guitar1968
Well-Known Member
A great streak Phineas! Keep it up and thanks again for your comments on my feed! Always appreciated!
How Shall We Escape?
- Thread starter Phineas 808
- Start date
A great streak Phineas! Keep it up and thanks again for your comments on my feed! Always appreciated!
Ezel
Respected Member
You are the man Phineas, congratulations
on 2 months porn free, keep going my man onwards.
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Nice work on the 60.
I can relate to "tailor-made" as well. Just today came across a new kind of Ad. It is like an Ad for a forum with a preview post with highly sexual theme. Oh well. Moving on.
I can relate to "tailor-made" as well. Just today came across a new kind of Ad. It is like an Ad for a forum with a preview post with highly sexual theme. Oh well. Moving on.
particularly_respecting
Active Member
Great job hitting 60 days Phineas and remaining unfazed by "tailor-made" cues! 
@Onmyway19 ~ Thank you, brother!
@guitar1968 ~ Definitely, guitar, always!
@Ezel ~ Thank you!
@Blondie ~ 'Tailor-made' habits, that's definitely a good one! Antedote for those 'tailor-made' cues. Thank you.
@EarthWalker ~ Thank you, EW! It's uncanny, but encountering these things, we can see that we're doing the right thing in saying 'No'.
@particularly_respecting ~ Thank you, brother! Onwards!
@guitar1968 ~ Definitely, guitar, always!
@Ezel ~ Thank you!
@Blondie ~ 'Tailor-made' habits, that's definitely a good one! Antedote for those 'tailor-made' cues. Thank you.
@EarthWalker ~ Thank you, EW! It's uncanny, but encountering these things, we can see that we're doing the right thing in saying 'No'.
@particularly_respecting ~ Thank you, brother! Onwards!
zaraki888
Active Member
I like this one you wrote.
This reminds me of that quote ''Death smiles at us and all we can do is smile back'' Marcus Aurelius.
zaraki888
Active Member
Thank you very much Phineas! I still have a long way to go. You are doing great looking at your progress so far!
I'm starting to learn to let it go more for myself a lapse instead of making it a big deal. I feel like it makes it easier as fear and disappointment are also triggers for me.
I agree! I was once that guy thinking in black-and-white. What I did was only abstaining from addiction. That is all I did, abstaining. There was no progress in other parts of my life.
It makes indeed no sense when I almost hit 90 days, relapsed at day 88 and then somehow have difficulty getting back on track when setbacks are meaningless. When I have the belief that a setback is a huge big deal and I lose all progress, then it will manifest as a big deal.
I find it easier to practice mindfulness by doing things I love doing. Mindfulness according to the book helps me to see things as they really are. Porn actually does not give pleasure at all, does not make me happy and does not relieve stress.
Thank you, Zaraki. You make a good point about recovery being a holistic thing, not just abstaining from the unwanted behavior. Are we working on the other parts of our lives? Are we maybe taking care of some of the deeper issues that became major drivers?
That's the same for me- setbacks are dangerous ground, and how I approach them is all-important for how I go forward from there. I know for me in that event- I just may go lick my wounds for a little while, and you might not see me the next day saying, "Uh, last night I did thus and so..." At least that's been my approach here, and it helps. I do say that taking ownership, full responsibility (no one else's fault, nothing else's fault but my own) is the way to more quickly bounce back after a lapse.
Well said regarding mindfulness versus the escapism that is porn. True enjoyment and equanimity is in the moment that mindfulness gives us access to. Porn, on the other hand, gives us the opposite- it creates stress and unhappiness.
P.S. I liked your quote from Marcus Aurelius.
That's the same for me- setbacks are dangerous ground, and how I approach them is all-important for how I go forward from there. I know for me in that event- I just may go lick my wounds for a little while, and you might not see me the next day saying, "Uh, last night I did thus and so..." At least that's been my approach here, and it helps. I do say that taking ownership, full responsibility (no one else's fault, nothing else's fault but my own) is the way to more quickly bounce back after a lapse.
