Day 1......again

[SoccerMan5]

Well, I'm quitting...again. Seems like I have quit this so many times but it always creeps back in, each time getting worse and worse. Each time looking for more intense experiences. It is destroying me. Sometimes I think the problem with my addiction is that I think I only have to quit once. I have learned that I have to make an effort to quit today and everyday that follows. It is when is get complacent that I slip. I'm glad I found this website so I can find strength in numbers. Thanks for allowing me into the army. Let's make a stand together and beat this thing once and for all.

 

[uolihp]

I started yesterday, it's the official first time for me. I stopped in the past but for me, it was only breaks, never for good. This time, if for good. I hope you'll succeed this time

 

[SoccerMan5]

Well, I guess I forgot I was quitting. I made my first post almost 2 months ago and then immediately forgot I had even joined this site. Well, it's time to quit again. I am here today because I have had a particularly ruff day. I have been without P about 2 weeks now. I find it funny though that I replace P with Craigslist (CL). I love to head to CL and imagine all those ads are real (we all know they aren't).  I always reply to a few ads and then go and fap, fantasizing about the imaginary girl I just met online. I have enough fantasies rolling around in my head that I guess I really don't need P that often anymore. I seem to turn to P when my M doesn't satisfy me. That is probably why I am here today. I have been home alone today and boredom turned into fapping, like 3 times in an hour. I wasn't fulfilled so I jumped online thinking I could look at some P. Something told me to visit this site again and here I am. Does anyone else have the boredom trigger? That seems to be the main cause of my issues. That and just being alone. Anytime I am wifeless at home, I feel the need to self service. I am just trying to figure me out. Sorry for the random thoughts.

 

[vitam]

I think almost everyone has a boredom trigger - I know I do.  When I am wifeless and alone at home.  That is when I really need to be prepared.

I think one of the tragedies of porn and masturbation is that is makes us forget who we really are.  Like we are in a cloud or something.  Over the last 3 weeks, I have started to feel more like myself than I have in over ten years.  Part of that is because I have been forcing myself to do things that I would neglect in the past.  I have been playing the guitar again... exercising again... reading books again.  Those activities make me feel more like me, and I wasn't doing them when I was distracted by porn.

Don't give up man.  You can do this, and it will be worth it.

 

[SoccerMan5]

Thanks for the words of encouragement Vitam. I wish I had read them sooner.

Well, my counter is starting over. It is a lazy Sunday, my wife is taking a marathon nap like she does most Sundays, nothing but crap on TV, etc. I guess I need to slip into the bathroom for some me time. Feeling pretty down on myself right now for my choice. I am mad that I am not stronger. I didn't even make it a day into my resolve. I gotta find a way to free myself from these shackles. My wife doesn't know about my problems but in reality, she knows. She told me the other day that I have been different lately, more distant. I tell it is work stress. It's really personal life stress. I hate lying to her. She would never understand what I am going through. I just want to quit, put this behind me and live happily ever after with her. Here's to day 1.....again.

 

[SoccerMan5]

I have fallen again. My biggest problem is mornings. That is when I want it the most. The last 2 days I haven't wanted to go to work until I have indulged. But then once I indulge, I am depressed and don't want to go to work. When I finally get to work I struggle to focus. I can't find motivation to get any work done. Today is one of those days. I am sitting here in my cubicle staring a blank screen. I finally decided that writing here in my journal is a better use of my time then simple staring at nothing.
Does anyone else feel this way sometimes? Does anyone else lack the motivation to do anything? I also found today that I am struggling interacting with people. I feel like I have nothing to say to them. What are some tricks that people have that struggle in mornings like I do? Also, when you do slip and fall, how do you pick yourself up and not let it get you down? As I wrote that last sentence, I realized that it is a good thing that this gets me down. At least I am realizing that I am doing something wrong and damaging.
I am here today with a goal. My tiny goal is to make through my morning tomorrow. To get ready for work and arrive refreshed and ready to work, not depressed and thinking of my issues. Wish me luck.

 

[tj]

Soccer Man, I have the same type of mornings, my first hour is the toughest of the day. Even on my day 55 of reboot I still have to fight the urge especially soon after wake up.  In the past the early hours of the morning, in the dark, were my private hours and that's when I took care of myself, yea, I took care of myself, that's why I'm here!   But each day gets better, it's surprising how things are changing just over time, now if she just would too.  Oh well, whine, whine!  I'm paying for what I have done to myself, hopefully I get straightened up eventualluy.  Good luck in your quest man, hope all goes better and better each day.

 

[SoccerMan5]

I made it! I achieved my goal. I woke up this morning and got ready for work without an issue. It did take some willpower and gritting of the teeth but I made it. I know that there will be some difficult days to come but I am reassured with the knowledge that I won this morning. I can win again. Wish me luck for tomorrow. 

 

[Alive Today]

Just give your-self a chance. Get to the next 24 hours. Talk to your wife and explain the whole issue. Trust me, I did and i felt great after, especially when she told me she would support me as marriage vows permit you to love one another through sickness and good health. If you are really struggling and don't want your wife to know just see if you can go a day before masturbating then try 2 days. If you really love and respect yourself and your wife you will make a real stand and give it a go. Play guitar, read books, walk dog, try a new cooking recipe/meal or do what i did....wake up in the morning real early (dawn) jump on the wall pull your pants down, beat you chest and say "Guess who is back today". Most importantly laugh, just laugh and choose to be happy