Orbiter is right, 120 days for you, Phineas is arriving, but even more important is what will happen after this achievement ! You are nearer than me to get free and to eventually experience sex again without any fear of failing...
Phineas 808 said:I still feel asexual toward her, most nights. But I strive to have sex with her at least once a week. Our sex overall has definitely improved, and we are having sex more often (before, it was once or twice a month!).
What is needed for me now is a more deeper repentance. A heartfelt change of attitude toward pornography, p-subs, masturbation and edging that is an actual hatred of it. We may hate P/MO, but maybe only because we'll get caught by our wife, or lose our job, or it makes our noodle not work anymore. But can we hate this for its own sake? Can we hate this thing for what it is in itself? We may not like it, but morality comes into play here- at least for myself.
Originally in Reboot Nation I had hit 120 days (Journal: The End of All Flesh) back in March of 2015, six years ago! But the overall goal didn't feel genuine, as at day 75 I began to lapse with P-Subs and edging, and felt my goal was compromised.
Way to go, Phin! You the Man!!!!
Victory for you this time seems much sweeter. So glad you were able to get 120 days without feeling like your goal was compromised. After all, it's not just about keeping the commitment and racking up days. The sincerity of the commitment matters also, and you have proven to yourself that you can go the distance with discipline and integrity.
That's huge. I'm so proud of you!
Just a quick note to say that your latest post re God being there to meet you resonated with me - although in a slightly different way. I can honestly say that what has kept me going / picked me up the most after I have relapsed / binged (particularly over these last few years) is a strange sense of calmness and peace that God will be there to fully accept me - the good the bad and the ugly - after I crash and burn. This has done tons to massively reduce my shame immediately afterwards and has helped me to shake off the dust and press on ... because I now believe / feel that he is totally on my side wanting to provide unconditional love as he sees and understands my painful struggle. I see him not as wanting to punish me but rather as being there to 100% support me as I find my way out of my self-imposed darkness. No judging, just a safe place to lay down my burdens and rest.
Phineas 808 said:I am excited and ready for a future pregnate with potential, even at my age. And in all vigilance, I aim to protect and deepen this new found lease on life!
It's not an easy path but I think it is my path out of here.
How has everything been going since? Have there been any surprise challenges on the other side of your 120 days goal?