How Shall We Escape?

[Phineas 808]

But if it can be handled to some degree, it's still better than actually starting masturbating to porn.

This is so true. Like yourself, MO would just be a slippery slope for me, but it's still better than P, or PMO. My reboot or recovery feels clean and uncompromised if I also abstain from MO, p-subs and edging. This is how last year started, and how I'm going to recover the initiative for this year going forward!

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

This is so true. Like yourself, MO would just be a slippery slope for me, but it's still better than P, or PMO. My reboot or recovery feels clean and uncompromised if I also abstain from MO, p-subs and edging. This is how last year started, and how I'm going to recover the initiative for this year going forward!

Sounds good, man!

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Thank you, Takeoff! Yes, mostly this is how it is for me, it could cause me to lose my resolve in the moment. I don't know if it's because of a libido issue for me, but the association MO has with P, PMO for me.

My two episodes this month were not purposely done to offset any urges, but were responses to urges, so- a No-No.

Yes, I can agree with this. Masturbation is part of my porn world and I guess I can't really (at least for now) not associate it with PMO in a way. I feel like my brain wants PMO and if it can't get it, it tries to convince me to just masturbate without porn because it's.... masturbation without porn, right? It shouldn't be a problem. But I feel like I don't crave masturbation, I actually crave porn and this masturbation is just a way to chase the pleasure.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Thank you, brother! In this sense, we should even welcome challenges in a true Stoic fashion, so they don't catch us off guard, and so we can use them as training toward that resilience that doesn't seek to hide or escape from pain, but learns how, like you said, not turn to old drugs of choice. If we sit with the pain, as it were, we will find more natural ways of coping and getting dopamine and serotonin to help us deal.

For me, this is taking walks, and even going to journal on Sunday nights (I know, I'm a nerd).

Thank you for your support!

It's true, bro. I guess what I want is to show myself that I can jump over the obstacles without drinking and porn.

 

[Phineas 808]

Yes, I can agree with this. Masturbation is part of my porn world and I guess I can't really (at least for now) not associate it with PMO in a way.

Yep, definitely same for me. In a way, I view P, PMO as an elaboration on MO anyway. It's kind of an enhanced way of MO for me.

My history of fighting MO goes way back to my early twenties, when as a new Christian, I had knock-down drag-out fights with it, and finally overcame for a good year (1990-91) until things took a wierd turn for me into P and Sex addiction...

 

[Phineas 808]

It's true, bro. I guess what I want is to show myself that I can jump over the obstacles without drinking and porn.

You will be surprized at what you can do, and what you'll accomplish, Escape! You will definitely jump over, run through, and overcome all your obstacles without porn or drinking!

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Yep, definitely same for me. In a way, I view P, PMO as an elaboration on MO anyway. It's kind of an enhanced way of MO for me.

My history of fighting MO goes way back to my early twenties, when as a new Christian, I had knock-down drag-out fights with it, and finally overcame for a good year (1990-91) until things took a wierd turn for me into P and Sex addiction...

You couldn't have said it better, bro! PMO as an enhanced MO. That's exactly what it is. It's masturbation taken to extreme.

 

[Phineas 808]

This will be my weekly check-in, though I may extend this to a bi-weekly, but we'll see how it goes.

It has been 24 days since any P, or PMO was seen, searched or engaged with.

And it has been 7 days since my last MO episode, which takes me out of that previous 4 day streak regarding this.

My new way of looking at abstinence days or lapses is kind of an inverse of counting days, though I obviously still do that time to time... And that is on a monthly basis I will reward myself with 0x lapses. Each new day, each new month begins with 0x lapses, and any day without porn is a day to celebrate.

And at the end of each 90 day period I will assess how well I did, with the goal of having 100% success rate. Each lapse, should they occur will of course diminish from this celebratory number. But, it will also help me to gauge period to period overall progress or regress.

What does a monthly 0x lapse mean? It means purity, holiness, abstinence, sanctification (lived out), discipline, watchfulness over myself, and a basis from which fruitfulness in my faith, and success in reaching toward my dreams can be realized. Stringing together months of these will mean that I'm on track for a perfect 90 day period as well.

