Quitting Journal

Skilbeck

Member
Hi, I am going to be posting daily about my PMO addiction recovery for the next ninety days.

A bit about me. Ive been masturbating for around 10 + years and was first introduced to porn at the age of 8. At first I would watch very mild things like music videos but my tastes slowly became more specific. My usage has always been excessive and I remember my self binging to porn for hours as a young teen. A few bad experiences skyrocketed my anxiety so I used porn binging and edging to relieve my stress and anxiety. But consequently this has taken a big toll on my overall health.

Because of feeling shit for three years now pretty much every day I have decided to commit to a ninety day porn reboot. In this time I want to build a new life for myself and recover from this addiction.
 

Skilbeck

Member
Day 1 Complete.

Today has been slowly and pretty lethargic. I woke up late with brain fog and a headache probably due to me binging for about a week. But at least I met up with a mate and got some productivity done.

I am putting my reboot into different phases, so for the first phase of my reboot I am focusing on minimum amounts productivity atleast, and making sure I do all the tools I learnt from the reforged man course.                                   
 

Skilbeck

Member
Day 2 Complete.

Today has been better than yesterday. Although I have had a lot of brain fog and mood swings. I managed to get some tasks done today and met up with a friend, but I ate too much sugar and junk food. It's not the end of the world because my main priority is rebooting but I would still like to eat less sugar.
 

Skilbeck

Member
Day 3 Complete.

So far so good, I had one urge when I realized there was a breach in my porn blocker but I managed to calm myself down and deal with it without slipping up.

Mentally I am feeling better than yesterday but the brain fog, mood swings, headaches and the typical symptoms I have been dealing with for the best three years have been there. But I have faith that these will drastically improve or most likely recover.

Last night started off pretty rough. The minute I turned my light off and put my head on my pillow my heart started racing and I was struggling to breath calmly. I had my bloods and an Ecg done recently to check if anything was up with my system and they all came back fine. So I assume these are withdrawals.

Here's to day 4!
 

Skilbeck

Member
Day 4 Complete.

No big urges again today. I got a better sleep last night which was good, overall I have felt in better mood. However this evening I felt a sudden bout of fatigue and Queasiness that lasted for about an hour.

 

Skilbeck

Member
Day 5 Complete.

No major urges again. Mentally I am seeing slow improvements in mood and my physical symptoms have calmed down significantly which is good. I believe a lot of the physical symptoms were down to anxiety and Psychosomatic stuff.

I have noticed though that a part of myself is trying to rationalize porn use because of the smallest things that have no sexual intention in the first place. So I just have to think these moments will pass and I will have forgotten them in a couple of days.

Here goes to Day 6. Super pumped to go further with this reboot and start living to the fullest again. Thursday is always a danger day as it is my longest day of the week so I will keep my guard up. Luckily I have good porn blockers and if I will do the tools I learnt in the reforged man course.

 

Skilbeck

Member
Day 6 Complete.

No big urges again today. I had a lack of sleep last night so today has been a long drag and I have felt pretty numb for most of it. My de sensitized brain is trying to find porn in lots of things but I have faith that this will improve as I go further into my reboot. I felt pretty lonely tonight but I'm doing okay.

Here goes to Day 7.
 

Skilbeck

Member
Day 8 Complete.

Felt pretty flat for most of the day with mood swings. Saw a triggering TV show that I couldn't do much about but I tried my best to not look at it and stay centered. I doubt it will have damaged my progress, anyway part of the rebooting process is about being able to deal with things like this and not being compulsive in your outlook by watching porn.
 

Skilbeck

Member
Day 11 Complete.

I had a big urge today which I managed to overcome. I am still feeling the aftermath of dealing with that urge, Headache, Brainfog and stuff.
 

Skilbeck

Member
Day 12 Complete.

My mood felt more stable today but I have been having sexual urges a lot as well as brain fog and headaches.
 

Gabe Deem

Administrator
Staff member
Admin
Moderator
Congrats on day 12 Skilbeck!

My advice for urges is to get out of the house, go to a park or somewhere with a pen and paper, or a book, and write down any plans or ideas you have that you would enjoy doing and that would improve your life in some small way. Doesn't matter what it is, it could be as simple as "call a friend tonight and see how they're doing."

Keep truckin! One day at a time. Much love
 

Skilbeck

Member
Hey Gabe, it's great to hear from a legend like yourself in the Porn Addiction recovery community. Thank you for the kind words and advice.

Unfortunately I binge relapsed today. The start of the day went well and I got a haircut with my friends followed by a bite to eat. When I got home I had nothing structured for the day and I crumbled. But seeing how my mood has picked up the past three days is big motivator to pickup my self back up with optimism. I will do some journal ling tonight about my relapse and about the future and I will start a fresh streak tomorrow.

Here is to day 1!
 
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