Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
I understand what you say. Mark the day when you start the streak and check it out in a week or something like that.
How Shall We Escape?
- Thread starter Phineas 808
- Start date
That's right. I've given this whole thing some more thought since I last posted the above...
To count or not to count, which has been a debate in my own journey for years. It gets especially dicey for me when I have a lapse after a lengthy streak...
A person has to know themselves, and what works for them. My conclusion for me right now is...
That I will count days for now, knowing the state of mind I was in just a week ago, and also earlier in November, that counting can help me. I'm not updating every day, but it encourages me that after I've set it, and then some time passes, the next time I come on it's jumped up significantly (more or less), and I'm encouraged by that...
I hope no one thinks that I'm ever boasting, or trying to prove something, especially when others may be struggling. Whenever I post my successes it's only to encourage myself first, that I'm doing this, and if others can benefit from my hard won victories, than that's all the better.
Perhaps after a while I'll quit counting all together, or the updating of numbers will be farther apart. And instead of an exact day count, I'll simply say it's been X amount of months, or years...
An update as to where I'm at coming into the middle of December.
Days Currently Abstinent from P, PMO, MO:
PMO > 192 days
P > 35 days
MO > 14 days
I am doing good. I'm currently not obsessing on anything, and p-subs and edging are no longer issues for me at the moment.
I've identified social media as a major culprit and dangerous territory for me, especially when emotional or inner cues are introduced. But I've addressed this by greatly restricting my social media use with the acronym:
I. integrity M. mindful P. purposeful A. alert C. concise T. trutfhful.
How have I been with that? Mostly diligent. I've had my moments where I've taken the phone into the restroom in the middle of the night, or have sought out p-subs in the 'discovery' areas of IG, or watched back to back music videos on YT. But each time I do this, I know I'm acting out, or reaching for something superficial to meet a deeper emotional need. And I'll snap out of it.
There's times when I'll see something (non-nudity) that has a strong attraction, and I'll save it, or follow the profile, just to offset the potential for obsession. This works, and then I'll simply delete or unfollow later. But mostly I'm avoiding these scenarios.
My thinking is like: Why would I get myself all worked up sexually? Just to fall later??
I'm not working toward a specific date or number of days, simply to live life without P, PMO, and MO. It is kind of strange doing it without a goal as such, as in an abstinence challenge. I suppose my goal is to track my abstinences until it just doesn't make sense to do so any more.
Days Currently Abstinent from P, PMO, MO:
PMO > 192 days
P > 35 days
MO > 14 days
I am doing good. I'm currently not obsessing on anything, and p-subs and edging are no longer issues for me at the moment.
I've identified social media as a major culprit and dangerous territory for me, especially when emotional or inner cues are introduced. But I've addressed this by greatly restricting my social media use with the acronym:
I. integrity M. mindful P. purposeful A. alert C. concise T. trutfhful.
How have I been with that? Mostly diligent. I've had my moments where I've taken the phone into the restroom in the middle of the night, or have sought out p-subs in the 'discovery' areas of IG, or watched back to back music videos on YT. But each time I do this, I know I'm acting out, or reaching for something superficial to meet a deeper emotional need. And I'll snap out of it.
There's times when I'll see something (non-nudity) that has a strong attraction, and I'll save it, or follow the profile, just to offset the potential for obsession. This works, and then I'll simply delete or unfollow later. But mostly I'm avoiding these scenarios.
My thinking is like: Why would I get myself all worked up sexually? Just to fall later??
I'm not working toward a specific date or number of days, simply to live life without P, PMO, and MO. It is kind of strange doing it without a goal as such, as in an abstinence challenge. I suppose my goal is to track my abstinences until it just doesn't make sense to do so any more.
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Phineas— I really like the IMPACT filter for your social media choices. I think we all need a structure for how we’re going to engage this, if at all. i think this or something like it can keep us from blundering into an unhealthy place.
regarding your earlier post on counting days, i think you are right about it depending on whether it works for you. My plan is to get to 90 and then re-evaluate whether to keep the count. My ultimate goal is to be able to say “When did I last use porn? Ummm, I really can’t remember.”
love and respect,
john
regarding your earlier post on counting days, i think you are right about it depending on whether it works for you. My plan is to get to 90 and then re-evaluate whether to keep the count. My ultimate goal is to be able to say “When did I last use porn? Ummm, I really can’t remember.”
love and respect,
john
3rd John, Thank you so much, brother! 
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
I like your multiple counters thing. It could make things easier for me, I guess. Having just one counter means I need to reset it when I violate one of my rules (porn, pmo or masturbation). I like how you keep them separately. And by the way, almost 200 days without PMO is absolutely incredible!
Thank you, Escape! As I shared in your journal, my own (former) black-and-white thinking would just want one straight counter meaning I've been abstinent from 'all the above'. The multiple counter thing kind of reveals that our victory isn't always linear, or black-and-white, but some times with some gray areas.
But the bottom line, go for the win- whatever it looks like. Then we'll more positively reach for greater victories.
You're welcome, Jerry!
This is something I have to keep in mind also, if I'm going to stay on top of what has been an Achilles heel for me.
Again, social media (all platforms) are specifically designed to addict us on purpose, and heighten our dopamine. If you've noticed lately, there's a lot of stupid advertisements with all kinds of bells and dings and 'happy sounds' that are designed to keep us clicking and scrolling, like little lab rats.
