I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
Porn subs are probably our biggest problem because of how much they exist in a spectrum where they are not called softcore pornography.
I should probably start praying too. I don't want to be handed the escape, I want the wisdom and strength to make it happen myself. I want to feel that I'm not lost anymore when it comes to this thing and I think I'm on something but I'm missing something at the same time, I don't know what, and I'm one step behind the escape.
Glad you're here, Phineas 808 - I need some good support right now and this site is giving it to me.
I'll continue to stay strong and with the help of this community I do believe I'll keep winning the battle.
Yes. I've surrendered to the fact that it will be a life long commitment to stay away from it. It's not something that will just heal itself. I'm hoping the need fades and that I restore some of my function with normal sexual encounters. That is the goal. I may be able to heal some of those issues, but I'm sure I'll have to keep fighting the fight against the addiction.Thank you, Guitar! You will keep winning the battle, and you've already won in so many ways.
I know your struggles as you described them in your journal (to which I've responded), and in a lot of ways, I'm literally in that same place to a degree. Hopefully, from the nitty-gritty, and at times less than perfect skirmishes, you can find inspiration for your own struggles.
No matter what, always keep the bigger picture in mind, as we seek to train our brains and hearts to embrace the 'new normal' of living without these unwanted behaviors.
Yes. I've surrendered to the fact that it will be a life long commitment to stay away from it. It's not something that will just heal itself. I'm hoping the need fades and that I restore some of my function with normal sexual encounters. That is the goal. I may be able to heal some of those issues, but I'm sure I'll have to keep fighting the fight against the addiction.
I want to make a brief entry regarding an apparent ambivalence toward using.
It seems like I'm being wishy-washy, or making compromises, or not caring about my recovery at the moment. While this is possible, I want to say that this is not the case.
I'm recognizing that there's two parts of the brain that explain this: the lower limbic system, where these urges and addictive voice come from, and the cerebral cortex, our thinking and judgment center, where the 'better part' of us wants to do the right thing, the healthy choices.
I'm currently 134 days without any P, PMO, or MO (-1), still, even with my latest struggles.
I feel good, even though I had thoughts of using a while ago (home alone), but I didn't act on them, no strong urges to act on them. I'm continuing on, and am actually in line to beat my longest streak on here (139 days), which I will report on next week- and the Lord is willing.
Be strong, everyone. Dismiss the urges.
Good stuff, man! Discipline is the thing. Building a discipline for breaking the repetitive habit that is this thing.
I don't perceive it as an ambivalence personally, more that you've reached the point where you're perhaps working out how exactly to move from 'i'm one hundred and something days clean' towards 'I don't use P and honestly can't remember or even think of the last time I had an uncontrollable urge to'.
For something to be sustainable in the long run, we need to be accountable but reasonable with ourselves about how we manage & dismiss urges right? Perfectionism and an all-or-nothing mentality can often be little more than a thinly disguised excuse to give up and give in. I guess at this stage accountability for you might be more about recognising if this is a 'once off' that was managed or is becoming a pattern of behavour that needs to be more seriously addressed. Beyond that, perhaps laying down the final blows on some of those troublesome cues might be the additional priority as well? (weekends alone, social media etc.)
You're in territory that is uncharted for me so I there's only so much I can say but I do see where you're going with this. Stay vigilant & stay accountable for your actions but do keep up the great work Phineas!
Keep up the good work with the 18 principles. They are helpful for us.I updated and added a couple more principles to an earlier post, and reposted it in the 'Porn Addiction' forum:
18 Principles of Recovery
I rearranged a couple of principles (better prioritizing them), as well as making a couple of more principles, including a new #1!
This post is timely for me personally, as it helps me to focus or refocus on what's important going forward, even after hitting my latest goals.
Come check it out, and show it some love.