!

I've just got to finish this post and switch off the computer. I'm pleased that I made it to 8 days though!
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
The fightback has begun! My brain knows something is wrong. It's cottoned on to the fact that there has been a significant drop in dopamine and is trying to compensate. Last night I woke up every 30 minutes or so after being bombarded with sexual imagery. Everything I tried to eliminate porn induced, fetishistic thoughts didn't work. The main event was HOCD imagery. I'm tired today, so I've really got to stay vigilant.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
9 days porn free. I actually found it quite easy to stop myself today. There was a few times during the day where I was tempted, but I just refocused and pushed the thoughts out of my mind. The big problem today was the urge to masturbate. While I don't think there is a real problem masturbating without porn, I'm determined to go a minimum 30 days without masturbation. The next time I orgasm, I'd like it to be with my partner.

I remember the first time I recovered that I went without masturbation for about 30 days and the sensitivity in my penis was amazing during sex.

Anyway, the priority is no porn. On that front, I'm doing OK.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Another difficult night. Porn related images kept flashing through my mind and waking me up. I'm really tired today.

I don't feel any real urge to look at porn. This is the main objective.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Ten days without porn or masturbation. If was fucking tough going today. I was tired due to lack of sleep and when I was logging on earlier to check on messages I caught myself typing the address of a porn tube site. I stopped just in time.

Not masturbating is the big challenge at the moment. I know that if I do masturbate so early in my reboot, the a relapse to porn is not far behind.

Tens days! It feels good typing that!
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Day eleven was a breeze! No urges to masturbate and my brain only sent me a few weak requests for porn. It'll get worse, but for now...

eleven days porn free!
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Excellent progress!
Reach that 2 week mark to see some more benefits. The addiction will start to get tricky, trying to get you to give it that little drink of poison it wants. Tell it to fuck itself, then kick it in the balls.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
12 days porn free. My mind drifted towards porn todays, but it was pretty easy to handle it.

I'm starting to feel a dull ache in my balls, like a burning sensation. I don't remember having this before.

I think this is reboot number 6, and the previous five might have loosened porn's grip on me because this feels a little easier than the last one I tried. Anyway, moments like these are the most dangerous; when your guard is down.

I'll be happy when I've got a month under my belt. I'm almost half way there.

 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Two weeks without porn or masturbation. I'm quite happy with that! At the moment I'm really calm about it. This reboot has started much easier than my previous ones. I had some cravings in the first few days, that was probably just because I was breaking out of my almost daily routine of watching porn.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Today is day 15. If I make it until I go to sleep tonight, that is. However, I really don't think I'm at risk of relapsing today. Everything in my mind is very calm. I have urges to look at porn.

Last night I had an erotic dream involving a transexual. I woke up, but I had no desire to go searching for porn on the internet. I sometimes think that when we are rebooting and having porn flashback dreams, that it's our subconscious flushing the shit out of our system. A kind of detox.

The other thing I have to report is that when I used to go to bed, I'd fire up some porn like fantasy to help me sleep. I just don't have the desire to do this at the moment. I thought about it last night and wondered if I could conjure up some porn fantasy, and I couldn't. My fetishes seem to have diminished a lot in only 15 days.

My previous reboots were definitely much harder and more stressful at this point. I can only speculate that this seems easier because before I started this reboot I wasn't binging on porn every day. In fact, I haven't really binged on porn for a while. In the past I would edge for hours. Over the last year I was trying to just get the job done quickly and move on. The last twelve months were different because I watched porn 3-4 times a week, usually just before going to bed. Previously, I was going on line at any free moment during the day, every day. So, I think porn's hold on me was a little 'weaker' before starting this reboot.

Now, the big question. Avoiding porn seems easier this time, but how long will I take to recover?
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Over two weeks! Great progress. But dont get too complacent now, porn addiction is a sneaky little son of a bitch. It can strike when and where youd least expect.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
I thought it was too good to be true. Porn cravings are starting up again. Over the last two hours my brain has been screaming "just let me look at porn for 5 minutes, then I'll leave you peace". I'm not falling for it. When I finish this, I'm switching the computer off and going to bed.

I think perhaps the trigger today was that I saw a pop video and the female singer was in fetish gear and dancing in a very sexual way. Porn is everywhere! Even in pop videos! Just imagine how this is affecting young boys and girls who watch this hypersexualised imagery. Are pop videos the gateway drug to porn addiction. I have to deal with this aspect of modern life. It's impossible to avoid all of the hypersexualised imagery.

Anyway, today is day 16! No porn! No masturbation! Just the flatline...
 
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