The struggle is just part of the journey

J

JB1997

Member
Day 3 without porn.
I've been on this road before and have relapsed several times. Most recently was after a breakup last month and I went back to porn as a means of comfort. It felt good at the moment, but it's felt awful ever since. I haven't been using this site and its support for quite some time, but I know that the community here is incredibly helpful to stay away from any sort of artificial stimulation (pictures and stories included - both things I've used before). I don't feel like I've been myself lately, and so in addition to just abstaining from pornography and other similar content, I know there are other changes I need to get back on track and resume again too. For me, these are my meditations, journaling, and exercising consistently. I don't want to be someone that is still struggling with this for my next relationship, because I know porn certainly impacted me and overall performance in my most recent one. This struggle of staying away from something I seem to still be addicted to sucks, but I know I can get through this just as so many other people on this site and in this community can. In advance, thanks for the support. Keep powering through everyone - we can all get through this in time!

-Josh
 
J

JB1997

Member
Still no porn - 5 days now. I know from past experience week 2 is always the most difficult for me, so it's nice to know that's coming up but I'm aware of it unlike before. Exercise, working the last few days, journaling on here and reading have all been really nice pass times for me especially when I'm bored and just want to have a quick dopamine hit and watch porn/JO. Hope all is well with everyone - thanks for reading!

-Josh
 
Fappy

Fappy

Respected Member
Great work! 5 days is a looooong time at the start, I know. But as you said you know what to expect, and to stay vigilant.
 
J

JB1997

Member
Thanks man, yeah still going....nothing new but I want to make more of an effort of posting on this site at least every day or every couple days. I think there's something about seeing/reading other peoples' stories and posting on here that helps with process of getting through this, and that's something I seem to have kept losing connection with over time when I've tried getting over porn in the past. But, I think having some element of accountability and talking about what's going on, what I'm feeling, how many days without porn, etc. is important and helpful for me personally (as I'm sure it is with others too based on stories I've read). Thanks for reading - good luck to everyone!
-Josh
 
J

JB1997

Member
Still going - things going well and having a great weekend. Not really thinking much about watching porn (hope I didn't just jynx it!), but I think keeping busy with reading, exercise and work and everything else is really helping. Although I didn't feel like watching porn yesterday and so far today, I've had sex on my mind a lot. It's kind of a new feeling for me, and it's something that I don't know if it's good or bad. It's a little distracting, and I don't like this constantly thinking about sex mentality....it just doesn't seem like it's my real personality, so I'm wondering if it's just a phase but I haven't had this before with rebooting.
 
J

JB1997

Member
Day 11 - I'm excited, but don't want to get ahead of myself. I know usually week 2 or 3 when I've tried this in the past is the hardest for me. I'm busy with work the next 3 days so I'm glad I have something to keep my mind occupied. I have really been ontop of exercise and posting on here at least every couple days, and I think that's helped to. Kind of nice that I don't feel like I'm struggling with no porn, pictures, literotica etc. too much now, and I hope it stays that way. Perhaps it does get easier to abstain and quit each time I/someone tries to. In advance, thanks for the support. Good luck everyone.

-Josh
 
J

JB1997

Member
Thanks for the kind words Tony - still going, glad I'm past week 2 and into week 3 because for me these two weeks are always the most difficult. As for your question I find I'm not getting many at night and when I do, I just try and do anything to distract myself starting with getting out of bed (doesn't matter the time). If I feel like I'm starting to fantasize about something I know lying in bed, at night, lights off, and having those thoughts is just the ultimate recipe for me to want to start watching porn (which I used to always do on my phone). So, I find that turning on a light and just dumping out thoughts into a notes section I have on my computer for this purpose is really helpful in getting thoughts in my head. I'll write out what I'm thinking, who I'm thinking about, what I'm thinking about doing, etc......but I find that quickly segways into me saying things like "but I know porn is just going to make me feel bad if I watch it.....I know it would feel good only in the short term.....you've done this before, don't give in it's just your boredom and being lonely here at night.....". Whatever that self-talk is, I find that just cutting the loop of lying in bed letting thoughts run wild, and then 1.) Getting thoughts out of my head followed by 2.) reminding myself all the suffering pornography, literotica, and even looking at pictures has caused me has been a helpful practice for me that I've tweaked several times. But sparknoted version of all this - when those thoughts/fantasies come up, I don't pretend they're not there but rather I address them head on by a means which is NOT giving in and watching porn.

Hope this helps, take care and good luck!

-Josh
 
T

TonySeeksHimself

Member
Thank you so much, Josh. I agree with you. The last week I had insight: when I get erection or a fantasy, I need to do some good stuff (work, study, go for a walk, etc).

Wish you have a good time while rebooting!

- Tony
 
J

JB1997

Member
Still going strong. Had some really strong thoughts today to just look at some literotica (it's not porn...doesn't count...right?) At least that's how I felt and caught myself rationalizing it. Snapped out of it and went to the gym. Easier said then done, and lying in bed sounded a lot better. But, I thought about making this post and how I DID NOT want the post to be written as "Back to day 1.......reset." Glad I don't need to write that, and I can say still going strong. No real increases in terms of sex drive or finding people more attractive, but I think 3 weeks ago I would've pulled out my phone and watched/read something erotic, and I didn't do that today. Small wins, but I'll take them.

As always, stay strong everyone else -good luck!

-Josh
 
I

IamMayor

Member
Woa man, so proud of you ! Keep it up, I can tell you from personal experience it does get better . I hope to see more positive updates from you!
 
