Wanking Since Woodstock; But I Stopped In 2012

[Pheonix]

lte - Thanks for your perspective and congratulations on your accomplishment.

I want to comment on one aspect of your post - when I first started this reboot, I thought there was nothing wrong with masterbation and I could continue through my reboot. I have changed my opinion on that after completing my 120 days with our PMO or MO (I was encouraged by William to go this route and took his advice). I have found that real sex is so much better now that I do not masterbate. I think that masterbation dilutes our sexual energy to the point where it detracts from real physical and emotional intimacy. I do not have sex often (maybe once per month) but I also have no problem resiting masterbation in between and when sex does happen, I am so focused on enjoying it and making it special that it is so much better than it used to be. I have decided that no mastermation is now my permanent lifestyle. And I am much happier for it!

 

[LTE]

lte - Thanks for your perspective and congratulations on your accomplishment.

I want to comment on one aspect of your post - when I first started this reboot, I thought there was nothing wrong with masterbation and I could continue through my reboot. I have changed my opinion on that after completing my 120 days with our PMO or MO (I was encouraged by William to go this route and took his advice). I have found that real sex is so much better now that I do not masterbate. I think that masterbation dilutes our sexual energy to the point where it detracts from real physical and emotional intimacy. I do not have sex often (maybe once per month) but I also have no problem resiting masterbation in between and when sex does happen, I am so focused on enjoying it and making it special that it is so much better than it used to be. I have decided that no mastermation is now my permanent lifestyle. And I am much happier for it!

I am convinced that masturbation is as big of a problem as porn. It took me a long time to learn that I didn't have to masturbate, even if I was exposed to some triggering materials. This has changed my entire viewpoint. I no longer live in fear that something will come along and make me lose control. I am in control of myself and I'm not about to relinquish that to the prospect of viewing some pixels.

Learning about karezza also helped, because I came to understsnd that there were people, many people in fact, that were perfectly satisfied with sex that doesn't even involve ejaculation. Learning about that was an important step in coming to understand my own sexual feelings.

 

[lyon03]

Belated congratulations on two years brother. You are an inspiration. I agree with what you and Phoenix have shared. During my 90-day reboot, I gave up masturbation and have now decided to make this a lifelong decision. I now understand that my masturbation habit was more of a coping mechanism or perhaps a compulsion rather than anything remotely sexual. You made me think about orgasm as well. Porn videos make strong erections, penetration, and orgasm almost sacrosanct. Whereas intimacy can be so much more. I've learned something. Thank you.   

 

[LTE]

Belated congratulations on two years brother. You are an inspiration. I agree with what you and Phoenix have shared. During my 90-day reboot, I gave up masturbation and have now decided to make this a lifelong decision. I now understand that my masturbation habit was more of a coping mechanism or perhaps a compulsion rather than anything remotely sexual. You made me think about orgasm as well. Porn videos make strong erections, penetration, and orgasm almost sacrosanct. Whereas intimacy can be so much more. I've learned something. Thank you. 

That's the thing. Most of the sex depicted in porn is sterile. They aren't having fun, they are just going through the motions. I'd rather connect with someone emotionally.

 

[savingmysoul]

I couldn't agree more - No P & no M for life.  Both are mindsets that have allowed me to change and grow into a better man/husband/lover.

The intimacy I am enjoying and discovering with my wife is incredible.  The before and after being togehter is also incredible.

It is scary to think that had I not started down this path over a year ago - I would be missing so much, the relationship with my wife I am not sure would have had the ability to achieve such closeness, oneness almost.  We still have healing to do to be sure, I still have healing to do - but when do connect, it is awesome!

 

[LTE]

I couldn't agree more - No P & no M for life.  Both are mindsets that have allowed me to change and grow into a better man/husband/lover.

The intimacy I am enjoying and discovering with my wife is incredible.  The before and after being togehter is also incredible.

It is scary to think that had I not started down this path over a year ago - I would be missing so much, the relationship with my wife I am not sure would have had the ability to achieve such closeness, oneness almost.  We still have healing to do to be sure, I still have healing to do - but when do connect, it is awesome!

Warms my heart to hear this. No M for life. No M for love!

 

[Chip]

What you are saying Ite is so true.

