Hypersexuality

[Mikeyp8619]

Hey now, everyone!

I was exposed to pornography at an early age, somewhere within the first decade of my life, but I can't be exact. I just remember finding the magazine stash at a friend's house and passing the time looking at them on a few occasions. My folks were great, but they were rather disengaged when it came to discipline, so I didn't really have rules and restrictions and watched a lot of rated R movies containing sexual and explicit images, which probably didn't help. When we finally got high-speed internet, combined with my discovery of masturbation, it was pretty much over. I was viewing pornography regularly.

I wasn't viewing it for hours on end, but when I realized that I couldn't control or stop the impulse to view it when the urge showed itself, I knew I had a problem, whereas some can watch for hours but control their urge when it arises. It wasn't until I started to become desensitized and viewing fetish pornography that I knew something was truly wrong and unnatural to me. When I discovered Matt Fradd about a year ago, I decided to actively work against my addiction after years of contemplating my problem and how to address it. I purchased accountability software (Covenant Eyes) and I am working with my friend and my dad. I am also reading Your Brain On Porn and Treating Pornography Addiction by Kevin B. Skinner.

The problem now is my sexual impulse. I thought that by cutting myself off externally with accountability software, my urges would subside and my porn addiction would gradually fade away, and I would live happily ever after, but I've had almost the reverse effect that Gabe has had. Rather than ED or low libido, I have quite the opposite, I think the scientific term might be hypersexuality. The wind blows and I get an erection, and sometimes if I talk to an attractive woman, I can feel the chemical release in my body and a sensation in my groin. My sexual fantasies run wild and my urge to masturbate is still strong, yet I have been able to avoid pornography and haven't viewed it in quite some time, despite a few setbacks where my urges led me to seek out loopholes to view pornography, which I've cleared up and I'm back on track.

I guess I want to know if there is anyone else out there in the same situation? I'm wondering if I really have a porn addiction or some kind of compulsive sexual behavioral problem. I am seeking therapy, but it has been difficult to decide on the right person, not to mention insurance limitations. I suppose no matter how much you defend yourself from the outside world, building a strong fortress (accountability software, friends, family), the real enemy is within.

 

[TheHeartacheKid]

Hi Mikey,

I once made it 9 days without P, and I was also in a state of hypersexuality as you call it.  Non-stop sexual thoughts, very aroused.  Talking to women on work calls would get me going.  So I definitely feel you in that regard, and based on other withdrawal symptoms I've read, it is common.

I obviously can't say if you have a P addiction, or some other issue, however, you did describe a lot of P and P urges, so it certainly is a component of your addiction, if not the entire thing.  And also, P addiction would also constitute a compulsive sexual behavior (at least as I understood it from some of the SAA meetings I attended)...but don't get too hung up in the lingo. 

However, given you say these urges are all in your head and all involve fantasy, I'm willing to bet that it is a P addiction.  But I would encourage you to seek a therapist, one who is familiar or at least recognizes P as an addiction.  I understand you have limitations with insurance, but there are usually many options for in-network therapy.

When you get your urges though, do something else to distract yourself.  Post on here (or even just read), go for a walk, go for a drive, listen to music, call a friend, read a book, etc.  Also try new things, can be small things, just something you've maybe wanted to do for awhile and haven't.  Don't let your mind have its way with you, because the addiction will push you and push you until it gets that high it craves.  It's a son of a bitch, but it is not invincible.

Stay strong Mikey, you're making good choices for yourself (like posting here).  We can all do this.

 

[King Leer]

I have read it's all a sex addiction whether just viewing porn or having sex it's the same your brain can't tell a difference. Not sure if that really covers what you were asking.  KL

 

[Mikeyp8619]

Thanks, guys. When I've had a few setbacks, I've noticed that it's easier to be aroused and finish when pornography is involved, so pornography must be an issue and must have had a direct effect on my sexual impulses. I think my reboot will take longer, and I need to be more patient with myself.

 

[TheHeartacheKid]

You said it, just have patience.  And yeah, when we see the world through Porn eyes, it influences everything.  You're doing well though.  Stay strong!

 

[cakecrocodileshrimp]

How long after you have stopped using do these intense cravings arise? Because in the first few weeks or months after giving up ANY addiction, the desire to do the thing that you are trying to quit gets stronger as your brain pushes you to give it the stimulus it is used to receiving. This is why giving up any addiction is so hard, and why dieting/eating healthy is so hard (after a week of eating salad and lean meats you start craving chocolate so bad that you'd climb over your own mother to get it ? it's the same withdrawal/craving response as any other addiction).

