Making that breakthrough

Hey guys,

Michael here, 29. Porn has been an issue in my life from a young age of about 11. Like most people on here it gradually increased and now porn induced ED has affected me in lots of ways.

Its made me stop seeing great girls out of embarrassment and knowing I wouldn't get it up when I saw them. I know that this is stopping me making any real connections with a girl.

I've had varying levels of success in the past; 7 day without porn here, 10 days there, some streaks of about 18 days. But I just need to make that breakthrough where I leave this stuff in the past for good.

I've educated myself, reading YBOP, YouTube vids etc etc but I think keeping a journal on here may help that little bit extra.

Looking forward to being a part of this forum and working together! Looking for an accountability partner too!

Thanks!

Michael
 

zander13

Well-Known Member
I'm also 29. good luck with this shit. depending on the severity of your addiction, things might get a little messy before they get better. be prepared for the worst, but expect the best. who knows how the withdrawals are gunna hit you, but they are definitely something to keep your eye on. try to recognize them for what they are and not associate your personality with them. they aren't a true representation of who you are. they're just withdrawals, and they, sadly, morph your thoughts and feelings in ways that are uncomfortable and a little embarrassing.
 
Thanks Zander! You're completely right, I've experienced these before and expect them to come soon; mood swings, anxiety, poor sleep pattern. As you said it's important to realise these are part of the process and actually show progress! They're not who you are, it's just having to wade through the shit to get to the other side.

I've read your thread man and so inspiring, keep it up, I see you're lacking motivation today what do you do when these days hits? I'm doing meditation everyday as well as at least 20mins of exercise, a good walk in nature also helps!
 
Ok on day 2 now.

Day 1 - was pretty uneventful, no major urges but I know this won't last long and need to be prepared for when it hits.

I've set some ground rules such as no laptop in my bedroom and no social media such as FB or insta which are terrible gateways into porn.

I also have put in a plan of action for if I do get these urges - when I realise I'm getting these urges I'm going to start counting to 5 slowly and in those 5 seconds I need to start doing something else.

I've also put a pic of Joe Rogan next to my bed who's staring into my eyes telling me to get my shit together!!

Day 2 - I am deffo hornier but I think this is the famous chaser effect and expect it to last a couple more days before I start to flatline. This is from past experience and I know everyone has different times their flatline kicks in.

Keeping the faith and will update everyday - it's good to share progress and its also a great recovery tool I feel!

Peace

Michael
 
Ok Day 3 nearly complete. Have deffo had some urges today but started to count to 5 each time they happened and started doing something else or think of something else before 5 s was up. I know this will get harder so I think I may need some other stronger strategies.

Definitely feel a lot more determined this time around, writing this journal helps for sure. I've also come to realise that the over use of porn has definitely been stopping me get into any sort of meaningful relationship in the last couple of years.

I was alway this guy who dated girls, some of who were stunners, but never wanted it to progress into anything serious, other guys would jump at the chance to be their bf.

I guess porn contributed by making them just be seen as a sexual tool, and the novelty of porn probably translated into real life by making me just want to move onto the next girl. How can you move onto the next girl if you're in a relationship? You can't unless you cheat and this not me so I guess I saw relationships as preventing me moving on to the next girl and seeking that novelty so I steered clear of them.

Understanding this problem of porn consumption and how it warps your mind and life is fundamental to overcoming it I feel. It's so fucked up on many levels that most of us probably aren't even aware of. Sometimes I wish I was born in the 60's when this stuff wasn't around or even in caveman times ha.

Peace
 
Day 4 complete and day 5 almost done.

Definitely had some urges today but so far seem to be keeping strong and making sure I move onto thinking/doing something else very quickly within 5 seconds.

Took about a 2-3 hour walk with a friend today which definitely helps. Getting out as much as possible is a must if find, especially to nice places such as along a river or a through park, it really helps push the urges to one side and you always come back feeling fresher and more positive.

Did pop into a coffee shop and I don't know if its just me noticing it more but the barista was definitely making a lot of eye contact and smiling a lot. I don't know if this is me just noticing it more or whether it's one of the benefits of increased attraction? it's only been 5 days so feels a bit soon but I'll take it!

Still looking for an accountability partner by the way if anyone needs one. Think it will be another string to the bow!

All the best

Michael
 

fapstranaut02

Active Member
Keep going Michael. Get out more, socialize more, you'll feel a lot more confident down the journey. There may be times where you will be tempted back to P, but keep steady and push forward for the sake of your future !
 
Thanks dude, getting out is spot important.

Day 6 was yesterday definitely had some small urges but easy to resist, went for a great run, really pushed myself and felt pretty good afterwards exercise and getting out help so much!

