Questioning my sexuality. Help.

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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
I know, man. I've been there a thousand times. Actually I was there just yesterday. Thinking too much about porn releases dopamine and makes the craving hard to control. It goes like "Fuck, I wish I could watch porn without consequences, I wish I could watch porn without consequences because I like it so much look at those images from my mind! But I must not mess with them because they release dopamine!" but at this point I'm aroused as fuck and I hardly survive it. It might not be today, not tomorrow but eventually it gets me. This time I survived the first day and then the next day I edged thinking about porn for like 30 minutes. The only good thing in this shit is that I didn't actually watch real porn, if I could call it a good thing. But I've realized two things yesterday and today.

1) To me, urges feel like a lot of energy accumulated and if I don't release it doing something physical, I tend to "explode" and it manifests in edging to porn, feeling like I have so much energy and that I could edge forever until the energy goes away, I'm drained and the urge is gone too but I fucked up. So doing some exercise might help.

2) I really need to make an extra effort on top of the extra effort to stop in the first second thinking about porn and "watching" porn in my head. Engaging too much with the porn stored in my brain arouses me too much. 

I am going to test those two and see if it helps.
 

Jack89

Member
On day 11. I was flooded with sexual thoughts last week, all about women. Then it tails off and that?s when I start to doubt myself, and I start to try to force things, what could one image do?


Anxiety has been through the roof pas couple of days, I will not give in this time though.
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Jack89 said:
On day 11. I was flooded with sexual thoughts last week, all about women. Then it tails off and that?s when I start to doubt myself, and I start to try to force things, what could one image do?


Anxiety has been through the roof pas couple of days, I will not give in this time though.

Stay strong, man. Don't engage the images from your head because that gets the dopamine going and it becomes very difficult to control the craving and urges. It's part of the withdrawal and only time will stop it.
 

Jack89

Member
escapeandnevercomeback said:
Jack89 said:
On day 11. I was flooded with sexual thoughts last week, all about women. Then it tails off and that?s when I start to doubt myself, and I start to try to force things, what could one image do?


Anxiety has been through the roof pas couple of days, I will not give in this time though.

Stay strong, man. Don't engage the images from your head because that gets the dopamine going and it becomes very difficult to control the craving and urges. It's part of the withdrawal and only time will stop it.

I am doing better. I?ve noticed a tendency for me to cruise past the first week fine and then about 10 days in my brain ramps it up with the ?you?re doomed, you can?t change, just do it? narrative. It?s like being bullied by your own brain ffs.
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Jack89 said:
I am doing better. I?ve noticed a tendency for me to cruise past the first week fine and then about 10 days in my brain ramps it up with the ?you?re doomed, you can?t change, just do it? narrative. It?s like being bullied by your own brain ffs.

It's the tricks. Don't listen to the tricks.
 

Jack89

Member
akpal2 said:
jack89, do you think you're leaning back towards straight porn now?

Yes. Well in fact not even porn, just fantasies about girls generally. I?ve never have had a fantasy from my own mind about a man, it?s all been porn. When I create my own it?s only women.


I?m confident in who I am now. Just need to keep this up and get myself functioning normally.
 

Jack89

Member
Day 19. After a horrific first two weeks I?m feeling much calmer, intrusive thoughts are abating and I?m sleeping much better. Part of this has been the near confirmation that I suffer from adhd, I?m not sure how I?ve made it this far in life without being diagnosed but it explains a lot in my life (not just the porn). The porn use has obviously exacerbated any issues I do have so is giving me more motivation than ever to carry on.
 

Jack89

Member
Last night was difficult, against triggered by an image browsing the Internet I couldn?t keep porn thoughts off my mind all night. Previously I?ve always buckled but this time I stayed strong and did not. I was aroused but I?m not chalking this down as a relapse as I didn?t go back to porn.

 

Jack89

Member
Gone again. 20 days down the tucking drain. I think I?ll stop posting here, not sure it helps. Triggered again by just one image online and my brain can?t let it go.
 

Jack89

Member
Ok so since I last posted I haven?t looked at porn once! I have mo?d because I just don?t feel like quitting that helps me, but only occasionally and entirely to fantasies created by myself. I?m not fully there but feel a whole lot better, I?m a lot calmer and the invasive sexual thoughts have subsided. Best I?ve felt in a long time.
 
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