Road to happiness i suppose

Hello guys,

Im 29, and i have ED problems, and my sex drive and libido is very low.

I have very little sex experience, and i masturbate to porn since i was a teenager. For the past 3 years i have worked very hard and stressful on my job, and every night before i fell a sleep i masturbate to porn for about an hour.

How i noticed i have a problem: Last winter i picked up a girl at the pub, i brought her home, and when she tried to give me a blowjob, my erection fell down. So my sex drive felt very low, and after hearing in some interview that the porn is no1 killer of our sexuality, i decided to quit porn for a while, so i quit with porn for about 2-3 weeks, and it turned out to be helpful, my erections became stronger when i was masturbating, however my sensitivity was still very low. So i tested with porn, and everything was as it was before.

So, this summer, same girl came to my home in order to have casual sex, and i wasnt able to get the erection at firs, and after gentle kissing and touching i was able to have an erection good enough to penetrate, but after that i havent felt very sensitive and i was anxious do maintain the erection, so i decided to stroke faster and i ejaculated fast, about two minutes, and my orgasm was very weak. After 15 minutes we tried again, and again it was all the same.

3 weeks ago i met a very nice girl, and i decided to start dating her, when i kiss her i feel the slight erection, few days ago i even had some leakage on my underwear. From the start i knew i had to quit porn, and then i have found this place and "yourbranionporn'', so i decided not to watch porn ever again, today i am on the day 15.

I am very anxious and depressed since this girl already expects the next step. I am delaying sex for as long as i can. When it gets inevitable, i will take cialis (i know the problem is in my brain, however, i want make all the other factors perfect) and i will try to relax, and i hope i could have decant sex. If not i will tell her everything.

I cant believe how stupid i was to substitute real girls with porn. I feel like i have ruined my life. I must get out from this hell.     
Day 16

I feel so anxious.

I don't feel urge to watch porn at all, i just feel crippled...

Anyways: I had a morning wood, not very strong, it was like 80%, and not for very long, but it was good to know it is still there...

Gabe Deem

Staff member
Hey Tommy! Glad you decided to join RN. You're not alone. Many of us have felt how you feel right now, and got through the process, the suffering, the pain and embarrassment that comes with it.

I can say this as encouragement. If you take this challenge to learn from your past and improve your life for the future, you'll be a stronger and better person because of it. And have gained some wisdom and life experience because of it as well, therefore making you more interesting and, ironically, attractive to potential partners.

Congrats on 15 days! That's awesome. Keep truckin' one day at a time. Much love


Hey Tommy. I'm really happy you tell us your stories, I know you are a brave man! You can fight against porn and recover your healthy sexual life, okay? It's not an easy proccess but here you can find other people to support you. Study about this addiction and how do reboot and rewiring.
Hello Gabe/jcslpw,

Thank you guys for all the support.

I have read all the articles i could found on this site as well as on the yourbrainonporn.

Gabe, i watched couple of your clips, and my plan is to reboot smart.

Basically as i understood, i have made my brain react to unnatural sensations as the substitute for the real stuff, so i am like a tiger raised in captivity, which is bad, however you can raise your tiger and pet him, but make no mistake, first time you leave him hungry for a while, he will most certainly bite your neck.

So, i believe if i avoid masturbation and watching porn and if i interfere with the girls during this process, i will eventually get my libido to factory settings. 

I am a sensitive guy, but i don't think that this problem is present only in a special group of people. I come from Europe, and i must say there is not enough awareness on this problem. I look forward to learn from my problem, and when i finally get through with this, i will do everything to rise awareness and help the other guys detect the problem and win this battle.

Thanks again, ill keep fighting and reporting! 
Day 17...

Morning wood was there at first, like 70-80 percent, so i was imagining some girls and brought it to 90-100%, after that i continued my sleep, and when i woke up again i woke up depressed, anxious and scared shitless, libido gone...

I will never again watch porno movies, they have made my life so miserable.

Guys, its better to record it than to watch it, mar my words...
Hey Tommy, Congrats on 17 days man. Remember like Gabe said, growth and strength always comes from struggle. Keep on trucking !
Hello Guys,

Thank you Notacornflake!

Day 18 ahead, of hard rebooting.

Yesterday i was walking around, kissing and hugging with my girlfriend. Most of the time we were making out i felt some kind of response in my penis, and in one moment as we were kissing in a bus, i felt my erection was around 90%... When i finally got in toilet i found out that i had certain amount of sperm leakage on my underwear. I felt so happy.