Well said regarding mindfulness versus the escapism that is porn. True enjoyment and equanimity is in the moment that mindfulness gives us access to. Porn, on the other hand, gives us the opposite- it creates stress and unhappiness.
P.S. I liked your quote from Marcus Aurelius.
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Checking in this morning, and hope all are doing well.
Where am I now?
I am currently 63 days without P, PMO, or MO.
Last night (early this morning) I edged a little. Why? It may be a number of factors. I enjoyed my free-day on TikTok and other social media yesterday- but was I cued? I never felt obsessive or compulsive. Interacting (innocently) with a potential sex-bot? Seeing all the lovely women? Or seeing the lovely women at dinner out with the family?
I feel I could've lapsed to MO, but I used self-talk, "I do not need to do this!" and again, "I do not give myself permission to do this." And, I stopped.
What was helpful or hurtful?
No doubt what was helpful are my new habits, and being consistent with them, have broken up former habits- especially in how social media continually tripped me up.
What was hurtful was perhaps in giving so much as an inch toward former behaviors- particularly during my 'free-day' (?). Though I am mindful of this... Or, am I? Could I be more vigilant? I know where that conversation would be heading (either identity theft, or some kind of sextortion). She's not even all that...!
Have I made progress or regressed this week?
This really touched me yesterday. Whenever my wife brings up my past, I cringe- not because I'm particularly hiding anything (now) but I'm very private with my struggles- past or present- and don't like to talk about them. But what she said was that since things came out (July 2003), she wanted to see (for herself) consistency on my part, she also noted how I said I would change in this and that area, and that I did... It was a testimony that I've progressed from those times. And even though I would keep any struggles undisclosed to her today (for my reasons), it did me good to hear that- while I am making progress in secret, it is fully known of her that overall I've been making progress toward us as a whole.
What area needs extra focus this coming week?
Consistency, repetition of the good habits of reading, not using the phone at certain times, not using social media (for entertainment) but once a week. What to NOT repeat is the edging, as to repeat what happened this (early) morning would be a reinforcement and reestablishing (a resensitization) of unwanted behaviors that could only lead to P, PMO, or MO.
How are you feeling now?
I'm feeling good, non-obsessive. However, I was a little sensitive sexually- a higher libido. I had to ignore some urges that came up, even while I was reading devotionally. But, it was no big deal.
Deeper issues or concerns?
My wife and I made love the other night, and it was good for both of us. We have good emotions between us, though she angered me immensely yesterday morning... But, for peace, sometimes you have to let certain things go... But that is 2x making love in recent times, there were 2 weeks in between interactions (goal is at least 1x a week), but given our track record, I'll take it.
The special friend is still held in abeyance. We're not talking, we've not talked since she made her disclosure. It's better this way. I did miss a little, but can more easily put it out of my mind. It must be this way.
Special Question # 26. Are you lustful of women in public, or just appreciative of beauty?
Keep in mind that these special questions are randomly selected (mulit-sided die)! But, I am lustful of women in public- at least last night I was, wanted to be... I am at least appreciative of beauty in general, and I'll not fault myself for this, but if I'm ogling with the intent of getting... what? Some kind of selfish pleasure? Or some kind of deeper emotional need met? A brother from back in the day (LTE) once said that he used to lust out of an anxiety, I so resonated with that then, and I still do today.
I need to be more aware of this perceived (and unmet) need within myself, as to what drives my public lustfulness other than habit itself...? Will give more thought to this- or, increase what I know meets that need, drinking from the Lord.
Where am I now?
I am currently 63 days without P, PMO, or MO.
Last night (early this morning) I edged a little. Why? It may be a number of factors. I enjoyed my free-day on TikTok and other social media yesterday- but was I cued? I never felt obsessive or compulsive. Interacting (innocently) with a potential sex-bot? Seeing all the lovely women? Or seeing the lovely women at dinner out with the family?
It may be this one young lady who sat at the table aside ours, but across from me. She wore a tanktop without a bra, and I distinctly saw her nipples- and wanted to keep eyeing her, but was again restrained from doing so.
