Thank you, Jixu!
Will do!
Moving forward, under grace, undergirded by mercy!
Will do!
Moving forward, under grace, undergirded by mercy!
How Shall We Escape?
- Thread starter Phineas 808
- Start date
Seeing a pattern emerging (reemerging) in regards to social media, mostly IG but partly FB and Youtube.
Instagram is not Viagra. Fantasized images are not Viagra! Heck, I don't even need Viagra. But I think that there's a fear of performance anxiety, where I think that images will help me toward a successful completion in having sex with my wife. Though most times, we have a good time. There may be something else going on, like, the lower brain trying to get it's dopamine hits.
This 'backfired' last night, where I had premature ejaculation, this now being the past 2x of our intercourse episodes with the wife. She laughed it off the first time, but now I can see she's upset.
There were (again) flattering interactions (normal) between an attractive someone and myself on social media (FB). I have been a help to them in my spiritual profession, and they had complimented me.
There was also an artist I subscribed to on Youtube, a truly beautiful person- but their updated posts were a distraction, and I found that my viewing them was more for the dopamine hit than for the appreciation of beauty.
Later on, when I knew that I was to make love to my wife, I went on Instagram and looked in the suggested posts. These are algorithms driven by past searches or responses (much like an addiction) to earlier posts.
This does constitute for me p-subs and is against my purposes to reboot, recover and change from the habits of P/MO. But, in a way, it serves as a buffer zone that lets me know when I'm straying from my determination, or weakening in my resolve. P-subs have for a long while served this kind of buffer zone in alerting me toward imminent p-use or m, and edging. The difference is that before, I had a very lax approach toward p-subs on various social media platforms. These would only get more and more daring toward actual searches for porn and going to porn sites, and acting out- as I call it.
Actions taken:
1. Must be more aware as to motive, emotion or lower brain activity while perusing a profile on Facebook, and cannot afford to be mindless here, but mindful. Also, the need for the attention and approval of attractive women is a deeper emotional/spiritual need that can only be met by Christ.
2. On Youtube, I unsubscribed from the attractive artist- but kept that I liked a cute video. The reason is part of the escaping but not avoiding cues. It is good and innocent to acknowledge that this particular song was benign, but at the same time, to know their other work is provocative to where it only provides opportunity to the flesh and its lusts.
Question: is the 'fleeing' or 'escaping' the logic of the higher brain (prefrontal cortex) or the 'fight-or-flight' responses of the lower brain (limbic system)?
3. On Instagram, I unsaved some provactive in nature photos, and am addressing the algorithm. If not, then to accidentally go onto the search area (as occurred earlier), may give me cues.
I set a timer (1-2 minutes max) each time, and purposely select pictures that support my faith, inspire, are benign, etc. I will also select photos to not suggest them to me with a 'not relevant' reason. I did this before, but when I wrestled with IG earlier this month, it reestablished the older more established algorithms.
4. Increase my awareness of these things, strengthen and sharpen my resolve, but also concerning these lapses: no judgement.
In two days, I will celebrate another goal toward my 120 days! I will be there to celebrate it. Meanwhile, I am tracking these indiscretions and making necessary adjustments.
Instagram is not Viagra. Fantasized images are not Viagra! Heck, I don't even need Viagra. But I think that there's a fear of performance anxiety, where I think that images will help me toward a successful completion in having sex with my wife. Though most times, we have a good time. There may be something else going on, like, the lower brain trying to get it's dopamine hits.
This 'backfired' last night, where I had premature ejaculation, this now being the past 2x of our intercourse episodes with the wife. She laughed it off the first time, but now I can see she's upset.
There were (again) flattering interactions (normal) between an attractive someone and myself on social media (FB). I have been a help to them in my spiritual profession, and they had complimented me.
There was also an artist I subscribed to on Youtube, a truly beautiful person- but their updated posts were a distraction, and I found that my viewing them was more for the dopamine hit than for the appreciation of beauty.
Later on, when I knew that I was to make love to my wife, I went on Instagram and looked in the suggested posts. These are algorithms driven by past searches or responses (much like an addiction) to earlier posts.
