PIED and Married

Pdub

Member
Hey brandon1984,

Like you I am married and struggling with an addiction to porn.  It can be tough, especially when you have to explain what is happening to your significant other.  Even more so if you try to hide it.  One of the first videos I watched of a married man admitting he had a problem with porn was Terry Crews "Dirty Little Secret".  If you haven't seen it yet, it's highly motivating to see someone you may have seen in movies and tv admit they have a problem with porn as well.  He even went full on hard mode while being honest with his wife.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4krRkO4sHc

Stay strong and good luck!
 

akpal2

Well-Known Member
brandon, I am also married and trying to recover. It is tough as hell. But hang in there. A few months later you will be out of the woods, but we have to be patient. This message is as much for me as it is for you.
 

CB

Active Member
One of the biggest steps is telling yourself you?ve got a problem with pmo. I?m in the same boat about the mental performance anxiety and trying to get children.
Try reading up as much as you can on addiction in general. This is no different, it?s a kind of sex addiction. It will be tough to get out of, but it is definitely doable just like other addictions.
You?re doing really good, just keep at it! As Akpal said, this message  is also as much for myself as for you. Stay patient, libido will be gone for a while but don?t get scared. It is normal, happened to me when I had my longest run of almost 2 years. Libido came back maybe after 3 months a little by little. And sex with my gf was great.
Patience and keep fighting.
 
akpal2 - yeaaaa that checking point man lol!! I've definitely been there. I'm lookin at it like "dude, are you alive or did I kill you?" So now that we KNOW, then no more check in's are needed for the rest of our lives thankfully. Yea however long it takes, i'll hold on brother! I created a vision board, my wife's idea, and on it I have a photo that says "things good husbands do for their wives ever day". One of the biggest things I can do for my wife everyday is to FIGHT the addiction. When i'm using the addiction, I'm shorter with my wife, less compasionate, less interested really smh. It's such a sad place to be. That's just one of the photos and I have it on my computer screen's wallpaper so I see it everyday. It's always good to see your personal goals everyday. I appreciate your words and encouragement! Let's keep going!

Pdub - thanks for hitting me up my fellow husband and addict! This addiction thing is real! We got married in 2017 and I swore SHE was the problem smh...the whole time I WAS THE PROBLEM! I would think she's not being sexy/seductive enough but truth is I was just an addict not getting his fix of extreme stimulation. Then when ED came, those were my first thoughts because I knew i could get hard but I never heard of PIED. I didn't find that out until like 3 years into the marriage. Now we're getting to year 4 and I proclaim year 4 and onwards will be our BEST years! I brought her into the conversation, stopped hiding it, and sent her videos! The secret is no more! I'll check out the Terry Crews video now, thanks for sharing!

CB - yep, definitely took that big step! Yea man, children are a huge motivator for me. As I told akpal, I have this vision board and one of the photos is of a married couple with their 2 kids. I see this photo everytime I turn on the computer! WE KNOW what we have to do to get there. It won't be EASY since we are addicts but we know it's possible. We need as much motivation as we can get!
 
Oh i forgot my praise report. I had morning wood this morning! Too bad my wife isn't ovulating anymore smh. I woke up and it felt as hard as concrete lol. My wife was up so I told her to feel it and she said, "why wasn't it like this last week?" when she was ovulating. It kinda made me feel bad. She didn't say it in a mean way, she was just disappointed. I was too. She's a rider though. I thank God for her patience, grace, and mercy. She told me she feels like she's in a holding pattern. I need to keep her in the loop with this journey because really she's on the journey with me. I put her in this position that she didn't ask for. I have to make it so that she and I can make it! And so that our future family can finally be a  reality! I can't wait to post in here that she's pregnant. I also can't wait to come back here and say the gender! After that, I can't wait to say "I AM A FATHER!!"!

Yah/God bless
 
i would technically call this day 2 of waking up with morning wood, but I woke up at midnight to pee lol. I went to sleep at about 9:45pm. When I woke up again at 6am, no wood though. Are we supposed to wake up with morning wood every morning when we are fully back to normal or what?
 

Bilbo Baggins

Active Member
brandon1984 said:
i would technically call this day 2 of waking up with morning wood, but I woke up at midnight to pee lol. I went to sleep at about 9:45pm. When I woke up again at 6am, no wood though. Are we supposed to wake up with morning wood every morning when we are fully back to normal or what?
I think so. It seems normal guys have morning wood on most days. But I think it?s best for us not to think about it. I?m 10 months in and still don?t have morning wood, and if I thought about that each time I wake up, I?d be discouraged by now.

