Wanking Since Woodstock; But I Stopped In 2012

LTE

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fcjl8 said:
I think nudity and sensuality are generally positive parts of the human experience. We have been created ( designed and evolved ) to enjoy and respond to these states. But, there is a line that us PMO addicts crossed way back that actually hurt that precious relationship. Great that you are going so far beyond just the base desires.

I think free from PMO we can rediscover the healthy aspects of nudity and the wonderful physical pleasures of being with a partner.

Nudity is not a commodity, a "thing" packaged for consumers and easily re-stocked.
I couldn't agree more. I recently re-watched a movie from the '70s called Vanishing Point. There was a scene with a nude young woman riding a motorcycle. It was not prurient in any sense of the word and, from reading an interview with the actress, she had specifically told them that she did not want to be filmed in such as way as to put her genitals on display. Frankly, I found the scene beautiful and not exciting. In part, I'm certain that having read her words on the subject helped me not to depersonalize her. Also, I think that my attitude has changed greatly. I no longer see people around me as being sexually available at the drop of a hat.

Believe it or not, I was raised to believe that most people lived with no sexual self-control whatsoever. I know that sounds bizarre, but that is truly what my mother believed. In her opinion, anyone that did not belong to the same religious denomination as her must have been promiscuous, amoral people that would cheat on their spouse in a heartbeat. This, I believe, played a role in my porn and masturbation problems. An unintended consequence of her beliefs was that I felt that everyone around me was doing some pretty racy and exciting stuff. I believe that at least part of my sex addiction was an attraction to the sense of danger stemming from this worldview.

One epiphany was during a time when I was quite despondent and considered a casual sexual encounter. What I realized was that I really didn't want that at all. While a sexual encounter sounded exciting what I really wanted was some wholesome female companionship. Translation: I would have preferred a nice chat over a cup of coffee. Asking myself what I really wanted may have been the single smartest thing I have ever done in my life. It saved me from the possibility of exposure to disease by having sex with a highly promiscuous person. It saved me from having the memory of such an encounter; a memory that may have seemed less pleasant once the lust had worn off. A good friend of mine gave in to such an urge some time back and reported feeling "dirty" afterwards.

Anyhow, the epiphany was the fact that my lust wasn't really for the sake of lust; it was more a desperate desire for companionship and intimacy.
 

a short guy

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LTE said:
fcjl8 said:
I think nudity and sensuality are generally positive parts of the human experience. We have been created ( designed and evolved ) to enjoy and respond to these states. But, there is a line that us PMO addicts crossed way back that actually hurt that precious relationship. Great that you are going so far beyond just the base desires.

I think free from PMO we can rediscover the healthy aspects of nudity and the wonderful physical pleasures of being with a partner.

Nudity is not a commodity, a "thing" packaged for consumers and easily re-stocked.
I couldn't agree more. I recently re-watched a movie from the '70s called Vanishing Point. There was a scene with a nude young woman riding a motorcycle. It was not prurient in any sense of the word and, from reading an interview with the actress, she had specifically told them that she did not want to be filmed in such as way as to put her genitals on display. Frankly, I found the scene beautiful and not exciting. In part, I'm certain that having read her words on the subject helped me not to depersonalize her. Also, I think that my attitude has changed greatly. I no longer see people around me as being sexually available at the drop of a hat.

Believe it or not, I was raised to believe that most people lived with no sexual self-control whatsoever. I know that sounds bizarre, but that is truly what my mother believed. In her opinion, anyone that did not belong to the same religious denomination as her must have been promiscuous, amoral people that would cheat on their spouse in a heartbeat. This, I believe, played a role in my porn and masturbation problems. An unintended consequence of her beliefs was that I felt that everyone around me was doing some pretty racy and exciting stuff. I believe that at least part of my sex addiction was an attraction to the sense of danger stemming from this worldview.