The good news is that this is a normal part of the withdrawal and reboot process, you are not abnormal or hypersexual. Your sexual desires WILL return to normal eventually, but especially if you've been exposed to pornography for a long time it may take a while (probably months or a year or more) to return fully to normal, but you will definitely see solid progress along the way.

 

[Mikeyp8619]

Hey, thanks, Cake,

Yeah, it has not been very long. Around November when I downloaded accountability software, with a few setbacks. I guess I was expecting just a few weeks to heal, but it looks like it will take a little longer, and I need to be patient. Some weeks I can go without masturbation, and then other weeks, it's quite difficult. Also, the stimulus of remembering pornographic scenes and fantasies is tough to combat. I need to keep myself physically active or surround myself with people to defeat the triggers and thoughts before the chemicals stir in my body and I have all the familiar sensations. Quite things, alone, like reading a book, doesn't work for me. I actually signed up for jiu-jitsu, hoping that a new hobby might help and keep me as busy as possible. I've also been reading Treating Pornography Addiction by Keven B. Skinner that's been really helpful.

YouTube has been causing me problems, but I've since signed off it to help throw off the algorithm (if that's even possible or just something I'm dreaming up), and I enabled restricted mode, which has been helpful. I also leave my phone in a separate room when it's time to sleep. I want to delete it, but it isn't easy to socialize with friends who often send clips, and it is a handy learning tool. No amount of barriers can protect you from triggers. One has to learn to deal with them. Thanks again.

 

[cakecrocodileshrimp]

Yeah you've got to be in it for the long game. I figure it took years to get ourselves into this mess, so we shouldn't worry too much if it takes months to get out.

 

[Mikeyp8619]

Do you guys think it's better to masturbate in moderation or to eliminate it? I suppose to reboot properly, it's better to eliminate it, but once you've "recovered," do you think it's possible to masturbate in moderation, with discipline, the way one can drink alcohol in moderation and with discipline, or do you think that masturbation could cause a relapse down the road? I take it the desire for sex is not bad but is distorted by pornography. Are masturbation and sexual fantasies entirely toxic and bad, or can they be controlled and used healthily?

 

[cakecrocodileshrimp]

I think different people will have different views on this. For me personally while I'm rebooting I am strictly no masturbation or artificial sexual stimulation of any kind?it's just not worth it. Personally once this is over and I'm free from porn I don't think I will masturbate again as I can't really do it without some kind of fantasy, and to me at least it feels like a fundamentally selfish sexual act, which I would rather be without. Like, masturbation is just too closely linked with porn for me, once this is gone I no longer want any reminder of that previous life, and absolutely NOTHING that could even potentially trigger a relapse. I have fapped enough for one lifetime (probably for several!)

 

[Mikeyp8619]

Thanks, cake,

Yeah, I figured this is a difficult question that involves many different perspectives, both secular and religious, but I'm curious to know what others think about it. It's tough because it almost seems natural and the way we discover what we like sexually, but at the same time, if it goes unchecked, it can be like a gateway to other things. I prefer your goal and would like to make that my aim as well.

 

[Mikeyp8619]

I bought a calendar so I could mark up my progress and see my success visually.

 

[anubu0]

Hey Mikey!

The calendar is a good idea. One recommendation however: don't get too attached to counting the days. This process takes time and should be viewed more as a lifestyle shift than say a "90 day challenge". I feel that when I get a counter, I get too hung up on the days and then become frustrated if I don't see results. To each is own however, feel free to put all your pride and joy into the calendar

In regards to your question about M, I don't personally think its a good idea. I'm not sure if you have experienced PIED/deathgrip, common effects of PMO, but they are brutal. In my eyes, if you are to recover from p addiction and regain your penis functionality, why even risk breaking it. The problem with us p addicts is that its extremely difficult to reincorporate PMO or even MO with moderation as our brains have been so deeply wired with those actions and often together. Remember, neurons that fire together wire together. If you start with MO, even if its in moderation, your brain will want you to reincorporate PMO and you'll be in the rabbit hole fighting urges once again. Just not worth it.

Some members have mentioned that they MO to relieve stress and/or pain in their lower area. If you experience those symptoms, wait them out and tough them out. You will have wet dreams to clear your pipes which is a healthy way of relieving them unlike MO as MO can lead to PMO.