This does constitute for me p-subs and is against my purposes to reboot, recover and change from the habits of P/MO. But, in a way, it serves as a buffer zone that lets me know when I'm straying from my determination, or weakening in my resolve. P-subs have for a long while served this kind of buffer zone in alerting me toward imminent p-use or m, and edging. The difference is that before, I had a very lax approach toward p-subs on various social media platforms. These would only get more and more daring toward actual searches for porn and going to porn sites, and acting out- as I call it.
Actions taken:
1. Must be more aware as to motive, emotion or lower brain activity while perusing a profile on Facebook, and cannot afford to be mindless here, but mindful. Also, the need for the attention and approval of attractive women is a deeper emotional/spiritual need that can only be met by Christ.
2. On Youtube, I unsubscribed from the attractive artist- but kept that I liked a cute video. The reason is part of the escaping but not avoiding cues. It is good and innocent to acknowledge that this particular song was benign, but at the same time, to know their other work is provocative to where it only provides opportunity to the flesh and its lusts.
Question: is the 'fleeing' or 'escaping' the logic of the higher brain (prefrontal cortex) or the 'fight-or-flight' responses of the lower brain (limbic system)?
3. On Instagram, I unsaved some provactive in nature photos, and am addressing the algorithm. If not, then to accidentally go onto the search area (as occurred earlier), may give me cues.
I set a timer (1-2 minutes max) each time, and purposely select pictures that support my faith, inspire, are benign, etc. I will also select photos to not suggest them to me with a 'not relevant' reason. I did this before, but when I wrestled with IG earlier this month, it reestablished the older more established algorithms.
4. Increase my awareness of these things, strengthen and sharpen my resolve, but also concerning these lapses: no judgement.
In two days, I will celebrate another goal toward my 120 days! I will be there to celebrate it. Meanwhile, I am tracking these indiscretions and making necessary adjustments.
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Hey, I'm glad you're very objective about what you see, I see you're really alert mentally and I suggest you keep it up.
I'd also suggest getting some books on help with the premature ejaculation. I myself find that a really dark fear in my soul. Ive had an experience where it seems like ejaculate too early and I was beginning to wonder if I might be suffering from it. But my case is different as I've never even had sex. I was just with this girl and we were touching each other and feeling our selves and genitals. So I think it might have been performance anxiety of first times and such. But I'm still afraid of it, like what if it really is it and I'm not able to last long naturally. That's why I want to get to know more about it and see if I can no work on improving myself somehow.
Keep pushing back man
Chris
I'd also suggest getting some books on help with the premature ejaculation. I myself find that a really dark fear in my soul. Ive had an experience where it seems like ejaculate too early and I was beginning to wonder if I might be suffering from it. But my case is different as I've never even had sex. I was just with this girl and we were touching each other and feeling our selves and genitals. So I think it might have been performance anxiety of first times and such. But I'm still afraid of it, like what if it really is it and I'm not able to last long naturally. That's why I want to get to know more about it and see if I can no work on improving myself somehow.
Keep pushing back man
Chris
Thank you so much, Chris...
Believe it or not, I don't think it's a real problem for me at this point, despite occurring 2x in a row...
I think it was perhaps alcohol (not drunk, but had a good glass of wine), and perhaps the images on IG were a contributing factor.
I asked myself later, "Didn't I have more stamina when I was acting out all the time?" It may be that my brain is 'switching over' from fantasy to real-world sex as the primary and normal dopamine intake? I certainly need to back away from images (fantasy or social media) as a crutch when it comes to sex with my wife..., not that I always use that, either.
I think, if I may speak into your situation, that for you it was being overly excited, totally normal. It's not like you were actively having sex anyway, and so when you were with this girl doing those things, it was like sensory overload, lol...!
I think the pefermance anxiety, like me, for you is going to be a mostly mental thing.
Believe it or not, I don't think it's a real problem for me at this point, despite occurring 2x in a row...
I think it was perhaps alcohol (not drunk, but had a good glass of wine), and perhaps the images on IG were a contributing factor.