I feel I could've lapsed to MO, but I used self-talk, "I do not need to do this!" and again, "I do not give myself permission to do this." And, I stopped.
What was helpful or hurtful?
No doubt what was helpful are my new habits, and being consistent with them, have broken up former habits- especially in how social media continually tripped me up.
What was hurtful was perhaps in giving so much as an inch toward former behaviors- particularly during my 'free-day' (?). Though I am mindful of this... Or, am I? Could I be more vigilant? I know where that conversation would be heading (either identity theft, or some kind of sextortion). She's not even all that...!
Have I made progress or regressed this week?
This really touched me yesterday. Whenever my wife brings up my past, I cringe- not because I'm particularly hiding anything (now) but I'm very private with my struggles- past or present- and don't like to talk about them. But what she said was that since things came out (July 2003), she wanted to see (for herself) consistency on my part, she also noted how I said I would change in this and that area, and that I did... It was a testimony that I've progressed from those times. And even though I would keep any struggles undisclosed to her today (for my reasons), it did me good to hear that- while I am making progress in secret, it is fully known of her that overall I've been making progress toward us as a whole.
What area needs extra focus this coming week?
Consistency, repetition of the good habits of reading, not using the phone at certain times, not using social media (for entertainment) but once a week. What to NOT repeat is the edging, as to repeat what happened this (early) morning would be a reinforcement and reestablishing (a resensitization) of unwanted behaviors that could only lead to P, PMO, or MO.
How are you feeling now?
I'm feeling good, non-obsessive. However, I was a little sensitive sexually- a higher libido. I had to ignore some urges that came up, even while I was reading devotionally. But, it was no big deal.
Deeper issues or concerns?
My wife and I made love the other night, and it was good for both of us. We have good emotions between us, though she angered me immensely yesterday morning... But, for peace, sometimes you have to let certain things go... But that is 2x making love in recent times, there were 2 weeks in between interactions (goal is at least 1x a week), but given our track record, I'll take it.
The special friend is still held in abeyance. We're not talking, we've not talked since she made her disclosure. It's better this way. I did miss a little, but can more easily put it out of my mind. It must be this way.
Special Question # 26. Are you lustful of women in public, or just appreciative of beauty?
Keep in mind that these special questions are randomly selected (mulit-sided die)! But, I am lustful of women in public- at least last night I was, wanted to be... I am at least appreciative of beauty in general, and I'll not fault myself for this, but if I'm ogling with the intent of getting... what? Some kind of selfish pleasure? Or some kind of deeper emotional need met? A brother from back in the day (LTE) once said that he used to lust out of an anxiety, I so resonated with that then, and I still do today.
I need to be more aware of this perceived (and unmet) need within myself, as to what drives my public lustfulness other than habit itself...? Will give more thought to this- or, increase what I know meets that need, drinking from the Lord.
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Blondie
Respected Member
Nice job Phineas on 63 days.
It seems some of those new habits you've reinforcing are really starting to pay off, especially the social media rules.
I think for me this is key, just doing the right things over and over again, and doing the wrongs things less and less over time.
Keep it up, and thanks for all of your encouragement!
It seems some of those new habits you've reinforcing are really starting to pay off, especially the social media rules.
I think for me this is key, just doing the right things over and over again, and doing the wrongs things less and less over time.
Keep it up, and thanks for all of your encouragement!
