How Shall We Escape?

[Phineas 808]

100 Days!

Today I've hit my100 day mark! This is all without P, PMO, or MO. P-subs and edging have been minimal, but remain something to avoid like the plague, smartly, mindfully, nonjudgmentally.

I am changing my habits from what they were, what they became since March of 2020, and before...

I'm no longer fooling around with social media, and have changed my habitual interactions with my iPhone. The PC itself has long stopped being a dangerous opportunity, except for what I may occassionally and accidentally come across, or get suggested to me by FB. If the wife went out of town, that would be a different dynamic, but this far in, I'm confident I'd have the mindset of holding fast to my new found freedoms.

There are emotionally based and relational issues arising for me lately which seek to steal my joy and cloud my victories here, but I cannot and will not let that happen!

Let's walk this out.

 

[Phineas 808]

Having hit my 100 days, as is tradition for me (lol...!), I posted a topic in the Porn Addiction Forum:

16 Principles of Recovery

Come check it out, as I think it will be very helpful.

 

[LetItGoAlready]

Today I've hit my100 day mark! This is all without P, PMO, or MO. P-subs and edging have been minimal, but remain something to avoid like the plague, smartly, mindfully, nonjudgmentally.

Wow, Phineas! 100 days! What fantastic news. Seeing as we are from the old guard who came here in mid-10s and returned for a second tour of duty, your victory feels especially sweet. Gives me a dash of hope that real change is possible.

On the reboot front, things are going well. However, there's emotional challenges in my personal life

Sorry to hear about the emotional challenges. By all means, don't let these challenges steal your joy. The trick is in confronting them and dealing with them so they don't rear up and steal your joy some other day - something I'm slowly learning to do, although I still have my good and bad days.

Really solid report, my man. I'm genuinely happy for you!

 

[Chris Oz]

Congrats on 100 days Phineas and nice Post

 

[Phineas 808]

@ LIGA ~

Your reply seriously made me happy, brother. It would do my heart good to know that lil' ol' me can spark hope in a fellow-rebooter, especially one from 'back in the day'.

I appreciate your words about our emotions, too. It's good for me to be dealing with stuff, because it's a little snap-shot of life after my goals are met, that it goes on with all it's challenges, pains, loneliness, disappointments, anger, stress, etc- as well as joy, happiness, peace, and good vibes.

It's true that so much changes for us inwardly, even if we don't notice it. But being realistic, we know that life will still be what it is, and what many don't snap about is: because we're not escaping in a porn-induced fog (gross, right?), we're not truly facing reality. But now we're more sensitive to all the raw emotions we're no longer hiding from.

You're right also about getting ahead of negative emotions early on, so they don't steal our day. I'm with you, getting better, but not always successful for that.

@ Chris Oz ~

Thank you, brother!

 

[J01]

Great job on the 100 days.  Maybe the emotional and relational matters are issues of refinement in preparation for further and deeper service to others (a 2 Cor 1:3-4 type of thing) in your desired calling.  Keep up the good work!       

 

[Phineas 808]

That's a good word, jixu!

Definitely! For sure receiving comfort from God in our afflictions is the first step (instead of finding elsewhere), and then, being able to comfort others likewise is the second.

Appreciate the good word, and wish you blessings in your efforts.

 

[Phineas 808]

Day 104!

This is 13/15 toward my overall goal of 120 days.

This is also 3 months and 12 days or 14 weeks and 6 days into this recovery effort.

Today I hit my goal of 104 days without P, PMO, MO, and without P-Subs or edging.

I have only 2 more mini-goals to hit before reaching my 120 days! This is only 16 days away!

How do I feel?

Really good! Grateful that I'm actually changing my life, changing habit patterns ingrained to varying degrees for almost 30 years. This isn't my first long streak, but it's the best streak I've had, the most honest streak without purposely looking up p-subs or skirting around the edges of the porn-pit. I'm no longer seeking to keep this beast alive in some secretive ICU-room, keeping it on a drip-feed of lust, p-subs, and edging, in hopes of reviving it one day when the "coast is clear", and I have this magical time of isolation where I can live out my darkest fantasies of porn use. It's pretty sad when one fantasizes about using fantasy, ha!