 

[Mikeyp8619]

Anubu0,

Thanks for the guidance. I will most definitely keep that in mind since I hadn't thought through a calendar's effects. I was hoping it might help me in the case of a relapse, to remind me of how successful I have been, and to provide me with the motivation to go forward without getting down on myself and binging.

I think you're right concerning masturbation. I have been successful at staying away from pornography thus far, thanks in great part to accountability software and friends and family support, but combating the hypersexual urges and the desire for masturbation has been tricky. I think I get erections so easily and feel the chemical release and sensation in the groin when I am talking with attractive women is because I haven't quite mastered my impulses. I hate the feeling of what I guess I would call "blue balls," that feeling of discomfort because one hasn't been able to release. I'm guessing that's just in my head and a false sensation that has to do with the withdrawal.

Also, I'm fairly new to Reboot Nation. Is it ok to use words like "masturbation" or "pornography" or is it better to substitute the letter. No one has corrected me, but I feel like I'm committing a crime.

 

[Mikeyp8619]

I have a pretty good momentum going. I have managed to avoid pornography, although I have had a few bumps in the road concerning MO. I think it's going to be a slow and steady process with that. I seem to manage to get by a few days without MO, but then I feel an urge and do it. But I think the impulses are not as powerful as before and are happening less frequently. I fantasize less and fewer and fewer thoughts of pornographic scenes pop in my head. I feel a real reboot taking place and feeling optimistic. Dr. Kevin B. Skinner's book Treating Pornography Addiction has helped a great deal for those looking for resources and tools to stay on track and motivated. Also, Matt Fradd's book The Porn Myth has helped. Although Fradd is religious (Catholic), his book is purely secular, and he states he wrote it intending to avoid religion if anyone is interested in that.

 

[Mikeyp8619]

Fell prey to p-sub. It was actually needed because as it was happening, I was thinking to myself of how I got here and what was going on that led me to it. I was like some kind of phenomenologist for any philosophers out there. I was stressed and worried and anxious about an assignment and kept telling myself to go for a walk. If you're gonna waste time, do it positively and not negatively. So I'm happy and disappointed but feeling more motivated to get back at it.

 

[Jack89]

I think hyper sexuality is a large part of it, certainly for me. I managed to do 3 weeks porn free and even successfully had sex, found myself fantasising about women again. Despite this being in keeping with my orientation, it was obsessive and almost constant throughout the day. This makes me think there may be a deeper issue, perhaps medical that just rebooting is not going to sort out?

 

[Mikeyp8619]

Hey Jack89,

The reboot seems to be working for me, and so I think it can work for you. I think in our case, it just requires more time than others. You may be right that it is something deeper, but my gut tells me it's just because we've been brainwashed with pornography for years that it's gonna take some time to rid ourselves of it.

I would suggest replacing it with literature on porn addiction. Strengthen your brain with literature and exercise it since porn has made it weak and shriveled. Read as much material as you can. Also, Dr. Kevin B. Skinner says in his book Treating Pornography Addiction that it might be helpful to try and measure and track how much you are fantasizing each day by writing down the time you spend fantasizing in a journal and rating it 1-10 (10 being that you fantasized a lot that day). This is just a short term goal that might help us.

 

[Mikeyp8619]

I know Reboot Nation is nonreligious, but since the start of Lent (a Christian holiday), I have begun intermittent fasting, and that has really helped to curb my sexual cravings. I'm so focused on my appetite that I find I can't concentrate on my sexual appetite. I am also giving up alcohol, which has never been an issue for me, but I figured why not add it to the list because usually, alcohol leads to sexual cravings. I'm also attempting a Josh Hartnett 40 Days and 40 Nights of no masturbation. Things are going well so far, but I am not treating it so rigidly. I realize I may slip up and have to be easy with myself. And, of course, no pornography.

But the intermittent fasting seems to be effective if anyone is looking for suggestions on curbing their cravings and lose a little weight. 

 

[Mikeyp8619]

P-sub is becoming troublesome for me, and it's making me realize that my recovery isn't really there. Been looking at YouTube on my TV even though I've blocked it from my phone. I'm relying too much on accountability software and thinking to myself that "I'm recovered" when really I'm not, nor do I have control over myself. I'm just seeking ways around accountability software or milder forms of pornography (i.e., p-sub).

Does anyone have similar stories they can share?