I had my own fair share of ridicule over the years. Strong faith and upbringing normally are different than the norm.

In a way I think my PMO were part of a rebellion against all this ridicule, and this was the worst I ever did. Never had extramarital sex, never used alcohol, smoked etc. That is why the PMO haunted me for many years, I knew it was wrong. Just could not stop...

I'm so thankful that it is behind me now.

All glory to my Creator.

Stay strong and be Blessed!

The dichotomy between my values and my fantasy sex life always struck me. Now it strikes me as telling. In my case, I lived in a restrictive religious environment that was invasively controlling. From my earliest memories religious meetings were highly controlled and you were never more than one tiny mistake away from being reprimanded. As I matured into an adult there were uninvited visits by "Shepherds", usually there to tell you that you needed to tell you that you weren't measuring up in one way or another. From today's perspective, I believe that all of the imaginary orgies I participated in were an escape from the high-control religious environment I was raised in. 

If I give it some thought, that makes perfect sense, because sex was very tightly controlled in that environment it was also a very handy form of rebellion. Nothing would draw scorn more quickly that acting out sexually so doing so, even in the privacy of my fantasies, was a great way to rebel against those that abused  their authority and tried to meddle in my everyday life. Since leaving the religion of my upbringing I have made peace with my Creator through the Christ and understand the role of redemption in a way I never did before. My faith is still strong, but I am forging my own, non-denominational, path. For me, and speaking only for myself, this has played a significant role in my recovery from sexually compulsive behavior.

I still retain my values and daily ask God's help in plotting the course my life from this point on. I want to find a mate to spend the rest of my life with and want to find someone that holds similar spiritual values. There is someone in my life, but were are not intimate by any means. Time will tell.

I find a lot of wisdom in your posts and agree with you on most everything I've read thus far.  Keep up the good work.

 

[Marc]

Hello to all of my forum bro's.

I'll give you the Reader's Digest version of my story and build from there. I started masturbating after being shown hardcore (print) porn at the age of 14. I masturbated from 1969 onwards until December of 2012 when I stumbled into Your Brain on Porn literally in the middle of a porn binge. I saw the videos and have not watched porn since.

That was December 2, 2012. I had a masturbation relapse on December 27, 2012 and I've been celibate ever since. No worries, no blue balls, no problems. My journey to freedom was relatively easy, but there were challenging moments along the way.

Perhaps I should start off by stating a few things for the record:

• My reasons for stopping PMO are not religious.

While I consider myself a Christian I do not think that masturbation somehow offends God. I do think that it is not good for a person, however, and I believe it has a negative effect upon healthy sexuality.

• While I am currently celibate I am not anti-sex or an ascetic.

I don't have an intimate partner and I'm holding out until I am in an intimate relationship. I don't want casual sex, a f'k buddy, etc. I feel, from a lifetime of experience, that true satisfaction comes from sharing an emotionally close relationship with someone. Nothing else will do.

• While I am a believer. I do not seek to impose my beliefs upon others.

I won't try to convert anyone to my point of view. If someone mentions a Higher Power in their journal I may choose to follow that line of conversation with them but I will not try to bring up the subject with someone that has not indicated that they believe in a Higher Power. Conversely, I do not want others to try to criticize my decisions in these matters. I will not criticize your beliefs, whatever they are, but expect the same treatment from others.

• I have concluded that no masturbation is the way to go.

This is not a moral stance as such, I simply believe that one can either be wired to self pleasuring or wired to share sexual pleasure with a partner. It is my opinion that trying to do both just doesn't work.

• ED and DE are symptoms of deeper problems.

Trying to reboot just long enough to repair ED is only part of the story. From my reboot and from the reboots of others I have come to believe that most porn/masturbation addicts are dealing with deeper issues. Sexual molestation as a child, precocious sexual activity, a fantasy life because of unhappy family circumstances, etc. These are things I've seen in the journals of others and some of these apply directly to my life. Stopping PMO unveils these deeper issues and allows us to deal with them, perhaps for the first time ever.

• Breaking free of porn addiction will help you to lead a happier life with greater confidence and a sense of maturity that may have evaded you in the past.

I know that I feel like I am truly an adult for the first time in my life. Well . . . better late than never.