Keep it up.
 

akpal2

Well-Known Member
brandon1984 said:
i would technically call this day 2 of waking up with morning wood, but I woke up at midnight to pee lol. I went to sleep at about 9:45pm. When I woke up again at 6am, no wood though. Are we supposed to wake up with morning wood every morning when we are fully back to normal or what?

You might be having nocturnal erections and maybe not morning wood.

You can look up the difference on ybop.
 
very interesting Bilbo Baggins, i'll keep that in mind! I'm over here and my first thought is frustration whenever I don't have morning wood! smh so I'll definitely kick that from my expectations.

I'll check out that difference on ybop as you mentioned akpal2!

Yea I have to admit I've been edging the last couple of days. No O due to screen stimulation since Jan 21. I did jerk it in the shower until O 2 days ago because as I mentioned, almost been a month of no O. Still can't get it up when I want with my wife so it looks like another month will go by where's she ovulating and I won't be able to perform. That's the worse. I'm dropping the screen stimulation again, from those scandelous IG women's posts, there's like 3 billion of them now. Most girls on social media wanna just thirst trap and it makes sense because I think it's natural for women, as well as men, to want to be desirable. Plus the dopamine releases whenever you get notifications for likes and comments, especially when the comments are flattering. And how do you get those? By posing and wearing something scandalous lol. It's 2021, we are overly sexualized as a people. Can you imagine that when our parents were growing up, the TV was in black and white and shows like I love Lucy would have a married couple who slept in 2 different beds! Look what we have now. There's hardly any decency. It's only going to get more sexualized. Normal tv shows speak about and show sex every other scene, at least once per episode. It's wild.
 

akpal2

Well-Known Member
brandon1984 said:
. Plus the dopamine releases whenever you get notifications for likes and comments, especially when the comments are flattering. And how do you get those? By posing and wearing something scandalous lol. It's 2021, we are overly sexualized as a people. Can you imagine that when our parents were growing up, the TV was in black and white and shows like I love Lucy would have a married couple who slept in 2 different beds! Look what we have now. There's hardly any decency. It's only going to get more sexualized. Normal tv shows speak about and show sex every other scene, at least once per episode. It's wild.

So agree with this. Everything is so hypersexualized, its insane.
 
No edging or screen stimulation since feb 17th...it seems easy to get to 2 weeks without it. It's around that 3rd week man...i start shaking and everything smh lol. We are true addicts. I need my brain to be rewired asap. I know I can't rush it. I'll keep praying, that's what made me last so long and then I fell off! Stay focused my friends!
 

Aladdin

Member
Its matter of time to recover your self , my morning erection isn't consistence but its indicator that you are in right way , the way of healing need stability and more insisting .
 
yea man, it's always good read that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's even BETTER to see it for myself. It hasn't been 2 weeks so I'm really confident as of right now. See me in 2 weeks lol. I had a thought the other day when my wife said she was going to get her eyebrows done, like this is the perfect opportunity to edge but I just sat there on the couch watching some gospel videos on youtube. I lifted my hand in the air and said "Father,/God I'm weak...give me discipline. I can do this, keep me strong. Amen"

Keep fighting my brothers!
 

King Leer

Member
brandon1984 said:
Day 27...no M-O
. Her libido is zero, i don't even think she wants a O. She also told me she doesn't even really like making out anymore because her sense of smell or something has heightened? I'm not brushing my teeth every hour. We made out all the time prior to marriage. Like ALL the time, especially since we were celibate or at least tried to be. So with her not naturally not being touchy feely, then it's so much work getting her in the mood, now no making out...man she's just a friend seems like which makes me want to say screw it and watch P!! Smh this is the worst.
I can TOTALLY relate to this.  As if before they married you your breathe didn't smell as bad.  Sex seems like its only ever good if they are in the mood. Or once a year on honeymoon. I don't struggle with pied but I relate to the zero libido wife not to mention she can be withholding when it comes to pleasure and doesn't really try which I find baffling as I want nothing more than to do my best to make her O. Sometimes we are both in the mood but if she is not it's totally just perfunctory stuff, like I might as well just MO.
EDIT
now that morning has come and I listened to the universal man podcast I have rethought my position on this. I know my porn effected brain has a skewed view of sex. And I almost think it's best if I don't even have sex with my wife unless she engages. Kind of like hard reboot with some exceptions.
 