I asked myself later, "Didn't I have more stamina when I was acting out all the time?" It may be that my brain is 'switching over' from fantasy to real-world sex as the primary and normal dopamine intake? I certainly need to back away from images (fantasy or social media) as a crutch when it comes to sex with my wife..., not that I always use that, either.
I think, if I may speak into your situation, that for you it was being overly excited, totally normal. It's not like you were actively having sex anyway, and so when you were with this girl doing those things, it was like sensory overload, lol...!
I think the pefermance anxiety, like me, for you is going to be a mostly mental thing.
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workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
Ref Insta; I read posts by another deeply committed member, about how IG's algorithms were putting a bunch of risky, grey-area, content on his feed... and how that had caused him difficulties. I wonder, Phin.... do you need IG and FB in your life? I've never used either, but remember the complications I caused myself through a Twitter habit, some years back. "There is no trap so deadly as the trap you set for yourself", and all that. Just looks from the outside like something that makes recovery more difficult for you.
Thanks, gentlemen, for your comments...
@ Chris ~ You're so welcome, brother! I posted a reply over on that topic..., blessings!
@ WIP ~ You raised a very important question, one that I had to deeply consider toward my latest recovery efforts.
And, to your point (and mentioned above), I did cut off Pinterest from my life. Being as highly visual as I am, that was no small sacrifice. But for me it just became an access point, where I would use the images to actually find these creepy links to creepy 3rd-world porn sites. The benign stuff I pinned over the years were never referenced or used in any positive way.
As far as Facebook and Instagram go, these social platforms (as well as Youtube) are some of my only means for reaching out in spiritual ministry as a teacher. My behaviors have certainly slowed me down on IG, but when it's no issue, I may post there as normal. In fact, mostly, my change of approach to iPhone use has helped me to address these issues, and my recovery overall.
Ironically, giving myself freedom with social media in a reasonable sense, helps me disempower cues (or triggers), and remind me that I'm in control of urges, and not the other way around. I do address the algorithms, however, to mitigate a flood of cues that would not serve me, or to prevent a kind of 'planned' excursion into p-subs.
But an example of being in control of my responses (my non-response) is, say, if I get a tantalizing suggestion on IG. I'll become mindful of it in a non-judgemental way, notice my physiological response by checking the elevated pulse rate. Also, has my breathing become more shallow? I'll then mindfully not respond to the image, but begin breathing more deeply, and check my pulse rate again once I've relaxed.
So, while social media can become a trap, or even a table we set for our indulgence, it can also be a tool where we can use it in the sense of exposure therapy, as in ERP (Exposure Response Prevention). Maybe not on purpose, but certainly when we accidentally encounter a cue.
@ Chris ~ You're so welcome, brother! I posted a reply over on that topic..., blessings!
@ WIP ~ You raised a very important question, one that I had to deeply consider toward my latest recovery efforts.
And, to your point (and mentioned above), I did cut off Pinterest from my life. Being as highly visual as I am, that was no small sacrifice. But for me it just became an access point, where I would use the images to actually find these creepy links to creepy 3rd-world porn sites. The benign stuff I pinned over the years were never referenced or used in any positive way.
As far as Facebook and Instagram go, these social platforms (as well as Youtube) are some of my only means for reaching out in spiritual ministry as a teacher. My behaviors have certainly slowed me down on IG, but when it's no issue, I may post there as normal. In fact, mostly, my change of approach to iPhone use has helped me to address these issues, and my recovery overall.
Ironically, giving myself freedom with social media in a reasonable sense, helps me disempower cues (or triggers), and remind me that I'm in control of urges, and not the other way around. I do address the algorithms, however, to mitigate a flood of cues that would not serve me, or to prevent a kind of 'planned' excursion into p-subs.
But an example of being in control of my responses (my non-response) is, say, if I get a tantalizing suggestion on IG. I'll become mindful of it in a non-judgemental way, notice my physiological response by checking the elevated pulse rate. Also, has my breathing become more shallow? I'll then mindfully not respond to the image, but begin breathing more deeply, and check my pulse rate again once I've relaxed.
