19 years old, in a serious relationship, seeking your help.

QazWsx

Member
Hello everyone,

First and foremost, I hope you are doing well and I wish you godspeed with your recovery. Please stick around for my story, as I am reaching a desperate stage of my life and I need your input and help. Let me start by telling you about my porn usage throughout the years. Please keep in mind I never began using fetish porn, at the most I would use categories such as MILF or teen, but other than that I did not begin to use harder porn/fetish porn to maintain my erections or dopamine rush.

I first started watching porn around the age of 7. My older cousin introduced me to Porn and I would watch it on TV late nights when everyone in the household was sleeping. I wouldn't say that it was heavy use at all, it was rather an occasional thing in my life that I was FASCINATED by and at that point in life I did not know about masturbation or orgasm either. I eventually got caught by my parents and did not encounter porn for the next four years of my life.

I watched porn a few times at the age of 11 as well, but I would say that I became fully involved around the age of 12, when sixth grade was just about to end. As a curious adolescent boy, I would watch porn and get hard, but I still didn't know the concept of masturbation. In the summer of 2013, I began masturbating and I masturbated heavy. I know for a fact that I masturbated at least once a day and I watched porn as well, this was also the time that I got my own iPod, so I had the freedom to search whatever, whenever. I began heavily jerking off and watching porn, maybe 2-3 times a day while I was perhaps a quarter way into grade 7. Around May 2014, I noticed that I had weaker erections then I normally would, however I wasn't conscious that porn was the culprit, instead I thought that inducing in this activity more would be beneficial for my sex drive. Flash forward to maybe the start of grade 8, I was 13 and I had finally realized that porn indeed was the reason to my soft ding dong. I could still get semi erections to porn, and even with girls, but they were not raging boners ever. My porn usage was continued throughout the 8th grade as well.

Entering grade 9 was when I decided I would try my absolute best to shake this habit and quit once and for all. I had my first relationship in the beginning of grade 9, however it was a typical relationship of holding hands, kissing, and nothing more. Throughout grade 9, I would relapse and try to do hard mode over and over again. I was stuck in a loop. When I would relapse, I would be back on the PMO 2/3 times a day.

In the 10th grade, I went around 6/7 months no PMO, and now looking back at it, I do believe a lot of my erectile dysfunction could have been a result of anxiety as I am a chronic over-thinker. After seeing no results, I relapsed and got back into the cycle of jerking off and watching porn.

In the 11th grade, I went around 8 months without any PMO again, but did the exact same thing I did in grade 10, which was doubt the progress, and relapsed one again. I feel as if I was the healthiest I'd ever been during this grade, and that my erections were most likely almost close to normal at this time.

I met this girl who I fell in love with in the end of grade 11, I was 17 years old. Keep in mind that I have had sexual encounters with girls up until this point but I had never orgasmed with a girl. It was just making out, grinding at parties, and all that jazz. I would have days where I would get semi erections, some days where I would have hard erections, and some days where my penis was dead. This girl and I became VERY toxic, and eventually I began the PMO circle all over again. The depression also hit very hard, and I lost myself for a while.

Throughout grade 12, I would say that I did make attempts to stop PMO, but it was always back and forth between quitting and relapsing. Grade 12 was also the year I became more heavily involved with women and began to hook up, although I never attempted intercourse. I made out with girls, had hook ups at parties, and would even lead the girl to orgasm with my hands, but I did not have my first real orgasm with a human girl until my freshman year.

It was the same throughout first year of university, I had lots of hookups which included making girls orgasm, sleepovers, cuddles, holding hands, kissing, but I never attempted intercourse. I had my first blowjob given to me in January of 2020 and that was also through a 50% erection. From April 2020 to around end of August 2020, I did hard mode no PMO, however I relapsed and binged going into September 2020. However this was the last time I was going to relapse.

Fast forward to today, I am now in a healthy relationship with a girl I really do love, and I have promised myself I will never watch porn or masturbate using porn ever again. I don't PM anymore, however I have orgasmed with this girl through oral sex twice. I have also notified this girl of my ED, which makes this process a whole lot easier for myself. I do not have any porn withdrawals or masturbation withdrawals. I am done with all that for good, because I am positive that this girl is the one that I want to keep in my life for good, and in order to keep her in my life, I'll do whatever it takes to get my sexual drive and erections back to normal. I have had severe cases of PIED at times, however I feel like I have always been able to get a semi erection or erections due to the time I did spend away from porn, I also get semi erections now, especially when I am with her. My girlfriend and I became serious JUST after I relapsed, which makes me feel even worse because I feel like I threw 5 months of no PMO down the drain. She understands my situation and has told me that we can attempt sex whenever I feel ready. She is loving, understanding, and a key part of my desire to get my sex drive back.

I know for a fact that my addiction to porn is eliminated for good, and I can abstain from masturbation as well. All I want is to have my erections back and healthy so I can get my sex life started, because I do seriously believe this is the love of my life, and I do not want to lose her due to a poor sex life.

I would love to know what you guys think about my story, and perhaps an estimate on how long this might be until I can cure myself. Any comments that provide tips that could help me speed up my recovery would also be very appreciated. Also, what do you guys think about O during hard mode? Would receiving blowjobs speed up my recovery or slow down my recovery? All help and comments are greatly appreciated.

If you've made it to the bottom of this, I appreciate you very much; A big thank you and good luck from the bottom of my heart.
 

Do or die

Respected Member
Hello brother.
you are 19 now. so I suggest you to leave this now.
The measure mistake I did in my life is I not taken My First reboot seriously.
and today I am 22.
I lost my concentration power, memory power, have foggy head whole day , zero confidence.

so please never do it again brother.

I decided from 6 october 2020 that I never go back to porn again.

My english is not good , so please understand what I actually want to say
 

QazWsx

Member
Hey brother,

I?m not cured by any means or may also not be in any position to give advice, but I wish you all the luck possible with your journey. If you have a girlfriend or a partner, rewiring with a partner may be greatly beneficial because it can definitely help the big switch from porn to humans. Although when I am by myself I don?t get solid erections, I feel like I am making progress everytime my girlfriend and I engage in any social activity such as dates or even such as cuddling and kissing; with her I do sometimes get erections but they are not hard enough for intercourse. Even if you do not have a partner, go out for dates and have social interactions with people. I am optimistic I will be okay, and you will be too!  I have full faith that you can pull yourself out of this hole. You got this bro!! Keep it up and good luck!
 
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