Yea it's good to see people can relate and I like when i go to people's posts and can relate, just makes me feel not so alone on this journey which is important! I spoke to my wife the other day about the making out and I said to her that I believe people really need to go to counseling if there is a breakdown in communication. So i didn't let her slide with a shoulder shrug like, "i don't know". I specifically asked why she thought we didn't anymore and really wanted to know was it a subconscious/conscious  decision that's she's making because I hurt her by watching P and putting her through all this addiction. She said it's just been so long since we have done that and I did add that maybe since we were trying to be celibate then that was really sex for us, but now that we can have sex then maybe that's why we stopped. Like we would just dry hump and make out all the time because that was all we had. Now there's sex and orgasms so who wouldn't pick the latter lol. Once we got that out there, i felt much better. I even told her if it's my breath then i'd brush my teeth several times a day if need be, which she smiled at.

I meet with my friend once a week, he's in the same boat with porn addiction, and i'm just telling him i'm now just continuously pouring into my wife now. I brought her breakfast in bed. When she asks me to do things I try and do them without a fuss and quickly. We've been married over 3 years, 4 years in july, and I've not been the best husband i could be due to porn smh! She deserves better and i WILL give her better! Prayer and faith is a huge help in this walk for me. Doesn't mean i'll be the perfect husband from now on but my direction/path is clear and I won't stop until my journey is over. I had to think about it, if divorce isn't on the table then something has to give. P will be the downfall and I won't allow it. I used to have the thought back in the day, i just want to live on my own, a little apartment with fast internet and my laptop to watch P all day....wow....what an addict smh. I couldn't even see it. I SEE IT NOW!

Let's keep pushing!
 
Oh, time update...well yea i haven't edged since Feb 17th. I haven't PMO'd in longer and I can't say when the last time was honestly and i'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing lol.

Either way, i've learned from reading your replies and other posts that I shouldn't pay attention to morning wood, so i'm not. Therefore there is no more pits in my stomach or bad feelings/thoughts when i don't wake up with a boner.

I'm really just keeping myself busy. I got into the stock market last year and i have financial goals i'm trying to reach. I'm reading books, watching analysts all day so whenever there's a urge, i go to that. I'm also praying to God that He erases those pathways in my brain that I created and that He return my brain to the natural state that He intended before P. I also pray for hard erections for my wife and that I become even more sensitive to her touch and smell for even more erections lol.

I know once we turn this corner I/we are going to take off! 2021 is our year!!
 
What a day yesterday. Let me start by saying this is a happy day lol. My wife and I got into a little argument and I really really wanted to just go watch some P and release, but I didn't. Instead i actually left the house, went to get 2 checker burgers, and sat in my car and ate them lol. When I came back, i humbled myself and apologized and she followed up with her own apology. BE QUICK TO FORGIVE! I took a shower, without fantasizing I started feeling my "piece" and I got like to like a level 10 boner. I don't think that was ever possible. I actually jerked it a few times and I felt that feeling like if i do this for 2 more minutes i'd definitely explode. I'm not counting this as a backslide or should I? I know we aren't supposed to look at P, girls twerkin and stuff, or fantasize. I didn't do either.

I also stopped because, as you know from reading my posts, my wife and I are looking to get pregnant asap so i'd want all that explosion to go into her rather than my shower floor.  We also had a long conversation about communication and we were NOT on the same page. She was saying she didn't want to tell me she was ovulating because she didn't want me to feel bad. I said NOOOOO, tell me, I'd at least try. I asked when haven't I tried when you told me that, she replied we haven't had sex in over 2 months. It's funny how women give you the answer they wanna give lol. So her mindset was she rather we focus on having sex regularly first and then worry about getting pregnant, but at the same time she wanted us to focus on getting pregnant. I was like well when are you ovulating and she said now. I was so frustrated at that point. I told her about the go hard mode again, because I already sent her several videos and watched a couple with her over the last 6+ months. I had to regain my composure because at the end of the day it's still ALL MY FAULT! We laid in bed, i started playing with my "piece" again assuming it would work JUST like it did in the shower not even a hour ago. It started getting hard, and i told her to get the lube, she poured it on me and it felt good but the boner went away instantaneously. I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED! Like i just was a 12 (if 10 was rock hard), and now it's a -1??? I kept trying to rub it for the next 30 minutes, nothing. I started praying and this time I wasn't verbally abusive in my head to myself and whoever else. I just kept calm.

At this point my wife is tired of waiting, and I'm thinking this isn't sex. Sex isn't i get hard by myself and she just sits there waiting. So i tell her that and i'm like we need to make out and stuff. She says like "eh, i dunno". She breaks down that she really tired of "trying", which is fair, that's her truth and her own walk. I have to give her space for that, even though it's hard. She says she's tried it for 5 years, even though i've only known her for 5 years and we haven't been married for 4 years yet. Basically she's showing her pain that we haven't EVER had a steady sex life since our wedding day. She's tried lingerie, dancing for me, etc. She starts tearing up and it just makes me more frustrated at MYSELF. I ask if she wants to speak to a therapist but her reply is, that costs money. I felt bad and we didn't speak for like 30 minutes. She also said that people are different so the "go hard mode" that people with porn addiction and PIED do could take years. I had to reinforce to her that yes, people recover differently, but it won't take years! She just knows she's on a time clock with her eggs and she wants to get pregnant asap. Not to mention, all her friends are getting pregnant now and every movie/show we watch is about babies somehow!!

