Road to happiness i suppose

Day 27 of hard mode ahead.

Morning bonner, sam as yesterday. I haven't seen my girlfriend in like 7 days.
Im a bit anxious and tensed...

I will most certainly not watch porn ever again, just hope my brain will rewire soon...
 
Day 28 of hard mode almost finished.

This morning i had no morning boner, however after 7 days i met my girlfriend today, and just by holding her hand i had a fast and strong erectin around 80-90% in few seconds, i hope this is a progress.

Ill keep it strong, im determined to succeed in this...
 
Ok guys, big news!

Last night i was at my GF place...

We were making out, and i got hard, however sexdrive wasn't so strong so the foreplay took very long.

Eventually when i felt i was hard enough i penetrated and after minute or two i cum, it wasnt very strong orgasm however i came inside. Afterwards we were making out again but i wasn't there, mentally.

In the morning after long foreplay we had sex for like 3-4 minutes, i came inside. I think the performsnce anxiety is one of the factors.

I hope that my brain will rewire so that i will enjoy sex  more and more, my sensitivity is much better than the last time i tried sex (June).

I hope this is a progress, i have 4 weeks under my belt, i don't watch porn, i dont mansturbate, i just had sex, two times.

 
man that s such a great news!! congratulations!!
30 days and u already are like that!! Keep doing great and u will soon be recovered! go go gooo
 
Thanks for the support,

Day 30 ahead...

Anyhow, while having sex, in few moments i had some flashes from porn, i even try to fantasize about porn, however i dropped that idea, so the main problem now is absence of stronger sex drive and rushes of libido, i truly hope that can come back this way. My next goal is to try having sex that will last 4-5 minutes or so and to control my ejaculation. The bad news is might use the condom, because my girlfriend cant drink the pills.

Important to say is that i swallowed half a pill of Ci that night, although i believe that the problem is mostly of psychological matter. I hope my brain will rewire, also i must overcome that fear (performance anxiety), i truly want back my old self.

Anyways, she now knows what seems to be the problem, and she is willing to cooperate, shes really nice person...

 
Day 31 ahead,

Morning boner, not very strong, but it was there.
Anxiety on the minor level, due to a fact i have marvelous girlfriend.

Ive past one month with two orgasms that came after sex, i believe if i continue like this, with no pressure, my sex life will become better and better. There is new me, the winner i want to discover.

God i hope in a few months i can write my success story, and ill stay here to help all the other guys. Also ill do everything to rise awareness on this issue! 

Stay positive all you guys...
 
Hello guys,

Day 32 ahead, i woke up with a strong bonner that lasted few minutes, it was an effort to put it down...

However today some bad things happened, which are related to my problem, so...

As i wrote down in my introduction, the first ED i had last winter,  while some girl i picked up at the PUB tried to give me  a BJ. I shared this only with my "best friend". He doesn't really knows its a serious condition which is porn related...

So, as you may know, i have a girlfriend which is lovely, smart and full of understanding and i like her a lot, however my heart doesn't belong to her, as i still have a strong feelings for other girl which has a boyfriend  now for seven years. As i am now studying for my Bar Exam, i am spending time near this girl, and my feelings became stronger.

This morning my so called "best friend", in my absence, told in front of her that i've had problems with erection, and now im so pissed!

Note to all of you: Be aware who are you telling about your problems and who are you letting in your life.

Now im having so fucking many things to process in my head.

 
Day 34,

Morning bonner checked, lasted for few minutes, good to feel it. I hope my sensitivity will eventually be back in full...

Bad thing is that my girl is not texting me for 4 days, who knows...Anyhow nothing is perfect for anybody i just try to live my life best i can with what i have, and after every dark night there is a bright day after that, stay strong!
 
Day 36 almost past,

Moring boner was there, not very strong however, i'm keeping the streak.

The problem is that i am emotionally very confused, on one hand i've been in love for years with one girl which now has came back in my life, and we now study in the same group, she has a boyfriend for 7 years, though she might like me, having in mind she is baying me candies all the time...

On the other hand, my girlfriend is somehow cold towards me, i haven't seen her for a whole week (suterday night and sunday morning last week we had sex, i accidentally came inside, and told her everything after that)... She might be scared because i told her i really like her a lot, and shes like some kind of angel... And now, i feel she is cooling of, but i feel like im falling for her a lot, god damn!

Totally confused people, im in hell emotionally.

Im not going to watch porn ofc, ever, this is a decisio of my life, but the life can sometimes be very harsh...


I haven't seen my girl for one week, except Thursday when she was in a hurry, we met 
 
Day 37 ahead,

She's not texting (my current girlfriend), so i guess its now matter of days before we brake up...