So, while social media can become a trap, or even a table we set for our indulgence, it can also be a tool where we can use it in the sense of exposure therapy, as in ERP (Exposure Response Prevention). Maybe not on purpose, but certainly when we accidentally encounter a cue.
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
I believe with social media, you can never be too careful. I believe it's just like life, you just have to follow the right channels and people so your feed is one that have content that elevate rather than pull you down.
We cannot let porn make us loose the things we love and enrich our lives because of the faulty messages it gives from time to time.
Deleting IG or whatever social media account or even putting in a porn blocker(in my case) makes porn more precious than it actually is and makes the urges stronger....because we feel we are being deprived of something, that we are missing out.
But on the other hand, when we are able to practice self control and bypass the urges when they show up, we inadvertently strengthen our self-control pathways. You begin to win the invisible war in your mind. You build muscles that had been lessened by porn and reconnect you old pathways. You simply grow!
But this is an option only if you focus on renewing your mind about porn brainwashing instead of trying to use willpower and hard mode. Because the war is in our minds more than it is in our eyes. If we can change our perspective about what we see successfully...we can win this great battle!
Keep pushing guys
We cannot let porn make us loose the things we love and enrich our lives because of the faulty messages it gives from time to time.
Deleting IG or whatever social media account or even putting in a porn blocker(in my case) makes porn more precious than it actually is and makes the urges stronger....because we feel we are being deprived of something, that we are missing out.
But on the other hand, when we are able to practice self control and bypass the urges when they show up, we inadvertently strengthen our self-control pathways. You begin to win the invisible war in your mind. You build muscles that had been lessened by porn and reconnect you old pathways. You simply grow!
But this is an option only if you focus on renewing your mind about porn brainwashing instead of trying to use willpower and hard mode. Because the war is in our minds more than it is in our eyes. If we can change our perspective about what we see successfully...we can win this great battle!
Keep pushing guys
Well said, Chris!
Day 56!
This is 7/15 toward my overall goal of 120 days.
This is also 8 weeks into this recovery effort.
Today I hit my goal of 56 days, this is without P, PMO, MO, with 1x episode of P-Subs, and no edging.
How do I feel? I feel good physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I'm excited for the progress being made toward my goals. I will soon be celebrating my half-way point!
The New Year couldn't be welcomed in any better way than this, a new year and a new me.
Coincidentally, as the clock struck 12:00 am, as the new year turned, I was in an orgasm with my wife, having pleased her first. It's sounds too good to be true, right? My intent is not to boast, because I know what I really am without God's grace and mercy, how selfish and narcissistic I can be, also, how limited I am in myself.
I'm continuing to follow the new approach to social media I started with back in late October and early November. Even when my mind says, 'Just take your phone with you...', when I need to take care of nature, I'll read a book instead. If I already saw it this morning 1x, that's enough, until I get ready for bed (though refering to it throughout the day). And, in the middle of the night, I don't take it with me to the restroom either.
I know I can easily dismiss these disciplines if I wish to act out or indulge, as I have a couple of times. I don't think of them as 'rules' perse, but disciplines they are, until they become 2nd nature habits. But this discipline with the iPhone, and social media in general (as I'm online for much of the day), is a reminder that I'm trying to be different, and not provide the beast with a constant drip-drip feed of pixelated women. Let it die, with no life support.
How about lusting in public? I am always very woman-conscious, and sometimes I have to purposely put myself in an 'I-don't-lust' mindset, typically by focusing on the presence of God. I appreciate a woman's beauty, and if the attraction is strong, I thank God for her beauty and bless her for it- and for who she is as a person. I also turn it into a worship of God, like, 'God, you're so beautiful...' Because, He's the Artist, and all beauty is a revelation of His Beauty. And really, it's God's presence, God's beauty that I truly want, hunger for, am thirsting after. And, sometimes I need to remember that, and when particularly thirsty, to draw from that presence.
Looking forward to more victories, a new outlook, and a new level of intimacy- spiritually, and with my wife and family.
Happy New Year to all!
This is 7/15 toward my overall goal of 120 days.
This is also 8 weeks into this recovery effort.
Today I hit my goal of 56 days, this is without P, PMO, MO, with 1x episode of P-Subs, and no edging.