She made me doubt myself and how long it could be for me. There's no room for doubt, especially if you're praying. We calmed down, she got back in bed and turned on tv. I kept stroking my piece. I start to feel it getting harder again after all that lube dried up and I could get some traction, before it was like wet soap in the shower. I tell her to lube herself and I thought we were all good and it weakened again, i didn't give up though! I tried feeling it again and i got it to like a 9 and we were in! I then got to release within like 10 minutes max. I was thanking God the whole time lololol out loud. I was so happy and grateful. We broke our 2 month streak! I hadn't released in a while and i'm glad i waited. After we finished, we started watching tv again and I started feeling myself again and I was thinking about what we just did and I got another 10 in my hands but she was already sleep lol. The happy thought is that there's always a possibility that she could get pregnant off what we did last night and i love that thought. We did our part and i prayed to God that He do His. One of these days my post will start with...WE DID IT!! That "we" includes God.
 
Another update, we did it 2 more times lol...could've been more!! I'm getting my confidence back and i'm loving every second of it. At the same time this is also pulling me further and further away from watching P or any screen stimulation. I'm not saying i'm cured, by any means, but i'm getting stronger mentally and turning my thoughts towards looking at P to hate. I want to get to the place where i REALLY HATE IT! It only kills. The people doing it, it's killing them as well. I've seen many cases were i'd be looking for a p star and come to find out they're out of the business and on drugs, homeless, or dead. I know it's a huge business, so if they lose 1 girl, 1 million more will sign up the next day. It's a bad cycle that I don't see stopping in this world. We are all too sexualized in my opinion. Only intimacy we need to have is with our spouse so it  could be special. P makes sex not special because we'll see our favor P star do it with 10000 guys and even some at the same time. The more we degrade sex, the worse our mindsets will be.

So yea, we went from not having sex 1 time in over the last 2 months to having it 3 times in the last 4 days. God is good! I'm continuing to pray that my sperm finds one of them eggs every day but I want it to be His will over mine. I can only do what I can do and leave it up to Him. This morning i woke up with a 10, super morning wood, but it was like 545am so I didn't want to wake her so we can do it again lol. THIS IS HUGE! So glad i'm here!  Be encouraged!!
 
Hey bro,
It is good to read good news from folks over here. I've read that rewiring is key to detach from P. It is great that you are having great progress in that direction. I am actually in a similar boat as you are. We'd like to to conceive very soon, probably start trying in her next cycle. The excitement of the situation has helped me a lot to be away from P, and more present in my marriage. I like the direction this is going, and don't want to look back. Reconnecting with my wife is critical to reclaim my sexuality as it is supposed to be lived; with her and nobody (or nothing) else. It is a rewiring process and, as such we have to be patient and have perseverance. As long as we do our part and keep distance from temptation, the barrier between P and us, will keep on getting thicker.
Best wishes to you and your family
 
Hey recovery000, that's exactly it! You got it! My prayers are with you!

It'll be a month since I edged, on tomorrow, and the way it's going i don't see me doing it again in the near future. My wife is done ovulating for the week so the pressure to have sex is gone. We still need to remain intimate though and her foot is totally off the gas pedal. I need to keep trying with her though else it seems like another week will go by and then another. We'll see. As far as P is concerned, haven't looked at it, as i said in a month. I did check out a few IG posts yesterday but that was only for like 3 minutes and it didn't arouse me. I actually looked at it like, yall are wack lol and have nothing to offer me anymore. Unfortunately they feel they have to do that to get money. They're putting a hurting on a lot of dudes minds, families, and bank accounts.

So i've been to 3 and 4 weeks without doing it before, and that's usually when i start shaking like a fiend lol. I don't have any of that right now. My wife leaves me home alone, a thought might come for 2 seconds but I brush it off WAY easier now. I say to the thought, are you kidding me? lol We have to be conquerors gentlemen. Conquerors conquer and we won't be conquered! Just like winners win! We have to take on that mindset and keep it! I believe we are competitive by nature so be competitive! I know i am.

I've also been praying every single morning that we conceive. We did it 3 good times while she was ovulating and our God doesn't need any help doing anything! We did our part so we're sitting back and waiting for Him to do His. He can't fail, watch! 
 
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