addictionbreaker
Member
Day 6
Hello everyone!
My first post. My first entry in my journal titled "The struggle towards freedom".
This is the first time when I write openly about my addiction, although I'm still anonymous it still gives me some comfort that I know I'm not the only one, not the only one with a life ruined by this terrible addiction.
I'm 38 and I'm addicted to PMO for 15 years. Looking back I think it all started quite early.
I came from a broken family.
My father was a sex addict and alcoholic. I was exposed to porn since I was I think 11. I still remember those days in the 1990s when boys from school used to share porn on VHS.
I remember the "video sessions" and enormous arousal. I think it all started back then.
Most of my adult life was full of shame, guilt and misery. Not only because of my addiction but also because my issues related to low self-esteem, co-dependency, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, OCD, depression, drugs and alcohol abuse.
My relationships with women didn't work out. I was either obsessively in love with someone who was not there for me or in dull relationships with women that I didn't really love or care for. It was fake. I have never experienced anything described as "passionate great sex"....in real life, not on the PC screen. "My sex life" was on the PC screen. I could "edge" for hours...and lost so much time.
In real life sex with one of my steady girlfriends was so plain and dull. That was something that I tried to avoid at all cost. I had no desire to be intimate with her whatsoever. Yes, PIED, with her and with other women I tried to have sex with. In the end, I just stopped caring and got back to PMO.
I can't live like that anymore, with no control over my life and wasted years. That's why I'm here. This is my journey. This is my struggle. I came here because I would like to have some support and be supportive. I want to be out of isolation...
This is day 6. I'm slowly entering "flatline" (been there before). Mood swings, depressive states, apathy, that's all for now. My cravings on day 3 were insane....but I went through it.
Thanks and greetings to all of you! Be strong!
Hello everyone!
My first post. My first entry in my journal titled "The struggle towards freedom".
This is the first time when I write openly about my addiction, although I'm still anonymous it still gives me some comfort that I know I'm not the only one, not the only one with a life ruined by this terrible addiction.
I'm 38 and I'm addicted to PMO for 15 years. Looking back I think it all started quite early.
I came from a broken family.
My father was a sex addict and alcoholic. I was exposed to porn since I was I think 11. I still remember those days in the 1990s when boys from school used to share porn on VHS.
I remember the "video sessions" and enormous arousal. I think it all started back then.
Most of my adult life was full of shame, guilt and misery. Not only because of my addiction but also because my issues related to low self-esteem, co-dependency, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, OCD, depression, drugs and alcohol abuse.
My relationships with women didn't work out. I was either obsessively in love with someone who was not there for me or in dull relationships with women that I didn't really love or care for. It was fake. I have never experienced anything described as "passionate great sex"....in real life, not on the PC screen. "My sex life" was on the PC screen. I could "edge" for hours...and lost so much time.
In real life sex with one of my steady girlfriends was so plain and dull. That was something that I tried to avoid at all cost. I had no desire to be intimate with her whatsoever. Yes, PIED, with her and with other women I tried to have sex with. In the end, I just stopped caring and got back to PMO.
I can't live like that anymore, with no control over my life and wasted years. That's why I'm here. This is my journey. This is my struggle. I came here because I would like to have some support and be supportive. I want to be out of isolation...
This is day 6. I'm slowly entering "flatline" (been there before). Mood swings, depressive states, apathy, that's all for now. My cravings on day 3 were insane....but I went through it.
Thanks and greetings to all of you! Be strong!