How do I feel? I feel good physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I'm excited for the progress being made toward my goals. I will soon be celebrating my half-way point!
The New Year couldn't be welcomed in any better way than this, a new year and a new me.
Coincidentally, as the clock struck 12:00 am, as the new year turned, I was in an orgasm with my wife, having pleased her first. It's sounds too good to be true, right? My intent is not to boast, because I know what I really am without God's grace and mercy, how selfish and narcissistic I can be, also, how limited I am in myself.
I'm continuing to follow the new approach to social media I started with back in late October and early November. Even when my mind says, 'Just take your phone with you...', when I need to take care of nature, I'll read a book instead. If I already saw it this morning 1x, that's enough, until I get ready for bed (though refering to it throughout the day). And, in the middle of the night, I don't take it with me to the restroom either.
I know I can easily dismiss these disciplines if I wish to act out or indulge, as I have a couple of times. I don't think of them as 'rules' perse, but disciplines they are, until they become 2nd nature habits. But this discipline with the iPhone, and social media in general (as I'm online for much of the day), is a reminder that I'm trying to be different, and not provide the beast with a constant drip-drip feed of pixelated women. Let it die, with no life support.
How about lusting in public? I am always very woman-conscious, and sometimes I have to purposely put myself in an 'I-don't-lust' mindset, typically by focusing on the presence of God. I appreciate a woman's beauty, and if the attraction is strong, I thank God for her beauty and bless her for it- and for who she is as a person. I also turn it into a worship of God, like, 'God, you're so beautiful...' Because, He's the Artist, and all beauty is a revelation of His Beauty. And really, it's God's presence, God's beauty that I truly want, hunger for, am thirsting after. And, sometimes I need to remember that, and when particularly thirsty, to draw from that presence.
Looking forward to more victories, a new outlook, and a new level of intimacy- spiritually, and with my wife and family.
Happy New Year to all!
joepanic
Respected Member
Nice going on the 56 days 4 days short of the half way mark It really does change you for sure and only for the better I have a few of the same outlooks while in public I still look at ladies but in a somewhat different light and I feel better for it
Happy New Years and good luck in 2021
Post often it helps me it helps you
Happy New Years and good luck in 2021
Post often it helps me it helps you
Thank you, joe!
Very encouraging to get your experience for feeling better, changing for the better! Sometimes my mind is like, 'What's the difference?'- but I know that as I abstain, I do feel better, 'cleaner', and I'm at the very least keeping promises to myself.
Yes, right? I use to 'demonize' myself for what is a natural attraction. It's not lust unless you're like bedding them in your mind, or ogling, or being disrespectful. Beauty is natural, and should be celebrated. These lockdowns and mask wearing has only emphasized this natural appreciation all the more!
It does feel better, to appreciate beauty from a different place, a more wholesome and healthy place.
Happy New Year to you too!
Very encouraging to get your experience for feeling better, changing for the better! Sometimes my mind is like, 'What's the difference?'- but I know that as I abstain, I do feel better, 'cleaner', and I'm at the very least keeping promises to myself.
Yes, right? I use to 'demonize' myself for what is a natural attraction. It's not lust unless you're like bedding them in your mind, or ogling, or being disrespectful. Beauty is natural, and should be celebrated. These lockdowns and mask wearing has only emphasized this natural appreciation all the more!
It does feel better, to appreciate beauty from a different place, a more wholesome and healthy place.
Happy New Year to you too!
stepbystep
Active Member
Congrats on 56 days! Only 4 more for the half way goal! I agree that social media discipline is crucial for staying away. The constant swiping for pics and videos that apps now provide makes me vulnerable. And staying alway makes it a lot easier.
Definitely, sbs!
The thing to keep in mind is that all these big-tech companies purposely get us addicted to their platforms.
But, if we learn the patterns they use to accomplish this, we not only break away from their hold, but we also learn about how our brain works toward our own addiction.
All those alerts and notifications, the novelty, those are all the same thing as cue + response = addiction/habit.
The thing to keep in mind is that all these big-tech companies purposely get us addicted to their platforms.