One epiphany was during a time when I was quite despondent and considered a casual sexual encounter. What I realized was that I really didn't want that at all. While a sexual encounter sounded exciting what I really wanted was some wholesome female companionship. Translation: I would have preferred a nice chat over a cup of coffee. Asking myself what I really wanted may have been the single smartest thing I have ever done in my life. It saved me from the possibility of exposure to disease by having sex with a highly promiscuous person. It saved me from having the memory of such an encounter; a memory that may have seemed less pleasant once the lust had worn off. A good friend of mine gave in to such an urge some time back and reported feeling "dirty" afterwards.

Anyhow, the epiphany was the fact that my lust wasn't really for the sake of lust; it was more a desperate desire for companionship and intimacy.

I hear that, I think this is true for many. It's easier than the real intimacy that's found in a relationship; though it's pretty darn exciting, it's just not lasting, not fulfilling.

I've know quite a few people who died tragically from aides back in the late 80's, early 90's. That, and getting someone pregnant scared me out of casual sexual intercourse back then. Only did it once in the 70's, got a sexually transmitted "infection", treated easily with an antibiotic. An embarrassing moment, I went to a walk-in clinic and the healthcare professional who saw me just happened to be a personal friend of the family.

Riding a motorcycle nude sounds rather dangerous.  :eek:
 

LTE

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a short guy said:
I hear that, I think this is true for many. It's easier than the real intimacy that's found in a relationship; though it's pretty darn exciting, it's just not lasting, not fulfilling.

I've know quite a few people who died tragically from aides back in the late 80's, early 90's. That, and getting someone pregnant scared me out of casual sexual intercourse back then. Only did it once in the 70's, got a sexually transmitted "infection", treated easily with an antibiotic. An embarrassing moment, I went to a walk-in clinic and the healthcare professional who saw me just happened to be a personal friend of the family.

Riding a motorcycle nude sounds rather dangerous.  :eek:
I corresponded with a young man at YBR that had decided to visit prostitutes. He was in a near panic afterward for fear that he he been exposed to a STD. It's scary stuff.

She was riding that motorcycle rather slowly.
 

fcjl8

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I would imagine seeing a prostitute would be scary on so many levels! I just can't fathom why anyone of reasonable intelligence would see that as a viable outlet in 2014! Yikes... I know this sounds very judgy.. I really mean from just a practical and health standpoint.

That movie vanishing point... that was one weird movie. As a devout car nut I thought it was kind of cool but now that I think back it was just weird!! Barry Newman.. was it not?
 

LTE

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fcjl8 said:
I would imagine seeing a prostitute would be scary on so many levels! I just can't fathom why anyone of reasonable intelligence would see that as a viable outlet in 2014! Yikes... I know this sounds very judgy.. I really mean from just a practical and health standpoint.

That movie vanishing point... that was one weird movie. As a devout car nut I thought it was kind of cool but now that I think back it was just weird!! Barry Newman.. was it not?
Visiting a prostitute has never been a good idea but, in these days of incurable STDs it is even a worse idea than ever.

Vanishing Point was a product of its time. It made sense, sort of, when it was contemporary, but from the vantage point of 2014 it serves to show just how much things have changed. I came of age in that time and identify with that time strongly, just as my parents were of the era of WW II. It is indelibly branded into my psyche. I still listen to the music of the early '70s, still identify with the time. I was not a hippie type at all, I was fairly conservative, even at that age. My hair was a bit shaggy, but I was about as harmless as you could be.
 

fcjl8

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Stopping by LTE's journal to say Hi. Checking out your counter... 474!!! Wow, to say the least. Man, to think I was once like 12 days ahead of you???

Anyway, I truly want your streak to always be ahead of mine. Your recovery is almost as important to me as mine... really! I would never want anything to change the order that we are in!

Stay well friend.
 

LTE

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fcjl8 said:
Stopping by LTE's journal to say Hi. Checking out your counter... 474!!! Wow, to say the least. Man, to think I was once like 12 days ahead of you???

Anyway, I truly want your streak to always be ahead of mine. Your recovery is almost as important to me as mine... really! I would never want anything to change the order that we are in!

Stay well friend.
Thanks my friend. This is pretty much the new normal now. The thought of porn and masturbation occasionally surfaces but I don't consider an option. So far, so good.

