How Shall We Escape?

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Joel said:
Sounds good, Phineus! Seems like such a small tweak. But this habit change was a huge gamechanger in my recovery.

Thank you, Joel, definitely! It sure is helping me now, but I have to remain vigilant.

Along that line, I perhaps had my most serious challenge last night, since my last episode (11/6). I had some urges come up as I lay in bed, and it seemed a little strong. I knew that if I acted on them, even a little, I might be embroiled in a full on episode. It was, again, around social media- Youtube. It wasn't anything overtly sensual, but I could tell I was affected by it. It goes to show that I have to apply more vigilance, and give this thing no place in my heart, or habits.

The urge passed, as I didn't respond to it, as I lay in bed for sleep.

I did make assessment if there was anything I needed to 'unlike' or 'unfollow' in various social media platforms, or anything like that- not in a legalistic fashion, but in a serious 'NO!' to these behaviors.

 

J01

Active Member
I really like the idea of doing a social media inventory so to speak-limiting it is a sound step in the right direction.  Keep up the good work!
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
jixu said:
I really like the idea of doing a social media inventory so to speak-limiting it is a sound step in the right direction.  Keep up the good work!

Thank you, jixu! Definitely a thing to do, if you think something may trip you up in the future, or something represents a compromise to what you're trying to accomplish.

Only be mindful while doing such an inventory, that you're in a good headspace first, so as to not end up turning it into a p-sub session, as it were.
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Important Abstinence Quotes

Here is a post of short but powerful quotes from the world of recovery (not recoveryism) that will help to keep me sharp and focused, as I seek an abstinence that leads to lasting habit change.

I'll add onto these quotes as I encounter or discover ones worth posting.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. - Viktor E. Frankl

Don't let the past steal your present. - Terri Guillemets

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you. - Aldous Huxley

If you can quit for a day, you can quit for a lifetime. - Benjamin Alire S?enz

Believe you can and you?re halfway there. - Theodore Roosevelt

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Be stronger than your strongest excuse. - Unknown

When your past calls, don?t answer. It has nothing new to say. - Unknown

Recovery is hard. Regret is harder. - Brittany Burgunder

Life doesn't get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient. - Steve Maraboli

That which does not kill us makes us stronger. - Friedrich Nietzsch

Rising from the ashes, I am born again, powerful, exultant, majestic through all the pain. - Shannon Perry

You feel your strength in the experience of pain. - Jim Morrison

Sometimes you can only find Heaven by slowly backing away from Hell. - Carrie Fisher

Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out. - Robert Collier

If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking. - Zen proverb

If things go wrong, don't go with them. - Roger Babson

Fall seven times, stand up eight. - Japanese proverb

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. - Helen Keller

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. - Socrates *

*Character from Way of the Peaceful Warrior, by Dan Millman
 
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LetItGoAlready

Active Member
Hi Phineas - So many great, inspiring quotes here. Thanks for posting these! My personal favorite is the one about not answering when your past calls. Too many times I've made the mistake of picking up when I should have let it ring. I mean, hell, every time I go down the rabbit hole, I'm answering the call of my past. It's so simple yet so hard to master that skill.

Wishing you another day of not picking up when/if the call comes in. Just let it ring while you continue kicking ass in life, my friend. Take care.
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Yes, sir! I know all too well that phone call, Liga. Just treat it like a telemarketer, right? Lol...! :D

Grateful for you stopping by! Take care, also.
 

Joel

Active Member
Phineas 808 said:
if you think something may trip you up in the future, or something represents a compromise to what you're trying to accomplish.

totally agree.

Love the quotes, very inspiring. Have a great start to the week, Phineas.
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Thank you, Joel!

It's something we can revisit, daily- or whenever we wish for an extra-push or a sharper edge on our appraoch.

Have a great start to your week as well, brother!



 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
I must consider the source, on the ground running toward a more meaningful recovery.

What I mean is, when I find myself in certain behaviors (benign or vanilla, and non-p), why?