But, if we learn the patterns they use to accomplish this, we not only break away from their hold, but we also learn about how our brain works toward our own addiction.
All those alerts and notifications, the novelty, those are all the same thing as cue + response = addiction/habit.
Day 60!
This is 50% or 1/2 way toward my overall goal of 120 days.
This is also 1 month and 30 days into this recovery effort.
These 60 days are without P, PMO, MO, and 99% without P-Subs or edging.
Also, this is without support groups (like AA, SA, SSA, other than RN), twelve steps, accountability partners, porn-blockers, or other disempowering methods (...if these help you, I'm not knocking them, but they should be only training wheels toward your [actual] recovery).
So, halfway from my goal, how do I feel? Really good, and very optimistic for the future. I know I could, even now, turn heels and fall headlong into porn, and other related habits, but I don't want to.
I have no desire to go back to porn, and if I see a scene on T.V. that's suggestive, or an ad on FB or elsewhere, there's a natural attraction maybe, but there's also an aversion, like, I don't want to tarnish, soil, or compromise my recovery efforts this time... The couple of times, so far, that p-subs (strangely) became an obsession were only episodic moments with no judgment, as they were ultimately dismissed, even if momentarily acted on.
Neural Chemicals and Habit change:
One thing I wanted to mention last 'goal-post' was that I passed what are neural chemical levels acquired during porn use:
DeltaFos B: 6-8 weeks (42-56 days, or between 1 month, 2 weeks to 2 months).
Hypofrontality: 8 weeks (56 days, or close to 2 months).
Having hit 60 days, I've surpassed these limitations concerning neural chemicals. I honestly don't think I was so addicted that I had hypofrontality (slowed blood flow to the prefrontal cortex), but who knows? For certain, if DeltaFos B was acquired, and I'm sure it was (it locks in our memory of porn use), that has subsided. And I feel that, too, meaning that the memories of porn use, while there, seem to no longer have strong feelings attached to them for me.
I'm confident and feel good about my overall approach, which is mostly spent not thinking about it. And while sometimes ambivalence toward p-use exists (between lower and higher brain, or between flesh and spirit), this is becoming less and less, and I'm excited to leave these habits behind as last year's news, and in the rearview mirror of my life.
Let's walk this freedom out together.
This is 50% or 1/2 way toward my overall goal of 120 days.
This is also 1 month and 30 days into this recovery effort.
These 60 days are without P, PMO, MO, and 99% without P-Subs or edging.
Also, this is without support groups (like AA, SA, SSA, other than RN), twelve steps, accountability partners, porn-blockers, or other disempowering methods (...if these help you, I'm not knocking them, but they should be only training wheels toward your [actual] recovery).
So, halfway from my goal, how do I feel? Really good, and very optimistic for the future. I know I could, even now, turn heels and fall headlong into porn, and other related habits, but I don't want to.
I have no desire to go back to porn, and if I see a scene on T.V. that's suggestive, or an ad on FB or elsewhere, there's a natural attraction maybe, but there's also an aversion, like, I don't want to tarnish, soil, or compromise my recovery efforts this time... The couple of times, so far, that p-subs (strangely) became an obsession were only episodic moments with no judgment, as they were ultimately dismissed, even if momentarily acted on.
Neural Chemicals and Habit change:
One thing I wanted to mention last 'goal-post' was that I passed what are neural chemical levels acquired during porn use:
DeltaFos B: 6-8 weeks (42-56 days, or between 1 month, 2 weeks to 2 months).
Hypofrontality: 8 weeks (56 days, or close to 2 months).
Having hit 60 days, I've surpassed these limitations concerning neural chemicals. I honestly don't think I was so addicted that I had hypofrontality (slowed blood flow to the prefrontal cortex), but who knows? For certain, if DeltaFos B was acquired, and I'm sure it was (it locks in our memory of porn use), that has subsided. And I feel that, too, meaning that the memories of porn use, while there, seem to no longer have strong feelings attached to them for me.
I'm confident and feel good about my overall approach, which is mostly spent not thinking about it. And while sometimes ambivalence toward p-use exists (between lower and higher brain, or between flesh and spirit), this is becoming less and less, and I'm excited to leave these habits behind as last year's news, and in the rearview mirror of my life.