My mind is clean. I'm no longer obsessing over anything. If I encounter something that has a strong pull on me, I'll set my phone aside, or look away from the pc, take deep breaths while assessing my pulse-rate (and yes, seeing a particular cue may still affect me physiologically to a degree). Then, I'll calmly, nonjudgmentally look away, change the site, remove that FB friend, or demystify it to take away it's power.

I'm looking forward to my 120 day goal being met in a matter of only 16 days! And that's pretty exciting. But I'm also not thinking of it as a magical date, as I may have before. I'm in training for the rest of my young life, lol...! I'm setting the tempo for the time after the end date. Will I use it to allow former habits to again find foothold? Will I think I need some kind of ungodly reward? The proverbial- "I deserve this!" ? God forbid! Phineas forbid!

Deeper issues or concerns?

That perfectly leads me into the next statements. I am getting ready, I'm in training to say "Goodbye and good riddance!" to pornography and the self-idolization that autoeroticism (M, MO, and edging) is. Hmm, perhaps I should write a final letter to it.

But this is a real concern, and there are deep emotional considerations for me here. It wasn't just a habbit around dopamine hits (or dopamine flooding), and a physical release- there was a deep emotional component for me underlying that addiction.

I've actually been feeling that, too, lately. It's almost like an 'old friend' that you have to distance yourself from, and a certain finality that- "I will never use pornography again..."- along with the other related behaviors. When emotions hit, and I feel them now that I'm not insulating myself as much from them, and sometimes they hit hard! Those behaviors are no longer an old friend (with oh so many pretty faces!) that I can turn to when hungry, angry, lonely, or tired! If I feel rejected, misunderstood, and particularly that I don't have very many- if any- intimate relationships with others- where or to whom do I turn? Medusa will always be waiting for me to glance her way for comfort- turning me into stone.

Lately, the realization that this is more than a vacation away from porn and autoeroticism, a final goodbye, created a strange nostalgic sense in me... But I remind myself: I have an opportunity that this can finally be in the rearview mirror of my life, that I've created a space, a distance between myself and old behavior patterns, and can now be finally rid of it!

It is toward this good riddance to which I am carefully training- not always perfectly, but with purpose.

Thus, toward the emotional component, I'm leaning into my relationship with the divine, and will seek to build up my existing relationships with family and friends, and also seek new friendships. 

 

[escapeandnevercomeback]

Day 104!

This is 13/15 toward my overall goal of 120 days.

This is also 3 months and 12 days or 14 weeks and 6 days into this recovery effort.

Today I hit my goal of 104 days without P, PMO, MO, and without P-Subs or edging.

I have only 2 more mini-goals to hit before reaching my 120 days! This is only 16 days away!

How do I feel?

Really good! Grateful that I'm actually changing my life, changing habit patterns ingrained to varying degrees for almost 30 years. This isn't my first long streak, but it's the best streak I've had, the most honest streak without purposely looking up p-subs or skirting around the edges of the porn-pit. I'm no longer seeking to keep this beast alive in some secretive ICU-room, keeping it on a drip-feed of lust, p-subs, and edging, in hopes of reviving it one day when the "coast is clear", and I have this magical time of isolation where I can live out my darkest fantasies of porn use. It's pretty sad when one fantasizes about using fantasy, ha!

My mind is clean. I'm no longer obsessing over anything. If I encounter something that has a strong pull on me, I'll set my phone aside, or look away from the pc, take deep breaths while assessing my pulse-rate (and yes, seeing a particular cue may still affect me physiologically to a degree). Then, I'll calmly, nonjudgmentally look away, change the site, remove that FB friend, or demystify it to take away it's power.

I'm looking forward to my 120 day goal being met in a matter of only 16 days! And that's pretty exciting. But I'm also not thinking of it as a magical date, as I may have before. I'm in training for the rest of my young life, lol...! I'm setting the tempo for the time after the end date. Will I use it to allow former habits to again find foothold? Will I think I need some kind of ungodly reward? The proverbial- "I deserve this!" ? God forbid! Phineas forbid!