In general, we need to detox from the Matrix.
Blessings!
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Yes, it makes perfect sense. My perfectionism wants this streak to be absolutely perfect but it's not often the case.
Same. I was thinking about it, and with multiple counters I can take my 'lowest' counter, which happens to be (for me) a lower level red-line behavior (MO), and though I have several counters with different days, I can at least say I've been clean from everything for 15 days. But if I'm feeling more 'holistic' and need a wider angle, a bigger picture, I can look at the larger numbered counters...
Whatever will produce that self-encouragement.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
I understand the idea. It makes one small slip not look like it finished everything. But the key words here are "a small slip" because if this turns into edging for hours and binging PMO, this resets all the counters we might use. The thing here is how to keep this small slip to just that, only a small slip. I manage sometimes to stop myself after starting but the lingering chaser effect makes me restart and do more. Of course, we want to abandon porn completely and never have that small slip but sometimes it just happens. You find yourself crossing the line in your head and watching something. But again, I'm coming back to this, how do you stop and never continue that for the day? I know that I'm having a very hard time to stay away from continuing later. And it's understandable why. Porn addiction works like this: Our brain releases dopamine in response to porn. After starving yourself for days and days, one video can make the dopamine explode like a volcano. Once dopamine gets high, it wants to stay high, hence the struggle with wanting more after that. Every taste makes you want more. Is it possible to stop and end the day without further complications? Of course, but there is a "but" here. It's not as easy to implement.
The urges, how we responded (when non-response is what we want), and the chaser effects are all signals from the lower brain, chemicals released, and the power of habit. Boiling all these down further, all these things are just thought.
Understanding this makes this thing very simple really quick. Note: I said 'simple' but not always easy. Why? Because thoughts can be dismissed. They are not 'your' thoughts anyway. They are the motivations of the animal-brain using your own thought processes to justify and encourage using. But you sit in the executive seat of the cerebral cortex, and can dismiss and veto all these things.
What does this look like practically?
Say I was struggling earlier. I had browsed images on IG, and maybe realized that a good 15 minutes was spent doing this. Maybe I started feeling obsessive about it... I will (without judgement) find a way to disrupt this behavior. Maybe I'll look up a self-help video, or go to RN, and try and help someone.
That may help me in the moment to stop, but I know that the urges will return because of the earlier activity. Being aware of this, when the urges do come, I can breathe through them, dismiss them. Above all, don't react to them (it's all lower brain junk anyway). The urges invariably pass, eventually. If they return, rinse-and-repeat.
A major key to this, Escape, is not being too hard on yourself. When I say, 'without judgment', I mean that you have to see yourself as kind of 'outside of yourself', like seeing yourself on T.V. Whatever you did earlier will just be seen as the habit trying to express itself, and you can step outside of that mindfully, and dismiss the urges. Think about something else, do something else, not in a white-knuckled way, but because you're choosing what to dwell on, lower or higher brain activity.
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Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Thanks, man. This is very helpful.
guitar1968
Well-Known Member
Good advice my friend. I need as much as I can get right now.
Hopefully I can reply more thoughtfully on your journal tomorrow, Guitar!
guitar1968
Well-Known Member
Thank Phineas. I'm back but my head is elsewhere. I'm here typing away while my head is trying to get me back to my favorite porn haunts. Ugh... it just comes on so strong sometimes it is hard to fight. But, I'm back and I'm going to continue pursuing a life with out porn.
I know you will get back and go beyond where you were before. Now is a good time to practice dismissing the urges, breathing through them, and not acting out for or against them.
Let them subside (each time), and just go about your day.
My abstinence from P, PMO and MO is currently:
PMO > 195 days
P > 38 days
MO > 17 days
Almost 40 days since I last saw P, and that feels pretty good and hopeful. The edging and p-subs that had been a persistent or ever increasing habit from August to early November has mostly ceased. I do recall I had urges to edge last night, and I acted on it a little, but ceased.
Yesterday, while X-Mas shopping for the wife, there was a sales lady who was drop dead gorgeous! She was maybe in her 40's or so. She seemed very attracted to me, and went out of her way to talk to me. It felt good and flattering that she could detect my self-control, and was attracted to it.
I much rather have these kind of respectful interactions with women without that feeling of anxiety and shame that comes with those unwanted behaviors. I like the confidence I feel, and the real-world interaction with the opposite sex.
PMO > 195 days
P > 38 days
MO > 17 days
Almost 40 days since I last saw P, and that feels pretty good and hopeful. The edging and p-subs that had been a persistent or ever increasing habit from August to early November has mostly ceased. I do recall I had urges to edge last night, and I acted on it a little, but ceased.
Yesterday, while X-Mas shopping for the wife, there was a sales lady who was drop dead gorgeous! She was maybe in her 40's or so. She seemed very attracted to me, and went out of her way to talk to me. It felt good and flattering that she could detect my self-control, and was attracted to it.
I much rather have these kind of respectful interactions with women without that feeling of anxiety and shame that comes with those unwanted behaviors. I like the confidence I feel, and the real-world interaction with the opposite sex.
As always @Phineas 808 thanks for the great advice and posts. Really appreciate it as I know several others do as well. Who would have thought how GOD uses you and us to work things out for the good...!! We will win and GOD bless you!