Let's walk this freedom out together.
berrylewis29
Member
"my overall approach, which is mostly not spent thinking about it."
This is a good and healthy approach! You and I have chatted some in my journal about dealing with triggers and such, and I agree with this approach. I think before a person starts a reboot or early into it, the idea of just not thinking about it seems impossible, but its a worthy goal and a powerful tool. Another thing about it is that it's realistic for the long-term. I mean, if you beat this thing for good, you hope to end up at a place where you are simply not thinking about it. If we're forever running away from every little trigger and white-knuckling through every temptation, that's not freedom and feels exhausting and impractical for the rest of my life. Glad to hear its working for you! And I hope lots of other guys see this as hopeful that they too can stop thinking so much about p.
Congrats on 60 days! Thats definitely a huge marker!
This is a good and healthy approach! You and I have chatted some in my journal about dealing with triggers and such, and I agree with this approach. I think before a person starts a reboot or early into it, the idea of just not thinking about it seems impossible, but its a worthy goal and a powerful tool. Another thing about it is that it's realistic for the long-term. I mean, if you beat this thing for good, you hope to end up at a place where you are simply not thinking about it. If we're forever running away from every little trigger and white-knuckling through every temptation, that's not freedom and feels exhausting and impractical for the rest of my life. Glad to hear its working for you! And I hope lots of other guys see this as hopeful that they too can stop thinking so much about p.
Congrats on 60 days! Thats definitely a huge marker!
Thank you so much, berrylewis!
I do appreciate how challenging that sounds early on in one's recovery efforts, to simply not think about it.... Now speaking from one spiritual man to another, you know that part of us loves the swill of swine, and yet another part of us loves the things of God, prayer, scripture reading/study, etc... In fact, if we're honest, we can't quite sin as we used to, right? Even if we jumped headlong into it, it doesn't feel natural or normal, something's off.
The reason is, you and I are different creations now, we're brand new because of the resurrection. In Scripture, we're enjoined to cast down every rationalization, every high and prideful thing in ourselves, and bring every thought into captivity unto Christ's obedience (which saves us). This is through weapons that are mighty through God... (2Cor 10).
We know, too, per Rom 8, that our thoughts are either 'spiritual' or 'carnal' as your journal title alludes to. So, if in the early part of our recovery/reboot we're constantly thinking about P-use or PMO, as spiritual people, I would take authority over that in the name of Jesus, bind any evil spirits that seek to keep us in bondage to this, and get 'into the spirit' through prayer and worship. This isn't so much to fight the habit or sin itself (as this is futile per Rom 7), but to change the chanel from carnal thinking to spiritual thinking. It's in this state of spiritual thinking that I have in mind simply not thinking about it.
For you and I, brother, and others if they see this, that not thinking about it is our right and our freedom. We are forgiven of all our sins, past-present-and future. We are right now saved, righteous, holy and sanctified by what He did for us on the cross. If we start with that as our default, as our ground, as our foundation, we can build the rest of our recovery on that.
Thank you again!
Thank you, Joel! Good to see you!
Yes, the neural chemicals bring out the physiology of this thing. While habit change itself is physiological, in that the lower brain sends its signals or urges, we pretty much just need to mindfully dismiss these urges, and our habit is changed. This can occur without us being overly focused on the science or even the psychology of it, though they can help (or hurt) in the moment. But what brings it back into the physiology of it, is the quicker mind we acquire and the weaker memories of p-use that longevity provides for us.
In other words, once we get into the habit of dismissing urges, mindfully, non-judgementally, in a relaxed and almost effortless way (though persistent urges and their strength sometimes need extra vigilance), the benefits of the physiology will become more apparent after about 2 months. Our rational mind will be more potent, and the memories of p-use won't be so strong anymore.
Truly glad to see you again, brother!
Day 64!
This is 8/15 toward my overall goal of 120 days.
This is also 2 months, 3 days or 9 weeks, 1 day into this recovery effort.
Today I hit my goal of 64 days, this is without P, PMO, MO, and without P-Subs or edging.