Deeper issues or concerns?

That perfectly leads me into the next statements. I am getting ready, I'm in training to say "Goodbye and good riddance!" to pornography and the self-idolization that autoeroticism (M, MO, and edging) is. Hmm, perhaps I should write a final letter to it.

But this is a real concern, and there are deep emotional considerations for me here. It wasn't just a habbit around dopamine hits (or dopamine flooding), and a physical release- there was a deep emotional component for me underlying that addiction.

I've actually been feeling that, too, lately. It's almost like an 'old friend' that you have to distance yourself from, and a certain finality that- "I will never use pornography again..."- along with the other related behaviors. When emotions hit, and I feel them now that I'm not insulating myself as much from them, and sometimes they hit hard! Those behaviors are no longer an old friend (with oh so many pretty faces!) that I can turn to when hungry, angry, lonely, or tired! If I feel rejected, misunderstood, and particularly that I don't have very many- if any- intimate relationships with others- where or to whom do I turn? Medusa will always be waiting for me to glance her way for comfort- turning me into stone.

Lately, the realization that this is more than a vacation away from porn and autoeroticism, a final goodbye, created a strange nostalgic sense in me... But I remind myself: I have an opportunity that this can finally be in the rearview mirror of my life, that I've created a space, a distance between myself and old behavior patterns, and can now be finally rid of it!

It is toward this good riddance to which I am carefully training- not always perfectly, but with purpose.

Thus, toward the emotional component, I'm leaning into my relationship with the divine, and will seek to build up my existing relationships with family and friends, and also seek new friendships.

Damn, man! Almost 4 months, man! You are an inspiration for me. Make sure to reach those 120 days.

 

[marco_60]

My mind is clean. I'm no longer obsessing over anything. If I encounter something that has a strong pull on me, I'll set my phone aside, or look away from the pc, take deep breaths while assessing my pulse-rate (and yes, seeing a particular cue may still affect me physiologically to a degree). Then, I'll calmly, nonjudgmentally look away, change the site, remove that FB friend, or demystify it to take away it's power.

You bring us a significant amount of experience, P808. I appreciate particularly your clear views and ideas.

 

[Phineas 808]

@ escapeandnevercomeback ~

Damn, man! Almost 4 months, man! You are an inspiration for me. Make sure to reach those 120 days.

Yes, Sir! A week ago I had fears of faltering, What if I fell flat on my face? But that's replaced with a quiet confidence (not an arrogant boasting) that I can and will do this. I will make it to the 120 days, and beyond.

Thank you.

@ Marco60 ~

You bring us a significant amount of experience, P808. I appreciate particularly your clear views and ideas.

Thank you, brother! Yes, many years of trial-and-error (starts of major campaigns: 1994, 2003, 2006, 2014-16, 2020). Not only working with different methods with their underlying philosophies of addiction (often faulty), as well as my own self-defeating, self-deprecating mindsets, led to a decades old struggle. Only a revelation of the extreme grace of God finally unraveled years of shame and defeat. And this change of mentality didn't come until 2013!

Shame for years was a major driver of this addiction, and coming to believe that God forgave me of all my sins, past-present-and future, flipped shame on its head, and helped me to believe that healing was possible.

My hope is that others here, the younger folk as well as us older gentlemen (and ladies) can take the methods honed by myself over the years, and cut their own battles in much less a time as I. If understood correctly, the methods revealed in my own successes can cut what has been for me a decades old battle into a matter of roughly 4-6 months!

Blessings, All.

 

[berrylewis29]

Phin, congrats on another mile marker! Glad to hear of your success and how you're encouraging others. I appreciated your comment on the emotional attachment of p. I think I've felt some of this too, but I didn't really think about it until I read your post. There is definitely a feeling like I'm saying goodbye to an old friend (such a weird analogy for p, but it fits). It's been such a big part of my life for so long that not having p as an option or an outlet feels strange. I think that might be an important part of the reboot process. For the longest time, I would subconsciously think that I'd always have p to fall back on. Its a wild thought to realize that I'll never see those images again (at least not intentionally) and will never use them as a source of pleasure again. You really made me think on this one! But I appreciate it and think it's a necessary step.