I am currently doing well, sticking to my approaches on social media. There is no edging and no p-subs. I am challenged with a video I need to make, and other goals I need to execute. I'm also challenged with (again) ending a female friendship which is the best choice for my marriage, and I'm also challenged by my marriage, lol...!

But, I'm hopeful and grateful.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Everything looks good, bro.

 

[Phineas 808]

Everything looks good, bro.

Thank you, Escape! I'll do another check-in tomorrow, and I'll have some end of the month, and then end of a 90 day period to evaluate in the coming days.

 

[guiganvoger]

Thanks for the constant dedication Phineas! It is helping to come back to the site after some time away to read that others can struggle but remain fastidious to the cause. I need to remind myself that this is a place for honesty and healing not judgement for my mistakes.

 

[Phineas 808]

Thanks for the constant dedication Phineas! It is helping to come back to the site after some time away to read that others can struggle but remain fastidious to the cause. I need to remind myself that this is a place for honesty and healing not judgement for my mistakes.

Thank you, guiganvoger! 'Honesty, healing and not judgement' - Yes! I hope this place always remains that way.

Our struggles are themselves a very sensitive topic, and when someone just lapsed, they're vulnerable. We need to be there for each other for if we're struggling, or trying to find our footing again after a lapse.

Some (in the past) were like 'rock stars', and never lapsed. And so they'll be 6 months in, but then react insensitively to others struggling. Luckily there's no one around RN like that in a while...! Our goal is to not lapse, but if we're doing good, I pray we never forget where we came from- and pick each other up.

 

[Phineas 808]

Checking in for the week...

It has been 31 days since I've seen P, or PMO occurred.

It's also been 14 days or 2 weeks since the latest episode of MO.

There have not been any episodes of edging or p-subs.

One night I wanted to edge, but I knew that even if I started that would be a reaction to a cue (from YouTube), and so I laid my hands at my side, and let the urges pass without incident.

Last night I was cued very strong, and had strong urges come on me due to my wife and daughter going out of town today for an overnighter.

We know how 'triggers' or cues work, and whenever my wife goes out of town- especially for an overnighter, this initiates a schema that plays in my head. I suppose this is similar to an urge, but is more deeper because a whole story line starts playing for me. You can think of a schema like a record or tape that starts playing automatically when cued.

I know that this has to be met with diligence and watchfulness. It's so strong that it's almost assumed that a lapse goes with her being out of town for an overnighter. But I've been successful with this before, and I've come to handle this a lot better than I used to. But last November, I didn't do so well with this in terms of P.

I have focus points on this issue:

When wife goes out of town, nip any thought or behavior in the bud, before it becomes obsessive (don't go there to begin with! Drink from the Lord).

Dismiss lapse-anticipation as mere thought/urge.

And as a related regret:

No fun time for self, when wife goes out of town (too busy with obsession, regret and fear of discovery, despite the pleasures of indulgence).

So this caused urges last night and this morning, and thoughts keep arising that I'll lapse later, or obsess about this tonight, etc...

But my 'end of the month' report is coming up, as well as an end of 90 day report, and I don't want to add any more episodes to these times, especially if I want to be diligent and ready to do better for next month and beyond.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Sounds good, man! I understand how that cue works because I have this "Edging in the morning" thing that triggers me every morning. It goes from when I was 14. I know exactly what it's like to have an annoying, repetitive cue like that. But what we learn we can unlearn too. We've conditioned ourselves to react to the cue, we can condition ourselves not to react to the cue. I've been dismissing the cue every morning since the beginning of the year, I don't give it attention. You got this, man!

 

[Phineas 808]

But what we learn we can unlearn too. We've conditioned ourselves to react to the cue, we can condition ourselves not to react to the cue.

This is said perfectly, and agrees with the latest cutting edge science of addiction or behavior modification.

As I like to say, We walked into this addiction, we have to walk our way back out of it. This is done just like you said, not reacting or responding to the cues, consistently, and the habit will eventually alter and cease.

Thanks for the support!

 

[Phineas 808]

End of the Month Report for January 2022:

In the month of January there were 2x episodes > MO, these occurred on the 12th and the 16th.

Both lapses were related to p-subs and a near habit of edging. There are currently 15 days since MO occurred.

