Mikeyp8619
Member
Hey now, everyone!
I was exposed to pornography at an early age, somewhere within the first decade of my life, but I can't be exact. I just remember finding the magazine stash at a friend's house and passing the time looking at them on a few occasions. My folks were great, but they were rather disengaged when it came to discipline, so I didn't really have rules and restrictions and watched a lot of rated R movies containing sexual and explicit images, which probably didn't help. When we finally got high-speed internet, combined with my discovery of masturbation, it was pretty much over. I was viewing pornography regularly.
I wasn't viewing it for hours on end, but when I realized that I couldn't control or stop the impulse to view it when the urge showed itself, I knew I had a problem, whereas some can watch for hours but control their urge when it arises. It wasn't until I started to become desensitized and viewing fetish pornography that I knew something was truly wrong and unnatural to me. When I discovered Matt Fradd about a year ago, I decided to actively work against my addiction after years of contemplating my problem and how to address it. I purchased accountability software (Covenant Eyes) and I am working with my friend and my dad. I am also reading Your Brain On Porn and Treating Pornography Addiction by Kevin B. Skinner.
The problem now is my sexual impulse. I thought that by cutting myself off externally with accountability software, my urges would subside and my porn addiction would gradually fade away, and I would live happily ever after, but I've had almost the reverse effect that Gabe has had. Rather than ED or low libido, I have quite the opposite, I think the scientific term might be hypersexuality. The wind blows and I get an erection, and sometimes if I talk to an attractive woman, I can feel the chemical release in my body and a sensation in my groin. My sexual fantasies run wild and my urge to masturbate is still strong, yet I have been able to avoid pornography and haven't viewed it in quite some time, despite a few setbacks where my urges led me to seek out loopholes to view pornography, which I've cleared up and I'm back on track.
I guess I want to know if there is anyone else out there in the same situation? I'm wondering if I really have a porn addiction or some kind of compulsive sexual behavioral problem. I am seeking therapy, but it has been difficult to decide on the right person, not to mention insurance limitations. I suppose no matter how much you defend yourself from the outside world, building a strong fortress (accountability software, friends, family), the real enemy is within.
I was exposed to pornography at an early age, somewhere within the first decade of my life, but I can't be exact. I just remember finding the magazine stash at a friend's house and passing the time looking at them on a few occasions. My folks were great, but they were rather disengaged when it came to discipline, so I didn't really have rules and restrictions and watched a lot of rated R movies containing sexual and explicit images, which probably didn't help. When we finally got high-speed internet, combined with my discovery of masturbation, it was pretty much over. I was viewing pornography regularly.
I wasn't viewing it for hours on end, but when I realized that I couldn't control or stop the impulse to view it when the urge showed itself, I knew I had a problem, whereas some can watch for hours but control their urge when it arises. It wasn't until I started to become desensitized and viewing fetish pornography that I knew something was truly wrong and unnatural to me. When I discovered Matt Fradd about a year ago, I decided to actively work against my addiction after years of contemplating my problem and how to address it. I purchased accountability software (Covenant Eyes) and I am working with my friend and my dad. I am also reading Your Brain On Porn and Treating Pornography Addiction by Kevin B. Skinner.
The problem now is my sexual impulse. I thought that by cutting myself off externally with accountability software, my urges would subside and my porn addiction would gradually fade away, and I would live happily ever after, but I've had almost the reverse effect that Gabe has had. Rather than ED or low libido, I have quite the opposite, I think the scientific term might be hypersexuality. The wind blows and I get an erection, and sometimes if I talk to an attractive woman, I can feel the chemical release in my body and a sensation in my groin. My sexual fantasies run wild and my urge to masturbate is still strong, yet I have been able to avoid pornography and haven't viewed it in quite some time, despite a few setbacks where my urges led me to seek out loopholes to view pornography, which I've cleared up and I'm back on track.
I guess I want to know if there is anyone else out there in the same situation? I'm wondering if I really have a porn addiction or some kind of compulsive sexual behavioral problem. I am seeking therapy, but it has been difficult to decide on the right person, not to mention insurance limitations. I suppose no matter how much you defend yourself from the outside world, building a strong fortress (accountability software, friends, family), the real enemy is within.