J

JB1997

Member
IamMayor, thank you! I appreciate that - hope all is well with this process for you too. How long have you been without porn? Feeling good today too went to the gym this morning and journaled for a bit today. Things going well. I'm happy with where I'm at with this process and I'll keep powering on. Thanks for the support.
 
J

JB1997

Member
Things are going well, and I'm feeling good. I feel like one of the things that have been really helpful with this process is actually diet. I put a lot of focus on exercise and sleep, but on days where I feel I've had a shitty breakfast or something like Pizza for dinner, I just don't feel as good. That sub-optimal feeling just puts me in a state where I find I think about porn, not being in a relationship, and other things even more. So, while also focusing on sleep and exercise and recognizing that as a priority, I do want to put some more attention toward diet as well. It's been a bit more than a month now, and I'll look forward to hearing how everyone else is doing too! Cheers

-Josh
 
T

TimeToFaceReality

Member
My relationship ended about a month ago, too. I resonate with that pain sometimes being a trigger. But we gotta do this so that we can be ready for the next time we find someone. Getting healthier both physically and mentally will be so worth it. :)
 
J

JB1997

Member
Timetofacereality,

You're right, thanks for the encouragement, and things are still going well. Still no porn, literotica, etc. Things are good and I feel I have exercise in a place right now where I have a nice routine. That, coming on here and posting routinely to see everyone else's stories and share my progress, and reading have been helpful. The next big piece I want to fit into my week is getting back into regularly meditating (Ive slacked on this the last few months). I also wanted to mention that all of these self-care habits aren't just for the sake of getting over my pornography addiction, and I've realized that I feel better in many different areas of life (work, relationships, my roommates at my apartment, family). It's a nice feeling, and I like how interconnected these habits and getting over my porn addiction are with improving other areas of my life. More motivation to not let up and go back to old ways.

As always, good luck to everyone on this journey too. Keep going strong and keep working through this. Cheers!

-Josh
 
J

JB1997

Member
I feel like I'm definitely having more thoughts about using porn than I did a few weeks ago - this is kind of new because in the past, I felt like there was this gradual ease over time with not feeling as drawn to wanting to watch porn/literotica/pictures etc. I think part of this feeling is just boredom heading into the winter with the cold weather. Also, I work as a nurse and my unit recently got switched over to being an all-Covid unit last week. Maybe these increased feelings of wanting to view porn is just because that's something I'm kind of down about? I don't know, but I like trying to figure this out and know why I'm getting more urges during the last week or so than I was getting the previous few weeks. Overall things still going well - coming up on 2 months soon which I'm excited about. Hope things are going well with everyone else

-Josh
 
J

JB1997

Member
Still no porn! It will be 2 months in a couple days, and I'm excited about that. I still find though that in the last few weeks I'm still having a lot of thoughts about things relating to some of the genres of porn that I escalated too, which is still kind of concerning for me. When I was using porn I definitely escalated to transsexual, homosexual and other genres, and I find that I even though I'm not viewing those videos, I'm still thinking about it during times if I do jerk off - it's like that's what comes to mind automatically. Is this just part of the reboot phase? Will those thoughts eventually dissipate over time if I continue not to watch porn. I try to not entertain those thoughts, and literally the second I'm done JO they stop. It's like it's this sort of loop I'm in where when I'm aroused by myself that's often what my mind jumps too. I'm still attracted to women and recently was able to have sex with a girl in one of my classes about a week ago, so I'm relieved to know things are "working well" in person when I'm with someone. But, I still don't like that I can't get the thoughts out of my head related to porn genres I escalated to when I'm aroused and by myself. Any advice for dealing with this? On a different note, I am finding that me being consistent and not stopping my posts on here when I'm feeling better is helping me stay more committed to this whole process and not resort back to porn. I've certainly had some days where I felt lonely, frustrated with myself, frustrated with parents, etc. - all things that were triggers for me to use porn for relief, but I haven't done that since early October. There really is those sense of accountability with posting on here and I feel like using porn would just be letting myself down, and everyone on here in some way.
As always, thanks for the support! - Josh
 
J

JB1997

Member
Things going well - going on 3 months next week without porn which is a really good feeling. I'm still struggling with thoughts about porn, and although they've gone down a little bit I'm still having thoughts about the porn that I escalated to.....especially related to homosexual and transsexual content. It's weird because I thought those thoughts would have gone away after this time after not giving in and viewing porn, but they haven't. What I did try changing at the start of this week was not masturbating either (even without porn). I read about nofap and some of the success stories people have had with that and some of the research behind how no masturbating has many positive effects, and I thought it would be a good idea to try it. Has anyone else had luck with no fap before in addition to not using pornography? I'd love to hear anyone's stories or advice because I know that naturally is something new and another thing that I have grown used to that I am not giving up for the time being in addition to porn. As always, thanks for the support and good luck with this journey everyone! Cheers

-Josh
 
J

JB1997

Member
It's almost been 3 months without porn (just a few more days!). One thing that I tried starting last week that I am still adhering to is nofap. This is day 9 of no JO in addition to the no porn or artificial stimulation like literotica, or pictures. In giving up porn, I felt that I didn't feel as though I had much of a change in sex drive as much as I just wanted to watch porn again - it was a weird but I feel important distinction. With nofap, after even doing it for just a week I feel a significantly higher sex drive, and honestly I'm surprised at how much this has increased even in just a week. I'm curious if other people have had a similar experience if anyone has done nofap before and had success with it, specifically with how nofap may has helped anyone get over porn and have less urges to view it. I found that even with stopping porn 3 months ago, I still don't feel as though my erections are at 100% , but again even in just a week with nofap they seem noticeably stronger ( though still not 100%). I'd appreciate hearing anyone else's success stories or advice moving forward. Thanks!
-Josh
 
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