It could be that I simply saw something, and this served as a cue that led to urges arising. Or it could be something deeper.

I find that when I'm desperately (yes, there's a desperation involved) looking for beauty, whether in public or in pixelation, there seems to be a more emotional charge to it. The source is a deep emotional need, something that perhaps (hopefully) our significant other, our loved ones, our family can meet...?

Or, as in my case, I see that only God can meet that need deep within me. So, I'll turn it into prayer.

Another source to consider is spiritual.

First, I mean a spiritual hunger. This is similar to the emotional hunger but deeper. Again, this need is met by God in prayer and worship. He promises to any man who's thirsty that He, as the Living Water, will quench that thirst:

"...Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." - Jn 7:37b.

"My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God?" - Ps 42:2.

Second, and here believers will know what I'm talking about, there's sometimes a satanic component to our urges or struggles, that the enemy tempts us to sin sexually, especially if there's a high-stake in it for him in derailing you and I from being the man God created us to be.

For this, there's an actual praying against him, kind of like chasing off a dog- in Jesus' name.

Now, I'm not just theorizing or sermonizing, but these are things I've experienced. Especially lately, I had a strong desire as I described above, and it was more emotionally based, rather than just empty urges.

Hope everyone has a great week!
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Day 24! This is 3/15 toward my overall goal of 120 days.

Today I hit my goal of 24 days, and this is without P, PMO, MO, and all without P-Subs or edging.

Last week I did find myself admiring innocent pics of women on Instagram, and there was almost a desperation behind it. I didn't take this into any kind of violation of my goals, but I had to ask myself- Why?

This is when I soon realized that there was an emotional component to it. There was some emotional need driving this. It would have led into maladaptive behaviors. But instead I prayed into it, and sought the Lord's presence as my coping strategy in response.

Once I unmasked those emotional needs, without judgement, it passed.

Overall, I'm feeling really good about my escape! Yes, we can say 'Reboot', and it is that in a lot of ways, but I think of it as an escape, Joseph fleeing from Potiphar's wife that is pornography and lust.

Be well, All.
 

LetItGoAlready

Active Member
Day 24! This is 3/15 toward my overall goal of 120 days.

Today I hit my goal of 24 days, and this is without P, PMO, MO, and all without P-Subs or edging.

Well done, Phineas! Proud of you, man.

Last week I did find myself admiring innocent pics of women on Instagram, and there was almost a desperation behind it. I didn't take this into any kind of violation of my goals, but I had to ask myself- Why?

This is when I soon realized that there was an emotional component to it. There was some emotional need driving this. It would have led into maladaptive behaviors. But instead I prayed into it, and sought the Lord's presence as my coping strategy in response.

Once I unmasked those emotional needs, without judgement, it passed.

I'm glad you were able to probe deeper and find the answer you were looking for. It's not always obvious what's at the root of a behavior, but when you are able to puzzle it out, it puts the behavior in a whole new light.

Congrats on your escape. Onward, friend!
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Thank you, Liga!

Listening to a podcast from Kathryn Hansen, author of Brain Over Binge, and she said that for binge-eating (I always look at the similarities with other addictions), there's only two things for them to focus on:

1. Dismissing the urges, and-

2. Eating properly when the body is hungry (instead of extreme dieting, kicking the body into survival mode, and hence back to the urges).

So I was thinking, what two things would we rebooters, recovering/recovered sex or porn addicts have to focus on?

1. Dismissing the urges, and-

2. Reconnecting with real life, real-world sex with a significant other (some would say, actual sex period), intimacy with others, emotional intimacy as well.

Simple, right? We get into trouble when we accept the over complicating theories of the 'disease-model' of addiction.

Be well, All.
 

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
Well said Phineas!

The ways we may be potentially over-complicating this process is something that has been weighing on my mind.

I also wonder if by over-complicating the process of recovery could be another, sneakier form of self-sabotage? Like we unconsciously create this narrative of how overwhelmingly difficult it is so when we hit urges, it is easier to justify relapsing.