However, unlike last 3 days, this morning i didn't had morning wood, for that reason i started fantasying of some big boob girl i know and i managed to get it up to 90%, but i still avoid masturbation.

I still feel very anxious, however i think i am on the right path to reboot my brain to a natural partner.

Thanks again for all the support i will continue to report on my progress.
Day 19 of hard reboot ahead of me.

I was very stressed oud (job-related) and anxious (ED-related), i haven slept very well last night, anyhow there was no morning boner...

I was not happy with that so i was imagining sex, and i got a strong erection, i just wanted to see if it is there, anyhow it was gone shortly when i changed my thoughts.

God i want my sex-drive back badly...
man, congrats on your streak without porn!! u seem to have a fast recovery, keep struggling and u will defeat the monster soon!!

I am not an expert at all, but as far as i know, fantazising with sex and that stuff it s not good either for your brain, even if it is for testing if your willy functions correctly.

keep this stuff out of your head, and just when u are with ur gf let your feelings arise. just real connection is good for pied.

stay strong dude, we are on the path to recovery
Bler/S thank you man for your support.

So, i decided not to fantasize either, i won't count this as a relapse, couple minutes of fantasy wont ruin my progress i suppose?

Anyhow, i was kissing with my girl yesterday, i was very relaxed, and i was able to get 100% erection...However i'm afraid i am still not ready to have sex, and to be this relaxed under pressure, if you know what i mean.

Once again i head some sperm leakage on my shorts after all this. However, for the third consecutive morning i didn't have a morning boner.

Day 20 ahead of me, hold my thumbs!

Anyways, considering that i don't have morning erections, and my spontaneous erections are weak and show up only when im nervous, i suppose im in a flat line, however i think it is good that my girlfriend can get it up...
Ok guys, day 21 ahead of me, and 3 weeks almost passed.

Anxiety is on the very high level now, i feel an urge to test, i won't do it. I am afraid how my erection will function with my girlfriend, in a few days it will be a month since we are together, we didn't have sex so far...

I woke up with a morning erection it was around 60-70 percent...
keep doing great man!

u have just started and u are already seeing some changes so let it flow... u are on the good track.

girls usually are understanding, so if she likes u, she will understand your prroblem. I think it s better to let things clear. I have had many occassions where my dick didnt get any up, or i cum in 0.5 seconds and I told the girl it was the first time that happen to me blah blah blah...

I have decided to tell the truth and it has been working great.

Three weeks passed, day 22 ahead, honestly i woke up and i feel like shit.

Morning wood, i wish to believe it was there in like 60%, but it might be just a dream, at this point im not sure.

Anyways i'm so stressed these days, mostly about work, and in my free time about this situation, so basically my penis looks and feels like it died long time ago, i don't feel urge to watch porn either. In my mind sex now counts as an unpleasant and traumatic experience, i have to overcome this.
Day 23 of hard mode ahead. No morning wood, guess im in a deep flatline.

Hoping for better days guys...Very anxious at this point, i wish to stay in bad...
Hey Tommy, the flatline wont last forever even if it feels that way. The benefits will eventually come, your brain will naturally rewire itself.
You've got 23 days under your belt and that is awesome man, keep going !
Thanks for the support bro!

Day 24 ahead. I woke up with a boner 80-90 %, it lasted for a few minutes.
Im having flashes of nude girls, real girls and from porn, im struggling hard not to fantasize.

Anyhow, i realized that nudity, sex, pornography is all around us,, social networks, commercials, art, it is if someone wants to makes us impotent...

Ill continue to fight, i believe good days will come eventually.
Ok guys,

Day 25 ahead, i woke up with a morning wood varied between 80-90 % lasted for couple of minutes, this is a good sign i suppose, i hope my brain will rewire at some point. I know that on the road to recovery i will have to overcome the performance anxiety having in mind my passed failures, this is a psychological fight...

Anyway, i pray to the lord each night and i thank to do lord each morning with a hope he will help me not only to recover, but to become a better man.
Day 26 of hard mode ahead,

Few times last day a had flashes from porn or i caught myself fantasizing, only for a few seconds but i managed to change my thoughts.

Anyways i had a morning wood around 80%-90% this morning and it lasted for a few minutes.

I guess strong flatline is over, however i wish to feel again a strong sex drive, rushes of lybido, stay tuned...