Online Dating obsession

Johnn7boy

Member
Hey inspiring guys and girls.

My background with Porn, pretty much every since I knew myself over 20 years.
I've been suffering from PIED.
My Porn addiction started with normal to very hardcore and bing binge to jerk off 4 - 5 times a day till deathgrip.
Each time I was jerking off I was edging like crazy, sometimes over an hour.

My brain was so wired to Porn that each encounter with a real woman ended up with the worst experience ever, I was completely desinsatized down there.

Long story short that impacted on me so badly, so you can imagine my confidence went straight to Zero .

From that point on I really developed very timed personality towards people, social awkwardness and anxiety.

Long story short three years ago I met a girl that completely was so genuine and best girlfriend that anyone would ever asked for.

Few months after she agreed to go traveling with me to the end of the world ( Patagonia)
We're together for the first month and half helping me to adjust the new culture and the backpacking lifestyle.

Btw I always hided my addiction using erection pills.
So my di... Was fine but numbed.

After the month and half she went  back home and we both agreed to stay together (long distance relationship).

Because I was very addicted to porn to fight this disease, traveling from hostel to hostel  was the best solution to overcome all the triggers and rewire to the real thing.

After being abstain from Porn and masturbation and orgazma for almost 5 months I flew back home to see my Ex.

When I saw my ex girlfriend, I remember that every sexual experience that we had my dick was so sensitive and like a steel.

I almost cried when I saw the distinguish from being on Porn to being rewired back to real people.

Unfortunately the chaser was greater then me so everytime we had sex I made her speak very dirty that went bad and agrassive that I was only able to maintain my Erection only with my fatish (which was inherited from Porn)

So I become Sex Addict and Always looking for Ercerction validation, so you can imagine I always asked for more without real feeling and love.

At the end she couldn't take it cause my personality was so demanding and control freak and needy that she couldn't take it anymore and we broke up.

After being away from Porn over almost 3 years I relapsed 2 months ago for 2 days in a row for more then 4 times to sexy pic.
Till I noticed that  I got back my premature ejaculation, which made me cut off again the Porn and mostrabation.

I don't have any urge to go back to Porn anymore
but my biggest problem now  is that I replaced my bad addiction to another bad addiction which is

Online Dating.

My incentive is to meet real people but everytime some girl  came along, I realized that I have high expectations and keep checking my account obsessively to see whether she replied back (fuc.... Needy) which somehow the energy that I transmit turns to failure.

Now we're in Covid and I really wanna meet genuine woman but at the same time I wanna get back my rewiring to real touch, to my senaetivty down there and my crazy steel Erections.

My goal is 9 months hardmode but the same time wanna meet amazing woman.

What should I do ?


 

doneatlast

Well-Known Member
Hi John, and welcome.

I had some similar experiences, but not identical.  I'm a little over three years away from porn.  I was very often on dating sites, as well.  The dating sites weren't part of my porn routine... I wasn't looking up profiles to masturbate to them or anything.  I had the highest hopes and goals for them.  But, I did find that the obsessive checking and searching was awfully similar to porn.  I'd often start an evening looking at dating sites, and end it with porn. 

Again, it wasn't all sexual, like I was just looking at the pictures of the women and getting aroused.  I'd say it was mostly pattern based (the checking, clicking, searching, multiple tabs) mixed with psychological underpinnings that made for good porn triggers like loneliness, fear of rejection, and so on.

I gave up dating sites when I was in my stretch of giving up porn for good, and it was the smart choice.  I've dabbled with dating sites since then, and I haven't found the experience very pleasant.  It didn't make me want to relapse, but it did give me that sort of sinking, mind numbing feeling that I'd get that would make me go down that rabbit hole.

So, what do YOU do?  I can't say.  I'd say if you want to give up porn, giving yourself a vacation from the dating sites could be a really good idea.  Freeing yourself from the stress of finding that perfect girlfriend for a little bit could be just what you need.  Whether you can go back to them eventually or not...?  No idea on that either.  But, if you're ever to have a healthy relationship with dating sites again, it might only come by giving it up for a while.

As for the dating world just being awful right now, I'm with you 100%.  Really meeting people and connecting with them is ridiculously difficult.  More apps and circumstances revolve around hook ups than really getting to know people.  Personally I think it was awful pre-Covid and Covid is just the nail in the coffin.  The idea that personal encounters need to be more genuine these days is an idea I can 100% get behind, but I don't have any advice on it!  I'm right there with you.
 

Johnn7boy

Member
I really appreciate your reply, it's important for me to emphasize that I'm not triggered by the online dating to fall back to Porn, despite that one time failure I'm all about relationships with a real woman. Last time that I relapsed was because I was looking Into my Ex facebook and see whether she is dating someone else so I was so arousal by that that idea that made me Fap like crazy first on that and then escalated to a sexy yoga girl on instagram, which but away I'm staying away from instagram cause I know how much harm it can cause. All I'm saying I don't have the urge these days to go on porn and once I understood that my biggest problem is matter affect jerking off triggers me to go back to Porn. So I promised to myself never again!!!!!!!
 

doneatlast

Well-Known Member
Johnn7boy said:
I really appreciate your reply, it's important for me to emphasize that I'm not triggered by the online dating to fall back to Porn, despite that one time failure I'm all about relationships with a real woman. Last time that I relapsed was because I was looking Into my Ex facebook and see whether she is dating someone else so I was so arousal by that that idea that made me Fap like crazy first on that and then escalated to a sexy yoga girl on instagram, which but away I'm staying away from instagram cause I know how much harm it can cause. All I'm saying I don't have the urge these days to go on porn and once I understood that my biggest problem is matter affect jerking off triggers me to go back to Porn. So I promised to myself never again!!!!!!!

Yeah, I should have chose my words a bit more carefully.  I wasn't implying that dating sites were porn fodder or that they were even triggers.  That is for you to figure out.

That said, a huge (and necessary) part of rebooting is mapping out all of your triggers.  Even if you aren't getting the arousal from the dating sites, sometimes things can just put you in the mood, especially things that spark us emotionally.  Social media can be big like that... yeah, the sexy yoga girls are a problem too, but that weird people watching FOMO thing can really hit us hard and make us want to fap like crazy, too.  Fapping can be what gets us past the anxiety and depression that social media brings on.  Maybe that isn't the case for you and I'm definitely not going to tell you that it is, but I do think it is worth keeping in the back of your head, especially if you're in the habit of looking up exes on Facebook.
 

Johnn7boy

Member
Totally agree with you especially with the Social media how it can catch us in the most vulnerable time after fapping and then triggers back your hold habbits. To be honest with you I'd give up right now all my social media if it wasn't for my business that I need to promote on instagram. But now I need some time off from Instagram and Facebook and in the future I'll have someone else or me uploading some data on it. Anyway I really appreciate your in put and your supportive personality. ??🙏
 
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