Just a though.

Anyway great going Phineas! Keep up the good work.
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Thank you, Orbiter!

Yeah, I saw you voice this concern on your journal- and I responded there!

(maybe we were commenting on each other's journal at the same time!  :D )

Be blessed!
 

Joel

Active Member
Phineas 808 said:
Thank you, Liga!

Listening to a podcast from Kathryn Hansen, author of Brain Over Binge, and she said that for binge-eating (I always look at the similarities with other addictions), there's only two things for them to focus on:

1. Dismissing the urges, and-

2. Eating properly when the body is hungry (instead of extreme dieting, kicking the body into survival mode, and hence back to the urges).

So I was thinking, what two things would we rebooters, recovering/recovered sex or porn addicts have to focus on?

1. Dismissing the urges, and-

2. Reconnecting with real life, real-world sex with a significant other (some would say, actual sex period), intimacy with others, emotional intimacy as well.

Simple, right? We get into trouble when we accept the over complicating theories of the 'disease-model' of addiction.

Be well, All.

Very true, Phin. I heard Matt Dobsheutz recently say (in response to a PA having trouble in the bedroom), it's not real progress if you stay clean/ don't binge by continuously fasting (yep, strayed into the food analogy there). I'm enjoying rereading bits of Jay Stringer's book - Unwanted, that says our sensuality and our Eros shouldn't be ignored - and now we're aware of how we've used these sensations negatively, it's time to celebrate them. I do find it tricky through as i've been tangling everything up for so long.
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member

Very true, Phin. I heard Matt Dobsheutz recently say (in response to a PA having trouble in the bedroom), it's not real progress if you stay clean/ don't binge by continuously fasting (yep, strayed into the food analogy there). I'm enjoying rereading bits of Jay Stringer's book - Unwanted, that says our sensuality and our Eros shouldn't be ignored - and now we're aware of how we've used these sensations negatively, it's time to celebrate them. I do find it tricky through as i've been tangling everything up for so long.

Thank you, Joel!

It's inescapable in many ways that sex is not necessarily meant to be a stand-alone (sorry for the pun) exercise separated from emotion and relational intimacy. Though for the purposes of rewiring, sex in the real world is better toward our healing than our habits toward fantasy, pixelation, and devices (like our iPhones).

In relation to detangling things and real-world sexuality, I've been thinking about the admiration of woman's beauty out in public. I think it's natural that this occurs as men, without it being necessarily some kind of objectification or lust.

While our eyes should only be for our significant other, I think that we shouldn't beat ourselves up for natural admiration.

Just some recent thoughts...
 

LetItGoAlready

Active Member
It's inescapable in many ways that sex is not necessarily meant to be a stand-alone (sorry for the pun) exercise separated from emotion and relational intimacy. Though for the purposes of rewiring, sex in the real world is better toward our healing than our habits toward fantasy, pixelation, and devices (like our iPhones).

Phineas - Couldn't agree more with this statement. Rewiring to real world sex, and a healthy view of sex, is critical for healing. Well said.

Marvin Gaye even wrote a song about the healing powers of sex ("Sexual Healing"), which I thought of immediately when I read this post. As a side note, based on what I've read about him, he may very well have been a sex addict before the concept of sex addiction was really well understood, so I'm not sure he was so much looking to "heal" as looking to chase the "feel good" effects of sex. Here are some verses just for shits and giggles, as they say.

Baby, I got sick this mornin'
A sea was stormin' inside of me
Baby, I think I'm capsizin'
The waves are risin' and risin'
And when I get that feeling
I want sexual healing
Sexual healing is good for me
Makes me feel so fine, it's such a rush
Helps to relieve the mind, and it's good for us
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
I am a man that does not use pornography or p-subs.

I am a man that does not masturbate or edge.

Though I appreciate natural beauty, I am a man that does not lust, ogle or objectify women.

I am a man in control of himself.

I am a man under grace, undergirded by mercy.

Pornography is not an option, ever!

 
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