TheHeartacheKid
Active Member
Day 6 no PMO
Day 0 no MO
Been awhile. Would make several days, feel good about myself and relapse. Just a cycle. And I only binge now because I know the next day I have to get back on the wagon. I do want to be done with this, but I can't deny I enjoy it at times. Which is perfectly normal, but it's not something that I want to be normal for me.
This week had been better until last night and this morning. I haven't given in. I don't want to, in fact this morning was the first time I had that strong of an urge and came out of it. But I did still MO to memory of real sexual experiences. That's obviously not a good solution, but it did stop me from relapsing and I felt great about not using P. But now the urges are getting strong.
Haven't been posting a large part due to how much work I've been doing, but also because I wanted to get back on a real streak.
I'm tired of hating myself, I know that's primarily why I use P (I'm also addicted of course), but it also reinforces those creep feelings I have about myself. And some of the intrusive thoughts I'm having have been absolutely awful. Just the worst things in the world coming into my mind, trying to tell me I'm into all of those things. I know that's not true because the thoughts make me feel so terrible mentally and physically. Sometimes they are so bad I could cry/vomit. But how do I counteract those thoughts? Start thinking about women and that leads to P. Fuck off depression.
Hope others are doing well. Stay strong all, if these vaccines are legit, we'll all get a little bit of help when things start opening up more (for those of us still in places with limited options).
As always, fuck you addiction.
Day 0 no MO
Been awhile. Would make several days, feel good about myself and relapse. Just a cycle. And I only binge now because I know the next day I have to get back on the wagon. I do want to be done with this, but I can't deny I enjoy it at times. Which is perfectly normal, but it's not something that I want to be normal for me.
This week had been better until last night and this morning. I haven't given in. I don't want to, in fact this morning was the first time I had that strong of an urge and came out of it. But I did still MO to memory of real sexual experiences. That's obviously not a good solution, but it did stop me from relapsing and I felt great about not using P. But now the urges are getting strong.
Haven't been posting a large part due to how much work I've been doing, but also because I wanted to get back on a real streak.
I'm tired of hating myself, I know that's primarily why I use P (I'm also addicted of course), but it also reinforces those creep feelings I have about myself. And some of the intrusive thoughts I'm having have been absolutely awful. Just the worst things in the world coming into my mind, trying to tell me I'm into all of those things. I know that's not true because the thoughts make me feel so terrible mentally and physically. Sometimes they are so bad I could cry/vomit. But how do I counteract those thoughts? Start thinking about women and that leads to P. Fuck off depression.
Hope others are doing well. Stay strong all, if these vaccines are legit, we'll all get a little bit of help when things start opening up more (for those of us still in places with limited options).
As always, fuck you addiction.