No morning bonner this morning for me, probably due to as i slept like a rabbit.

Today i got drunk, i came drunk into the learning room, i'm still not aware of the damage i caused to myself, however masks have fallen, my so called friend also like the girl i was in love for years, i'm confused even more...

My heart is like broken twice...

 
Day 38 ahead,

No morning wood. It's probably due to stress and drunkenness and poor sleep, however i might be in a second flatline also...

This is hell...
 
Day 39 almost past,

My girl is ignoring me, im in a lot of pain, due to heartache and stress i have fell into a flatline again, all this is less important.

Im broken-hearted now.

God help me now.
 
Day 40,

She is delaying our conversation on our relationship, almost two weeks a havent seen her.

For last 3 days i have slept no more then 4 hours a day.

Due to this, obviously i am in a flatline...
 
Day 42,

She keeps avoiding me, status quo...

She could be angry with me for flirting with other girls, or she's is cooling off due to a bad sex, anyhow, pornography has damaged my life severally.
 
Relapsed for couple of times...

Day 30 today...

So, long story short, after first 30 days i have had sex with my gorlfriend...

Thing is i avoided sexual contact for 30 days having in mind my problem..
And that special night i was very stressed, however i managec to get an erected  during the fore playing, however it was not consistent, so i told her i am still not ready for this, however after we got in bed again i felt an erection so i decided to put it inside her, i felt sensitive and excited but i came in less than 10 seconds.

So i stopped and told her that this was just like a miracle because i have porn induced ED. And she told me "so you are cured now, and i than told, no i have a lot to work on it yet...

So while we were speaking about this she notices that i came inside and she was very upset, however we tried again that night, and i was able to get an erection but as i was unable to penetrate from that position it got down, she tried to do me a felatio, but i rejected, so we got back to sleep...

In the morning we woke up kissing and had sex, instantly as i  got an erection i penetrated and came again in 10 seconds, she was upset again.

After that weekend we lost contact, and she was acting like nothing happened between us, and she finally told me the day before new year that she dumps me because  i was distant and i was not around in the beginning (i was distant because i wanted to prolong first sex)...

Long story short i believe she lost interest in me because of this weekend, and as i latter found out before this weekend she was on a trip with her ex boyfriend l(dated for 7,5 years), so she had mixed feelings and my ED helped her choose...

Anyhow im broken-hearted now. However shes not posting pictures with him for some reason...Also she keeps playing hot and cold games with me, she texts me sometimes, sometimes she is talking to me in the learning room for no reason just to stay in touch, and sometimes she pretends i don't exist.

So be aware with whom you can share your problem with.

As i said i masturbated for 5 times since than, i haven't watched porn though since november 16th...Im on a hard mode for 30 days now...

Im broken, flat lined i take antidepresivs...

God i want her back, and also will it help to try have sex to someone else in the meanwhile or should i stay in a hard mode for as long as i can?
 
Hey people...

Day 40 ahead...

Still been broken, she broke my hearth. So basically what happened, i avoided my girl and i was distant in order to prolong sex...And in the meanwhile she got in touch with her ex, and than she was confused, and finally our sex was very short and i told her about my problem, and then she decided to go back to him...

So, now im on the biggest period without orgasm...Girls are hitting on me, and im broken hearthed and also im not sure if going outhere and start having sex would help with my ED problems.

Im wondering if sex at this point will ruin my progress.
Basically im pornfree from november 14th, and i had sex two times in december, and i mansturbated like 5 times until february.
 
Hello,

I'm 93 days in a monk mode. So i stayed away from P M and O for 93 days straight...

Im porn free since 14th november.

Since day 80 i had like 10 straight morning bonners, but last few days nothing, its probably due to lot of stress...

Long story short my heart is broken into peaces, i'm stoll in live in this gril that has left me after two bad intercourses, she got back together with her long time boyfrend.

PIED has fucking ruined my life, im trying to find a reason to live...I feel sad and depressed, but im sure as hell i won't be watching porn ever again...

This embarrassment, sadness, loneliness, this huge heart brake that feel is fucking hell.

I hope and pray for the better days, i hope there is still beauty in my life.

Stay strong guy, we walk the same path together...
 

Sangiha

Member
Hey bro hang in there.. I know its tough. Get out side and go for a long walk in the sun. I am right there with you in this journey (day 97 hardmode) let these feelings that are overwhelming you now feel through you. Let that shit serve as a motivation to improve and never go back to porn. We have a bright future and only way to get there is to move on. My journey has been incredibly lonely,depressing, and terrifying as well. I am just starting to see the glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. Forget about girls man. You are clearly not ready. Focus on yourself and lets best this motherfucker. You will be a different animal on the other side. Stay hard my friend.
 
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