You seem to be on a good run and in a good place emotionally. Keep it going, mate.
 

LTE

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Wow! I can't believe how much time has passed. I don't post much because there's little to say. Not masturbating is normal these days. Anyone that knew me from YBR will know that I've frequently used the metaphor of learning to ride a bike. When you first learn to ride you struggle to balance, fall, have lots of close calls etc, but you build skill with time. By the time you've ridden for a few months you are still putting forth effort to balance, but it's unconscious effort and seems like no effort at all. It's not that it's any easier, the challenge of balancing has not changed, but you've become so skilled at balancing that you don't even realize that you are doing it. The main difference is that you become faster at correcting imbalances and you stay closer to the point of perfect balance.

It's exactly the same with learning not to use porn or masturbation for self-pleasuring. At first even a slight breeze could become a challenge, but after a while you learn to correct yourself more quickly and the rough spots go from lasting days to only lasting milliseconds.
 

LetItGoAlready

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LTE said:
Wow! I can't believe how much time has passed. I don't post much because there's little to say. Not masturbating is normal these days. Anyone that knew me from YBR will know that I've frequently used the metaphor of learning to ride a bike. When you first learn to ride you struggle to balance, fall, have lots of close calls etc, but you build skill with time. By the time you've ridden for a few months you are still putting forth effort to balance, but it's unconscious effort and seems like no effort at all. It's not that it's any easier, the challenge of balancing has not changed, but you've become so skilled at balancing that you don't even realize that you are doing it. The main difference is that you become faster at correcting imbalances and you stay closer to the point of perfect balance.

It's exactly the same with learning not to use porn or masturbation for self-pleasuring. At first even a slight breeze could become a challenge, but after a while you learn to correct yourself more quickly and the rough spots go from lasting days to only lasting milliseconds.
LTE, I like this metaphor a lot. My second reboot feels more like a balance correction than a recovery from a total wipeout. To go by what you're saying here, I guess that must mean that I've learned something from my first go around with PMO and now have the tools to correct more quickly than I did before. Thanks for sharing!
 

LTE

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That's a big part of it, IMHO. Learn to correct before your brain leads you down the path and it's a lot easier. It just takes practice, plus the belief that it is possible to do so.


Good going, Assman. :)
 

LTE

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Below is a blog post I added at YBOP.

This may not be a good post to read if you are in the early stages of reboot and struggling. I don't intend to post anything remotely erotic, but I am going to be talking about porn actors, etc. I will mention a name or two, but only because there's no way to really express my thoughts completely without doing so.

A while back I watched a documentary called After Porn Ends which consisted of interviews with former porn actors. One of the reasons I chose to watch this video was to try to see porn actors in more human terms. I definitely did see the actors in more human terms after watching this, although those terms were not necessarily positive.

The biggest difference between a porn actor and me is that virtually all of the actors interviewed seemed to reflect the attitude that sex was basically meaningless and it really didn't matter if you had one partner or many partners. One actor was married and his wife's only objection to porn acting was the risk of disease. I don't mean to come across as moralistic, but I'm not cut from that sort of fabric, I believe that sexual intercourse is, by its very nature, significant and never is it meaningless.

More than one of the actors/actresses interviewed came across as callous and cold. One male actor, relatively old, came across as arrogant and self-centered to an unusual degree. With few exceptions the people interviewed struck me as persons I wouldn't care to befriend. I'm not judging them for their past acts, that can be overlooked; but the current attitudes displayed by many of these people seemed to be nothing I'd care to be around.

I think that is telling, because people of such a mindset, that sexual activity is of no consequence, have extinguished something essential to the human character. We are a bonding species and we can't successfully change that about ourselves. Most of the people interviewed seemed to be fairly alone in life. A few of them were married successfully, but my impression is that most were flying solo.

One person that comes to mind is Linda Lovelace, a woman that claims to have been forced into prostitution and porn acting and has passed polygraph tests on the subject. Seventeen days of her life were spent acting in pornography but the rest of her life was spent paying a price. If she truly was forced into this, sometimes at gunpoint, according to her claims, this is an egregious example of literal slavery and I feel sick to think that porn merchants made fortunes from this movie (possibly the highest grossing ever) while she received no residuals and lived a lower middle class life, working at various jobs until her past caught up with her and she was fired. That makes me sick!

