Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Good stuff, man! Discipline is the thing. Building a discipline for breaking the repetitive habit that is this thing.
How Shall We Escape?
- Thread starter Phineas 808
- Start date
I don't perceive it as an ambivalence personally, more that you've reached the point where you're perhaps working out how exactly to move from 'i'm one hundred and something days clean' towards 'I don't use P and honestly can't remember or even think of the last time I had an uncontrollable urge to'.
For something to be sustainable in the long run, we need to be accountable but reasonable with ourselves about how we manage & dismiss urges right? Perfectionism and an all-or-nothing mentality can often be little more than a thinly disguised excuse to give up and give in. I guess at this stage accountability for you might be more about recognising if this is a 'once off' that was managed or is becoming a pattern of behavour that needs to be more seriously addressed. Beyond that, perhaps laying down the final blows on some of those troublesome cues might be the additional priority as well? (weekends alone, social media etc.)
You're in territory that is uncharted for me so I there's only so much I can say but I do see where you're going with this. Stay vigilant & stay accountable for your actions but do keep up the great work Phineas!
Thank you, Escape! This is true, and it plays out for me even now. Something as simple as getting ready in the morning, where I used to look at my iPhone prior to getting in the shower- while sitting on 'the throne'. Instead now, it's been my discipline for a while now to read a book instead.
Even with my latest bouts with p-subs, etc, centering around social media, when I get ready in the morning and my phone is still in my hand, I'm like, "What? I don't bring my phone with me when I get ready...", then I'll leave it behind.
In that way, the line is clear for me- if I'm acting out, I'm acting out, but discipline has definitely helped me offset bad habits with better ones.
Thank you, Orbiter! That's exactly right- not an ambivalence as such, but being in that space after hitting my abstinence challenge goals, and wondering where to go from here- as one who doesn't use P, PMO, or MO.
There are also some additional dynamics going on: my relation to RN, how to relate as someone who comes by to help (as I'm not deleting my account as before), and not someone who 'needs' to come on here- though I may need to..., if that makes sense.
Again, there were habits being established (via repetition) toward p-subs and edging. I have and focus on addressing social media usage, and dismissing urges. Currently for a few nights back, this has not been an issue for me. Or, if I've had urges, I successfully dismissed them.
Yes, accountability: first toward myself. If I can't be true to myself, everything else is a lie.
Thank you for your support, brother.
I updated and added a couple more principles to an earlier post, and reposted it in the 'Porn Addiction' forum:
18 Principles of Recovery
I rearranged a couple of principles (better prioritizing them), as well as making a couple of more principles, including a new #1!
This post is timely for me personally, as it helps me to focus or refocus on what's important going forward, even after hitting my latest goals.
Come check it out, and show it some love.
18 Principles of Recovery
I rearranged a couple of principles (better prioritizing them), as well as making a couple of more principles, including a new #1!
This post is timely for me personally, as it helps me to focus or refocus on what's important going forward, even after hitting my latest goals.
Come check it out, and show it some love.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Keep up the good work with the 18 principles. They are helpful for us.
Definitely. I changed number 7, fyi....
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
It's a really helpful resource. Thanks for taking the time to create and share it. Appreciated.
You're welcome, WIP! Good seeing you.
Thank you, Joel! Good seeing you, and using your older profile I see...
Day: 140!
Today is 140 days without P, PMO, or MO (-1)!
What is the significance of this day? This officially beats my personal best since rejoining Reboot Nation back in November of 2020.
My prior personal best was 139 days, accomplished between November 6, 2020 and March 25, 2021. I had gone 19 days beyond my 120 day abstinence challenge at that time.
I've done longer streaks, having gone over 300 days between March 2019 and March 2020, when I began to slip back into old habits based on the pandemic and other issues. But during that time I had a lot of bad habits regarding p-subs related to social media.
After my previous best last March, I had an ambivalence toward p-use, and was toying with p-memories, and anticipated lapsing to them. I had been using ASMR videos to help sleep, and some weren't a very wise choice for me, and it 'awakened' urges I hadn't dealt with for a while... Needless to say, I lapsed on March 25th.
It has now taken me about 5x tries to beat my latest (90+1 day) abstinence challenge on September 2nd. But here we are, way past that now. I've only MO'd 1x during this current streak.
How do I feel?
I feel good about my abstinence, and count this time as a real recovery effort, despite recent struggles. Part of this is in remembering the whole reason why I rejoined RN to begin with. Also helpful was challenging certain lies I've believed that encourage p-use.
Early in August, I had been dealing with p-subs and edging on and off, and this had only increased (and became somewhat of a habit) in September.
But now I feel fine regarding this. For many nights now, I've either had no urges or easily dismissed urges to either behavior. I'm also no longer in that strange place of anticipating a lapse toward P, PMO, or MO.
Regardless, I'm going forward as a different person, and leaving behind a decades old struggle.
Today is 140 days without P, PMO, or MO (-1)!
What is the significance of this day? This officially beats my personal best since rejoining Reboot Nation back in November of 2020.
My prior personal best was 139 days, accomplished between November 6, 2020 and March 25, 2021. I had gone 19 days beyond my 120 day abstinence challenge at that time.
I've done longer streaks, having gone over 300 days between March 2019 and March 2020, when I began to slip back into old habits based on the pandemic and other issues. But during that time I had a lot of bad habits regarding p-subs related to social media.
After my previous best last March, I had an ambivalence toward p-use, and was toying with p-memories, and anticipated lapsing to them. I had been using ASMR videos to help sleep, and some weren't a very wise choice for me, and it 'awakened' urges I hadn't dealt with for a while... Needless to say, I lapsed on March 25th.
It has now taken me about 5x tries to beat my latest (90+1 day) abstinence challenge on September 2nd. But here we are, way past that now. I've only MO'd 1x during this current streak.
How do I feel?
I feel good about my abstinence, and count this time as a real recovery effort, despite recent struggles. Part of this is in remembering the whole reason why I rejoined RN to begin with. Also helpful was challenging certain lies I've believed that encourage p-use.
Early in August, I had been dealing with p-subs and edging on and off, and this had only increased (and became somewhat of a habit) in September.
But now I feel fine regarding this. For many nights now, I've either had no urges or easily dismissed urges to either behavior. I'm also no longer in that strange place of anticipating a lapse toward P, PMO, or MO.
Regardless, I'm going forward as a different person, and leaving behind a decades old struggle.
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Thank you so much, Jerry!
Thank you, Joel. I understand what you're saying. Certainly throughout my journal (and my experience) I know what behaviors have been a dangerous or compromising place to be.
But in keeping with taking back power, I must keep this one thing in mind:
I am the gateway...
This means to me that the only thing I need be aware of is myself. Whether I stand or fall is because of me. This doesn't take away from your point at all, though, because if I allow ceratain behaviors to become habit, than one can set themselves up for a fall. And yet, regardless, we always have the power to not give in to our urges.
But in keeping with taking back power, I must keep this one thing in mind:
I am the gateway...
This means to me that the only thing I need be aware of is myself. Whether I stand or fall is because of me. This doesn't take away from your point at all, though, because if I allow ceratain behaviors to become habit, than one can set themselves up for a fall. And yet, regardless, we always have the power to not give in to our urges.
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Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Holy shit, man! 140 days O.O You're doing great, man! You've found the path. Don't get complacent.
Thank you, brother! If I can do this, anyone can do this. Believe in yourself, and never give up- no matter how many times you have to do this!