Ezel
Respected Member
I'm glad you are doing well Phineas, and I'm happy for you that the social media session you had on your phone didn't get out of hand and you made a conscious decision to stop and reflect on what you are doing.
i hope the other night with your woman helped you in a way to get past what you saw on TikTok, and release your sexual and emotional energy towards a real living breathing woman, instead of pixels on a phone screen...
i can see that your relationship with your wife is a bit complicated, I hope things between you two will be better over time.
man if she was just into this reboot thing, and understood what rewiring towards a real person can do to her husband. then it's just a matter of time for you to get out of this porn cycle and for her to enjoy and cherish the loving and wise man you will become after you leave porn (even though you are so full of wisdom already
)
i hope with time she will get it. all the best to you Phineas "Gandalf " 808.
i hope the other night with your woman helped you in a way to get past what you saw on TikTok, and release your sexual and emotional energy towards a real living breathing woman, instead of pixels on a phone screen...
i can see that your relationship with your wife is a bit complicated, I hope things between you two will be better over time.
man if she was just into this reboot thing, and understood what rewiring towards a real person can do to her husband. then it's just a matter of time for you to get out of this porn cycle and for her to enjoy and cherish the loving and wise man you will become after you leave porn (even though you are so full of wisdom already
)i hope with time she will get it. all the best to you Phineas "Gandalf " 808.
Thank you, Ezel! Like Gandalf, I hope I can slay this 'balrog' demon!
My social media use was part of my normal 'free-day', but you're right- things could've gotten out of hand if I let them. I seek to be mindful and careful about this.
I don't feel I was necessarily 'triggered' by anything I saw on TikTok, and my night with my wife I didn't relate it to anything. I've found that I can 'act out' even if I've made love to my wife or not. In fact, the brain is a little tricky- it can say, "Alright, you've made love to your wife, now you can get a reward with PMO..."- but I haven't acted in that way in a long time.
But you are right- nothing (nothing!) beats a real living breathing non-pixalated woman!
There is definitely complexity to my relationship with my wife, but we're not doing too bad right now. I think we could've been closer in some respects, and that leaves me a little lonely sometimes, but I appreciate our marriage for what it is and am grateful.
She does understand that sometimes I just need a release. She used to say, "Do you need a freebie" meaning, I can just go without her 'getting hers'. I don't see her as in the way of my reboot or rewiring at all. I think it's mostly me that we don't make love more often- like sometimes I feel asexual, meaning that I'm just not into it... That may be all my fault as I've been so used to being 'turned on' by a computer screen rather than real life. But, healing from this as well...
Thanks again, Ezel! Be blessed.
My social media use was part of my normal 'free-day', but you're right- things could've gotten out of hand if I let them. I seek to be mindful and careful about this.
I don't feel I was necessarily 'triggered' by anything I saw on TikTok, and my night with my wife I didn't relate it to anything. I've found that I can 'act out' even if I've made love to my wife or not. In fact, the brain is a little tricky- it can say, "Alright, you've made love to your wife, now you can get a reward with PMO..."- but I haven't acted in that way in a long time.
But you are right- nothing (nothing!) beats a real living breathing non-pixalated woman!
There is definitely complexity to my relationship with my wife, but we're not doing too bad right now. I think we could've been closer in some respects, and that leaves me a little lonely sometimes, but I appreciate our marriage for what it is and am grateful.
She does understand that sometimes I just need a release. She used to say, "Do you need a freebie" meaning, I can just go without her 'getting hers'. I don't see her as in the way of my reboot or rewiring at all. I think it's mostly me that we don't make love more often- like sometimes I feel asexual, meaning that I'm just not into it... That may be all my fault as I've been so used to being 'turned on' by a computer screen rather than real life. But, healing from this as well...
Thanks again, Ezel! Be blessed.
particularly_respecting
Active Member
Great job maintaining positive momentum "Gandalf"!
I like the idea above "I do not give myself permission to do this" - I will try using that in future if I am slipping into problematic behavior
Interesting point about "lusting from anxiety" too. Never heard it put like that. Turning the idea over in my head now
guitar1968
Well-Known Member
Interesting what you write here. I've been thinking of something like this but haven't been able to put words to it. My wife and I watch tv and movies together. We don't do much else. However, whenever there are sex scenes, or pre-sex scenes, I find myself feeling like I don't even remember how to feel hot for someone, or how to get excited just by the touch or kiss of a partner. Asexual I guess is one way to put it. But, it's definitely about it not being on screen - porn screen that is, not a very PG rated sex scene on a tv show.