P, and PMO are left in 2021 as last year's news. But I know given my current situation, diligence and focus are of paramount importance.

I'm coming out of January, despite last night's struggles, with a new and improved approach toward social media, as that continues to be an area deserving heightened awareness and a strict in-and-out approach, without being overly restrictive. I've improved in how I approach IG and YT, as well as FB, but these continue to be potential 'warzones'.

How did I do yesterday? The wife and daughter were out of town for an overnighter. I feel I let my wife down from being an emotional support for her when she needed me, but then again, by me staying behind, we earned a needed amount of money we perhaps wouldn't have made otherwise. Again, she gave me an out, and I took it.

I had a good day. Thoughts came to me about how great it would be to act out, but I ignored those thoughts. I was focused on finally making a teaching video that was in waiting for quite a while... I uploaded that, had a late lunch or dinner, and just watched T.V. before posting and watching the finished product.

Night time was different. And it could be that I put too much emotion, expectation, and/or anticipation, on how the night would unfold? It started off well enough, relaxing... But by bedtime I already had physical reactions to the night ahead, even shaking- how much from the cold, how much from the brain anticipating dopamine hits?

It was overall successful, despite some going back and forth [note: Reddit = porn gateway!], but not to the degree of obsession as in the past. A strange focus (audio) actually kept me from escalating any visual stimuli. Went to the computer once (compared to multiple times in the past), and didn't see anything, but came to RN instead.

Prayer was a little wishy-washy, perhaps due to the ambivalence?

Sleep was lacking due to the degree of obsessing that did occur, but no red-line behaviors were engaged. I did sleep and relax as best I could.

I'm hoping that this month of January was/is a turning point, and I still intend it such. But there was certainly struggling that challenged that. But even during my 139 day streak last year without P, PMO, or MO, doesn't mean that there weren't the occasional fight- or that it was always picture perfect.

 

[guitar1968]

Sounds like you're fighting the good fight @Phineas 808 - I wish you success this year. You have found much success to be sure. I guess it depends what your thoughts are on MO vs. PMO. I want to get away from PMO for good. MO not so much. I really am finding I need it less and less, which is good. But, I'm feeling like I'm missing something. So, I'm dealing with that. But I think after last year I'm off to a decent start to the year and sounds like you are as well.

Glad you are here. Good luck.

 

[Phineas 808]

Sounds like you're fighting the good fight Phineas - I wish you success this year. You have found much success to be sure. I guess it depends what your thoughts are on MO vs. PMO. I want to get away from PMO for good. MO not so much. I really am finding I need it less and less, which is good. But, I'm feeling like I'm missing something. So, I'm dealing with that. But I think after last year I'm off to a decent start to the year and sounds like you are as well.

Glad you are here. Good luck.

Thank you, guitar.

Your relationship with MO versus PMO all depends on what you want out of your reboot. For me, I'm not dealing with PIED as much as many are here, especially the high-speed internet guys, those who grew up on it. But for me, MO leads me back potentially to P, and PMO. In fact, for myself, I veiw PMO as an elaboration on MO. Instead of fantasies in our heads, it's pixalized women on a screen.

If one can utilize MO without fantasy? If MO doesn't relate back to PMO for them? If one can 'mindfully masturbate'? I don't know. I do state in one of my 'principals of recovery' that MO could be used sparingly if it offsets urges to PMO, but of course MO can also become a habit, too.

I know you've always held a place for it somewhere in your journey, and if it doesn't hinder your goals, it's all up to you.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I've rarely had a normal experience with regular MO because it's porn I crave, I would start a MO session but shortly I would want more stimulation and start fantasizing about porn which is not good.

 

[Phineas 808]

I've rarely had a normal experience with regular MO because it's porn I crave, I would start a MO session but shortly I would want more stimulation and start fantasizing about porn which is not good.

Yeah, MO typically (though not always) puts me in the f***-it mindset, where anything goes. It could take me from 0 to 90, to where all restraints are out the window, and I could cross all my redlines. But, if the O is acheived, then hopefully that starts the decrease of dopamine, but both the getting there and the days following (as it tries to become habit) are where the dangers are.