Day 7 Ok today was a difficult day, felt pretty anxious and had a lot of strong urges kick in. It may well be withdrawal symptoms. Reading YBOP I remember how he spoke about your brain associating feelings of anxiety with pleasure so that may have led to the severe urges.

I know I in the past have definitely used porn as an escape from any ill feelings such as anxiety.

However today I acknowledged it. I told myself I was feeling anxious and that my reaction is normally to go to porn.

I told myself the only reason I go to porn is to escape these feelings but I need to deal with them and not run away from them.

So I grabbed a book and went to the park and read a whole chapter of 'be obsessed or be average' a great book for motivation.

It was good to get out, see people, and not have any chance of slipping up.

It didn't remove my anxiousness completely but it definitely helped. I came back and the urges were definitely less.

I know that quitting porn is going to send my brain into a spin so lots of feeling and emotions are going to arise as my brain changes. I just need to realise that this is part of the process and that these feelings often lead me to porn as an escape.

Hoping to stay strong - made it to a week.

Peace

Michael
 
Day 8 - really good day today, very productive. I got up at 7:30 which never happens for me (I usually get up as late as possible before work). I even took a walk to a cafe to get s smoothie before work.

Had some urges, I think my labido is in swing as some moments I want to hump anything in site then next moment my dick is the limpest thing in the world. But resisted and I'm sticking to moving onto something new within 5 seconds and getting out the house as much as possible.

Gyms opened up in the UK today so had my first session back which was also good o heard exercise can speed up the process.

Day-9 Some serious urges today. I need to get out the house. Going to go for a long walk even though its raining.

Still looking for an accountability partner if anyone else is?!

Peace and stay strong

Michael
 
Day 10 - Today was a very important day. I realised a lot of things about my porn problems and how it affects my interactions with girls.

A girl I've been seeing for a short period of time invited me around hers. We've previously had sex but I think I only managed to get hard due to the chaser effect - I watched porn like 2 days before but the carousel want there.

This time however I was seeing her 10days into no PMO. As soon as I saw her I noticed I was more interested in her and felt a stronger connection. I think this is due to my no PMO. I was just more interested in an actual human it felt great to be honest. Before I don't think I would have got as much enjoyment from these interactions.

The night was going well, we had dinner watched some tv made out on the couch. We then went to her bedroom. In the back of my head I didnt really want to have sex for two reasons. 1 because I was 10 days into no PMO and wanted to continue this streak and 2) 10 days in I think I am in the flatline phase so I dint think my dick would work anyway.

Well I was right about the second, I got it up but couldn't maintain this. However, I was surprisingly ok with this. I know its the process I'm going through and give it a week or 2 and I know I'll be as hard as rock and will be worth it.

The girl was actually really interesting, she asked me what was up and I just told her straight up the process I'm going through.

She found it interesting and connected the dots from the previous time we has sex.

She said that last time we had sex that when we finished I was really disinterested and didn't want cuddles or 'pillow talk'.

I didn't even know I did this, it just shows how porn makes you view women as objects and once you've had your way with them you close the laptop screen and their gone. No pillow talk no cuddles. Obviously I'm conditioned that once I ejeculate then that's it, job done. Move onto the next one.

Its crazy, I think I've been like that my whole life and this is the first girl to mention it, I can't imagine what the previous girls thought!

Gah it seems so obvious now when I'm typing this but when you're in your porn haze its invisible.

I don't know if this girl is going to be put off by what I told her about being addicted to porn and how it changes the brain but I;m really glad I talked about it with her as it made me realise so many things and out pieces of the jigsaw together.

I'm kind of expecting her to be put off by it but if she is it's fine, she want meant to be and I know this journey I'm on is so worth it, to start living again. Not worrying every time I meet up with a girl if I'm going to be able to get it up, not cancelling dates because I watched porn the day before and am in a shot mood. Just live normally for gods sake.

Day 11

Definitely flatlining, penis is so limp. Not testing whether I will feel anything, no fantasying.

I know this will get harder when I start to get horny again, need to be prepared and put in processes to keep moving forward.

Peace

Michael
 
Thanks #NoFapZone!

day 12,13,14

Holy crap made it 2 weeks! Longest streak in as along as I can remember. I had a little slip up day 13 where I watched a couple of YouTube vids of Japanese chicks in their underwear, but quickly closed laptop and have resisted urges since.

Can feel labido coming back slightly I think, still not going to be getting rock hard for a few more days but I can feel it there.

Was walking to the gym yesterday and realised it was nearly 2 weeks, and felt pretty proud.

Hope to continue and avoid the little slip ups as are hard mode is best.

Peace

Michael
 
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