Anyway, it just hit a nerve with me. A feeling I've been thinking about lately. Wondering if I left my wife and met someone else, would I feel that electricity again or is it gone forever. Ugh...
Another term we can use is like 'sexual anorexia' if that makes sense... It's just related to the ways we've fried our dopamine receptors..., but- thank God for neuroplasticity, that the brain can heal itself! So, it won't be gone forever... @guitar1968.
Hello, All.
I am now at a place, another turning point in my journey.
Since rejoining Reboot Nation in November of 2020, I've met my goals and hit lengthy streaks.
Beginning with my 120 day goal, the one I started with, I hit 139 days. This was followed by a 90 day goal, with which I hit 157 days.
Currently, I am doing good as recently reported.
I am, however, to no longer count days. I find it now 'counter-productive' and delimiting to me and my goals. My goals are of course beyond how many days I can abstain from P, PMO, or MO. It will still be important for me to abstain, and to move on from this in my life, but counting seems to tether me to the existence of the addiction, even if or when it becomes nothing but a faded memory. Am I still identifying myself with this thing?
From this day and forward I will not so closely link my journey with this site. I will not, however, discontinue my user or my journal (like last time in 2019). It will still serve to be a valuable resource to myself and others in their journeys.
I will continue the habit-changes I've implemented thus far which have been of immense help to me, and will continue to seek a deeper healing from all brokenness. But above all, I will be building my new life free from unwanted habits, and allowing God to work in me that new creation that I've always been.
I will still come by occasionally either to muse on some or other thing in my journal, or offer some help in another's journal- but I won't be able to post as often as before in other's journals. There are so many of you whose journeys I was sincerely and deeply interested in, my support is still yours- if not via keyboard, certainly in heart. I may come by and offer an occasional support, but I will always be mindful of your success.
To all who have helped me in this journey, from Gabe himself to so many of you who've shared this journey with me, I say, Thank you!
Phineas.
I am now at a place, another turning point in my journey.
Since rejoining Reboot Nation in November of 2020, I've met my goals and hit lengthy streaks.
Beginning with my 120 day goal, the one I started with, I hit 139 days. This was followed by a 90 day goal, with which I hit 157 days.
Currently, I am doing good as recently reported.
I am, however, to no longer count days. I find it now 'counter-productive' and delimiting to me and my goals. My goals are of course beyond how many days I can abstain from P, PMO, or MO. It will still be important for me to abstain, and to move on from this in my life, but counting seems to tether me to the existence of the addiction, even if or when it becomes nothing but a faded memory. Am I still identifying myself with this thing?
From this day and forward I will not so closely link my journey with this site. I will not, however, discontinue my user or my journal (like last time in 2019). It will still serve to be a valuable resource to myself and others in their journeys.
I will continue the habit-changes I've implemented thus far which have been of immense help to me, and will continue to seek a deeper healing from all brokenness. But above all, I will be building my new life free from unwanted habits, and allowing God to work in me that new creation that I've always been.
I will still come by occasionally either to muse on some or other thing in my journal, or offer some help in another's journal- but I won't be able to post as often as before in other's journals. There are so many of you whose journeys I was sincerely and deeply interested in, my support is still yours- if not via keyboard, certainly in heart. I may come by and offer an occasional support, but I will always be mindful of your success.
To all who have helped me in this journey, from Gabe himself to so many of you who've shared this journey with me, I say, Thank you!
Phineas.
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Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Sounds good, man. You're a good person, I can tell and you deserve to escape this stupid crutch. Being addicted for years, the crutch becomes the default. "This is me, this is my life, I walk with crutches." And we forget we can throw away the crutches and run. This action of throwing away the crutches is hard work but it pays off. 
I want to see you completely done with porn.
I want to see you completely done with porn.Phineas - I completely understand your post. Thanks for being such a help to countless people here at RN. I personally appreciate your honesty and GODLY approach. I have read through many of your posts countless times and the good news is people can still have access to some of the great resources you have provided. GOD Bless you brother in your journey!