PIEDPiperThrowaway
Member
Day 1. As I type this I have relapsed an hour ago after a 95 day streak. This next streak will be my last, and I plan to keep track of it in this journal. I am 23.
Background
I have what I think is severe PIED, it seems worse than most people on here, although some people seem in a similar boat. Beginning at the age of 16, and happening seemingly overnight, I went from a normally functioning teenager to absolutely 0 sex drive or erections, in any circumstances. I was in a relationship at the time, but needless to say it didn't survive. I was so afraid of my condition I didn't google it to see if any other young men had experienced something similar. I was afraid I wouldn't find any information, or worse, that my new condition was permanent. I believed if I typed out what was wrong with me into the search engine, if I accepted what was wrong with me, it would only make it more real. So I could not confront it, and suppressed the thought itself, even though I knew deep down that it was already real, regardless of what I thought.
I eventually mustered the strength to see a urologist. This was extremely difficult as I needed to let my parents know what was happening, I was still 16. I went to multiple doctors. Tests were done, and to my horror, there was nothing wrong with me. As strange as it sounds, I was hoping the doctor would find something terribly wrong with me. Maybe I was sick. However, they all concluded I was healthy and that it was just psychological, just anxiety, just nerves. Now I still had no idea what was wrong with me, but I knew it wasn't that. Nerves don't stop morning wood.
This began my ultimate period of despair. After seeing a doctor, I was sure there was no way forward. It wasn't until 6 years later that I looked to google my problem. I spent my entire college experience isolated, thinking I would eventually kill myself. How I regret not finding these communities sooner. I am almost positive now it is PIED. My hormones are normal, my veins are normal, and I watched porn daily for years. But it is really bad. After many relapses between January and June, I was finally able to pull off a 90 day streak, as I thought that this was a good target. It is what so many people aim for. But I saw almost no improvement whatsoever, not even any of the mental benefits people speak of. I began reading posts here by guys who stay with hard mode for hundreds of days, even years, and say they do not recover at all. This destroyed my motivation, as I no longer had hope. Am I just another one for whom it is impossible to recover?
Moving Forward
I now realize I need a much higher target than 90 days. I will do a year, or even two if it takes that. I must admit I am still discouraged by the number of people here who have very long streaks and do not recover... this terrifies me. Does anyone have any counter-examples to these cases?
This next streak I have no expectations for a timeline or benefits. These expectations only lead to disappointment and frustration, and eventual relapse. This streak will continue indefinitely-- not because I'm sure it will cure me, but because I have no other options. I do not need the "mental benefits." I just need to survive. I will not rely on cold showers, or other tricks for crushing urges. I only get urges after peaking, which inevitable leads to relapse. The only way to continue a streak successfully, in my experience, is absolutely no peaking, fantasizing, scrolling through social media, etc. If you can resist that much, you can resist PMO.
So boys, I look forward to this journey and any advice you guys can offer. What did you change that allowed you to stop relapsing? Who here has had a severe case of PIED and found the light at the end of the tunnel?
Background
I have what I think is severe PIED, it seems worse than most people on here, although some people seem in a similar boat. Beginning at the age of 16, and happening seemingly overnight, I went from a normally functioning teenager to absolutely 0 sex drive or erections, in any circumstances. I was in a relationship at the time, but needless to say it didn't survive. I was so afraid of my condition I didn't google it to see if any other young men had experienced something similar. I was afraid I wouldn't find any information, or worse, that my new condition was permanent. I believed if I typed out what was wrong with me into the search engine, if I accepted what was wrong with me, it would only make it more real. So I could not confront it, and suppressed the thought itself, even though I knew deep down that it was already real, regardless of what I thought.
I eventually mustered the strength to see a urologist. This was extremely difficult as I needed to let my parents know what was happening, I was still 16. I went to multiple doctors. Tests were done, and to my horror, there was nothing wrong with me. As strange as it sounds, I was hoping the doctor would find something terribly wrong with me. Maybe I was sick. However, they all concluded I was healthy and that it was just psychological, just anxiety, just nerves. Now I still had no idea what was wrong with me, but I knew it wasn't that. Nerves don't stop morning wood.
This began my ultimate period of despair. After seeing a doctor, I was sure there was no way forward. It wasn't until 6 years later that I looked to google my problem. I spent my entire college experience isolated, thinking I would eventually kill myself. How I regret not finding these communities sooner. I am almost positive now it is PIED. My hormones are normal, my veins are normal, and I watched porn daily for years. But it is really bad. After many relapses between January and June, I was finally able to pull off a 90 day streak, as I thought that this was a good target. It is what so many people aim for. But I saw almost no improvement whatsoever, not even any of the mental benefits people speak of. I began reading posts here by guys who stay with hard mode for hundreds of days, even years, and say they do not recover at all. This destroyed my motivation, as I no longer had hope. Am I just another one for whom it is impossible to recover?
Moving Forward
I now realize I need a much higher target than 90 days. I will do a year, or even two if it takes that. I must admit I am still discouraged by the number of people here who have very long streaks and do not recover... this terrifies me. Does anyone have any counter-examples to these cases?
This next streak I have no expectations for a timeline or benefits. These expectations only lead to disappointment and frustration, and eventual relapse. This streak will continue indefinitely-- not because I'm sure it will cure me, but because I have no other options. I do not need the "mental benefits." I just need to survive. I will not rely on cold showers, or other tricks for crushing urges. I only get urges after peaking, which inevitable leads to relapse. The only way to continue a streak successfully, in my experience, is absolutely no peaking, fantasizing, scrolling through social media, etc. If you can resist that much, you can resist PMO.
So boys, I look forward to this journey and any advice you guys can offer. What did you change that allowed you to stop relapsing? Who here has had a severe case of PIED and found the light at the end of the tunnel?