How do I feel? I feel good, clean, happy that I'm working my plan, hitting my goals toward my main goal. But I'm also very much aware of my weaknesses, and stand- but in His mercy.
I have these 15 day goals divided up into 4 sections in my hard journal, color coded: Red, Maroon, Blue and Green.
Today, I come into my 3rd phase: Blue.
And as I go along, things should be getting easier, and they are. I'm not tempted every day. Most days I don't have urges, but they do come. Sometimes unexpectedly, I'll encounter a post, a picture, a profile on social media. If the cue is strong, I'll simply set my phone aside, and check my pulse rate, has it quickened? I'll also check my breathing, am I breathing shallow? This is in addition to other, more obvious responses. Without shame, I'll simply breathe deep (3-5 deep breaths), then I'll check my pulse again. If the cue is less strong, I will mindfully exit the app or look away from it (if on T.V.).
Sometimes, there's an anticipated scene in a movie, or a strong allure toward something. Do I escape this mindfully? Or, is this just fight-or-flight? Is this prefrontal cortex or the limbic system at play? Can I use this moment as exposure therapy (ERP)? How can I show here that the strength doesn't lie in the external phenomenon but within myself?
There's also the ongoing need to recognize when deeper emotional or spiritual hungers are at play. When these are present, I need to turn to the Lord to fulfill them- or be with family.
So, the 120 days are not here approached in a naive way, as I did before. Nothing magic will happen, I won't all of a sudden be 'Super Christian', etc... Life will go on, with all its problems and pleasures. My cues will change, my urges will be weaker (depending on the cue), but my response will still be in my own power. If I stand or fall, it's all from myself. I say this under grace and undergirded by mercy. These goals, this recovery effort is for me training ground. No, I am not an addict, but I have habituated myself to addictive behaviors, and now I must train myself to live life day-to-day whilst navigating occasional outer or inner cues, situational or emotional, and becoming more and more practiced in using my free-won't.
This is 8/15 toward my overall goal of 120 days.
This is also 2 months, 3 days or 9 weeks, 1 day into this recovery effort.
Today I hit my goal of 64 days, this is without P, PMO, MO, and without P-Subs or edging.
How do I feel? I feel good, clean, happy that I'm working my plan, hitting my goals toward my main goal. But I'm also very much aware of my weaknesses, and stand- but in His mercy.
I have these 15 day goals divided up into 4 sections in my hard journal, color coded: Red, Maroon, Blue and Green.
Today, I come into my 3rd phase: Blue.
And as I go along, things should be getting easier, and they are. I'm not tempted every day. Most days I don't have urges, but they do come. Sometimes unexpectedly, I'll encounter a post, a picture, a profile on social media. If the cue is strong, I'll simply set my phone aside, and check my pulse rate, has it quickened? I'll also check my breathing, am I breathing shallow? This is in addition to other, more obvious responses. Without shame, I'll simply breathe deep (3-5 deep breaths), then I'll check my pulse again. If the cue is less strong, I will mindfully exit the app or look away from it (if on T.V.).
Sometimes, there's an anticipated scene in a movie, or a strong allure toward something. Do I escape this mindfully? Or, is this just fight-or-flight? Is this prefrontal cortex or the limbic system at play? Can I use this moment as exposure therapy (ERP)? How can I show here that the strength doesn't lie in the external phenomenon but within myself?
There's also the ongoing need to recognize when deeper emotional or spiritual hungers are at play. When these are present, I need to turn to the Lord to fulfill them- or be with family.
So, the 120 days are not here approached in a naive way, as I did before. Nothing magic will happen, I won't all of a sudden be 'Super Christian', etc... Life will go on, with all its problems and pleasures. My cues will change, my urges will be weaker (depending on the cue), but my response will still be in my own power. If I stand or fall, it's all from myself. I say this under grace and undergirded by mercy. These goals, this recovery effort is for me training ground. No, I am not an addict, but I have habituated myself to addictive behaviors, and now I must train myself to live life day-to-day whilst navigating occasional outer or inner cues, situational or emotional, and becoming more and more practiced in using my free-won't.