 

[Chris Oz]

I congratulate you Phin on 104 days, you're an inspiration. Keep pushing back!

 

[Phineas 808]

@ berrylewis ~

I think the emotional component for many of us is linked to perhaps deficiencies in our childhood years, as in my case, emotional neglect and abuse. And, of course there's spiritual reasons, too, that underly such emotional need.

I know for me this has been a driver behind the addiction, as well as in how 'needy' I can be in public, lusting and hoping for a sign of affirmation (a look back, a smile) from the opposite sex.

Understanding this need is so important in changing our perspective as to what pornography means to us. Breaking the habit need not wait for us to untangle these things, but doing so helps to uncloud the issue so we can find deeper healing.

@ Chris Oz ~

Thank you, brother!

Stay persistent, never give up, and you will find your freedom.

 

[Orbiter]

Don't have much time left on the computer for today but I wanted to give you a hearty (if not awfully belated) congratulations on hitting the triple figures in your journey to recovery. Your wisdom, emotional & spiritual intelligence and insight is an inspiration to us all. I hope in the midst of all of this, the rewards of all of this work are tangible to you and you & the people you hold dear have been able to enjoy them.

120 days is almost here!

 

[Phineas 808]

Thank you, Orbiter!

Your support and encouragement are more meaningful and needed than you know.

Looking forward to walking this out along side my brothers and sisters (if there be any).

We can do this, and become the people we truly are deep down inside.

 

[marco_60]

Orbiter is right, 120 days for you, Phineas is arriving, but even more important is what will happen after this achievement ! You are nearer than me to get free and to eventually experience sex again without any fear of failing...

 

[Phineas 808]

Orbiter is right, 120 days for you, Phineas is arriving, but even more important is what will happen after this achievement ! You are nearer than me to get free and to eventually experience sex again without any fear of failing...

Thank you, Marco60!

After previous (and even lengthy) 'streaks' compared to now, I know that the 120 days goal is not some magical date (no matter how spiritual the number itself may be). True, I am experiencing the benefits of going so long without P, PMO, and MO, but I know that this time is different:

I know that for the rest of my life I will have to be vigilant and careful with my sexuality, knowing that if I feed into old behaviors, I will only resensitize the previous neural pathways of the addiction, and one can find themselves right back where they started (or ended up). This isn't due to the nonsense that once-an-addict-always-an-addict, but because of human nature and the power of habit.

So this time period is training. How I'm able to make it this far, how I'm able to abstain now for 111 days, and to the eventual 120 days is the same way that I will continue beyond this end goal, and simply live my life- with new habits in place of the old.

As for experiencing sex again, I've been blessed enough to not have had PIED, DE or ED. Any failures in the bedroom, while porn was a background cause, were all performance anxiety related. But along that front, my rewiring is with a real woman, my wife. But a big part of this, while obviously physical (instead of pixelated), is emotional for me. I still feel asexual toward her, most nights. But I strive to have sex with her at least once a week. Our sex overall has definitely improved, and we are having sex more often (before, it was once or twice a month!).

So we can say that I'm certainly rewiring along emotional and spiritual lines with her.

 

[marco_60]

I still feel asexual toward her, most nights. But I strive to have sex with her at least once a week. Our sex overall has definitely improved, and we are having sex more often (before, it was once or twice a month!).

I have similar feelings towards my partner, P808. This contributes to create a performance anxiety, which however disappears when we are together. However, different from you, I have a serious DE, which I never had when I got orgasm through PM. I am convinced it is only a different form of performance anxiety.

 

[Phineas 808]

Interesting, Marco.

I may have experienced DE once (?), but not sure. It being another form of performance anxiety sounds true... For me, I'll make sure she O's first, that way I can take my time, and 'get mine'. If it's a matter of going at the same time (O), then perhaps that can be true...

Seeing how different we 'perform' in front of a screen versus real life definitely places the blame for our problems in the bed room where they belong (on P-use), right?