I wouldn't recommend this video unless you are certain that you won't be triggered. It doesn't contain any porn, per se, but there are things that would've triggered me in the past. It certainly helped me to see that porn is not glamorous, fun or desirable in any way. I am missing out on nothing by not living that lifestyle.
 

Twostroke

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Great post, the more we learn about what a thoroughly unpleasant and abusive business the porn industry is the better. It helps me to resist those cravings. which do thankfully seem to be reducing.
 

LTE

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Twostroke said:
Great post, the more we learn about what a thoroughly unpleasant and abusive business the porn industry is the better. It helps me to resist those cravings. which do thankfully seem to be reducing.
It's not a pleasant industry.

The cravings will continue to reduce as time passes.

Love your username.
 

fcjl8

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Good points LTE!

I do wonder if these "callous and cold" porn performers did not start out as warm and caring people and the way they were treated and expected to perform did not turn them into less balanced and colder people.

I would imagine it very difficult to have any kind of physical contact with random people and maintain any sense of humanity, speaking for myself. Just watching porn got me so far off what my real values are.
 

LTE

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fcjl8 said:
Good points LTE!

I do wonder if these "callous and cold" porn performers did not start out as warm and caring people and the way they were treated and expected to perform did not turn them into less balanced and colder people.

I would imagine it very difficult to have any kind of physical contact with random people and maintain any sense of humanity, speaking for myself. Just watching porn got me so far off what my real values are.
My guess is that many of them probably had problems coming into the industry. I'm sure that ere are people that have been entrapped, but I suspect that most of these people had tough, terrible backgrounds that left them with self esteem issues. People I such a situation tend to be vulnerable to all sorts of things, cult indoctrination, various forms of coercion and this would play into the hands of the pornographers.
 

LetItGoAlready

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I wouldn't recommend this video unless you are certain that you won't be triggered. It doesn't contain any porn, per se, but there are things that would've triggered me in the past. It certainly helped me to see that porn is not glamorous, fun or desirable in any way. I am missing out on nothing by not living that lifestyle.
I'm not sure I'm at a place to watch this yet, but I do feel that putting a human face on the porn industry would help debunk my stubborn rationalizations that viewing/using porn doesn't really hurt anyone. Do you know of any books that address this subject, LTE? 
 

LTE

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Cosmo said:
I wouldn't recommend this video unless you are certain that you won't be triggered. It doesn't contain any porn, per se, but there are things that would've triggered me in the past. It certainly helped me to see that porn is not glamorous, fun or desirable in any way. I am missing out on nothing by not living that lifestyle.
I'm not sure I'm at a place to watch this yet, but I do feel that putting a human face on the porn industry would help debunk my stubborn rationalizations that viewing/using porn doesn't really hurt anyone. Do you know of any books that address this subject, LTE?
I don't know of any books that deal with this specifically but "Breaking the Cycle" by George N. Collins does deal with objectification of women and had some helpful suggestions.
 
In case, I get my hands tied on the day. Take this as an early congratulations for reaching 500 days. Well done!! Now there's another 500 more that sure need tending to also :p good stuff man.
 

LTE

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somethingelse said:
In case, I get my hands tied on the day. Take this as an early congratulations for reaching 500 days. Well done!! Now there's another 500 more that sure need tending to also :p good stuff man.
Thanks. I had forgotten that I was closing in on 500. Thanks for the reminder. I'm very content without porn or masturbation in my life.
 
S

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One more day! Just one more day and you will have distanced yourself 500 days from that other man, the one that was lost.

I am so glad you chose to take this journey. I know when I first started posting on YBR you were one of the first to calmly and assertively clear the path for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's a big deal LTE.

You've been patient and kind, never patronizing or judgmental. I don't know if I would have stuck with it if it hadn't been for you. You have been my reboot partner to help support my reboot partner - even when I was whiny and grousing.

Many, many thanks.
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